“So, now what are you going to do?” Willow asked, grabbing a 2-liter of soda and pouring herself a plastic cup full. “You going to try to talk to him or…?”
“I don’t know. I guess we could just join the party and see what happens. I just want to know if that bitch and him are …” Buffy shook her head and shivered. “I can’t even think of it.”
“That bad?”
”Yeah, that bad,” Buffy said, wrinkling her nose.
“What if he is with her, Buffy? Then what?”
Buffy looked away. “Then I find some way to get over it and accept it.”
“And regret it?”
“Yeah, and regret it.”
“Have to say though,” Willow said thoughtfully. “You weren’t completely in the wrong here. I mean you were trying to make a life for yourself and not have it revolve around William. You were trying to not depend on him. That’s a commendable thing to do.”
“I’m afraid he didn’t see it that way.”
“Well, tough. Now he’s being a big baby by avoiding you and not returning your calls and being downright rude when you go see him.”
“I should have told him that I felt something for him and I didn’t—“
“You never did?”
Buffy shook her head sadly. “No, I didn’t. Not really, anyway.”
“You’re right. That was dumb,” Willow said dryly.
“Hey!” Buffy exclaimed defensively.
“However, he’s still being a poop head.”
Buffy sighed, “Thank you. So, what do I do, oh wise one?”
“I say you go out there and have some fun. Let him come to you now. It’s not like you haven’t tried.”
“Right.”
“And when the barracuda is off him, go talk to him.”
”Okay.”
“And tell him how you feel.”
“Right.”
“And how is it that you do feel?”
Buffy smiled, “I want him to be the first to know that.”
Willow grinned, “Fair enough. Now…” she slapped her hands together and rubbed them conspiratorially, “Let’s find me a boyfriend!”
*********
Buffy kept a close eye on William for the next couple hours, and Lilah it seemed, was keeping her eye on Buffy.
Which, fine. Honestly at that point, Buffy was so annoyed with William for not seeing through the hussy glued to his side, that if he chose to trifle with someone so unworthy, then that was his prerogative and he could whatever the hell he wanted. Which wasn't what she really believed or wanted however. She had fucked up in some ways by not telling him how she felt, but she hadn't realized the depth of her feeling for him until there was distance for her to really think about what she wanted and how she felt. Things had happened much too fast when she already felt unstable in her life, and trying to start something new with her stepbrother while trying to get on her feet had been too much, too fast.
And now, she knew loved him.
And she finally felt, for the first time in years, that she was on the right path. She was making choices for herself and she felt, finally, that she had something to bring to the table. Her feet were on the ground, finally, and now she was a woman that had her heart and her head working together, and both were in agreement to what they wanted. Perhaps it was a little too late now, though.
It was in hurt that Buffy accepted a dance with a very nice man by the name of Gunn.
In the midst of shaking her tail feather, she felt a hand clamp around her wrist and a breathy voice said in her ear, “Can I talk to you?”
It was William. Buffy froze and her eyes flew up to Gunn who was looking a little annoyed at being interrupted. She flashed him a brilliant smile and excused herself.
William led her, or rather, practically dragged her down to his bedroom where he barked at the few couples making out in his room to get out. The door slammed on the last couple to run out and he spun to her. “What the hell are you doing?”
She stared at him, wide-eyed. “What do you mean, what am I doing?”
“Dancing with that guy,” he said through clenched teeth. “Flaunting yourself—“
“Oh, hell no. I was not flaunting anything. And what the hell do you care for? You’re with Lilah!”
“I haven’t seen you in weeks—“
“You’ve been avoiding me! I’ve tried to call you –“
“You made it clear you didn’t want to have anything to do with me!”
”That is not true!” Buffy exploded. “God, you really don’t get anything do you? I was trying to –“
"Yeah, yeah,” he said, waving his hand at her, “I get it. Trying to ‘make your own way’.”
“Thanks for being so understanding,” Buffy spat and waltzed past him.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m going to find Willow and I’m leaving. You know Will…I’m glad I didn’t get involved with you. I never realized what a jackass you could be when you don't get your way.”
Storming out into the hall, she went in search of Willow, feeling an onslaught of angry and frustrated tears prickle behind her eyes. All they seemed to do when in the same room together to actually work something out was argue. It was indicative to Buffy at least that in a relationship they’d just be volatile.
This is for the best, she told herself even if she didn’t fully believe it.
“Wills,” Buffy said, coming up to her friend who was chatting with some redhead. “I’m gonna get going.”
Willow’s eyes widened. “Oh, is—is everything all right?”
Not wanting to tear Willow away from the guy she was talking with, Buffy nodded and forced a smile. “Yep, everything’s fine. I’m just not feeling well.”
“You want me to come with you?”
“No, I’m fine. I’ll catch a cab.”
“You sure?”
“Positive. See you later,” Buffy smiled at the guy Willow was talking to and walked out, half disappointed that William hadn’t come after her. She thought perhaps she should go back in and try once more, but pride wouldn’t let her.
It was well and truly over now.
********
The phone ringing jarred Buffy awake after having cried herself to sleep. Fumbling for the phone, she croaked a hello.
“Buffy, I need you.”
“Will?”
“Mom called. Dad had a heart attack.”
Buffy shot upright. “Is he--?”
”He’s in the hospital right now. Mom’s scared, we gotta go.”
“I’m coming—“
“I’ll get you. Just tell me where you are.”
********
Buffy was outside waiting by the time William pulled up. It was three in the morning and in a few hours dawn would be approaching. God, what a night, she mused as she slipped into his car.
William just looked at her and Buffy could see the worry in his eyes. Without a word, Buffy pulled him into a hug. “It’s gonna be all right, Will,” she told him by way of comforting him as best she could.
He pulled back and looked at her searchingly. “Promise?”
Cupping his face in her hands she gave a small smile. “I promise.”
Shutting his eyes, he leaned into her touch and took a ragged breath. After a minute, he whispered thanks and turned back to the wheel.
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