Did you read Chapter 47? It was posted today, too...
Chapter 48
Spike wasn’t sure what it was that woke him up—he’d been peacefully asleep next to Buffy and then he was awake, with no idea as to why. Then, a few seconds later, when he heard two nurses—one male and one female—talking by the door he knew what had woken him. He was about to turn round and ask them to keep it down so that they wouldn’t wake Buffy when a part of their conversation caught his attention.
“It’s sad, really. I thought by now they’d be out of the denial phase of things,” the male nurse said.
“I know; it’s obvious they love her very much, but it’s…tragic really that they can’t see what has to be done.”
What the hell were they talking about?
“Tell me about it. The poor girl’s dying and all she has to do to get well again is eat—and they can’t see it. She’s never going to get healthy if she doesn’t have support.”
“It always is sad when it’s something so simple keeping someone sick—something that no one seems to understand.”
They started to leave the room then—he could hear their feet on the tiled floor.
“If only she’d eat,” the first nurse mused sadly before leaving.
Who the bloody hell were they to say what Buffy needed to do—they didn’t know how hard she was trying. Spike was ready to throttle the both of them, his violent, homicidal thoughts so vivid that before he knew it the chip was shooting off, sending electrical impulses and pain through his head.
God, he wished he could make those poncy soldier boys feel what—
He wished that he could make them feel what he felt. He wanted Captain Cardboard and his soldier boys to feel the pain he felt whenever the chip fired. The pain that shot through his brain whenever he tried to feed.
“Buffy!” Spike sat up quickly, trying to wake Buffy with just his voice for several moments before lightly shaking her by the shoulder. “Buffy, wake up!”
“What…what is it?” she asked groggily, looking up at Spike in sleepy confusion.
“What happens when you eat, pet?” he asked, his voice still rushed, but also calmer.
“Spike, why—Come on, you know what happens. Why do you think I’m here?” Buffy tried not to sound angry, but Spike asking her that question after all this time just rubbed her the wrong way.
“What I mean, luv, is does the pain and nausea start before you eat or is it an effect of eating?”
“What?”
“Does it start right away or is it something that develops after you’ve been eating for a bit?”
“I’m…I’m not really sure anymore, but…I think it’s right away; I’m not sure though.”
“Buffy? Do you remember what I told you about the witch?”
“Spike, do we have to do all of this right now?” she asked with a yawn.
“I think I’ve figured it all out!” he exclaimed.
“What do you mean ‘figured it out’?” she asked, trying not to get her hopes up.
“Remember how I said I asked the witch to make you feel what I feel?”
“Yes,” she answered slowly.
“Well just now some nurses were saying you should just eat and I got really angry and—well the chip went off. Then I thought about how much I wish those prats at the Initiative could know what it feels like to get your brain zapped…Buffy, the chip is designed to stop me from killing, from feeding.” Buffy just looked at him, not saying anything. “Buffy, don’t you see—“
“It was what you told the witch. I haven’t been able to eat because every time I try to eat, I feel like…like I have a chip in my head.”
“Exactly,” he answered, his voice more somber now as it began to sink in just how much his fault this all was.
“But you can…you can have bagged blood. I can’t have any food—can hardly drink anything.”
“You’re doing alright with the feeding tube bit though,” he reminded her.
“Do you really think…?”
“It makes sense.”
“Then why was I basically dying when I supposedly felt the same things as you and you’re fine?”
“I had blood—different kind mind you, but still blood—you were trying to get by on what you weren’t supposed to be having. If I’d tried to keep feeding on people, I’d of been dust long ago.”
Buffy just lay in the bed, in silence, for several minutes before once again focusing her attention on Spike.
“Go get Dawn and you two go to Giles’ and tell him we need to find Riley. I know it’s the middle of the night, but the sooner the better. And you do have to take Dawn—don’t just tell me you will and then go by yourself.”
“Why’s she need to be there, pet?”
“They won’t stake you if she’s there—or they won’t succeed. Can’t say they won’t try.”
“Would be the quickest solution.”
“Doesn’t matter. Get to Giles’ and tell him we have to find Riley.”
“Captain Cardboard isn’t going to tell you how to make the chip stop working, Slayer.”
“No, but he will know who can take it out. He might hate you but I doubt he’ll let me die just to prove it.”
“Poofter did love you,” Spike agreed. “You don’t have to have them take the chip out, though. I’m sure they can turn it off or something till you can figure another way out of this.”
“Spike? If the chip comes out, who are you going to kill?”
“What?! You know I wouldn’t do that, Buffy. I’ve told you: I love you and I’m not going to let you down.”
“See?”
“See what?”
“The only difference that chip is making for you—or me or anyone else—is that it’s making me sense. It’s not what’s keeping you from killing people, not anymore.”
Spike knew if he tried to say anything just then it’d make him sound like an absolute nancy boy so he just kept his mouth shut on that topic.
“So, I’ll go get the Bit and head off to Watcher boy’s? You going to be alright by yourself?”
“The sooner you go the sooner I’ll be alright,” she told him before stopping. “That really didn’t come out right.”
“Know what you meant,” he assured her, already half way to the door. “Buffy?” he stopped walking but didn’t turn to face her.
“Yes?”
“I know…I know this is all my fault and…God, luv, I’m so sorry. I’ll leave once this is done with if you want—no hard feelings or anything, least on my part. I’m just…I’m sorry.”
His declaration, on top of everything else she’d just discovered—including the possible cure for her—had her to stunned to say anything at first and by the time she’d pulled herself together, he was already gone.
“Please don’t leave,” she whispered as she settled back into the bed and tried to get back to sleep, knowing if she stayed awake she would just dwell on things that did not need to be dwelt on.
Sleep, though, proved to be very elusive that night and the sun was already tinged pink by the time she finally fell back asleep.
TBC……
I'm an idiot! The 'I'm in a good mood' thing from the last chapter's author's note? I didn't put in that I won and award for Silently Broken!!! It's the first award I've won for a fic, too! I was runner up for Best Spuffy at the Big Bad Awards....so yep, that's also part of the me in a good mood thing....
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Author's Chapter Notes:
**READ CHAPTER 47** sorry for the caps, but I just posted it a few minutes ago and I don't want anyone to miss it since you might not be expecting me to post two chapters in one day...I know I wouldn't be ;)