She wanted to look at him and not the room around them. Not the dirty, overused motel room that made this all look cheap. It didn’t matter what the circumstances behind their union were, what they had wasn’t cheap. It was…
He strained above her, gasping her name as he came inside of her, and the sight alone made her join him, the beauty of his release overpowering anything that would try to cheapen this. This was…
Something she was afraid to put a name to when she knew she couldn’t keep it.
Spike rolled off of her, struggling to catch his breath for a moment before he rolled over and got his pack of cigarettes from the nightstand. Buffy watched him as he lit one, wondering why she found the act sensual for him when it had never had the same effect on her with any other man.
She conceded it probably wasn’t the cigarette. It was just him. He’d managed to rewire her until everything he did spoke of sex to her.
Still, she couldn’t seem to resist the urge to tease him. “Moving on to the post-coital cigarette, huh? Does that mean you’re done with me?” She added a pout to her words for good measure.
Spike turned, looking at Buffy as if she were completely insane. “You can’t be serious. I may have youthful stamina and all, but even I can only get it up so many times in one afternoon.”
Buffy giggled. “I’m just teasing you. Honestly, I think I’ve reached the end of my stamina, too. I ache in places I’d forgotten I even have.”
He smirked around his cigarette, his eyes smoldering with a desire he’d act upon once his body caught up with his want for the woman beside him. Then, he was stubbing out the cigarette and getting off the bed, causing Buffy to frown in confusion. She wondered if he was simply going to leave now that they were finished, and the thought alone hurt her more than she wanted to admit.
But he didn’t go to the door. Instead, he headed towards the bathroom, and Buffy relaxed, thinking her question was answered until she heard water running and frowned again. “Spike?”
He reappeared from the bathroom a few moments later and came towards the bed, scooping her up in his arms. She gasped, her own arms automatically holding on to him. “What are you doing?”
“Helping you with those aches,” he replied with a grin she found both roguish and endearing at the same time – which she decided was a pretty good description of him most of the time, now that she thought about it.
Spike carried her into the bathroom, putting her down only long enough to figure out a way to maneuver them both into the small motel tub. She wasn’t sure how he managed it, only that he had, and she was now resting against his firm chest, warm water surrounding her. She murmured in contentment, her eyes drifting closed.
“I wish my life could stay like this.”
“Why can’t it?”
And just like that, it was if the water had suddenly grown cold. Her eyes snapped open, and she struggled to get up, though Spike’s arms tightened around her and held her in place. “It just can’t, Spike. Let me go.”
“No. There’s something you aren’t telling me, and I think I deserve to know what it is. We both know Liam’s a right bastard who wouldn’t appreciate losing what he considers ‘his,’ but there’s more going on here. What is it, Buffy? What has he done to keep you with him?”
Tears pricked her eyes. “Will, please. I can’t…”
His arms were still tight around her, but his hands were soft, gently stroking her under the water. “Just tell me, baby. Maybe I can help.”
“You can’t. No one can.”
“Tell me, Buffy.”
She sighed, her desire to continue fighting to keep her secret waning. If anything, maybe it would feel good to simply get it off her chest. “I signed a really bad prenup, okay?”
Spike’s arms fell from around her waist. “Oh. So it is just money then.”
“No! God, Spike, no!” Buffy craned her neck around to try to look at him the best she could. “Do you really think I’d put up with all of this from Liam just to get his money? It’s not like I even have any real access to his accounts. I have an allowance, like a child.”
Spike’s brow wrinkled in confusion. “So what in the prenup is keeping you, Buffy?”
“It’s not his money that’s the issue. It’s mine.” Buffy paused for a moment, taking a deep breath as she prepared to admit to the biggest mistake of her life. “When I met Liam, I was badly in debt. My mother’s insurance didn’t cover enough of her treatment, and when she died, I inherited all of that, plus any other debt she had accrued, including a mortgage and the business loan she took out to start a gallery I was in no shape to run in her place. Not to mention the loans she’d taken out to send me to college. So yeah, big debt, and no money in my pocket.” She shook her head, a lump forming in her throat. “It wasn’t uncommon for the money going out to exceed the money coming in. Sometimes I’d go for days without a real meal.”
Spike listened to her confession, his heart tightening in his chest as his arms went around her again, this time in comfort. He knew Liam well enough to know where this was going, and it made his stomach turn.
“When Liam asked me to marry him, I told him no. I didn’t want that sort of debt becoming someone else’s problem, too, y’know? I knew he had money, but I didn’t know…I didn’t know how much. I couldn’t even fathom how much, since even when I was a child and life was easier with my father still around, we’d never had money like that. And Liam, well, he kept pushing the marriage issue until finally I explained to him why I’d said no thinking that would make him change his mind. But it didn’t. He laughed. He told me he could make all of that go away for me and it wouldn’t be any problem for him at all. I thought…” Buffy stopped and shook her head, hating the tears that she could never seem to keep away for long.
“I thought I’d found my Prince Charming. My hero… I thought he was going to take me away from all of that and give me this wonderful new life. Every day wouldn’t be a struggle anymore, and I’d have someone to love me. So when he told me his lawyer wanted me to sign a prenup as just a formality, I did it. I didn’t even read what I was signing. I just signed. I trusted him.”
One of Spike’s hands trailed up to stroke her hair, coaxing her to go on. “What did it say, sweetheart?”
“Later – too much later – I actually read it. And all that money I gave him? In the event that we get divorced for any reason at all, that becomes a loan – with interest. And if I don’t pay it back, any wages I earn will be garnished up to fifty percent. So leaving him wouldn’t just leave me with nothing. It would leave me with less than nothing.”
Spike sputtered, the rhythm of the hand in her hair faltering. “Can he do that?”
“It’s a legally-binding contract, Spike – and I signed it. He owns me.” She shook her head. “You were right yesterday. I am his whore. God, I feel like worse. He just makes me feel…dirty.”
“How often does he hit you?”
The blunt question shocked her, and Buffy froze, almost denying it, almost asking him why he’d even ask such a thing, but then she knew, and she felt cold inside. “It’s not every day. How often was it for you?”
“Enough to fuck me up good and proper.”
She leaned back against him, her head tilting to rest in the crook of his neck. “You should stay away from me, William. I’ll only keep you tied to him.”
“I don’t care.”
“You should.”
“I know.” He ran his hand down her hair one more time as he kissed the top of her head. “I’m not leaving you trapped in there, kitten. If I can give you an escape, even if it’s only for a little while, I will.”
“We’ll only be borrowing time.”
“I know.”
Buffy closed her eyes and let him hold her.
As soon as she pulled into the garage and turned off the car’s engine, Buffy started to cry. Being in this hell now was even worse than it had been the day before. After the few stolen hours of heaven with Spike, the darkness she faced every day now became almost too much to bear.
She stole a glance at the keys still hanging in the ignition and thought about turning the car on again, thought about just letting it run. She’d heard it was just like falling asleep…
But she wouldn’t go that way. If nothing else, she wouldn’t give Liam the satisfaction of knowing he’d driven her to that. No, she wouldn’t be the first to go, and certainly not by her own hand. If nothing else, she would fight to keep going on knowing that someday she’d be able to spit on his grave. It was something to look forward to at least.
She jerked the keys from the ignition and tossed them into her purse. She’d beaten Liam home, so at least she could get some rest now before it started up again.
Reminding herself again that she’d once been strong, Buffy started towards the house.
Spike stared up at the cracked ceiling above him. He knew he couldn’t stay in this motel forever, but his sudden decision to leave Drusilla had given him the problem of not having a place to live anymore. Which meant he had to find one.
And a job. He needed to find one of those, too. Maybe more than one.
Buffy hadn’t told him how much money she owed Liam, but Spike knew it had to be more than either of them currently had real access to, especially with interest tacked on. But that didn’t mean things were completely helpless, did it? Didn’t prenups sometimes not hold up in court when they were so grossly unfair to one party? And if Buffy could prove abuse, then maybe she wouldn’t have to pay him anything at all.
His mind had been rushing ever since Buffy had made her confession in the tub. He hadn’t said anything to her yet because he had a feeling she’d only act like it was impossible, but Spike had decided he had to save her. Liam hadn’t turned out to be her hero, but he could. He’d go out, start making money on his own so he wouldn’t have to rely on his father anymore, and then he could take her away, too.
Maybe they could leave Los Angeles all together. Leave California, hell, the States. He’d liked living in England. Perhaps he and Buffy could go there and leave all of this behind them. They could start over together, build a life far away from the reach of Liam’s shadow.
The idea made him smile, hope filling him for the first time in longer than he could remember. If he had the money to make her deal with Liam no longer a problem, then Spike had no doubt Buffy would go with him. She loved him. She hadn’t said the words, sure, but Spike had felt in the way she’d touched him, seen it in the way she looked at him.
And in the meantime, they were going to continue their affair. Buffy had told him she would call him when she could get away, and they would arrange places to meet. It wasn’t ideal, but it would be enough to hold him over until they could be together. And then when they finally were together for real, well, that was something to look forward to.
All he had to do was make sure she stayed strong until that day came.
I know it’s been a couple weeks since I’ve posted, but they’ve been a stressful couple of weeks. As I’ve said before, I’ll post when I can, and begging me for updates won’t make any difference at all. Unless you can offer to work my 45+ hours a week job for me, cure my carpal tunnel syndrome, and manage to do something about my mental fatigue, updates are not going to be speedy. I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can do about that. As it is, I’m pushing to write what I can because I know there are people who want to keep reading this story and others from me, and I want to be able to give you that. But I’m limited both physically and as far as time is concerned, so please be patient and don’t harass me. Reviews that do nothing but beg for updates only add to my stress because it stresses me out enough already that I can’t write as much as I want to.
Thank you for your continued patience and understanding, and I hope you also continue to enjoy the story.