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Spike pulled back slightly, regarding her with some concern, but mostly curiosity. “You sure?”

“I am,” she said nervously, trying to sound resolute.

“Okay, what is it then?”

“Just like that?”

“Well, you said you’d tell me, so yeah, that’s it.”

Wrapping her arms back round him tight, Buffy rested her chin on his shoulder. “I had an affair with a fellow teacher at that private school I taught at. It turned out he was married, but I didn’t know he was at first until I told him there was a chance I could be pregnant."

Spike's hold on her grew tighter as he tensed, his heart constricting in his chest as he braced himself for what else she would disclose. As if learning she could have been pregnant with another man’s baby wasn’t bad enough – not that he had any claim on her, of course.

"He freaked when I told him and that's when he told me he was married. He told me if I was I'd have to get rid of it. I, of course, was not going to do any such thing, but my world shattered at that point...I mean, I really did love him."

"What happened then, Buffy?" Spike prompted.

"I wasn't pregnant as it turned out, but then someone found out about us on the staff and when everyone found out about us, I was basically blackballed from the school. And then, the town."

"And he wasn't?"

"No, he wasn't. I had to leave. I was pretty much asked to leave. How I managed to miss that he was married...I guess he wasn't very happy, but that is no excuse!"

"No, it's not."

"He came to me before I left; on the day I left the school and actually had the nerve to tell me I inspired him to go work things out with his wife."

"That fucking bastard," Spike muttered. "Who is he? What's his name? I'm going to single-handedly destroy him--"

"Will, you can't," she said pulling back from him. She looked up at him imploringly. "Do you hate me?"

"How can you ask me something like that?" Spike asked incredulously. Tucking some hair behind her ear, he smiled tenderly. "I could never hate you, luv. How could you think I would?"

"’Cause I was so freaking stupid!"

"Buffy, baby, it happens. He never wore a ring?"

"No, never. And no one talked about it. It was all hush-hush I guess. All on account he had 'problems' in his marriage."

"Then how can you be held accountable for something like that?"

Sighing, Buffy plunked herself down on the floor. "I don't know. I just feel like I make one bad decision after another. Before him there was the musician that spent late nights with the lead vocals in his band...and I stupidly never put two and two together. I really thought they were just rehearsing! Then before him, there was--"

The last thing Spike wanted was to hear about the string of men Buffy had left behind. It made him want to track them down and pummel them within an inch of their lives for ever hurting her. Not to mention the incredible jealousy he felt at the idea of those men touching her, loving her, having a piece of her. A piece he'd never had. A piece he could never have.

"So, I left. Figured since I was pretty much booed out of town, I might as well go someplace new," Buffy continued on. "So here I am."

"Do you still love him?" Spike asked, his stomach clenching at the thought.

"No, Will, I don't still love him,” she said honestly, looking up at him. “Someone telling you that if you're pregnant they want you to get rid of it pretty much puts the kibosh on any feelings of love. Oh, and finding out your entire relationship was built on lies..."

"What's his name?"

Buffy grinned up at him, "I'm not telling you that."

He grinned back, "Don't trust me?"

"Nope!"

He chuckled and sat down across from her. "Buffy, everyone gets put in a situation like that at one time or another. It's not your fault luv."

"I just want to get my head on straight, Will. No more fooling around and just flying by the seat of my pants. I want to be more...straight-laced. Like you."

Spike frowned, "I think you meant to compliment me, but it didn't feel like one."

"Why not? I did mean to."

"Because here I am trying to be more like you; footloose and fancy-free."

Buffy grimaced, "Being footloose and fancy free isn't all its cracked up to be, Will. People pretty much think I'm a moron. And the choices I make because I fancy myself 'in love' with any guy that seems sincere when it's really just a line...Yeah, being like me is not what it seems."

"Being straight laced isn’t either, you know," Spike told her matter-of-factly, "Everyone thinks I'm boring or a tight ass--"

"Well, you are a tight ass."

He gave her a look and she burst into giggles. “But,” she amended, “I don’t think you’re boring. Far from it.”

"Gee, thanks. All I do is work, Buffy. I don't go out, I don't skip days, I don't do anything that isn't work related."

"Oooh that does sound awful."

"Yeah, it really is,” he said wistfully. “I hadn’t realized how incredibly boring my life was until you came yesterday.”

“Wow. My powers are vast. I mean, I really did just come in yesterday afternoon. Damn, I’m good. Maybe I’m in the wrong line of work. Maybe I should look into motivational speaking or something. Ooh! A life coach.”

Spike laughed. “You are something else, pet.”

She grinned, “I like it when you call me that. Though I’m sure you call every female that.”

“No, honey, just you.”

“Ri-ight. I may have been dumb about a lot, but I’m learning. And that, my dear brother, sounded like a line.”

The word ‘brother’ put a damper on their bantering – at least for Spike – and he cleared his throat and stood. He shouldn’t have been flirting with his sister and that was what he most definitely was doing.

“I have an idea,” she said, not missing a beat, not even noticing the way he was beating himself up for flirting with forbidden fruit.

“What’s that?” he asked, starting to clean up the picnic. It was time to get back to work. Time to immerse himself in something that was not Buffy. In just twenty-four hours he’d somehow managed to become completely submerged in her. How did she do that? She did have power, it seemed. And she really didn’t know how much power she had. . .

She jumped up, beaming. “Can’t tell you. It’s a surprise.”

“Buffy, you know I hate surprises,” he said, hating how that came out whiny.

“I know, and that’s why I’m going to make it one. Maybe you’ll learn to appreciate them. Can I take you out tonight, or do you have something work-related going on?”

He found her beaming at him infectious. “You can take me out.”

“Good, good. Dress casual.”

“Buffy, you’re gonna see me before we go. We do live together.”

“Right, I know, but I’m just giving you a heads up. I know how you straight-laced types like to be somewhat prepared.”

“Okay, casual,” Spike clarified, chuckling. “So, jeans then?”

“Yes! And a t-shirt. Wear blue. Brings out your eyes.”

“Anything else, miss?”

“I think that covers it.” Grabbing the now packaged up picnic basket; she leaned up and gave him a peck on the cheek. “Don’t work too hard.” And with that she was off.

“Bye luv,” he murmured to her retreating form, unable to stop himself from going to the window and watching her head down the sidewalk, basket in hand and swinging away.





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