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“A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you're fast asleep
In dreams you lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for, you keep
Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling thru
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
the dream that you wish will come true”


“A Dream is a wish your Heart makes” from “Cinderella”




Early the next morning, Willow and Dawn were talking animatedly in the kitchen about something or other, when the back door burst open. Angel dashed in and quickly and closed the door, blocking out the life threatening rays of sun.


“Angel! W-what a surprise,” Willow said awkwardly.


“Hi,” he said, removing the dark colored blanket he had wrapped around him.


“Long time no see,” Dawn said, with a hint of coldness to her voice.


“Uhh… did you come to see Buffy?” Willow asked hesitantly.


“Actually… I was looking for Spike. I heard he was staying here…”


“Yeah, he’s in the basement,” Dawn replied.


“Thanks.”


Angel turned around, heading towards the basement. He already knew what he was going to say. He had to convince Spike to wear it, no matter what. He knew Buffy, and he knew how stubborn she could be. He knew she wasn’t going to hand over the amulet to him, he was too important. But Spike on the other hand, now he was expendable. He was sure that if he could convince Spike to wear it, he could convince Buffy to hand it over to him. And he knew that he would be able to convince Spike, all he had to do was talk about how it would “make him a hero,” and he was sure Spike’s ego would accept. But as he started walking down the stairs his eyes fell onto something which took his breath away.


“Buffy? W-what are you doing down here… with Spike?” He stammered.


He noticed how close their bodies were, and how Spike’s arm was casually draped around her waist, pulling her even closer to him.


He thought this must have been some dream, or rather, some nightmare… ‘Spike? Why is she lying there with Spike, when she’s supposed to be happily involved with some guy?’ It didn’t make any sense to him.


They both started to wake, and not noticing Angel, Buffy rolled over into Spike’s arms.


“Hello,” she said softly, smiling.


“Good mornin’, pet,” he said gently. “It seems we have company.” Rolling his eyes, he let go of Buffy to sit up against the wall. “Mornin’ Peaches,” he said cheerily.


“Buffy… wh… what… I thought you said you were seeing a… a good guy… you were happy… why on earth are you lying in the same bed as Spike?”


“Angel, look…” She said, still sleepy, and slightly annoyed at being woken. “I didn’t want to tell you, ‘cause I knew you’d flip out. But Spike and I-“


“Buffy,” Angel cut her off. “Don’t, just don’t… I can’t listen to this.” He turned around, trying to get the sight of them out of his mind. “How could you Buffy? After all that I did for you… I gave you up, because I knew that I could never give you a normal, happy life. And you turn around and start getting it on with another vampire? A soulless vampire by the way.”


“Wow, guess you really are behind, Peaches,” Spike smirked.


“What?”


“You ain’t the only one with a soul these days.”


“You got a soul?! How?”


“I bloody well had to fight for it. None o’ that “curse” business.”


“What! Buffy, you believe him? He’s obviously lying, he can’t have a soul, he… can’t.”


“Angel, he’s changed.” Buffy said softly.


“No. That’s not possible Buffy, if you knew him like I did, that’s not possible.”


“Angel, are you even listening to yourself?” She said standing up. “It doesn’t matter what you thought you knew before, he’s changed, meaning he’s different now. He has a soul... he fought for it, you didn’t see him once he returned…” she broke off to look down at his face tenderly and caress his cheek. “He got it for me, to be a better man for me. And he is.” She said resolutely looking up to face Angel.


“Buffy, did you ever consider there’s a spell going on?”


No,” Buffy said, giggling, sitting down next to Spike on the bed. “I know what it’s like to be in love with Spike when I’m under a spell.” She looked at Spike, who grinned at her, both reminiscing about Willow’s “will be done” spell and their short-lived engagement that seemed all so long ago. “This is real,” she said softly, taking his hand.


“Buffy,” Angel said in one last attempt to convince her. “He isn’t good enough for you. He’s a worthless vampire, yes, hooray he might have a soul, big deal. That doesn’t change the fact that he’s still… beneath you.”


Buffy felt Spike tense next to her at Angel’s words.


“Angel, last night I told you that I would always remember you, and always keep a place buried in my heart just for you, but at the moment I’m beginning to rethink that,” she sighed. “Angel, you told me you wanted me to be happy, and Spike… so far, he’s made me the happiest. I told you last night, just let it go. Please, Angel, for me, if you still care about me, just let it go. Spike’s so much different now, he’s a good person, I know I can count on him to be there for me and… I need him in my life.”


“A person? Spike’s a good person? Are we talking about the same vamp here? Buffy, I thought you wanted a normal life, how are you supposed to have one of those if you’re dating a vampire?”


“Sorry mate,” Spike cut in. “But have you forgotten who you’re talking to?” He asked incredulously. “Here, let me introduce you. This is Buffy, The Vampire Slayer. She’s not gonna be havin’ anythin’ normal in this lifetime. She’s The Slayer, it’s jus’ part o’ the job description.” He sat forward on the edge of the bed. “She could never jus’ settle down with Mr Normal-Average guy, because A, the girl’s already tried that, didn’t work out too well if I remember, bloke couldn’t handle being with the slayer, ended up goin’ to get ‘is blood sucked by vamp-sluts every second night. And B, no matter how many apocalypses she faces, there’ll always be some smart-assed demon tryin’ to take over the world. She’ll always have monsters to fight, it’s jus’ a fact of life, and she needs someone who can keep her satisfied, but still have her back durin’ a fight.”


“No Spike, anyone can have a little normal life if they want to. Buffy tried dating one guy who didn’t work out. Not many people find the second guy they’ve ever dated to be their soul mate.”


“Angel, what, do you think Spike’s forced me to be in a relationship with him? What do you think he’s done, bribed me or something?”


“Wouldn’t put it past him,” Angel replied bitterly.


“Angel,” Buffy said, standing up and putting her hands on his shoulders. “This is what I want. This is the life that I want. When I was younger, I thought normal was what I wanted. I was so jealous of all the other girls, with the only thing they needed to worry about was which guy was the cutest, or how their finger nails looked. I thought that was the dream life. But, I was only 16 then, I didn’t really know what I wanted. But, now I realize that being the Slayer isn’t such a burden anymore, I’m glad that I’m the Slayer, I can’t imagine being anything else. Ok, so I could go for a few less apocalypses or too, but I love knowing that I can make a difference in the world. The Slayer isn’t just what I do, it’s who I am, and I can’t run away from that. Once before, a normal life sounded perfect! But now, it just sounds boring…what can I say, I guess I just need a little monster in my man, and I’m just mad that I didn’t let myself feel like this years ago.”


“No!” Angel said pulling away, taking a few steps up the stairs. “Buffy, It’s Spike how could you let yourself sink that low! No, I can’t be here anymore. Just find me when the fight’s gonna start and I’ll be there, but… I can’t let stand here and watch you throw your life away like that.”


“Oh, and what… you’re so much better than Spike? I bet you thought you were so much better than him when you murdered Jenny… or tortured Giles, or tried to kill all of my friends and me?”


“Buffy, I didn’t have a soul then, you can’t blame me for that!”


“Oh yes I can Angel,” Buffy almost spat out. “You know what Spike was doing when he didn’t have a soul? He was protecting my family. He was being tortured by a God, trying to keep my sister from being killed. He was fighting in an apocalypse, trying to save the world, not destroy it. You may have a soul Angel, but you didn’t fight for it, you didn’t even want it… and you sure as hell don’t deserve it.”


Angel didn’t even reply. He stormed up the stairs, and slammed the basement door.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




‘How could she choose him over me? That bleached idiot, over me… I left her because she wanted a normal life, and I could never make her ‘happy’, but I always thought that if she changed her mind, then she’d come back to me… not start something new with another vampire…’


Angel sat in silence in the crypt that he was staying in, pondering his thoughts.


‘Sure, Spike is… attractive, you know for a male, I guess, and he could be funny sometimes… but were all those things she said about Spike being there for her, and being kind and in love with her true?’ He wanted her to be happy, of course he did. But Spike was the one vampire that he couldn’t stand. And truth be told, he was jealous… he thought he was giving her the normal life she wanted, but, really… he’d only broken her heart and stepped aside for another vamp to take the place he couldn’t fill. ‘What kind of person does that to the one they love?’ The only thing he’d achieved by leaving her and Sunnydale was put her and her family in danger, and let her be killed for god’s sake… and lost her to another vampire. ‘But you didn’t let her die, Spike did! He’s the one who couldn’t protect her... but he was there, trying. Where were you? Probably in LA having a good time.’ And he couldn’t help but let his mind slip to the fact, that maybe Spike was the better man for her, although he would never admit it out loud to either of them. He had too much pride, and he was still hurt that she would choose Spike over him. And that brought him back to his dilemma. He knew there would be no one else but him, Spike and Buffy to wear the amulet, there was simply no one stronger with a soul. He didn’t know who was going to wear it, but at the moment, it wasn’t going to be him. He felt a small sense of pride that Buffy thought he was too important to wear the amulet, but knew deep down, that she really did need all the warriors she could get to be at full strength.


“Well, maybe nothing will happen with the amulet anyway. It’s only supposed to have great, mystical cleansing powers… maybe whoever wears it will end up being just… very clean?” He said outloud to no one in particular. But as soon as he said this, he could somehow just feel it that this wasn’t going to end well.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



“I knew he wouldn’t take that well.”


“Shhh… luv,” Spike said soothingly, standing up beside her and pulling her into a tight hug. “Don’t worry about wha’ the great poof thinks, he doesn’ know anythin’.”


“No, he doesn’t… Spike,” she said gently looking up into his eyes. “You’re not beneath me, if anything, you’re better than me-“


“An’ you better believe it! I could kick your butt any day Slayer,” he said with a mischievous smile.


“Oooooo… I’m soooo scared!” She teased. “Ha ha, yeah right Mr Big Bad, you couldn’t hurt me,” she said confidently.


“Bullocks! Take it back! I could too hurt you… if I wanted to that is… you’re just lucky I never really wanted to kill you…”


“So you’re saying that 5 years ago, when we were mortal enemies you didn’t want to kill me, The Slayer?” She asked disbelievingly.


“Well, duh, o’ course I didn’t want to, I told you, if I wanted to, I would’ve done it. And I mean it, you take that back. I am the Big Bad,” he said, pouting.


“Nup, no way! You are such a softie,” she said with a teasing glint in her eye.


“Hey! Am not!”


“Are too!”


“Am not!”


“Are too!”


“Oi! You’re gonna get it now young lady,” he growled playfully.


He scooped her up in his arms and threw her onto the bed. Straddling her legs his fingers found her most ticklish place on her tummy.


Buffy’s screams of laughter rang through his ears, and he decided that this was his favorite sound in the world.


“Now, who’s the Big Bad? Huh?” He continued his tickle torment. “Come on, say it, luv, say it…” he, taunted, all the while continuing his attack.


“Ahhh… no… no.. no…ahhh sto- ahhh!” Buffy tried to say between giggles. “Alright alright, I’ll say it, I’ll say it!”


He paused his assault momentarily for Buffy to speak.


“Spike,” she said panting. “Ok, I’ll admit that you are…the biggest, baddest... cutest softie in the whole world!!!” She finished quickly with a huge grin on her face.


“Oh that’s it!” He started up his tickling attack again, enjoying the sound of her laughter more than anything else. He knew he wasn’t the “big bad” anymore, but he still liked to keep up the game, and besides, he was having the best time teasing his girl. ‘Oh man, I wish this is how it will always be.’ Him, here with Buffy, teasing and playing with her like this, it was unreal. Starting out a real relationship, not just a physical one, it was the stuff his dreams were made out of, and he just wished he could stay in this moment forever. Well, actually, there were “other” moments that he would like to share with her, but he didn’t want to push her too far too soon. ‘Come on, Spike, you’ve finally convinced her to give you a chance, now get your head outta the gutter.’ It’s not as though when it happened it would be their first time together, but he still wanted it to be special, as though it was their first time, and not just a quickie on some old bed down in the basement, where one of the many guests she had in her house could come barging in at any moment. He made up his mind right then that they wouldn’t, not tonight. He wanted to make it special and he was going to do this right. He had to show her how much she meant to him. He paused for a moment, letting her catch her breath.


“So luv, you had enough yet?” He smirked cheekily.


“Ok, ok, you win,” she nearly gasped out between breaths.

“You are still “The Big Bad”, Spike.”


“I knew you had it in you, pet!” He exclaimed brightly.


Buffy smiled dryly up at him.


“Sure you did, you only had to spend 10 minutes tickling me to death to get it out of me! I could’ve held up longer you know… I just thought I’d give you some peace of mind…”


“You don’t fool me, luv,” he said softly as he leant down slowly, his lips getting ever closer to her. “I know you know I’m still bad, you know I can still torture you…”


He brought his lips to lightly rest over hers, just barely brushing over hers, in a light, delicate way that was on the verge of driving her crazy.


‘Why did I let myself miss out on all this? I never had this much fun with Riley and definitely no where near this with Angel. And we’re not even right at the good stuff yet!’ She’d forgotten how good this felt to have Spike’s hands on her, even in just a friendly, playful way, that wasn’t arousing or naughty at all. And then when his lips had teased hers, it was more than she could take.
She leant up to capture his lips between hers, her tongue gently caressing his lips, trying desperately in vain to gain entrance.


The shock of her lips on his wore off as soon as he felt her tongue, and he immediately pulled back.


“See, luv?” He said with a wicked smile. “It’s torture ain’t it?”


“You are evil,” she said seriously, though her large smile gave her away.


“Hah! Knew I could get a confession out of ya!”


“Yeah yeah, get over it…”


She leant up to kiss him again, this time he didn’t try to resist her. And as the passion grew, he could feel control slipping further and further away from him, he thought back to his resolve from earlier. ‘I’m gonna do this right’.


“Wait… hold up, luv,” he said as he pulled away slightly so he could look at her. “Got me control runnin’ away good and proper, an’ trust me pet, as much as I love that… I wanna do this properly, like every man should.”


He paused, not knowing what else to say to her, just knowing that he couldn’t let himself get too carried away down here. He looked into her eyes hoping that she understood what he meant.


“Not tryin’ to reject you or anythin’ luv,” he said earnestly, looking into her eyes. “I mean… I know it’s not gonna be our first time or anythin’, but… I still wanna think of it as though it really is. I don’t regret a single thing we ever did, Buffy, but I…I want this time to be somethin’ special.” He brought his hand up to caress her face gently. “Now that we’re startin’ over, starting something real, I want it to be so much more,” he whispered tenderly.


“There’s more?” Buffy teased gently.


“Oh, sweetheart, you haven’t seen anythin’ yet...” he said in a low, seductive voice, that soon broke into a smile. “No, seriously Buffy, there’s so much more that I have to give, that I never got the chance to show you before, and… I hope you’ll let me show you now.”


When they had been kissing, Buffy had been dying to touch him, but when he pulled away, she had felt slightly confused. ‘Spike is pulling away? What did I do wrong?’ But when she’d heard his confession about him wanting to treat her properly, her eyes started to water. She felt like she could see right through to his heart and soul. She realized that he did have so much more to give now. Not that he didn’t have it before, it’s just that she never let him give it before. She was finally ready to accept the fact that Spike loved her, and always would, and she also realized, that she wanted to give more too. She didn’t want to be just having sex with Spike, she wanted it to mean something more as well. She didn’t know exactly what her feelings were, it wasn’t quite love… yet, but she knew that her feelings had already developed into something strong. She wanted to know him, really know this new spike inside and out, he was such a fascinating person to watch, and she knew he would be an exciting person to love. ‘As soon as this bloody apocalypse is over, me and Spike are gonna spend some quality time together, and get to really know each other. Actually, he seems to know me pretty well, so I guess it’ll be me with all the learning to do.’


“Spike,” she said softly, smiling. “I want you to show me… and… I wanna show you too.” Feeling a bit nervous, she continued on. “I wanna get to know you Spike, what you were like when you were human, what you went through after you were turned. I wanna know the good and the bad sides of you, just like you know me… so that I can give you everything you deserve.” She brought her hand up to touch his cheek. “I promise as soon as we’re through with this battle, I’m gonna be there for you, getting to know you better, each and every day. Everything’s gonna be different this time.” She smiled at him, trying to convey all the deep emotions that were running through her.


“Buffy…you don’t know how much this means to me,” he said tenderly, his voice choking up. He rolled off her, and snuggled closer to her, recording every scent and sight of her to memory, so that he could re-live it over and over again in his mind as the happiest day of his life.


She cuddled up into his chest, finding that one spot that seemed like it was made just for her. She sighed contently before once again falling asleep in Spike’s arms, catching up on a few more hours of sleep before she needed to get up.





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