Chapter 39
“I’m sorry.” Yeah, Buffy thought to herself, good job there because saying you’re sorry is so the same thing as thanking someone. Exact same. Only not.
“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.”
“I…I thought you wanted me so…I took adv—I’m just sorry; I shouldn’t have done all of that.”
“You shouldn’t have done it because of why or because of what?”
“What?” Either she was loosing her mind too or that just plain hadn’t made sense.
Spike understood that she was asking a question, not answering his. “Should you not have done it because of your reasons why or are you saying you shouldn’t have done it because of what it was you did? Why or what.”
“You ask—Because of…probably a bit of both; I assumed some stuff I shouldn’t have assumed and I’m sorry.”
Buffy apologizing was something he hadn’t ever expected to hear; and here she’d said it three times already and he was about to tell her she needn’t have said it at all.
“Buffy, luv, you didn’t assume a single thing—“
“I assumed that you wanted me and that if I—“
Spike sat on the bed facing her, his mission of making sure Buffy changed and retrieving his own clothes, completely forgotten. “You listen to me: you did not assume a single thing. When it’s something you know, it’s not assuming, it’s…well it’s knowing it.
“I do want you, am going to want you through that very last second before I’m d-dust. I don’t just want you, though; I want you, I desire you, I love you. If I only waned you, only wanted to shag you a time or two that’s what we’d be doing right about now. But because—even if it means you going back to hating me, this is something I have to do. I couldn’t love you and not do what’s best for you.”
“So you do still want me?” she asked, sounding like she didn’t want to ask it, but felt compelled to anyway.
With one leg bent and the other hanging off the bed didn’t put him in the best position for this—but he figured any muscular discomfort would be worth it.
“Like I said, I am going to want you up to and through the very last second of my existence.” She hadn’t expected the kiss, not after everything he’d said and stopped her from doing earlier. But then, she mused, a kiss was a bit different than her snaking her hands down his pants. “You realize,” e said when he pulled back several seconds later-too soon for her tastes, “that I’m going to be following you around after this; going to have to stake me to get rid of me.”
“Spike, you wouldn’t go away before; why would I think you’d start now?”
“Yeah, yeah; now get dressed and all that, Bit’s about bouncing off the walls out there. Apparently we took a bit to long to come to this hospital conclusion, for her tastes anyway.” Buffy watched him leave without another word before jumping in surprise when he popped back in just a second later. “You need me to get anything for you?”
“Uhm, maybe just my black pants, some t-shirt, and that gray zip-up sweatshirt?”
“Sure thing,” he quickly retrieved said items and gave them to her before once again leaving the room—this time assuring her he wouldn’t be back—so she knew that she could change and would also have a few minutes to herself.
“Come in,” Buffy called, wiping ineffectively yet briskly at the tears making their way down her face and neck. The knock was more than likely Spike coming to get her.
“What’s wrong?” She should have known that Spike would be at her side, looking fearful and concerned, in just seconds. Of course he would, he was Spike.
“I’m fine,” she assured him, drying the last of her tears.
“Buffy—“
“No, really, I’m alright. Let’s just go, okay?” Buffy wasn’t going to tell anyone that she had just broken down because going to the hospital truly terrified her. It wasn’t so much the physical hospital building or the doctors or equipment that was the problem—though she wasn’t too fond of all that either—rather it was what it meant. Going to the hospital, being checked into the hospital meant that she was well and truly sick. This wasn’t some fluke thing that she’d be over in a day or two, it was something that was honestly trying its damndest to kill her. To actually kill her. As in dead. And not the drown for a second and then come back kind of dead either, the real kind. The permanent kind.
It also meant leaving the comfort of her cozy bedroom; as a matter of fact Spike was currently carrying her out of the room and she couldn’t help but wonder, as she took one quick look behind her, if this was going to be the last time she saw her bedroom.
“Wait!” she said so suddenly that Spike almost tripped over his feet he stopped so quickly.
“What’s the matter?”
“Can we get my bear?” she asked, sorry that she’d scared him—again.
“Of course we can,” he agreed, a smiling lighting up his face, both because nothing was wrong and because she actually did like his present.
“Thank you.” This time when they were back in her room, Buffy made it a point to look around the entire room. “And, Spike? I know Dawn’s probably going nuts and all—but can I just say goodbye to my mom?”
“Sure. You want me to give you a few minutes alone with her?”
“Could you?”
“Course; it’ll give me the chance to convince Dawn to get the car ready and to wait for you.” Spike carried her into her mother’s room and carefully sat her on the side of the bed, letting her know he would be back in several minutes.
Buffy kept her bear hugged against her chest and waited until she heard Spike descend the stairs before turning to speak to her currently comatose mother.
“Where’s Buffy?” Dawn asked Spike, very accusingly, when she saw him come down the stairs alone, her sister nowhere in sight.
“She’s having a talk with your—“ Spike saw the way Dawn’s face was beginning to fill with hope and quickly corrected himself, “she’s talking to your mum for a few minutes.”
“Oh,” she said dejectedly, “so we’re not going yet?”
“Not just yet. I’m assuming you haven’t been able to get demon girl down here?”
“Either she’s not hearing me or she’s ignoring me—either way it looks like it’ll just be the three of us.”
“We’ll do alright. I’m going to need you to make sure all the junk’s out of the car and I’m going to need you to be in charge of the doors. I’m going to have to put Buffy in, then run around and get it—so it’s all gotta be quick.”
“I could probably help Buffy out there, couldn’t I?”
Spike thought back to the last time he’d helped Buffy walk just across the hall and just how much he had been supporting her weight; this would involve helping her walk all the way out of the house, down the steps, down the sidewalk, and into the car.
“I think we’d better play it safe and have me carry her out,” Spike did his best not to worry Dawn.
“I’ll just go get the car ready. Can you keep trying for Anya? I’d feel better about leaving Mom here if I knew for sure someone was going to be checking on her.” Dawn didn’t wait for an answer before quickly heading outside, hoping maybe the heat would somehow help quell the tears that were rapidly forming. Her mother was in a coma and her sister was going into the hospital and had to be carried to the car—her sister who had been a superhero basically couldn’t even walk with help now. At least not her help.
She knew it would just anger Spike—he wouldn’t even harbor the notion of a possibility of it happening…but maybe she could ask Buffy. Just what was going to happen to her if her mother and sister did in fact both die—or for that matter if Buffy died and their mother stayed in her coma?
Dawn focused her attention on the mess that was left in Spike’s car, attempting to put questions that she had no answers to, out of her mind.
TBC.....please review?
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I'm still not reading emails or reivews due to my little attempt at reading the HP books....but beause I have some fics due Tuesday, I am trying to write some so.....if I can get my brain to cooperate, there should be some more fic soon (it might not be much just yet,, but at some point there will be more fic from me, fory ou to read....just thought I'd let you know ;) )