It wasn’t the waves of demons surrounding her, and it wasn’t the complete absence of everyone who had begged her to come. It wasn’t even Harmony dancing like a lunatic in the middle of the floor that was bothering her.
Something was wrong; she could feel it crawling its way up her spine; those little chills that usually signaled, “vampire!” Her stomach lurched, and she had to lean against the wall. Her eyes were calm as she surveyed the party. Like someone watching from the outside she stood, and watched them all move past her oblivious to it.
Whatever it was.
Something was wrong.
Something crashed in Angel’s office; leaving her position against the wall she moved closer. She could hear Angel yelling, and there was another crash.
The shivers increased, and the breath she sucked in was shallow.
She couldn’t breathe.
The light pressure of fingers on her shoulder, interrupted her minor meltdown, and she turned to face Willow.
“Buffy, you look great!”
Taking in Buffy’s pale face, and her rapid breathing Willow grabbed her arm and guided her to a chair.
“What’s going on?”
“Something’s wrong.” Her words came out anxiously, as Buffy struggled to catch her breath.
“What? Buffy I don’t understand!”
She raised her eyes to meet Willow’s worried ones. “I don’t know…” she paused taking a breath, ”something just feels off. I just got this feeling…”
One second Willow was leaning over her protectively, and the next she was standing straight as a board, her eyes fixed on Angel’s office. Buffy watched Willow’s face change, her eyes shifted back and forth; she was communicating with someone inside the room. Willow broke the connection with whoever she had been speaking with inside the room, and sagged to the floor beside Buffy’s chair. Willow didn’t look at her, but rather stared at the floor avoiding eye contact.
“Willow?”
When she finally raised her head, her face matched Buffy’; pale, and her breathing was ragged. There was something in her eyes that Buffy couldn’t distinguish, and then the Slayer stood, defenses up, eyes hard and looked toward the office door.
“How bad is it Willow? What’s going on in there? I can feel something, and it isn’t good.”
Willow opened her mouth to speak, and the door to Angel’s office splintered into thousands of pieces. The people in question, who had in fact come though the door, were rolling around on the floor amidst the remains of the door.
She couldn’t see through the masses of people crowding around the fight, who it was. She strode purposely forward, squeezing through the various demons and humans.
“LET GO OF MY HAIR YOU IDIOT!” Angel’s voice roared through the room, and a collective murmur began among the observers.
“NOT UNTIL YOU TELL ME WHERE SHE IS YOU STUPID GIT!”
IT was those words that stopped her; turning she looked back at Willow who had tears streaming down her face. Behind her, the crowd had quieted, and the sounds of the brawl were silent. She didn’t turn as she felt the crowd part; she continued to stare at Willow. Her hands were shaking now, and strength in Willow’s eyes was the only thing holding her up.
She couldn’t breathe again, and she was too afraid to turn.
Willow broke eye contact then, her eyes shifting and focusing on something behind Buffy. It was in that moment that she knew, without a doubt that Spike was standing behind her. She could feel his presence, it was floating around her, surrounding her. She closed her eyes, and the tears seeped out from under her eyelids, leaving wet stains on her cheeks. It was safe there in the darkness, if she opened her eyes it would be a dream like before, and he would still be gone.
“Buffy luv…”
There it was; the irrefutable proof that shattered her tattered claim on denial. Buffy luv. The choked sob burst forth, and she covered her mouth with her hands to hold them in.
“No,” she whispered through her hands. “No, no, no.” She didn’t look behind her, and as she walked toward the elevator she willed her shaking legs to be strong. She may be emotionally unstable, but she wasn’t insane. Spike was dead, and this; this was some cruel Halloween joke someone had decided would be amusing.
She ignored the voices calling her name, and pressed the up button and gracefully entered the elevator. When she heard the clank of the elevator doors shutting, she allowed herself to breath. She reached out a hand, still facing the back wall and hit a button without looking. The elevator began its upward trajectory, and suddenly slammed to a stop.
Losing her balance Buffy crashed into the wall, and let herself slide down until she was slumped back against the wall. Buffy shuddered, her head resting on her arms, her eyes closed once more.
The shiver started at the base of her spine, and started to burn when it reached her ribcage, her heart. Her eyes snapped open on their own accord, and she lifted her head.
His fingers still hovered over the large red button labeled, “STOP”. Her eyes traveled upwards, slowly taking in his black clad form. When she met his piercing blue eyes, she sucked in a breath.
“They did a good job with you.”
He raised an eyebrow, and she had to bite her lip to keep from crying out. “Whatever it is you think I am pet, ‘m not.”
“Then what are you?” The words came out harsher than she intended, but she had little patience left; it was wearing as thin as she expected her sanity was.
“I’m me.”
She laughed then, a dry, amusement free laugh as she wiped the remaining tears from her eyes. “You’re dead, I saw you burn.” Her voice faltered on the last word. “Believe me, I’d like more than anything to believe that you’re really him, back from…undead, but it’s not possible. I’m not that crazy, yet.”
“Buffy,” Spike squatted down in front of her, reaching out one hand slowly, and lifted her chin with two fingers. “’M not a ghost, ‘m not The First, ‘m just me. I popped out of the sodding amulet in Angel’s office less than 10 minutes ago. I can’t explain it any better than you can. The last thing I remember is watching Faith try to drag you of the sodding Hellmouth, and suddenly I’m in the Poof’s office.”
His thumb wiped away a solitary tear trailing down her cheek, and she closed her eyes and leaned her face into his hand.
“I tried to get to you, but she wouldn’t let me. I needed to tell you,” another sob escaped her, “that I love you, but you were gone.”
It escaped her then, and she collapsed in his arms. She let the tears flow, and between sobs she breathed him in. It was there, the essence of whiskey and cigarettes that was Spike. Her tears soaked through his black t-shirt, and he finally sank to the floor of the elevator and drew her into his lap.
“Spike, I love you, I can’t do this without you. I don’t think I ever could.”
“You’ve always been able to do it on your own Buffy,” he murmured into her hair.
She lifted her head, and stared at him. “No, it’s not true. I always complained about the burdens of being a Slayer, walking alone, blah blah blah. But the thing is, I always had someone, Giles, my mother, Angel, Willow, Xander...you.” She placed her hand on his cheek, and smiled when he began to rub against her palm. “When, after you died, I let them all leave me. It just didn’t seem to matter anymore, for the first time I didn’t have the sole responsibility of saving the world, and all I wanted was to be alone, because I didn’t have you by my side.”
“Haven’t I proved I’ll always be with you Slayer? You’ll never be able to get rid of me; sodding death doesn’t even stick.” The corner of his mouth raised in a small grin. “I love you Summers, and your stuck with me, till the next time one of us dies, and gets resurrected.”
Her finger traced his lips, and she gasped as his tongue darted out, and licked a circle on her fingertip. “You really are real,” she said in awe.
“Thought you would have caught on to that by now luv,” he smirked and pulled her tighter. “We should probably take the elevator back down though so they don’t think I took a bite out of you or some bloody nonsense.”
Her hands gripped his arms, and she raised her head, “Let’s stay a bit longer.” She pressed her lips against his cool mouth, and as his tongue slid gently into her mouth she smiled inside.
They were finally home.
~END~
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Wow, this is finally it. This is the third long story that I've started, and the first I've had the pleasure of finishing. I have to thank Vampgirly and Brat for their plot advice and support early on in the process, I probably wouldn't have had the courage to finish this without them. Although I've written several short stories, this is my baby, what I like to consider my first fic, and I'm so happy and a bit sad that the journey is finally over. Thank you all so much for your reviews and support!