[Reviews - 537]
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Microsoft Word Chapter or Story | ePub eBook Chapter or Story | Printer Chapter or Story

Has been viewed 3635 times

- Text Size +




Author's Chapter Notes:
I'll post the second chapter of 'Tired of Being Gone (Home)' in just a minute :)
Chapter 31


Buffy awoke several hours later she guessed it must have been at least lunch time by then, surprised to find Spike still asleep across the bed from her and a tray of various drinks sitting on her dresser. Hoping not to wake Spike, she carefully got up and grabbed one of the bottles off the tray before making her way back onto the bed.

Yawning deeply, Buffy settled herself against the pillows she’d propped against the headboard and opened the bottle; it seemed Anya—or Spike possibly—had thought of that and had already opened it for her, closing it loosely.

It wasn’t the best tasting thing in the world—really it wasn’t—but after having demon goo/blood/she-wasn’t-even-thinking-about-it in her mouth at various points over the years, it wasn’t the worst either. Not by any means.

She kept bear Spike propped in her lap as she slowly drank the bottle’s entire contents. Capping it back up, just in case anything could leak out, she set it on the floor, not realizing how dizzy it would maker her.


Spike worried that if he let Buffy know he was awake that he’d have to leave, something he very much did not want to do, but he almost gave himself away when she leaned down with the bottle. He was about to reach out and grab her when she sat back up, looking slightly dizzy, but otherwise alright.

Quickly shutting his eyes before she could notice, he went back to pretending to be asleep.


Glad that Spike was still asleep—Buffy didn’t want to have to worry about asking him to stay or not—she laid back down and tried to get some more sleep.



Spike hadn’t told her to do it, but Anya stayed downstairs and waited for Dawn to return home from school, letting the two of them stay upstairs ‘sleeping’. She’d known Spike wasn’t asleep when she brought the drinks in—he’d thanked her after all—and she wasn’t completely sure he’d been asleep at all the entire day; he seemed too worried about Buffy.

Seeing that it would be several more hours before Dawn got home, Anya decided to make herself useful. She looked through the mail that had been piled on the small bureau and separated out the bills, deciding to offer her assistance in keeping track of them, later. Then she went about dusting and organizing the few things that needed it; maybe later, when Buffy was awake, she could vacuum. And Xander Harris said she wasn’t very useful around the house!

She was just finishing looking through the cupboards and making a shopping list when she heard Dawn coming in the front door.

“No yelling!” she ordered as loud as she dared as she rushed to the front of the house.

“What’s wrong?” Dawn asked, concern immediately overtaking her. “Where/s Spike? Where’s Buffy?”

“Shh,” Anya insisted.

“Where are they?” Dawn asked anxiously but kept her voice to just above a whisper.

“They’re sleeping,” Anya explained. “Buffy wasn’t feeling so well so she and Spike decided she should stay home today to be all rested up for tomorrow,” Anya explained diplomatically—and Xander said she couldn’t be considerate and tactful, either!

“Oh…Does that mean I’m not going either?” she asked after a few seconds.

“I will take you.”

“Really?”

“Well yes. Did you not think I was going to? We will leave Spike and Buffy a note and go now so we are back before its dark; then they won’t worry.”

Anya was very matter of fact about it, but Dawn could tell she was still worried that she would refuse to go with her.

“Okay,” she agreed easily. “Want me to write it?”

“I will; so that they know you have not lied and gone on your own.”

“Anya?”

“Yes?”

“You don’t have to worry so much, you know. Honestly after hanging out with Spike so much—and being a teenager in public school—there’s not all that much you say that’s really surprising or anything…it’s just that it was about Xander that made it all ‘eww!’.”

“Well I am done with Xander Harris now so that won’t be happening again. Thank you—I don’t like being told so often what not to say when Xander is constantly saying things of very little intelligence and no one stops him.”

“That is true. Thanks for helping out so much, Anya. You could have left and…thanks.”

“Spike and Buffy are very kind and you are very interesting as well, I find it enjoyable to stay. I’ll go write that note now.”



It was late at night when Buffy woke up again and, knowing she needed to do it, she got up to get the entire tray of drinks; she was doing to drink as much as she possibly could in hopes that it would help her feel well the following morning.

She thought briefly that she should worry about Dawn since it didn’t seem much like Spike had moved the entire day, but before the worry had time to fully develop she saw a note sitting on the tray.

She sat down cross-legged on the bed before settling the tray down on the bed in front of her and picking up the note. It was from Anya, explaining that, not wanting to wake them, she had taken Dawn to the hospital that afternoon for a few hours and then ordered a pizza before helping her with her homework and—after they’d both eaten—getting her to bed.

Buffy wondered idly how it was that someone who had spent twelve hundred years exacting vengeance on people on behalf of the scorned, someone who had only been human for a few short years, was so much more compassionate than the people she’d called friends for the last five years.

Sometimes the world just didn’t make sense. She had discovered with Angel, then with Spike and finally Anya that there wasn’t good and evil, black and white but instead black and white with shades of grey in between; now she was starting to wonder if there was even black and white at all or if it was all grey. It certainly seemed like everyone was unpredictable and anyone could go from good to bad or bad to good—so didn’t that mean they were never entirely one or the other? And why did she always have to have deep thoughts when she was tired and should have been asleep?

“What time is it, pet?” Buffy was startled by Spike’s question; she hadn’t noticed him waking.

“Uh, little after eleven,” she answered, still fairly deep in her thoughts.

“What’s got you thinking so hard?”

She didn’t even think to question how he knew to ask, “Just thinking about good and evil.”

“That so?” he asked uncertainly.

“Well I was just…The Council tries to tell you that it’s all black and white—demons evil, humans good. But…then Angel showed me,” she tried to ignore the way he growled slightly at the name, “that there’s gray in between, too.”

“So what is it you’re thinking about, then?”

“Well…I can get that there’s grey—like Angel wasn’t entirely good because he was a vampire but he wasn’t entirely evil because he had a soul.”

“Yeah,” Spike agreed reluctantly.

“But then I was thinking about you and Anya—and Giles, Willow, and Xander…and I just…Willow never did a wrong thing in her life until she was in high school, you know? And you don’t have a soul and Anya became human again, so….if people can go so far from one end to the other all on their own…Is there even black and white at all or is it all just grey?”

“So you’re not still seeing me as evil, then?” he knew it wasn’t the proper response but it was all he could focus on.

“I know I was harping on the whole ‘soulless’ thing, but….I’m starting to see just how much bad people can still do when they do have them and….Angel’s not here.”

“That’s just because he’s a half-wit, luv…I’ll do my best though.”

“No that’s not how I—You don’t have a soul; Angel does, Giles does…You’re the one here taking care of me and Dawn and even if I wanted to…I can’t even pretend to make into something entirely selfish. I’m not making sense am I?”

“No, you are….in a way. You just wonder if I can go from so evil to being domestic guy, if that says anything about good and evil…because I’m not being entirely selfish for once.”

She detected the sense of bitterness in his voice even though he tried to hide it, “Spike, I really shouldn’t be thinking about all of this when I’m so tired because I never manage to think through it all the way and…….It’s just stuff that’s got me thinking, not any decisions I’ve made.”

He wondered if she realized that actually made him worry more.

“Why don’t you work on drinking some of that; I’m going to go get myself something to drink before heading off for the night,” he hoped some time alone would help him clear his mind and allow him to convince himself that she really had just been thinking out loud and it didn’t mean anything about how she saw him—or Angelus.

“You’re not coming back?” Right, the Bit hadn’t done anything to surprise him yet so Buffy was pulling double duty.

“I’m not going back to the crypt, luv, don’t worry—“

“I meant back here,” she amended quietly.

“You want me to—“ he pulled himself together, “Long as you want me to I will.”

Buffy just smiled before asking him to make sure that Dawn was actually in her room; he finally realized he hadn’t gotten up to check on Dawn at all.

“Anya came over and—here,” she handed him the note when she guessed the reason for his worried expression.

“I’ll be back in a few minutes,” he assured her, placing the note on the dresser and checking Dawn’s room before heading to the kitchen.



Buffy was just coming out of the bathroom when he came back up the stairs nearly thirty minutes later—it had taken him longer than he’d planned to get thoughts of Buffy thinking he wa doing this for any selfish reason out of his head.

“You alright, pet?” she looked paler than she had when he’d left her.

“Uh huh,” she agreed weakly. “Just no more drinking for Buffy tonight is all.”

“Sorry I pushed, pet.”

“Hey, no apologizing, I’m the one who drank too much stuff. I’ll be alright if I can just sleep through til morning, I’m sure.”

“Come on then, let’s get you settled.”

When he started to tuck the covers around her, all while still standing beside the bed, Buffy questioned him, “Where are you sleeping?”

“Thought with you feeling a bit woozy and all I’d sleep on the floor.”

“Oh.”

“Buffy, if you want me to do something, you’re going to have to start just asking me instead of asking me everything I’m not doing until I realize what it is you want.”

“But you might…You might not want to,” she admitted.

“How ‘bout you try me?”

“Will you sleep in the bed?” she was looking at the bedspread as she asked.

“’Course, luv.” He’d already taken his boots off earlier in the day and knew that the jeans weren’t an pption, but questioned Buffy on the shirt, slightly surprised when she quietly agreed.

He lay down facing her, close but not quite close enough to touch.

“I’m going to feel better tomorrow, right?”

“Sure you are,” he hoped he was telling her the truth.

“Is it okay if I sleep that way?” Buffy looked over her shoulder and waited until he agreed before turning over.

With her facing away from him, Spike finally allowed himself the smile he’d been hoding back over the fact that she was in fact cuddled up to the bear he’d given her—as she had been all day.

“Sweet dreams, Slayer,” he whisperd in her ear several minutes later when he was sure she was close to sleep. He was settling back against the pillow when he felt her turning back over and he froze, thinking he’d blown it. But to his complete and utter surprise—it was the day for it after all—she just snuggled herself closer to him, the bear still in her arms between them.

He waited unti he was sure she was asleep before lightly wrapping an arm around her and utterint the phrase he’d first wanted the bear to say. “I love you, Buffy.”




TBC........pretty please review?





You must login (register) to review.