At least he hoped.
“Good morning, my lioness!” he burst out as he flung the doors open. Silence. No sign of her.
“Buffy?”
“Getting coffee!” she called out from the back.
He grinned and made a beeline for the back. He found her with her back to him, making her cup of java.
“How do you feel sweetheart?” he asked, coming up beside her. Today she wore tan capri’s and a tight pink tank top. Her skin was golden brown and looked positively inviting to his touch.
She looked up at him strangely and then took a step back. He frowned at that and immediately stepped closer again. What was with the skittishness?
“Spike. Personal space. You’re invading mine,” she told him and grabbed her cup of coffee. She walked around him headed towards the desk.
“Buffy,” he said following her. “Are you all right, pet?”
She grabbed some papers off the desk, holding them up. “I took the liberty of pulling some files this morning on potential matches. I figured maybe we could go over them together.”
He blinked. “You’re going to let me help choose?”
“If I don’t, are you going to stop hounding me to let you do it?”
“No.”
“There you go then. Besides, Willow took such a shine to you; I figure she wants you to be part of this.”
“So it’s not all about satisfying the customer then.”
She met his eyes. “That’s all it’s about.”
“What about you Buffy?” he asked, walking slowly up to her.
She knit her eyebrows. “What about me what?”
“Are you satisfied?” he asked deeply, reaching out and gliding his hand down her arm. He wasn’t amazed to find her skin silky smooth.
“What are you doing?” she whispered, regarding him almost cautiously.
He smiled softly, “Doing my new favorite thing.”
“What’s that?” she asked, a slight tremble to her voice.
“Touching you,” he answered on a whisper, taking the chance that she wouldn’t bolt and he’d finally be able to take her in his arms. He liked Business Buffy, but he wanted Fun Buffy from the night before.
He wasn’t going to get his wish. She took two full steps back. “That’s enough William. Last night was fun, but . . . “ she trailed off and shook her head, starting for her office.
“But what?” he asked, following her.
“But it’s over.”
He swore his heart stopped beating. “What do you mean?”
“I mean—what is it you’re trying to do here? Are you trying to seduce me? Remember how we talked about keeping some things under wraps?”
He sighed and nodded, “All right.”
“Listen, we’re colleagues and we’re kind of friends—“
“Kind of? Last night—“
“I had too much to drink.”
“Bollocks!”
“What does that even mean?”
“It means you’re lying to me and you know it!” he shouted at her.
“Can you stop yelling at me?”
Now Spike was completely frustrated and angry and he lashed out before he could stop himself. “I don’t know. Can you stop being such a bitch?” So much for temperance.
Glaring at him, Buffy spun on heel and stalked off to her office, slamming the door behind her.
“Great job, mate,” he muttered to himself.
Buffy sat down at her desk, willing the tears that were forming away. She was not going to cry. She buried her face in her hands. Why did she do that? Why did she push him away like that? She’d had a lot of fun the night before and he was so damn sweet to her. So why was she pulling away?
He scared her.
She liked the feelings he invoked in her, enjoyed the sweet words and his touch and his blue eyes that seemed to see right to the heart of her. She liked the way he made her feel. Yet that was no reason to start anything with him, at all, ever.
It’d been her experience though that those things never lasted. It all started out that way, but then it soon gave way to taking her for granted, to never getting a job, to telling her that she wasn’t enough and then walking out on her once some other sap came sniffing around. She had to stop and breathe. In. Out. Okay, good.
She was doomed and she had to face facts. She was meant to be alone. The universe was out to get her on the relationship front and she had to just accept it. No matter how hard it was. Right now Spike was perfect—okay that was probably too strong a word, he was horrible with boundaries, indescribably pushy and didn’t know when to just stop already –but other than those things, he was sweet, kind, encouraging and helpful and had this naturally curiosity about things that was refreshing—but-- he had to have a fatal flaw that would lead to nothing but heartbreak. They all did. What was the point in chancing it and ruining everything by getting involved, by—shudder—falling for him? Best to just keep him at arms length and not ruin everything.
Remembering his blue eyes and the smile he’d given her that morning and his touch down her arm . . . she knew this was going to be difficult. She was shivering just at the memory of the feel of it.
“Bloody frustrating,” Spike muttered to himself as he glanced at the shut door of Buffy Summers for the hundredth time in an hour. “Can’t just let me in, can’t let me help – all I want to do is help . . . “
“Are you sure that’s all you want to do?”
Spike jumped a near mile and his eyes darted up to find his uncle standing before him in all his God-like glory.
“Uncle, what are you doing? She could come out here at any time—anyone could walk in here and see you--” Spike exclaimed, bolting up from his seat.
Eros laughed, a deep hearty laugh. “No one will see me, trust me. Time’s stopped for a spell.”
“Has it now?” Spike asked wryly.
“You’re tense,” Eros frowned.
“You would be too if you had to deal with,” he gestured toward the shut door, “her.”
Eros cocked his head to the side. “Is the task too hard? It’s only been a day. Shall I send someone else?”
“No!” Spike burst out quickly, “No. I don’t want –that is, I don’t think anyone else could handle her.”
“Is that what you’re doing? Handling her?”
Spike scratched the back of his head. “She’s a difficult one, Uncle. I’m trying my best here.”
“What have you learned thus far?”
“She’s been hurt badly. That much is bloody clear. She’s so shut off. Well, it’s like this really, she’ll open the window just a crack and just when you’re about to climb in, she slams it shut.”
“Have you learned the reasons why?”
“She claims she has tragic taste in men. Plus, Uncle . . . she doesn’t believe in love.”
Eros’ eyes widened. “What?!”
“For herself,” Spike quickly amended. “She thinks she’s meant to be alone for the rest of her life.”
“What do you think?” Eros asked inquisitively.
Spike looked at his uncle in surprise. “What? You’re the one that always taught me there’s a lid for every pot. That everyone has someone for them.”
“And that is all very true, my boy. However, you know, and you’ve seen that sometimes there are those that never marry and settle. In some cases, there are those that are perfectly content with the family and friends they have around them and do not wish for anyone else. Sometimes that’s all one needs to complete their life.”
“I don’t see that for Buffy,” Spike said tightly.
“Don’t see it or don’t want it?”
Spike met his uncle’s eyes. “Don’t want it. Not for her. Someone who has put so much into getting people together should not spend the rest of her life alone.”
Eros nodded, he was grinning in a secretive way. “The best way to help Buffy is to believe in love, Spike. Do you believe in love?”
Spike nodded and his eyes traveled to the shut door. “Yes, Uncle. I believe in love.” He sighed heavily. “I just don’t know if believing in it is enough for her. How do I get her to believe in it too?” He turned back to his uncle only to find him gone. Spike shook his head, sighing heavily. He plopped back down in his chair and rested his chin in the palm of his hand. “Exactly what was the point in that visit?” he asked the air.
“This one,” Spike said, pointing at a picture of a guy named Xander Harris on the printout in front of him.
“Really? I chose this one,” Buffy said, pointing to a picture of one named Oz.
Spike grabbed the profile of Oz and skimmed it. “I don’t know. I think Xander and Willow could share some laughter.”
“Yes, but I think Oz would allow her to shine. Remember how you said she needed that?”
“You agreed with me?” Spike asked, surprised. She never really did cease to amaze him in the short time he’d known her. He thought he was doomed to spend the day with her behind closed doors, shutting him out completely. Instead, she’d come out after his uncle had left with a stack of papers. She’d printed out a list for each of them to look over and choose. She appeared calmer and he was trying his best not to do anything to piss her off or send her back in her office.
Buffy smiled, “Don’t let it go to your head.”
“Too late,” he grinned.
Buffy rolled her eyes. “So, you think Xander huh?”
“He seems like a good guy. Well, from what I read on his profile anyway. And look at that smile. He seems kind of . . . goofy. Willow tends to take herself seriously, didn’t you think?”
“True, but Oz is a laid back kind of guy. Very intelligent too.”
“You don’t think Xander is?”
“Well, no I didn’t say that. He is intelligent, but I’m not sure if he’s ‘Willow intelligent’.”
“Seems we’re at an impasse luv. What do we do from here?” Spike asked, smiling. He was enjoying this debate/discussion with Buffy. It was the first time they’d debated on something and not had it result in arguing and her slamming doors and walking away from him. She wasn’t taking anything personally, she wasn’t defensive, she was all business Buffy but softer. Dare he say, friendly even?
“Well, since I am at a place where I feel my judgment is not what it used to be--” she began.
“Buffy, you still have it,” Spike told her gently, placing a hand over hers. She slipped it away from him. He tried not to react to that blatant gesture of denying his comfort. Instead, he placed his hand back on his lap where he would be sure not to reach for her hand again.
“I want to do right by Willow. She’s such a sweet girl and I want to do what I can to help her.”
“You have a big heart,” Spike said softly, staring at his lap.
“So, I’m willing to send her on two dates with both of them.”
Spike’s head shot up. “Really?”
Buffy nodded slowly, “Really. Despite whatever our differences are on a personal level, I can’t deny that there is something to our professional compatibility. I am willing to do what I can to keep this place afloat. For that, I can bend.”
Spike narrowed his eyes. “So, I’m just a piece to help you keep this place then? Is that it?”
Sighing, Buffy sat back, “Who knows? If things go well, you may end up having it.”
His jaw dropped. “What?”
She shrugged. “Just a thought.”
“Well, I don’t like you talking that way! You’re not giving this place up Buffy. I do think you’re in desperate need of some time away to regroup, but this place is all you.”
“It was once, but not anymore. Look at me. I’m washed up.”
“You’re only twenty-eight. You’re not washed up. You just lost your faith in love.”
Buffy sighed, “Let’s not go there again.”
Spike held up his hand. “I won’t start. Don’t send Willow out with Xander. Send her out with Oz. Prove me wrong.”
Buffy shook her head. “No.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t have it in me to be wrong again.”
“Buffy—“
“Just leave it alone Spike. I’m sending her out with both of them.”
“And if she ends up with Xander?” Spike asked with trepidation. Never had he wanted to be so wrong about something in his life.
“I don’t know. I just don’t know,” Buffy murmured. “Why don’t you call Willow? I’m going to get some lunch. Want anything?”
Spike shook his head. “No,” he said almost mournfully.
“Don’t tell me you’re worried now,” Buffy said, standing up.
“I am. I don’t want to be right. I don’t want you to give this up.”
“What’s a girl to do when she’s lost her touch but to move on?”
“A girl can find her touch again,” Spike told her.
“I just have to accept it.”
“You’re not a quitter, Buffy,” he told her sternly. “I won’t let you quit.”
“You can’t stop me,” she told him, and the edge he expected to find her voice was no longer there. That was worrisome.
Spike wanted to retort with ‘I can and I will’, but he didn’t. That’d just result in slamming doors and more arguing. Instead he stared at her, trying to find the truth in her eyes. All he saw was pain mingled with some resignation and a tiny bit of fire. He wanted all that fire back in her eyes. If she had the fire back, she’d be unstoppable. A plan was starting to form in his mind, a plan that would hopefully get that fire back in her eyes.