Yes.
So quiet, but uttered with immense feeling.
Did I really just say that?
Yes, you really did.
Her eyes were not on Angel, but she could feel the tension radiate from him; anger, jealousy, disbelief.
Take it back Buffy.
Her gaze wavered not once watching the black leather clad vampire continue to move away from her. He didn’t pause, nor did his steps falter.
Maybe he didn’t hear…
He heard.
She would not take it back.
“YES!” her scream filled the night air, and she squeezed her eyes tight. She couldn’t watch him walk away, not again. She sank to her knees, and the hard ground scratched at her. The tears leaked out from beneath her eyelids, but she didn’t peak.
Didn’t breathe.
Angel had left; faded into the night at her admission. She doubted she would ever see him again. Not now.
Now that he knew.
She loved Spike.
The scythe fell from her fingers tips and landed with a soft thud on the cold ground. Who was this pathetic mess huddled on the ground? Surely it wasn’t the Slayer; crying at the feet of a vampire.
William the Bloody.
Slayer of Slayers.
Spike.
And cry she did; it seemed admitting it aloud; in reality not dreams changed her. She was truly Buffy, who wanted Spike, and no one else would do. Not now. For the first time in her life she was admitting someone else’s power over her.
She was begging for forgiveness.
For a chance.
Oh God, oh God, what have I done?
The right thing.
Then it was there. Cold fingers on her cheek brushing away dirt and tears.
It’s not real, he’s not real, it’s not real…
“Open your eyes pet.”
She did. He was crouched in front of her, his duster billowing around his ankles. She couldn’t read his face; there was nothing distinguishable in the gaze he was giving her. She bit back the urge to fling herself at him; she was still Buffy, the Slayer. She couldn’t show weakness. At least, not any more than she had already revealed tonight.
“Come on.” He let a hand dangle in front of her, and she stared at it for a moment. His fingers twitched, and she could see his hand was shaking. She lifted her arm and let her palm lay against his cool skin.
In one motion he tugged her to her feet. She stood awkwardly, staring at his shoes, avoiding his eyes. She could see a clear picture of herself in her head; like she were looking down from above. A dirty, ragged version of herself; she was beneath him.
I am beneath him.
The realization hit her with such force she expelled breath with a “whoosh!” It tore at her gut; she’d known it all along, which is why she had shoved him away, belittled him, abused him. She’d seen something beneath the surface and it had scared her; it was scaring her now.
“I am beneath you,” she lifted her wide-eyed gaze and connected with his fierce blue one. The words came out with strength, and with no hesitation. Spike visibly stilled, his grasp on her hand tightened.
“What’r you babbling on about then?” his voice was quiet, and the joke came out with no real intention behind it.
“I always thought you were pathetic and totally insane the way you followed me, obsessed over me. Especially when you were supposed to kill me.”
“I love you.” It was as full of feeling, and assurance as it had been the first time he’d said it.
“That’s what makes you better than me,” she whispered brushing the hair out of her eyes. “I’ve never loved anyone with that kind of recklessness and devotion in my life, and I don’t know if I ever could. But through all of this,” she waved a hand at the empty cemetery. “through all of the shit we’ve been through, and I’ve put you through, you’ve stuck by me. Even when I thought I didn’t want you, or need you around. That’s what you do for someone you love.”
“Buffy-“
“I’m not done.” She dropped his hand and began to pace nervously. “You have a soul because of me. You didn’t ask for it, but you had it shoved into you without warning or want. If it weren’t for your love for me, you would be out killing people, and being all evil and such.”
The corner of his mouth lifted in amusement, but he didn’t interrupt.
“It isn’t fair for you, and…” her voiced wavered. …if you want it removed, so you can be like you were, I’ll have Willow do it. No questions asked.”
“Why would you do that pet? No chip, no soul? Wouldn’t that make me the ‘Big Bad’ again? Do you really want to stake me that badly?”
She frowned on him, not getting the joke. “I won’t stake you; I’ll let you be. We’ll do it, now, tonight, if that’s what you want.”
“Why?” He grabbed her wrist halting her pacing, and forcing her to meet his eyes.
“Because I love you.”
The silence was deafening. They gazed at each other; one with fear, and the other with astonishment.
“That’s what people do when they love each other. They give them what they need, or want. They let them go.” She whispered.
“So you’re saying you want me to go?”
Buffy smacked him hard. “Didn’t you hear what I said? Damnit Spike-“
He cut off her off in mid-sentence pulling her against him, and crushing his lips to hers. It wasn’t rushed or ravaging like all their other kisses. He tasted her slowly, his tongue caressing every inch of her mouth. She closed her eyes, and let her body mold itself against his.
When they broke apart, she was breathless. He smoothed the stray hairs from her face, and his eyes twinkled. “Took you long enough to say it Slayer.”
She laid her head against his chest, and didn’t respond. He felt the tension in her body, and took a step back. He lifted her chin with one finger.
“What’s wrong luv?”
Her face hardened, and her eyes shined with unshed tears.
“We fight tomorrow, and we won’t all make it.” She sighed tiredly, stretching to pick the scythe up from the ground.
“We? Bloody hell woman; have a little more faith in me than that.”
“It’s going to be over soon, and I don’t know if I’m ready.”
He smiled at her, and cocked one eyebrow. “You were born ready Slayer.”
“We need to get back.”
He frowned at her dismissive tone, but followed her as she began walking.
“Tomorrow we’ll go be heroes; what’s better than that?”
She stopped, and turned to look at him. Pain flickered across her face.
“Time.”
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Sorry for be MIA. Just moved to Chicago, and started college, and have been a busy little bee for the last few weeks. I'm back now though :D Hope you like!