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Author's Chapter Notes:
I know you're probably all wanting another fic from me by now--it has been a while--but I just haven't been able to get past the first few chapters of anything.....

I am working on getting over that whole 'not writing' thing because, to be honest, I'm not all that fond of it....The reviews from here are helping though--it's nice to know someone will probably read it once I do finish whatever *it* is


Also, Brat's site is up-to-date with this archive......and it has a new review feature so if you all want to go tell her how fabulous her stories are (even the ones you've read already), then: http://www.freewebs.com/myheartisyours ....and she has a link to her other new place in the last chapter of Love Stinks :)
Chapter 19

“Did Buffy tell you about the pneumonia and then the options I have?”

“She did, though she doesn’t remember the percents and all. Isn’t that right, luv?”

“Yeah,” Buffy admitted. “Sorry,” she said to her mother, “it was just a lot to take in and…I kind of forgot the numbers.”

“That’s alright. I think that we need to not focus too much on numbers anyway,” Joyce explained. “I think we should just go with what’s more likely to work—as long as the percentages aren’t something like 54% and 58% then I don’t think we need to bother with them.”

“That makes sense,” Buffy agreed.

“Have you seen the MRI’s?” Spike asked.

“They showed them to me briefly, but I really don’t think I understood what they were saying; whether it was from the shock of the news or their explanation I don’t know.”

“Would it be alright if I asked someone to come explain it again? I was thinking that, while we’re all thinking about the matter, we could hear what they think.”

“That’s…I’ll ask the nurse.”

“Then you said something about L.A.,” Buffy prompted him.

“Yeah, then I was thinking, once we know what they think, we could get a second opinion from someone else—maybe someone in L.A.”

“Do you have an idea of who or should I try to find someone?”

“The doctor who tried to take his chip out before?” Buffy told her mother, “He has some friend that Spike thinks could look at it—and know what they were talking about.”

“That sounds very good. I’ll ask the nurse now in case it’s going to take a while. Then I can ask the doctor as soon as possible if it’s possible for him to send them to this doctor. I’ll probably need the name and address—or at least his phone number, to give the doctor.”

“Of course. I’ll leave you and Buffy to talk—I’ll go find a phone somewhere.”

“Or there’s a phone right here,” Joyce pointed out.

“I wouldn’t want to intr—“

“Would you just hush and use the phone already. You two standing over there makes me feel like this is something….it just feels so formal. Come sit with me Buffy.”

Spike took the phone from the table on the same side of the bed as they were while Buffy walked around the bed to sit in the provided chair.

“Is it really okay?” Buffy asked and Joyce knew she meant Spike. “I just thought…I feel like I need someone else hearing everything, too…and I didn’t think Giles was right and I wasn’t sure who was and then…he wouldn’t ever let them hurt you,” Buffy assured her mother. “Neither would I.”

“I know that sweetheart—and William would do this even if he didn’t like me, just to make you happy so I know he has two reasons to make sure things go well.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t go with you to the doctor or insist that you go earlier.”

“Sweetheart, none of this is your fault. It’s no one’s fault; it’s just something that’s happened. I’d love to have someone to blame, myself, but the fact is…it just happened.”

“I wish there was something to blame too,” Buffy agreed. “Then I could go kill it,” she half joked.

“Guess you’ll just have to stick with helping me.”

“I can do that.”

“How’s Dawn doing?”

“About ready to kill Willow and Xander…and Giles. Apparently she knew why I was leaving too and told them I’d be back but they didn’t believe her. Then they’ve all been idiots about Spike being here. But I think she’s still doing well; she’s trying to be really strong since I’m sick and you’re sick too…I think I’ll see if I can have Spike talk to her. I’d ask Anya, but well…she’s Anya, I’m not all that sure what she’d say. She’d have good intentions but I’m not sure how it’d come out.”

“Anya?”

“Yeah, she’s the only other one backing me up in all this. I think she finally got tired of Xander telling her to be quiet.”

“Good for her then. You make sure that if something happens between those two that she doesn’t lose you too. I think…She’s a good girl….a bit strange at times, sure,” Joyce said thoughtfully, “but she’s a good person, Buffy. And if she’s standing with you in this—I think you’re going to need to keep her close no matter what.”

“I’ll try to make sure of that…Dawn, I’m sure, will too. Oh and I told them if they call Angel—“

“Why on Earth would you want him here?” her mother sounded completely dumbfounded and almost outraged.

“I told them to not even think about it. I don’t want him here.”

“Good, neither do I.” Joyce didn’t add that she was especially angry with the vampire for having not even called to check on her daughter the entire time she’d been sick. She was sure that some way or another he knew, but still, he hadn’t called. “I don’t think Dawn would like it either.”

“And I’d probably end up trying to kill him,” Spike said as he hung up the phone; also not adding that he was angry with the poof for not checking in on the girl. He may have hated that Angelus had her love or…he still should have checked on her. “I ever say thank you for not liking him? That night we were having cocoa and you let me in but didn’t want him there…that meant a lot to me.”

“Spike,” Buffy interrupted, “remember those ‘I’m gonna bite her’ moves you did?”

“Well yeah, had to make you think I was evil, didn’t I? If you thought I’d just been there having a cuppa with your mum because Dru’d left me…you’d never have cared if I had your friends or not; you’d know I was just a whimpering fool.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Joyce disagreed. “Being with someone for that long, any sort of break-up is always hard.”

“And you’re always trying to convince me you’re evil,” Buffy couldn’t help but grin at his outraged look.

His outraged look that finally faded into a more sheepish one, “Never been too good at that, have I?”

“Having hot chocolate with my mom after your girlfriend dumped you? Hanging out with my little sister? Yeah, didn’t work too well. Though the tying me up and saying you’d let Dru kill me was a good attempt.”

“Yeah but I let you out when she—“

“I said attempt didn’t I? If I’d broken out first and gone after Dru, would you have done the same thing?”

“Untied her so she could fight back you mean?”

“Yeah,” Buffy wasn’t sure this was a conversation they should be having just then, but you couldn’t always control what came up when.

“Probably think about it, but no, I probably wouldn’t have. Out of the three of you,” Spike couldn’t help but roll his eyes as he thought of Harmony’s entrance, “I couldn’t let anything happen to you.”

Buffy and her mother came to the same realization at the same time.

“You really would have staked Dru for me?”

“You loved Drusilla for more than one hundred years; you kidnapped Willow to get her back even after she’d left you….and you would have, wouldn’t you?”

Spike wasn’t sure he liked feeling ganged up on, even in this way. “I’ve told you—or at least you,” he looked at Buffy, “I love you, Buffy. This isn’t a temporary thing I’m going to get over or forget about. And it’s not something where if you won’t have me then I’ll settle for Dru…you’re all I want.”

Buffy remembered their conversation at the house and realized she only had one question, “Why Harmony?”

“How do you mean?”

“You told me how you’d never cheat on Dru and how when you were with her you didn’t want anyone but her…you seem to have been kind of picky….so why her?”

“Can I get away with just saying it was a subconscious thing?”

“Yeah because one possibility that brings up is one I don’t ever want to hear voiced,” Buffy cringed at the idea of being anything like Harmony.

“Spike?” Joyce brought herself into the conversation. “Could I speak with you privately for a minute?”

Spike looked at Buffy and she nodded before getting up and letting them she’d be just in the hall, but ‘not listening.” And she really was going to try hard not to listen; she knew that if they’d been anywhere else she’d have been sent farther away then out of the room—she could at least give her mother as much privacy as possible.

Anxiously she waited to be asked back in, all the while wondering just what they were talking about.





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