Chapter 10
Buffy had been restlessly pacing the emergency room waiting room when Giles, Willow, Xander, Anya, and Dawn arrived—all looking worried in their own way. Anya started to say something to Buffy, but what it was Buffy would never know because Xander clamped a hand over her mouth before she could even begin.
“Not now, Ahn,” he said, his voice softer, quieter than normal.
Buffy wondered if he saw the hurt look flash across her face before she turned away to find somewhere to sit, a muttered, “Not ever,” her only response.
“Have the doctors said anything?” Giles asked her.
“The, uh, the nurses, they said they’re getting her stabilized and once they know something they’ll come talk to me...” Buffy trailed off as one of the doctors headed towards their little group.
“Miss Summers?”
Both Dawn and Buffy looked at him.
Directing his question towards Buffy the man asked, “Could we talk for a second?”
Buffy followed the doctor—did they even let you be a doctor that young?—to a more secluded part of the room.
“Actually,” Buffy interrupted as he started, “is there somewhere we could sit? I’m feeling really,” weak, “tired.”
“Of course, I’m sorry.” He found them two chairs off to the side and began his explanation anew.
“Now I’ve spoken to your mother and she wanted to be the one to explain all of this to you but we had to give her something that’s causing her to fall asleep so she asked that I do it instead. She did not want you to worry all the way until morning.
“Were you aware of the fact that your mother has been seeing an oncologist?”
“I…I knew she was seeing the doctor recently—to be honest I’m not sure if I knew what kind. I’ve been kind of sick myself recently and I think I’ve…I haven’t been paying as much attention as I should.”
“Miss Summers—“
“Buffy,” she hated the Miss Summers thing; it made everything sound so formal and…grim.
“Buffy, if your mother didn’t want you to know what was happening just yet, your being sick or not wouldn’t have changed anything. If she wanted to keep it from you, she would.”
“But why? Why wouldn’t she want to…Why wouldn’t she tell me? Tell us?”
“Buffy, the doctor did an MRI of your mother’s brain during her last appointment. He was due to get the results from the hospital tomorrow, but we’ve pulled them from radiology. The MRI just confirms what your mother said the doctor thought.”
When he didn’t continue, just started to look sorry for her, Buffy really wanted to know what was happening.
“Normally someone with your mother’s symptoms would have seen a neurologist and they would have ordered the MRI and then a neuro-oncologist would have been brought in once we were sure whether the tumor,” he didn’t even notice Buffy’s sharp intake of breath at the word, “was benign or malignant. But it seems your mother knew of a history of cancer in the family and wanted to do everything she could as soon as she could.
“We still haven’t had the chance to determine whether the tumor is benign or malignant but from the symptoms your mother has been experiencing, the neuro-oncologist believes that it is more than likely cancerous…However, due to its location, it is going to continue to cause her pain—and possibly more seizures—unless operated on.”
“My mother has a brain tumor?” Buffy finally got the words out.
“Yes. It was probably pretty large already by the time she went in.”
So if she’d just been feeling better, been more observant maybe she could have seen how poorly her mother was feeling and…Oh god, what if all of this was even before she got sick and Buffy just didn’t—
“So if we’d brought her in sooner…”
“Buffy there was no way you could have known there was reason to bring her in any earlier.”
“Is an operation the only choice?”
“It is what’s most often effective. Radiation therapy is also an option, but that would just…treat the tumor in a way, surgery would—in theory—remove the tumor.”
“And then? If they do get it out?”
“Radiation therapy would most likely follow just to be sure that nothing is there. It will also help stop the growth of any bit of the tumor we are unable to remove.”
“Do I have to…Do we have to decide now?”
“Your mother appears to also have an acute case of pneumonia, so we would like to treat that first; wait until she’s recovered before attempting the surgery. Therefore, you—or rather your mother—would have some time to decide, but the sooner the better, honestly.
“She asked me to ask you to think on the matter so as that she can talk to you about the options in the morning.”
“What are…What are the chances that the surgery will work? That the radiation will?”
“Due to the location of the tumor and its size, they are estimating about a seventy percent chance of being able to remove most if not all of the tumor. As always with brain surgery there is the possibility—“
“Don’t say it; just tell me about the radiation.”
“On its own that has a much lower chance of ‘curing’ your mother, possibly ten to fifteen percent.”
“So together it’s like 80%?”
“You could look at it that way. Really, the doctors are going to need to do another MRI and examination of your mother before they can know anything more definite. But it is definitely something you should try to think over; its better to not leave all of the decision making to the patient.”
“Yeah…I, I need to go talk to my sister,” Buffy said distractedly, already starting to get up.
“Buffy,” the doctor stopped her; “this doesn’t necessarily mean your mother is going to die.”
“Necessarily,” she mumbled to herself as she walked back to Dawn.
“Dawnie, sweetie, can you come with me for a second so I can talk to you?” All of her friends looked equally worried but her sister looked absolutely terrified and Buffy dreaded having to tell her this—especially when she wasn’t even all that sure what she was telling her.
“What is it?” Dawn started as soon as they were back where Buffy had sat with the doctor just minutes before, Buffy now sitting in his chair and Dawn in hers. “What’s wrong with Mom?”
Rupert Giles watched in silence as his Slayer grew up before his eyes. She had always had to be more of an adult that she cared for, but in that moment, as he watched her talking to her sister, he knew. Buffy was never going to be a child ever again. She was well and fully a grown woman now.
He saw the teen break into tears and grab onto her sister after several moments; saw how Buffy just held Dawn to her, rubbing circles on her back. Buffy had yet to shed a single tear and he was worried that she would be so worried about keeping it together for Dawn that she’d forget herself in the process.
He wished there was something he could do, some way he could protect her, protect them. In reality, though, this was something the two sisters needed to deal with together, it was a family matter. And no matter how much he might feel like it at times, he was not family.
He could only hope that Buffy and Dawn would allow him to be there for them as they made their way through.
Dawn was still crying, though less now, a few minutes later when she and Buffy walked back to Xander, Willow, Anya, and Giles.
Willow tried to reach an arm around Dawn in comfort, but she pulled away quickly, huddling against the other side of her chair. She didn’t want anyone trying to tell her it was all going to be okay. Not now. Not when she knew it wasn’t going to be okay for a long, long time….if it ever would.
“My—our mom, she has a brain tumor,” Buffy told the group, her voice almost emotionless now. “They’re not sure if it’s cancerous or not but they know it’s in a bad location. We have to decide if she is going to have the surgery or just try radiation, but they have to treat her pneumonia first. She wants me to…I have to think about what the doctor said so I can talk to Mom in the morning.” Buffy started to walk towards the doors leading out of the hospital.
“Buffy? Where are you going?” It was Xander asking and as she looked back at them, she knew she was going to have to stay there for a while; even though every bit of her was telling her to get out…she couldn’t think there. Not there.
But she was going to have to stay, for them. It was what she did, she was Buffy the Vampire Slayer, she protected the world and that world included her friends. And right now, she needed to protect them by acting like she was dealing, like it really would all be okay.
TBC.........please review
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Author's Chapter Notes:
one of the 'sequels' (this one a one shot ficlet) for Silently Broken was posted Tuesday :-) (I posted it as a chapter of SB so it's all under the same story if you're looking)
Congratulations to everyone who won at Burst into Flame Awards (and to evildeadgirl for runnng it so well)....now all you all have to do is remember to nominate whenever Round 2 starts....or nominate at Love's Last Glimpse Awards......
Congratulations to everyone who won at Burst into Flame Awards (and to evildeadgirl for runnng it so well)....now all you all have to do is remember to nominate whenever Round 2 starts....or nominate at Love's Last Glimpse Awards......