Chapter 4
“I can’t believe how selfish you are.”
Buffy turned a glare on her sister. “How is wanting to get out on my own selfish? Admit it, Liz. You want to get out just as much as I do, you’re just too scared. I feel like a prisoner here. Mom and Dad are always breathing down my neck and I’m sick of it. I’m finally eighteen now, I no longer have to follow their rules. You can just continue being the perfect daughter and not worry about me getting in your way.”
Elizabeth was stunned. “Is that really how you feel? I’m not perfect, Buffy. I’m just a hard worker. I care about getting a good education, and hopefully a job one day. It’s something that you should care about, too. Running away to be with some man that you hardly know isn’t the answer. What happened to you not believing in love?”
Buffy rolled her eyes. “Things change, it’s better than being stuck in this house any longer. Riley is moving to Boston and he wants me to go with him. We may have only been seeing each other for a couple of months, but he understands me better than any of you. He’s supportive and lets me make my own decisions. I’m tired of living in your shadow. It will always be about you, Lizzie. For once, I want something to be about me. I want someone to care for me as I am, not because I’m your sister. You’ve always gotten everything. It’s my turn to have something. I care about Riley and we’re going to be happy together in Boston. You can have fun being perfect for Mom and Dad. I know it’s what you’re good at,” she finished, then made her way out of the house.
Elizabeth stared after her twin in shock, wondering when everything got so messed up between them.
* * * * *
Buffy broke out of her thoughts when there was a knock on her bedroom door. She got up to answer it and was surprised to see Spike standing there, with a smile on his face.
“Hey, what are your plans today?”
She raised her eyebrows. “I didn’t really have any.”
“Well, now you do. I’m taking you and Emma to the carnival that just opened up this weekend. Are you interested?” he wondered.
“Okay, who are you and what have you done with Spike?”
He rolled his eyes. “I’m being serious here, Buffy. I thought a lot about what you said and I realized you’re right. I’ve been so distant since I lost Elizabeth that I was shutting out my own daughter. What kind of father does that make me? I want her to grow up knowing who I am. I want her to always know that I love her, so I’m taking her out. I think it might be fun for her. What do you say?”
Buffy could see that he was sincere and had no idea that what she said would have made such an impact on him. She only nodded after a few seconds. “Yeah, that sounds good.”
Spike smiled again and rubbed his hands together. “Excellent, we can leave in about a half an hour. You can even invite your friend along if you like. Wilma, was it?”
She laughed. “It’s Willow, but that was pretty close.”
He nodded. “Right, that’s what I meant.”
Buffy watched as he walked away, looking happy for the first time since she got there. Maybe they were making some progress, after all.
* * * * *
“How can you eat that?”
Buffy glanced down at the cotton candy in her hand, then back up at Spike. “Sugary goodness? Let me guess, Liz was always about eating right.”
He shrugged. “She wanted to keep healthy. I wasn’t even allowed to eat a burger, but I didn’t mind it. I like that she worried about me.”
Buffy agreed. “Well, that’s the kind of person she was. I think she did a good job keeping you off of the junk food, though. You have a really great body.” Her eyes widened. “I really just said that out loud, didn’t I?”
Spike smiled. “I can pretend I didn’t hear it if that would help.”
Buffy sighed in relief. “Thanks ever so.” She distracted herself by looking behind them to see Willow pushing the stroller. Her friend took one look at Emma and now couldn’t be apart from her. She already won her a stuffed animal by playing one of the games. It was official; Willow had a weakness for babies.
Spike pointed to something in the distance. “How about we go on the ferris wheel?”
Buffy did not love that idea.
Willow finally caught up with them to hear Spike’s question. “You two can go on that, while I watch Emma.”
Buffy paled at that suggestion and gave her friend a worried look.
Willow noticed and suddenly remembered something. “Oh, right, I forgot about your fear of heights.”
She felt like putting a bag over her head when she caught the amusement in Spike’s eyes.
“You’re scared of heights?” he wondered.
Buffy shook her head. “No, I’m not scared of heights. I was when I was younger, but I’m so over it now. Let’s go,” she said, grabbing his hand and pulling him over to the ferris wheel. She took a deep breath as they waited in line, then let it out when they finally got on the ride.
Spike placed his hand over her shaking one to give her some comfort. “Just keep taking deep breaths, love. It’s not so bad. We used to go on the ferris wheel constantly last year. Elizabeth always loved it.”
Buffy turned to look at him. “Of course she did. Nothing ever bothered her, especially not a fear of heights. She was always perfect with everything.” She felt guilty at the look that was now on his face. “I’m sorry, that wasn’t fair. I guess even after all this time, I’m still jealous of her.”
Spike laughed to try and hide the hurt that he was feeling. “You were jealous of her? She told me that she was always jealous of you.”
Buffy was clearly not expecting that. “You must have heard her wrong.”
He shook his head. “Elizabeth told me that she always envied you. She wished that she could have had the guts to run away like you did. She figured you were out there having the time of your life.”
Buffy looked down and was lost in thought. She didn’t even notice when the ferris wheel came to life. “It wasn’t anything that great. I made a lot of mistakes, one being the idiot I decided to run away with. I thought that he was amazing, everything that I was looking for. I couldn’t have been more wrong. He became a total jerk that got it in his head that he could control me, which was what I was trying to get away from in the first place. He was a completely different person, but I knew that I couldn’t go back. I couldn’t go back to face my family and see their disappointment. So, I tried to make a life for myself when I finally got away from Riley, but nothing was good enough. After I was let go from my last job, I decided that it was about time I moved back. I had nothing in Boston anymore. I don’t think I ever really did. The one regret that I have above everything else is not getting a chance to make things right with Lizzie. The last memory I have of her is the argument we got into. I just wish that I could go back and do it all over again.”
Spike nodded. “Believe me, there’s a lot that I wish I could do over, but we can’t. We can’t keep living in the past, Buffy. There’s nothing that can change the mistakes we made. We just have to live in the now and make the future a good one. Emma needs both of us. I know that Elizabeth wanted you to be a part of her life.”
Buffy wiped her eyes and didn’t even realize that she was crying. She then rested her head against his shoulder and let more tears fall.
Spike didn’t know what to do. He just put his arm around her, knowing that they were finally able to reach an understanding.