God, he loved her.
He was quite certain that he’d never felt this way before. He was filled with the intense desire to protect her, worship her, hold onto her and never let her go. He wanted to cherish each moment he spent with her, file them away and visit them on occasion. He wanted to make memories with her, have children with her –he wanted to make her immortal. That way, they’d be together forever. He feared the consequence if he asked. He already feared what Eros would do if he knew what was happening. He wouldn’t trade each stolen moment he had with Buffy though. He’d cherish each and every moment. He’d find a way for them to be together, he’d make his uncle – and her-- see that this was the way it was supposed to be.
He hoped.
“Spike?” Buffy murmured in her sleep, looking up at him sleepily.
“What’s the matter, kitten? Did I wake you?”
“No, I –“ she looked down, “I sensed that you were awake.”
His eyes widened. “You did?”
“I don’t know how, I just did, and it made me wake up.”
He smiled and moved closer to her.
“Why are you awake?” she asked. “Are you uncomfortable?”
“No, I’m very comfortable.”
She smirked, “You did all that just so you didn’t have to sleep on the pull out. Admit it.”
He chuckled, and then looked at her solemnly. “If I’m keeping you up, I’ll go.”
She jutted out an arm, stopping him. “No, please,” she bit her lip and looked down shyly.
“I like having you here.”
“This is a different side of you,” he murmured, stroking her bare arm. “One I’m not used to.”
She met his eyes and smirked, “The softer side of Buffy?”
“Well, I wasn’t going to say it but—“
She playfully hit him. “I don’t know what it is exactly . . . well, I think I do. I just feel . . . free. I don’t feel weighed down, don’t feel as if it’s another day for me to mess up someone’s love life—“
“Don’t say that Buffy. You’ve brought more joy than heartache and you know it.”
“Yeah, but those few hearts you do mismatch . . . It stays with you and far outweighs the good you’ve done. Especially in situations where one wants to be with someone and the other doesn’t reciprocate. It’s hard to watch.”
“You love seeing people happy,” Spike observed.
“Yeah,” she nodded slowly and rolled to her back, staring up at the ceiling. “And somewhere, I lost how to make myself happy. I thought I knew, but it turned out that I was just mismatching myself. That, and throwing myself into my work and not taking the time to nurture the few good friends I did have.”
Spike scooted closer and wrapped an arm across Buffy’s stomach, resting his chin on her shoulder. “I’m your friend.”
She quirked an eyebrow and looked over at him. “Are you now?”
He nodded and started tracing patterns on her tummy with his finger. “I’m even more than that . . . but I’ll wait until you’re ready.”
“Spike.” She froze, looking panicked.
He put his finger to her lips. “Sshh.. Not yet. No reason to run scared, luv. Besides, don’t you know that if you run I’d just come find you?”
“Why does that not surprise me?” she asked dryly, the tension leaving her body.
He chuckled. “Because in the short time you’ve known me, you know it’s true.”
She turned on her side to face him, “What’s your story?”
He blinked, “What?”
“Your story. Past relationships, what led you to walk into my place, tell me about yourself Spike. Why do you prefer Spike rather than William?”
“It was a –uh—nickname my father gave me.”
She smiled. “Why?”
“I was always getting into his uh, arrows.”
Her eyebrows flew off her head. “His arrows?”
“He was heavy into archery. And he’s always been my idol. I always got into his ‘stash’, so he nicknamed me Spike.”
“Did you ever hurt yourself?”
He grinned. “Nah. But I did poke my best friend Angel in the ass a few times.”
Buffy giggled. “Spike and Angel huh? Very different.”
“I come from a long line of ‘very different’ people.”
“Do they live in West Athens where you came from?”
“Yes.”
“That it? Any more cute stories of you as a kid? What’s your dad like?”
“He’s a good guy. He’s been through a lot.”
“Oh?”
“Lots of, um, changes.”
“Care to elaborate?”
“I’d rather discuss you,” he smiled and leaned in, pecking her nose.
“Spike, all we do is talk about me. I want to talk about you.”
“But you’re my favorite subject,” he grinned and nuzzled her neck.
“Spike,” she started to protest.
“Kiss me,” he whispered and seconds before covering her lips with his.
Buffy marveled at his ability to distract her from everything in the world but him when his lips touched hers. He was such a good kisser. No…good wasn’t strong enough. Perfect. He was a perfect kisser. It was like he knew exactly how she liked to be kissed. And when his tongue met hers in a duel, she heard herself moan, and so drew him closer so that their bodies were pressed together. His hand drifted under her tank and cupped her breast in his hand, his thumb grazing her nipple.
God, how long had it been since she’d been touched? Too long. Much too long. He set her skin ablaze with his tender touch in nanoseconds. She was certain though, that it was not just the fact that she hadn’t had sex in so long she was sure she was a virgin again. No, she was certain instead that it was him. She’d never felt this way with anyone else—this alive, this passionate, this set on fire. It was true she’d been drawn to him since she’d laid eyes on him. And she’d fought it tooth and nail too. But he wouldn’t let her. He was set on chipping those walls she’d erected and my god was he good at it.
All her life all she’d wanted was someone to fight for her. Someone to cherish her the way her father cherished her mother—still. She wanted the burning love they still had. The way they looked at each other as if it were the first time, every time. She wanted that. With Spike, she felt she could have it. Everyone before him was a disappointment; they paled in comparison the blinding sun that was Spike. He outshone them, he surpassed them, he—currently had her tank top over her breasts and was suckling at them.
“Spike,” she gasped.
He stopped and looked up at her. “Yes, kitten?”
“I – I think you should—“
“Stop?”
She nodded and bit her lip. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry,” he whispered and pulled her tank back over her breasts. He rolled to his side and gathered her in his arms. “I only want you when you’re sure.”
“It’s just that it’s been so long since I . . . since I. . .”
“Ssshhh…kitten, it’s okay. I’ve got you, that’s all you need to remember okay?”
She nodded and he fluttered a kiss across her brow. “Sleep now, luv. Sleep.”
Snuggling into him, she found herself exhausted again. Breaking down walls sure took a lot out of a person.