Buffy sobbed into his shoulder while Spike held her, rubbing her back and whispering words of love to her.
“Buffy, baby, look at me.”
Buffy pulled back reluctantly and looked at him, surprised to find tear tracks running down his face.
“She just showed up. Out of the blue. I had no idea she was there. What you saw was her kissing me, not the other way around. In that moment, I was too stunned that she’d actually done it.”
“What did she want with you?”
“Supposedly she was there with friends and saw us when we came in. When she saw me walk out for a smoke, she came after me. She was talking to me about how she missed me and how her husband died and I was standing there trying to figure out how long I had to talk to her before I could politely leave. And then she started to cry.”
“You hate it when women cry,” Buffy sniffed, clutching his shirt in her fists.
Spike chuckled, “That’s right, I do. Especially you. And then she launched herself on me when I put my hand on her arm to try and calm her…and that’s what you saw.”
Spike was a horrible liar for one thing, and for another, he’d never lied to her, ever. And when he even tried to teasingly fib, she could always tell by his eyes that twitched when they met hers and by his mouth that would quirk into a somewhat nervous grin. These were quirks she picked up on, but never told him about. And now, neither quirk was shown.
“I couldn’t believe she’d done it. I mean…she just literally came at me…what a nutter.”
Buffy giggled.
He looked up at her, hopefully, “Do you believe me, kitten?”
“Why now? Why was she there? You haven’t seen her in twenty years and two days before our wedding she shows up?”
“I don’t know, luv. One of those things? One of those unexplainable things that come out of nowhere to test us? Kind of like when Hank had his heart attack when he confronted us about our relationship?”
Buffy nodded and wrapped her arms about him, holding him close. “I couldn’t think. I couldn’t breathe. I don’t even think I felt. I just had to get away. I would have let you lie to me if I thought it meant it would go away and you’d stay… Does that sound co-dependant?”
“Honey, the last thing you are is co-dependant. That just means that you love me that much, and I can’t tell you what that means to me. If the tables were turned, I’d want the same thing.”
“You would?”
“Do you have any doubt? Buffy…I love you more than anything and anyone in this world.”
“I love you that way too.”
“So you believe me?”
“I believe you.”
He started to pull back, but Buffy held him fast, not willing to move just yet from the sanctity of his arms. “Spike?”
“Yes, my love?”
“Would you take me to bed now?”
“I think I can do that.”
Laying her in the middle of the bed, her bed, Spike gazed down at his lady love and felt a flood of emotion so powerful, it threatened to knock him over like a tidal wave. And it very nearly did, causing him to collapse next to her and gather her up in his arms in an almighty embrace.
“Spike?”
“Just…what if you hadn’t believed me?” he whispered hoarsely. “What if I’d lost you? What if you left me? What would I do?”
“Stop, you’re gonna make me cry again! I’ve cried so much in the past two hours, I think my tear ducts are going to dry up.”
“I can’t help it, luv. You don’t know what you mean to me, do you?”
“Spike?”
“Yes?”
“Was there any part of you that was…curious? I mean, was there any part of you that thought ‘maybe’?”
“Maybe on what?
“That you’d like to give it a go with her.”
“Oh Christ, no. Buffy, I spent that entire conversation wondering how long I had to stand there before I could shove off without being completely rude, which in hindsight, I don’t always have to be such a gentleman do I?”
She giggled at that and kissed his cheek.
“Retrospect is a funny thing, it gives a whole new perspective.”
“And what is your perspective now on her?”
“That she is an incredibly selfish woman. She wanted me because she couldn’t have me and because she was alone. Just like in the past, she wanted her husband but used me as her toy to fill that void when he wasn’t around. I made her feel good about herself, but she really didn’t want me. She wanted what I could do for her.”
“You should have told her that.”
“I did.”
Buffy giggled again. “Really?”
“Yes, really.”
“I so love you,” Buffy murmured and Eskimo-kissed him.
“The way I love you and the way I thought I loved her are entirely different. They don’t even belong in the same room together. I mean, I believe I did love her in some way, as much as a twenty – something year old trying to figure out the world and their place in it can love another. My affair with her was heady and passionate and full of risk. I think the risk is what got me off more than anything else.”
“Spike, do I really want to hear this?”
“Yes, cause I’m gonna talk about you now,’” he replied, grinning at her.
She brightened. “Okay. Proceed counselor.”
Chuckling, he kissed her quickly. “With you, there is no risk. It’s safe.”
“Boring safe?”
“Definitely not boring.”
“Our getting together was not without risk. Especially when it came to me and my confusion.”
“Yes, but when you commit to something, Buffy, you commit to it entirely and I’ve never worried where your heart lay after you made the decision to be with me.”
“Same here…barring tonight of course.”
He smiled, “Of course. But some part of you knew already despite evidence to the contrary. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have believed me at all.”
“This is all true, Counselor.”
He grinned. “With you, there is headiness, passion, fun, a lightness of being, understanding and the feeling of being completely whole. You get all of me, Buffy.”
“As you get all of me, William.”
“Ah, I know this is a serious discussion when you use ‘William’.”
“It was William that made me fall after all.”
“I see a future with you, Buffy, I have a future with you. I never saw one with her. You give what you get, and you give me so damn much that all I want to do is keep giving and giving and giving to you.”
“And you do,” Buffy cooed.
“I love you, sweetheart. You’re my world.”
Buffy bit her lip. “Will?”
“Still using ‘William’? What is it love?”
“I need to tell you something since we’re all true confessions right now.”
“What, kitten?”
“Know how you say I’m your world and you love me more than anyone?”
“Yes,” he said slowly.
“So, would you have room in your heart if say, we were to have a baby?”
“What are you saying, luv?”
“There’s a slight possibility that I could be pregnant.”