Chapter Fourteen
I know all about,
Yea about your reputation
And now it's bound to be a heartbreak situation
But I can't help it if I'm helpless
Every time that I'm with you, ah
You walk in and my strength walks out the door
Say my name and I can't fight it any more
Oh I know, I should go
But I need your touch just too damn much
Hey-yeah
Lovin you, yeah, isn't really something I should do
I shouldn't wanna spend my time with you ya
Well I should try to be strong, I should try to be strong
But baby you're the right kind of wrong
“Right Kind of Wrong” - Leeann Rhimes
Willow chewed on her nails nervously. She had broken the best friend code. Really broken. Betrayed one friends confidence in a moment of weakness. A moment of lust for her other best friend.
She hated herself for not being able to resist him. Hated herself for giving into him because of her non-friendy feelings for him.
She was a bad person. Really bad.
Xander had wigged. From jealous rage or worried sympathy, Willow wasn’t sure, but she made him promise not to tell anyone what he knew, especially Buffy. They had just gotten to a really good spot, and to ruin that now would be totally of the bad. Buffy couldn’t find out that she told. She just couldn’t. So Xander was now under the impression that if he squealed, he would grow a nice curly pigs tail, non removable. It was unlikely she had that kind of power or such a thing was even possible, but the threat had the effect she wanted it to. Xander wasn’t going to open his mouth any time soon.
She hated that she gave in like that. And Buffy would so be able to tell, sooner or later. Willow knew she would. Buffy had a sixth sense about those things. It was kind of her job. Sort out the bad guys. Which Willow now was, squealing out her secret like that.
Curse Alexander Harris for his good looks and charming personality. She fell for it, hook, line and sinker every time. She so totally needed to get over him, it was obvious she would never be the object of his affections like, say, Buffy was. She just wasn’t crush material. She was the study buddy, geeky friend that he vented about his crushes to. And she knew it. She knew it and yet she still spilled like the tattle tale she was.
And then, after she had betrayed her trust, Buffy had finally come around again. And with, if possible, a story even more absurd. Possibly believable anyway. She had reacted oddly to the vampire, Spike, in the alleyway, who in turn seemed to know her. Said vampire hadn’t even gone in to attack, Willow remembered suddenly, not that she or Xander had noticed it in their mad rush to get away.
So as crazy as it was, Willow took it as truth, if only in attempt to stay on Buffy’s good side. She felt guilty enough as it was.
How horrible was she?
Her friend was the Slayer. She fought vampires and the supernatural everyday. So why shouldn’t she be able to accept something that was of the odd? Or of the crazy? Or even the unexplainable?
That was it. What Buffy told her was the truth, and she would just accept that without question. And presto, back to happy friendship.
It was probably time to look up some curse or even two. Just in case.
***
They couldn’t keep there hands off each other.
Buffy’s fear from the night before seemed to have faded. She hadn’t hesitated to give him a long kiss the moment she walked through the door. They needed each other, always had and always would. It was as simple as that. It was sudden, the idea that they were actually in each other’s presence, that they weren’t leaving, weren’t going to disappear at the distant ringing of an alarm clock.
It was real. They were real.
Soft kisses soon turned into a frenzy of passion. Hot, desperate kisses shared between the pair, hands touching every bit of skin they could find. Suddenly nothing but them mattered. Books lay forgotten at their side. Family and friends just a part of the outside world. They simply needed to feel the other, allow their bodies to recognize what their heads already knew.
That they belonged to each other.
And as they grew closer Spike found it harder and harder to deny his growing feelings for the girl. Lust aside, it went beyond the connection they shared. He knew everything about her, the girl had rambled on enough for the better part of the year about her hopes and dreams, and every other thought that she had under the sodding sun; it was hard not to become enamored with her. There was such a sparkle to her, that it was almost impossible to ignore.
He tried to ignore the feeling that he knew was developing inside him. He had been burned too many times, and he knew if she was to look down upon him like the others, that the rejection could very well break him. But as much as he tried, he couldn’t deny it. Every part of him was completely devoted to her. Man and Demon. Heart and Mind. Everything.
Oh sure, he had been devoted to Dru. He had been her sodding slave. But he realized, after comparing it to this, what he felt for Buffy, that what he thought had been love was only mere obligation, fabricated into what his inner William had always wanted. Someone to hold at night.
He couldn’t hold Dru. She had always been somewhere else. But Buffy, she was someone he could cling to, someone he could trust, someone he didn’t have to put up a facade for. There was no doubt in his mind.
He couldn’t deny it anymore. He was in love with her. Now the only question that remained was whether or not he could tell her? But he knew the answer. He had to wait till another day, when all thoughts of doubt had fled her mind. He wanted her to know he meant it, and maybe, just maybe have the reassurance that she would say it back.
“Got you all hot for me,” he whispered with wicked delight, taking a nip at her neck. “Squirming in my lap, all wet for me.” Out of the corner of his eye he saw her confusion and the fact that Buffy was still all ripe and innocent swam back into his mind.
“A what with a huh?”
Spike laughed at her innocence, his demon finding it oddly empowering. The mere thought of him having that part of Buffy, the part that he would be sure no other man would ever know had the demon growling in triumph. But his inner William, while head over heals in love with the chit, was severely angered at the mere thought of taking advantage of her. The tug-o-war within his mind did nothing to ease his insecurities, however, confusing him even more.
“Just thinking how much I want you baby,” said Spike, his body heavy with disappointment as he removed his hand from her lace covered breast. She didn’t flinch like he thought she would at his statement. In fact, she almost seemed oddly pleased. Spike shifted in an attempt to ease his desire. “You had a reason for coming here, yeah? Rushed in here all excited earlier.”
She pouted, her lower lip jutting out making it impossible for him to resist her. “I missed you.”
“You were rambling on about something or other. Before we got distracted.”
“Nice distracted,” she teased, her lips moving to reclaim his.
“Very nice,” he murmured, vaguely aware that they had gotten nowhere fast.
“I - oh - I needed to tell you something.” Figured she would come back to it now, when she had gotten them all hot and bothered again.
“Yeah? What?” asked Spike between kisses.
“Yeah.”
He loved how he affected her. A simple touch and she was a puddle of goo in his arms, melting against him. She was absolutely delicious, she was. Set his body on fire, the smell of her obvious arousal driving him crazy as he tried desperately to control his need to take her right then and there. She wasn’t ready, at least not in mind.
“Pet?”
Buffy gave a noncommital sound as she reacted to his hand finding his way back to her breast. “I forgot.”
He pulled back, rubbing small circles on her back not wanting to lose contact. She needed to focus, and he wasn’t helping matters much. Besides, he still had the journal entry to update her about. Spike shuddered as the unpleasant thought re-entered his mind. As much as he wanted answers, he didn’t much like the ones he had found on that piece of paper. The reminder that he had to keep in control because they had no idea what would happen if they didn’t. Had a mystery to solve, they did, as much as it pained him to stop his new favorite past time. “Wanna continue that thought, pet?”
He watched her blush. “Oh, I told mom about me being the Slayer and she didn’t even throw me in the crazy house or anything. She just bought me pretty shoes. See?” She wiggled her feet spread out in front of her.
“Good on her. And ‘bout time you listened to me on that count, eh? Nice big I told you so for ya.” She stuck her tongue out at him, which he playfully snapped at. It was true though. Several times she had complained about her mother’s lack of trust in her, and several times Spike had told her the solution, told her that the only way was to gain the trust was tell her mother her secret life, and not let up until she believed her. “Won’t have to knock her head in, now will I?” She gave him slap to the head. “Joke pet, wouldn’t harm your lot. Don’t got a need for a death wish, you know that.”
“I suppose,” agreed Buffy, satisfied. She snuggled deeper into his arms, if that were even possible. “Oh, and I told Willow.”
His eyes snapped to hers at that, flashing with anger and worry. The knowledge that she could have very well signed their own death warrants wasn’t lost on him. One slip of the tongue to the wrong person and they could very well have a disaster on their hands. “What?” He demanded, and perhaps a bit more harshly than he should have.
“Take a chill pill,” said Buffy. “I know me and Willow had that thing. But it’s totally cool now.”
“Buffy. . .”
“You gotta understand, Willow - she’s the geeky book type. She likes solid fact. I gave her solid fact. And now she’s all with the supportive. No need to worry.”
“You’re gonna have to have another chat with her then, make sure she keeps her gob shut or something. Can’t let this get out,” Spike insisted, squeezing her arms tightly in his desperation.
“Ouch, that hurts,” gasped Buffy. Letting go, Spike mumbled an apology. “What’s your deal? You’re all wiggy.”
“I found something earlier,” he mumbled, handing her the journal entry. He had briefly considered not even showing it to her. The contents had the definite potential of scaring her off, have her running in the opposite direction, never to be seen by his eyes again. One wrong move and this could all turn bad in a split second, and Buffy’s sole purpose was to attempt to keep the bad from happening. Not wait it out to see how everything could go down.
And then there was that little voice inside his own head that said maybe they were better off running in the opposite direction. In that, he could protect himself. But more, he could protect her from the horror the girl who wrote that entry went through.
But he couldn’t leave. The pull wouldn’t allow it. The mere thought tugged painfully at his insides.
“Oh my God,” she gasped, her eyes wide. “Oh my God.”
“Yeah, bit of a let down,” Spike stated.
“This . . . they . . . and the . . .” she was struggling to find the words, and Spike wondered if there was a possible way to reassure her. “We’re not the only ones.”
“Bit of a relief, I’m not the only sucker to have gone against their nature and play nice with the Slayer,” said Spike. “Could do without the impending doom though.”
She didn’t respond and he could see the wheel turning within her head. “Where did you find it?” she asked quietly, a good indication that she already had an inkling where it was.
“Those Council records over there. Bunch of wankers.”
“So they knew?”
“Knew,” barked Spike. “Bloody hell, Slayer, of course they knew. And most likely long before this occurred.”
“Do you think . . .” Do you think my Watcher knows, she obviously wanted to ask. “It’s doubtful he doesn’t,” Spike responded gently.
Her eyes lit up suddenly. “So maybe I could ask him then. He could tell us what it’s all about, give us some answers.”
“No,” said Spike firmly, his tight grip on her arms returning, softening slight when she let a gasp of pain.
“But . .”
“Buffy, no. They kept this hush for a reason. They don’t want the Slayers to find out about it and go running off with some vamp.”
She looked confused. She obviously didn’t understand, didn’t remember how dangerous he actually was. She didn’t know how difficult it was for him to keep the demon down, even when he was around her. He hated to remind her. “Why?”
“Vampires, pet. We’re monsters. Evil. Just because we’re mysteriously linked to our natural enemy, doesn’t likely change that, yeah?”
“You changed.” His eyes softened slightly, she had faith in him, it was almost reassuring.
“Maybe,” Spike agreed. “But you think that Watcher is going to belief a word of that, just because you tell him? I know you trust him, but you can’t with this, not unless you want to be six feet under.”
She nodded. “Alright.”
“And you’ll make sure that friend of yours keeps her trap shut?”
“Willow can keep a secret,” Buffy said with such certainty that Spike hoped she was right.
Silence fell over them, and Spike could feel the nerves off of her. “It’ll be alright luv, won’t let that happen to us. Everything will be right as rain and all that rot.”
“Hope so,” she mumbled, but along with her sniffle he could hear the doubt in her voice.
***
Xander felt bad for taking advantage of Willow like that. Knowing that she couldn’t resist his pout, or his face, or any of him for that matter. And who could blame her? He was a handsome devil, alright.
It had been Buffy’s secret, he should have respected that. But he was Buffy’s friend too, so she would probably have told him eventually.
Besides everyone knew Willow couldn’t keep a secret. She always cracked under pressure. Buffy would have known the risks when she told.
Xander was concerned though. Buffy was obviously having some sort of problem. Convinced that a simple figment of her imagination was some sort of real figure, actually existed. Something was wrong, and Willow obviously thought so too. The frown on her face as she told certain parts said it all, she didn’t understand it either, it confused her. And nothing ever confused Willow.
If it had that much of an affect on Buffy though, then it had to be something outside of her control. A spell or a curse of sorts. Which would mean he would have to do a little digging to find out how to break such a thing. That wasn’t squealing, at least not until he had to ask someone to help him break it. And he was pretty sure Willow would help out, so that didn’t even matter.
Which brought him to The Magic Shop for some much needed supplies. Buffy needed help, she would see that when she was well again. And hey, if she happened to see him as her Knight in Shining armor, so be it, who was he to complain.
“What are you doing here, Harris? Couldn’t get the girls naturally, so going to do a love spell instead?”
“Could say the same to you,” retorted Xander. “Or is it perhaps your daily wart remover that brings you here?”
“And you wonder why the girls don’t flock towards you.”
“May I help you, Cordelia?”
Cordelia played with a few of the trinkets, and didn’t seem inclined to answer his question. Instead she simply continued to bait him, he was beginning to think it was one of her favorite past times. “Must hurt. The fact that Buffy finally landed herself a guy, and it wasn’t you.”
Buffy had a boyfriend. Since when. “What?”
“She didn’t tell you? How sad.” Her voice dripped with sarcasm, and Xander wanted nothing more to wipe the smug look from her face. “What? No witty retort? No stupid jokes? Losing our touch, are we?”
“Out of my way, Cordelia.” Xander didn’t feel like listening to her jabs at the moment. He was disappointed, and hurt. And he had no idea why it completely blind sided him. He had seen what he wanted to see. He should have just listened to Buffy, and got over her when she had said she would only ever see him as a friend.
Though, it also wasn’t unlikely that Cordelia was simply lying. He would have known if Buffy had a boyfriend. That wasn’t exactly something you could hide was it?
Damn.
“You didn’t really think you had a chance, did you?”
“I don’t know what your problem is Cordelia, but get over it, because F.Y.I., no one really cares what you think.” He left the money on the counter and left the shop, not noticing the angry look on Cordelia’s face when he left.
***
Her daddy was here, she could feel it. As was William and his sunshine, both too lost in each other to notice their world beginning to crumble from the outside. They were kiddies, not knowing the way of their world. So sad. So, so sad.
But in that, she could find her peace. With their union came the opening in which Drusilla could finally have her daddy back. His pesky soul no longer a problem, he would be hers again. Just as it should be, as it would always be.
Oh the destruction they would bring together. The blood and fire, they could paint the world red together, drinking tea and dancing among the heat, hot against their icy skin. It was a dream come true, the stars sang in her ears. It was what she wanted, what they wanted, and the sunshine and her kiddies were too lost to notice.
Drusilla danced. It was time at last.