Author's Chapter Notes:
Shhh, I’m not really here.

Lyrics: “Cold” - Crossfade. Thanks to basilio_the_cat for the edit, and also thanks to everyone who took the time to review.
Chapter Twelve


What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold to you

And I'm sorry about all the lies
Maybe in a different light
You could see me stand on my own again
Cause now i can see
You were the antidote that got me by
Something strong like a drug that got me high
I never meant to be so cold

“Cold” - Crossfade


I recognized his face a second to late. His eyes wide with defeat and recognition as my stake pierced his heart. I approached from behind, I plunged, he turned, and suddenly he was there.


He was there. And then he was dust.


The pull misguided me, I didn’t recognize it, and I murdered the one person that ever took the time to understand me. The one person, if that word could truly apply, that ever saw me as more than a weapon.


For the first time in my life I’ve mourned for the fallen enemy. I see no shame. Not anymore. What I thought was a sin of the greatest proportions, I now see as what was meant to be my salvation. I understand that now, far too late.


My strength is gone, and I’m giving in to the feeling.


They can find someone else. I’m done.



*


The piece of paper was frayed at the edges, ink smeared from the passing of time, but it was a clue. The start to the mystery of what was transpiring between him and the Slayer. A journal entry made by a Slayer, slipped into the diary of her watcher many years ago


It was vague. But it was something. Something similar to their situation. A recognition. This girl had recognized a vampire she supposedly never met, and then had a severe reaction when she learned that she dusted him. So severe that she had followed through with what sounded like a form of suicide. And the last clue, the fact that it was in a Watcher’s Diary indicated the council had some sort of knowledge of the situation. Probably more than Spike would like to think.


But there was a connection. And while the mystery of what was going on behind it was still weak, it was an important start. He would have to share it with Buffy later, in the meantime he would continue to read while waiting for the sun to set.


Risking dust was obviously not the best of ideas at the moment.


***


“Ah, Buffy, I was hoping to talk to you,” said Giles.


Buffy froze. Why would he hope for something like that? Did he possibly suspect something? Did he think she had stolen the books? She did not like this, she was a partner of the crime. She could go to jail, something she so did not have time for. She would so stake Spike if that was the case. “Why?” she asked, doing her best to sound casual.


“Willow and Xander approached me about the other night.”


The other night? What other night? “Huh?”


“They said that you ran upon coming face to face with a vampire.” said Giles, his face showed that of concern.


Shoot. What gave them the rights to blab about something like that? That wasn’t cool. They were supposed to be all with the moral support, not going to her Watcher and playing the part of the tattle tale. Geez.


“Is there any particular reason why?”


“He was uber powerful,” said Buffy. Which was the truth, Spike was powerful, being a master vampire and all. “I wasn’t sure I could take him.”


“A good action, Buffy,” said Giles. “But if, in the future, you could report such things to me, it would be much appreciated.”


“Okay,” said Buffy with a shrug. That was almost too easy.


“Good. Now could you describe what he looked like?” Giles requested calmly. “Only Angel had addressed his concerns that his family has rolled into town, and I would like to know if what we’re dealing with is one and the same, or something completely different.”


Okay, now it was time to lie. “You know, he was a vampire, kinda tall, brownish hair, real ugly. So ugly, that if he had a reflection he so could have broken a mirror.”


“Right, thank you,” said Giles, taking the time to clean his glasses. “Perhaps it would be prudent if we increased your training, at least until the threat passes. It seems that there is also the matter of my watcher’s diaries being stolen. Quite unfortunate.”


Buffy nodded, suddenly nervous. “Sounds good. But I should go. Class.”


“On your way then.”


Buffy couldn’t get out of the library fast enough. Once outside the doors and into the safety of the hall, she sighed in relief. So far, it looked as if she had gotten away with it.


***


School had been slow. Far too slow in Buffy’s opinion. The minutes of her math class ticking by at a snail’s pace as she stared at the clock and thought back to the night before. Boy, had Spike’s kisses felt good. She wanted more of them, wanted his hands on her once again, no one else would do. It was him she wanted, even if it was only some stupid spell. It felt far too good to ignore.


It was perhaps the thought that she felt that way, that scared her.


Willow had to poke her several times to regain her attention to the important task of listening to the lecture. Silly Willow. Who would want to learn about the radius of circle when they could think about the delicious vampire waiting for her in his crypt?


“What is up with you? You’ve been spacing all day,” she had asked after class.


“Dreamy expression, glazed eyes. Get a clue Willow, little Miss Cold over here landed herself a guy,” stated Cordelia, who had a nasty habit of popping into conversations when she was least wanted. “Who though, would want to stick themselves to you is beyond me.”


“Who asked you?” snapped her friend, although Buffy could tell that she was itching to ask if that was the truth of the matter.


“You asked. I supplied,” shrugged Cordelia. “Not my fault you didn’t like the answer.”


“Don’t you have a mirror to check or something?” asked Buffy.


“You lot need to loosen up,” said Cordelia before spotting her next prey, and no doubt going off to bother him instead.


“What a witch.”


“Willow.”


“What. I said witch. Witch, with a ‘w’” said the red head nervously. “But really. What’s up?”


Buffy wanted to tell her. She spread her arms excitedly ready to repeat the amazing tale while leaving out a few minor details that were sure to make the shy girl blush. But then she remembered the unbelieving sympathetic and disbelieving look she received from her when she spilled the beans earlier in the summer, and suddenly Buffy didn’t want to tell her anymore.


“It’s nothing.”


“Um, no, it’s something.”


“Nothing.”


“Come on, We haven’t talked. Really talked, since. . .” Willow’s eyes met Buffy’s slightly hard ones. “Oh.”


“Yeah, oh.”


Willow grabbed her friend’s arm and dragged her into the bathroom, checking the stalls to make sure they were alone. When she had ensured their privacy, she turned her attention back to Buffy. “Look I’m sorry, whatever I did or said, I’m sorry. I obviously said the wrong thing that day, but you have to admit what you told me, it was little out there. Way out there. I had to at least try to get you thinking logically, try and see straight. You get?”


“You were wrong though,” said Buffy with crossed arms.


Willow raised an eyebrow. “About?”


Buffy sighed and wondered if she could tell her this. She kind of wanted her best friend back though, and Willow really looked like she wanted to understand. And Buffy really wanted her to understand. She missed her best friend. “Remember the other night? At the Bronze?”


“When you ran away?”



They were never going to let her forget that, were they?


“You so shouldn’t have told Giles about that.”


“Actually Xander did most of the telling, well, yeah, sorry about that,’ said Willow, who had the decency enough to look the part.


“Well, that guy, that was him.”


“Him who?”


“Spike. The guy I told you about, from my dreams. That was him,” she clarified, her hands fidgeting in her lap. She hated the part of herself that needed Willow to understand, needed her friends approval. But a part of her needed someone to say that it was okay. Spike was a vampire, and as wonderful as he seemed to be, that didn’t change his past, his true nature. And as the Slayer she shouldn’t have any crushy, warm feelings for a guy that once slaughtered innocent people. Even if he stopped doing it now because of her. But she did, and Buffy needed someone else to tell her that it was okay, because while she herself felt everything but bad things when with him, that didn’t change the fact of what she was doing.


Of course, that didn’t mean she had to like it if Willow told her it was wrong. She just hoped she wouldn’t.


“So you’re saying this vampire you were dreaming about was the vampire in the alley?”


Buffy nodded. “And so obviously you freaked, and hence the runnage.” She nodded again. “I think I need to sit down.”


“How do you think I felt?” retorted Buffy, sinking to the floor with her friend. She leaned her head back against the tiles, this could go either way at the moment, and damn if she wasn’t nervous.


“Are you sure?”


What kind of question was that? “Of course.”


“Weird,” she muttered, and Buffy could practically see Willow’s mind attempting to put a logical twist on the situation.


“So you believe me?”


“I kind of have to. I have no reason not to.” Buffy gave her a tight hug. Even if Willow was lying, just the fact that she was trying meant the world. “Now tell me more about what happened to have you all spacey today.”


“He’s fantastic, Wills,” said Buffy happily. “And man, but what a kisser. . .”


***


Giles found himself with limited choices.


He realized that he had a lot to worry about. Buffy’s odd behavior wasn’t Buffy just being Buffy. It was obviously some sort of reaction to something else going on in her life. And he bet that something had to do with the vampire that she had some sort of connection to. The mood swings, the flaky attitude, the odd reading habits - they were all related. He had even witnessed some of that odd behavior earlier today when speaking with Buffy in the library. And if Buffy’s choice of reading, vampire bites, gave any indication, Giles had to work fast. She was obviously planning some sort of claiming ritual to make it final, if she hadn’t already.


That couldn’t happen.


Giles had to take care of this, before it became too much for her. She had no idea what she was getting into.


There was only one other reporting of a slayer ever getting as far as to mating with a vampire. The connection was never understood. The only reporting that the girl had an increase in power and mood, the situation making her less focused and more unpredictable than before. The master vampire in question was also said to have a surge in power. Thought to have put a controlling claim on their charge, the Council captured the vampire, enraging the girl. It was said that the primal form of the demon residing within the Slayer emerged, going on a killing spree to reach her mate. She was killed in the fight, and the vampire slowly faded away afterwards.


The council thought it would be in their best interest to ensure such a thing would never happen again. If the two were to complete the pre-existing connection, which was thought impossible for them not to, the council would be forced to murder either the slayer or the vampire. It was likely easier to gain access to the Slayer with little casualty.


Giles refused to allow Buffy to be murdered. The master vampire in question had to be found first. Found and taken care of.


He could deal with Buffy and her pain afterwards, help her get through the withdrawal that the loss of the connection would bring. He wouldn’t lose her. He couldn’t. She was the best. She would forever be the best.


Giles knocked on the door of the small flat. At the moment, it was his only option.


“Rupert.” Giles could hear the surprise in the vampires voice. Giles nodded. “May I come in? I had something I wished to discuss with you.”


Angel stepped aside. “Make yourself comfortable. Would you like something to drink? I have, ah, water.”


“No thank you.” A long pause followed, and Giles rubbed at his glasses as he attempted to regain his composure. This was harder than he thought. And not for the last time he wondered if he was making the right decision.


The problem was it was looking to be his only choice.


“Have you spoken to Buffy recently?”


Angel immediately straightened his back, obviously alert. “I spoke to her a day or so ago. Why? Is she alright?”


“Fine, she’s fine,” muttered Giles. “I have to ask, have the two of you. . . do you have any sort of relationship? Romantic wise, I mean?”


Angel bowed his head. “No.”


Travers had been right. It wasn’t the souled vampire in front of him. Giles wasn’t exactly sure how he felt about that.


“Can I trust you, Angel?” asked Giles seriously. The need to get across how dire the situation they were about to discuss was important. “If handled poorly, it could harm Buffy greatly.”


Angel was quick to respond. “You can trust me.”


Giles decided to give the short version, details weren’t important at the moment. The basics were enough to get the point across. “Every slayer is predestined to have a vampire mate. A master vampire.”


Hope flickered in Angel’s eyes. “Do you mean. . .”


“You would know, It’s likely something would have already happened. There’s some sort of connection, the council isn’t sure exactly what, but it requires no contact between the pair. So you would know.”


“Oh.”


Giles didn’t take the time to be sympathetic. He had known that Angel had developed some sort of feelings for Buffy that went behind friendship, it was even possible that he loved her. And Giles hoped that he could use this to his advantage. Whether out of jealousy or pure worry, he hoped he could gain Angel’s attention enough to the point where he wouldn’t think too deeply about what he was doing. That’s when the questions started. “Resources indicate that Buffy has or is close to finding hers. It is imperative that this doesn’t happen, that they don’t complete the claim.”


“How can I help then?”


“I ask that you watch Buffy closely, see if she does anything unusual, or if you see her hanging out with a vampire, and not killing him,” Giles requested. “But if you do see something, do not act rashly, this needs to be dealt with, but in a delicate manner.”


“Why?”


“You have heard about claims and vampire mates. This is exactly like that, perhaps even stronger.” Giles got up from his seat, prepared to leave and allow the vampire to contemplate the task at hand. He hoped Angel realized how important it was that he worked carefully and quietly. One wrong move, and things could get dangerous far too quickly. “Thank you for your time.”


Angel nodded, too lost in thought. Giles took that and let himself out, ignoring the churning of his stomach.


A/N 2: I just wanted to mention real quick that the two examples above aren’t representatives of all Slayers and their relationship with their intended vampire mate type thing, but simply the ones that the council are aware of.





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