William felt like hell. He was angry, heartbroken and tired. He’d barely slept the night before after Buffy had shunned him, basically, and every time he heard her get up and move around, he’d been on alert just in case she was coming to see him and take back all she’d said and tell him that she wanted to be with him too. Couldn’t blame a guy for trying, right?
Yet, she hadn’t. All he’d concluded was that she had a hard time sleeping the night before as well, and he took comfort in that. Maybe the decision to not be with him hadn’t been an easy one for her as well.
The phone ringing startled him, but had him lunging for it in case it was Buffy. And it was.
“Hey, it’s me; I’m just going out with someone I met at work. Don’t wait up.”
His eyes narrowed. “Male or female?”
”Female. Though she is rounding a group so there could be a mix.”
”Oh.”
“I won’t be in too late.”
”Buffy--”
“Bye!” and she hung up.
Sighing, William sat back, shutting his eyes. Now he knew why he avoided relationships and entanglements. They hurt.
Buffy was having a good time with her new friends: Willow, Xander and Anya. Anya was Xander’s girlfriend and worked in the museum gift shop, and Xander and Willow both worked in the museum as well. Willow was in charge of PR and Xander was a security guard. They were fun and light-hearted and Buffy was laughing and carrying on, but she could not break one nagging problem: William wasn’t there.
How sad was it that one night away from him and she missed him? That was absolutely pathetic and only served to endorse further the fact that she needed a) friends, b) a life and c) to move out.
With that in mind, Buffy sat back, took a long swig of her beer and smiled. She was going to put all the mess behind her tonight and enjoy herself. William had his own friends; it was not her fault if he chose not to go out with them. He could have a life as well, it was not her fault he kept his nose in his work. It was not her responsibility to take care of him. Nor was it his to take care of her. Independent Buffy was underway.
“Found a roommate yet, Wills?” Xander asked, chucking some beer nuts in his mouth.
Willow frowned, “No. But I’ve had a lot of freaks call about it.”
“What’s going on?” Buffy asked, ears perking right up.
“Willow’s roommate, Amy, left her last week to travel across country with her boyfriend,” Xander explained.
“Ah, she was in the pursuit of as many orgasms as she could get,” Anya grinned. “Can’t blame her really. I’d be nervous if you took off like that. I’d be afraid someone else would service you,” Anya told Xander.
Buffy cleared her throat, a bit thrown off by Anya’s quite blunt comments.
“So, she left everything but her clothes behind,” Willow explained. “Said she didn’t know when she’d be back and to just box up some of her things for her and she’d send for them one day. So I have this furnished room and no roommate to inhabit it,” Willow explained.
“Well, Wills, I think you just found your roommate,” Buffy said, grinning from ear to ear.
William did wait up, consequently. He couldn’t help it. Knowing Buffy was out, he wasn’t able to rest for fear of all that she was doing and with possibly who…not like he could do anything if she was, but still. Staying up and worrying seemed to fit the bill just fine at that moment.
She finally came in around midnight, and by the tinge on her cheeks, he could tell she’d been drinking. She stared at him, blinking, as if she was surprised to see him there.
“I do live here, Princess,” he drawled.
Buffy stood up straight, “Sorry. I just…what are you doing up?”
“I was waiting for you.”
“Why?”
He stood, sauntering over to her and smiling softly. “Just worry about you is all.”
Shaking her head, she said, “Well, I’m all right,” and promptly wobbled a bit.
“You’re drunk,” he observed, frowning.
“Slightly inebriated. Buzzed. Tipsy.” She giggled. “Not drunk.”
“Not yet anyway, right?”
“Right, but I’m just going to have some water and Tylenol and I’ll be right as rain tomorrow.”
“How was your first day at work?”
“Excellent. Fun. Well, you know, getting acclimated to everything is kinda boring but not, ya know?”
William smiled, “I know.” God, all he wanted to do was pull her into his arms and kiss her senseless, carry her off to bed, make love to her, and tuck her in, wrapped up in his arms for the night. What was so wrong with that?
Nodding, Buffy headed toward the kitchen and William followed closely behind. “So, who all went out tonight?” he asked, trying to sound as casual as possible.
“Willow, Anya and Xander. They all work at the museum,” Buffy informed him, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge.
“Xander? That a guy?”
”Yep. He’s Anya’s boyfriend. What did you do?”
“Watched TV.”
”Why don’t you go out, Will?” she asked after taking a long sip of water.
“I don’t know. Don’t feel like it I guess.”
“You’re a single guy in a posh apartment. Have a party or something.”
“I don’t want to be single,” he said softly, looking down.
“I’m moving out.”
His head snapped up. “What?”
“Willow. She needs a roommate and she’s all paid up until next month when I could start paying rent, so…problem solved!”
“Security? Last month? Do you have that?”
“Taken care of. Willow’s roommate felt so bad for leaving her high and dry, she didn’t ask for it.”
“Lucky you,” William said sardonically.
Buffy sighed. “Why are you being like that? Why can’t you be happy for me?”
”Because I don’t want you to go! I want you to stay here with me—why can’t you understand that?” William exclaimed, throwing up his hands and walking away from her.
“I do, but William, I need to be on my own. I need to stand on my own two feet. I want to take care of myself, not have you take care of me.”
“You want to make your own way? Fine, pay me rent.”
“No! William, can’t you see? If I stayed here with you it’d just be the same old Buffy doing the same old thing – being with a man and having him take care of her. And you know it. You know it’d be like that even if I was paying you rent. I want to do this on my own, William. I want to feel…worthy.”
“Worthy of what? Me?”
“Yes.”
Rushing to her, he cupped her face in his hands. “You are worthy of me Buffy, you are.”
Placing her hands on his, she gently pulled them off her, holding onto them. “I don’t feel it. I want to feel it. I bounce from man to man and never take care of me. I want to do that right now so I don’t fuck everything up—“
“Well you’re in fucking danger of doing that now and we’re not even together yet!” he shouted at her and stormed off.
Buffy felt the tears come and she didn’t stop them. She let them fall, wishing she could make him understand. She didn’t feel like a whole person and a whole person is what William deserved. He had it all together, so he didn’t know what it was like to not have that. She didn’t even know what it was she exactly wanted from him and she didn’t want to jump into something she wasn’t sure of and screw everything up – screw up her relationship with William that was already so dear to her. Buffy figured if she moved out and started making her own way, those other things would fall into place. She could think beyond ‘find own place, find job, get life’. One of the three was already taken care of and the others were on their way. For once in her life she was seeing the big picture and not making it all about what she wanted in that moment, and damn anything that got in her way.
Why couldn’t William see that? Wasn’t that an act of love in itself? But all he did was make her feel selfish. Sitting down with her bottled water right there on the cold floor, Buffy wondered if this was a sign. If it meant that really, she and William were just not meant to be at all, and that all of this was just one big sign that if they were to make a go of it, it’d end in disaster.
Maybe it was best this way then.