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Author's Chapter Notes:
the last chapter didn't seem to go over so well...hopefully you like this one better :)
Chapter 24

“You know if I had it in me, I’d hit you right now,” Buffy said to him as she came towards him.

“And I’d deserve it. You can him me now if you want,” he offered contritely.

“Nah, I’ve got to cut back on it anyway.”

“On what?”

“Hitting you.”

“What on Earth for?”

“It’s not exactly nice. Besides after….today, well I don’t exactly like the idea of hurting you.”

Well that was a bloody surprise there. “Thanks. And, uh, sorry for being a prick.”

“So was it Anya’s little clinical break down; me actually telling you how I feel for once…..or my sister?”

“Well, uh, you and Anyanka got it in my head, but uh…the Bit cleared it all up.”

“Not sure if I should be thankful I have such a great sister or insulted that you believe her over me.”

“We just have a more truthful history ‘s all.”

“Yeah,” she sounded sad and he could have kicked himself for saying something stupid again.

“Come on, luv, you know I’m an inconsiderate wanker.”

“Except that you’re not. You just say stupid stuff sometimes—except that one was true.”

“Yeah, your mum told me to watch that—saying stuff without thinking. And it’s not true, not really.”

“Yes it is. We don’t exactly have the best past and you and Dawn are like best friends, yours would be the more truthful relationship.”

“Different kind of truthful is all.”

“You’re always nicer to me than you should be.”

“Not to change the subject, pet; but are you going to need to go home anytime soon? For a nap I mean? I don’t want you up too much just because you don’t know how to say you need to go home.”

“Do I look bad or something?”

“Nah, pet, I can just see that you’re getting a little paler and just moving a bit slower—don’t look quite as steady I guess,” he explained.

“Do you think…would I be able to get Anya to stay with Dawn for a little while? Until I can come back?”

“Probably.”

“And can I tell them not to let Giles, Willow, or Xander see her?”

“Don’t know—but I bet the two of us—you being her daughter, me being her proxy and all.”

“You seem way too happy about that.”

“Just been a long time since someone actually trusted me to take care of them.”

“I trust you to take care of me.”

“That one’s just harder for me to believe.”

“You at least starting to believe it more?”

“Definitely,” and he really was.

“Good because I was going to have to get really annoyed with you if not; and I’m too tired to do that.”

“Wouldn’t want that. Want me to go talk to the nurses and you can talk to them?” he asked, looking at her mother’s room.

“Yes please; if it doesn’t work, just come get me and we can work on them.”

Spike loved that no matter how sick she was, no matter how tired, she was still ready to be his big, tough Slayer.




“It’s all my fault!”

“What?” Buffy asked, trying to wake herself up. Spike had, quite literally, taken her home about three or four hours ago and up until just then she had been sleeping. His bursting into her room with that proclamation wasn’t exactly expected. “What are you talking about, Spike?”

“Remember I told you I had a theory about why you were sick?”

“Yeah,” she said slowly, “you were going to explain it to me after I woke up.”

“Oh right, sorry,” he seemed to realize he’s just woken her—finally. “You, uh, go back to sleep and I’ll tell you later.”

“Not so fast mister. Now you’ve got to tell me; you’ve gotten me curious and everything.”

“You remember how that vamp came to warn you about a curse being put on you?”

“The one Mom’s sure you sent.”

“Yeah, that one; I did actually send him though so now he can just be ‘the one you sent’.”

“Alright, yes I remember the vampire you sent to warn me.” Spike was being strange even for him and it had her worried.

“See, there was this witch and you’d killed the vampire that had been her ‘mate’ of sorts and so she was off to kill you for that. But I convinced her that I’d been trying to kill you long enough that if you were going to die, that I should have some fun first. I…She’d already called up her ‘spirits’ or what all so I knew some sort of curse, spell, whatever had to be done or else…Anyway, I asked her to uh, do my thing and then she could kill you.”

“What did you ask her to do, Spike?”

“I killed her right after, promise. And uh, see this is where I think it’s my fault. I asked her to make you feel what I feel.” Before she could even say a word he was defending himself, “It was right after you’d shut me out Slayer and I was…I was…so it wasn’t so much mad as….”

“I hurt you so you wanted to hurt me; makes sense.”

”That’s just the thing, though. I…I wanted you to feel how it feels to love someone and have them not love you back…I figured that….I thought that after a while you’d see you did—or at least could—love me and then I wouldn’t feel like it was unrequited and wouldn’t be so sodding miserable and so then you wouldn’t be either…”

”You figured in the end, it’d fix itself by us being in love with each other?”

“Sounded a lot better when I thought of it,” he admitted. “And you have to remember that I only had a few seconds to think of what to say.”

“Okay….but I’m not seeing what’s your fault then.”

“Your friends!”

“My friends?” she asked, really not understanding what he was talking about.

“Yeah, them not being here…I think it’s…I think it’s because of the curse. I think it’s making them not…”

“Not care about me?”

“Well…yeah.”

”But following your logic, wouldn’t I then be missing them a lot? Wouldn’t I care that they were gone?”

“Don’t you?” he asked slowly, feeling he’d lost control of this conversation.

“Yeah I miss them but not in the way that I wish they’d come back anytime soon…I miss them but I’m kind of pissed at them, too so—“

“I was pissed off at you sometimes,” he supplied.

“Spike,” she said softly, “much as you want to fix this…I don’t think that’s what it is.”

“Say you’re right,” Spike wasn’t ready to give in just yet—it had taken him a long time to come to this decision. “Maybe it’s what’s making you not hate me! Ever think of that? Maybe you’re only feeling the good ‘love’ part of what I feel?” He so wanted to have the answer, she could tell.

“Spike,” she asked, already settling herself back against the pillows, “do you love me?”

“What are you…Have you not been paying attention? Always knew you could be a bit daft, but really, Slayer—“

“Spike? Not to sound like a bitch, which I’m sure this will, but…I don’t love you.” She ignored his calling her daft—for now.

“I don’t expect you to. This is all something new for you; I never thought you would—Oh,” he finished softly.

“Yeah…so see, I don’t think it’s that either. I’m sorry.”

“I just…never mind, you get back to sleep, pet; sorry for waking you.”

“Spike?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t be sorry for trying to figure this all out. That on its own was more than my friends’ have come up with to date.”

“But I should…I was there,” he explained. “I should know what she said—what it means and how to fix it.”

“Why don’t you know what she said?” Buffy wondered.

“It was some language I don’t know—I tried to use the ones I do know to see if I could guess the meaning of it, so…She could have said anything--”

“Spike? We’ll figure it out, okay? Now, why don’t you get some rest, too? You’ve been doing more than I have for just as long—I know you’re not sick and all, but…just rest a little before we go back?”

“You want me to go back with you?”

“Of course I do; now will you please get some rest?”

“Yeah” he agreed, not ready to give up his ‘researching’—even if it only consisted of doing as much thinking as he could, “I’ll just go have a lie down on the sofa, yeah?”

Buffy felt a small urge to ask him to stay with her, but then she remembered; they were going to stay just friends until all this was over and done with…staying in her bed might be pushing that.

But, she thought as he left the room, maybe it wouldn’t. Maybe she could ask Anya or someone what they thought?

With that decided and knowing that Spike was downstairs trying—despite what they might have agreed to—to figure everything out, Buffy closed her eyes again and fell asleep within minutes.





TBC........





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