CHAPTER TWO
“…Standing still/ but still moving/Lying down but not resting/Breathing air, suffocating/All the while, I'm debating/Life was never what I thought/Never what I wanted it to be/Had a plan, couldn't follow/Had a dream, it was hollow/Everywhere felt like nowhere/Everything was so boring/Life was never what I wanted/Never what I thought/Until you came and turned it all around/Oh, you found the peace of me/It was missing; it was broken/You put soul into it/Oh, you found the whole of me/I was empty, now I'm better/All my peace is back together” Natasha Bedingfield~ ‘The Peace of Me’
Spike stared at the box of books in front of him, trying to mull over the tangle of thoughts in his head.
Okay, so Red had said that the chit was in love with him when she died. Did that really change anything?
It wasn’t as if they were friends.
Spike rolled his eyes as he realised. If anything, this was a beyond-the-grave attempt by Miss Buffy Anne Summers to force him on a neat little guilt trip for not showing more anguish over her death.
Yeah. That had to be it.
Damn bitch; always trying to get one over on him.
Knowing her, she probably wrote in these ridiculous books purely as a way to continue being a pain in his arse after she was gone.
Of course, that would mean that she knew she was about to die.
And would also mean she was extremely lacking in any kind of life.
Spike rolled his eyes again. No. Of course she didn’t fill- he quickly counted- seven journals, just to piss him off.
As much as he hated to admit it… This was real.
“Okay.” He said, bracing himself. “Real.” The word still sounded encased in denial, even as he spoke it aloud.
He lifted the first book from the box.
God it felt wrong! These pages, the words written on them; they were the secret thoughts and feelings of the Slayer. A Slayer. Just another in the long line of stupid girls he was supposed to hate. Chosen for him to kill!
Reading her words, acknowledging that was also a person; well that would change things. That would make everything difficult and confusing.
And still, ringing in the back of his mind were those three horrifying words;
’She loved me.’
Spike shuddered. Then he looked down at the book in his hands.
Buffy Anne Summers read the cover page 1995.
Spike flipped through it, finding himself mildly unimpressed by the girls pre-Slayer life. Regular references to some bloke named ‘Tyler’ and way too many exclamations of ‘like, oh my God!’ for his poor mind to take. He snapped the book shut, and reached for the next.
1996.
Darker; more fear, especially as she came to understand what being a Slayer truly means. Spike shrugged. He still didn’t care.
1997.
Friends, happiness, Angel. Now he really didn’t give a damn.
1998.
Darker again; death. Loneliness. Several references to ‘that fucking peroxide pain in my ass’. He smirked. That was more like it.
1999.
Happiness again. Maturity. Looking forward to a future. Spike rolled his eyes, trying to feel smug at the idea that she would never have been able to live that planned future.
2000.
Finally. Words with relevance. Spike came back today he read, The idiot has some kind of chip in his head. Thinks he can ask me for help!
Yeah, that was the goddamned bitch of a Slayer that Spike was sure he remembered. Chaining him to a bath tub and mocking him with that succulent neck of hers. Bitch. Well, she’d gotten what she deserved.
Of course she had.
Spike sighed as he flipped through the pages, looking for the day. The day he remembered so clearly.
The day when, unhappily, all of this had truly begun.
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May 4th, 2000
I woke up with that feeling. That feeling you get when you just know it’s going to be ‘one of those days’. One of those lets-screw-up-Buffy’s-life-some-more-because-I-don’t-think-that-it’s-already-screwed-up-enough kind of days.
It must be my Slayer senses or something, because I woke up this morning knowing that this was going to be a day of change.
And I really wasn’t wrong.
So Giles called me to his apartment about 3pm, and I thought he was going to be on my case again about spending too much time with the Initiative, and not enough time with the Scooby Gang (I mean, hello!! There is the certain issue of my oh-so-fine commando boyfriend who requires constant Slayer, uh… Supervision). I was all ready to face the frown-y faces of Xander and Willow, maybe even put up with a few orgasm comments from that Anya girl, but oh boy, was I in for a shock.
I got there at ten past three (since when did I ever arrive on time?) and found the apartment to be pretty much empty. That is, apart from the vampire sitting on Giles’ couch, looking extremely pleased with himself.
“Spike.” I said, raising an eyebrow at him for effect, “What are you doing here?”
And at that moment, Giles came strolling down the stairs, looking not even a little worried by the vampire’s presence.
“Ah, Buffy,” he said, with a smile tugging at his lips, “I do believe I have something very important to tell you.”
I looked at Spike who was still sitting; flicking through a magazine.
“What?” I asked, a little freaked by the situation. “Spike’s finally tripped over the edge and he’s sitting here patiently, waiting for me to call my (oh-so-fine) boyfriend to cart his ass off back to the Initiative?”
Giles looked momentarily shocked by my reply, but he was quick to hide it.
“No,” he said, somewhat sheepishly. “Spike and I have, in fact, come to an agreement with regards to his future within Sunnydale.”
“You mean he’s finally admitted that he’s a total Scooby-wannabe and agreed to join the not-so-dark side?” I joked with a giggle. Spike didn’t look up from his magazine.
“Exactly.” Said Giles, looking extremely pleased that I had guessed correctly. “Isn’t it fantastic?”
My mouth fell open. I… Seriously, there were no words.
Spike looked up. He grinned.
“That pleased, are we Slayer?”
I turned my horrified gaze onto him. Giles couldn’t be serious, could he?
“But we can’t trust him!” I insisted, jabbing my thumb in his direction whilst turning my eyes back to Giles, “I mean he… He’s evil!”
“Be that as it may, he is also chipped.” Giles replied. “Frankly the matter of whether or not he is still evil barely even comes into play, considering that he couldn’t cause any harm to us, or any other humans for that matter, even if he wanted to. Besides, he’s been fighting demons for weeks now, and it could be useful to have another fighter on the team, especially with you so busy with Initiative business these days.”
Okay, I really had no response to that, and I was still astounded that Spike hadn’t responded with his usually adamant ‘Hey!’ at the face that Giles had quite clearly referred to him as an impotent monster.
I just stared.
“Don’t you have anything to say Buffy?” Giles asked me, and I didn’t think I could, even if I did have something in mind.
My brain was just swimming, swimming with the idea of Spike becoming one of us. One of us. I mean… Sure- having an extra pair of hands couldn’t be a bad thing. And having someone else to share patrolling with me… Not exactly a bad thing.
But still, Spike?
Spike?
He grinned at me.
“How about it pet?” he asked, that infuriating accent of his, sending the strangest sensations up my spine. You know the sensations. Spike sensations. “You and me- beating the bad guys down. Could be a laugh.”
I stared at him. He was being sincere.
He really was.
And do you know what? I smiled. At him. Right into his face actually.
I smiled right into the face of my so-called mortal enemy.
My new-found ally.
And I realised that this could be the start of something. An allegiance. Two warriors fighting to keep this town safe. To bring those mother-fucking vampires down. (Bar Spike, obviously, since that would kind of defeat the object.)
And I also realised, that as long as he’s around… Maybe I won’t be so lonely.
Maybe this could work.
“Maybe this can work.” I said aloud, and he smirked, giving me the thumbs up sarcastically, before going back to his magazine.
Giles looked ecstatic and I felt… A change.
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A/N: Thank you for the fantastic response to the first chapter. I hope this one was also to your liking, please review if you liked it =] and I promise there will be more soon!
Dee__x
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