Cover Art by NoaluvJames
Step one, you say we need to talk.
He walks, you say sit down it's just a talk.
He smiles politely back at you,
You stare politely right on through.
Some sort of window to your right.
As he goes left and you stay right.
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came.
Where did I go wrong?
I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness.
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I know how to save a life.
Let him know that you know best
Cuz after all, you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along.
And pray to God he hears you.
Where did I go wrong?
I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness.
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I know how to save a life.
As he begins to raise his voice,
You lower yours and grant him one last choice.
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed.
He will do one of two things.
He will admit to everything,
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came.
Where did I go wrong?
I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness.
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I know how to save a life.
William stood in front of the open doorway to the hospital room for a while just observing. Buffy was sitting in a chair opposite the door. Her knees pulled up to her chest as she stared expressionless out the window and onto the parking lot below.
He could see the slow rise and fall of her chest as she took deep breaths, almost as if she were sleeping. Her eyes, however, were open and unfocused.
Slowly William began to count backwards from 20, his eyes not wavering from hers as he did. He reached 10 on a whisper and she blinked allowing him to release the breath he didn’t know he’d been holding.
Her gaze was drifting now following a wasp that was buzzing around her window. Effectively proving to him that not only was she awake, but coherent to her surroundings.
“Afternoon Buffy.” He walked into her room and took the chair opposite hers.
“Just thought I’d stop by on my way home, see how they were treating you here.” At the sound of his voice she turned to face him, but did not respond. Truthfully William didn’t expect her to. Parker’s words echoing in his ear, she hasn’t spoken a word in going on a week, but he could hope. Right?
“So, I hear they’re going to be releasing you tomorrow. That must feel good. To know that you’ll be going home soon.” At the mention of home Buffy looked away from William quickly, her gaze returning to the window.
“If you’d like pet, William continued, trying to keep her focused, “I could come by tomorrow, see you off, offer my lifting and carrying services if you’re interested. My rates are quite reasonable and I’m quite….”
Her head had shifted away from the window but Buffy couldn’t bring herself to look at him. She kept her head slightly turned and down as she shook it, declining his offer.
William nodded trying to ignore the disappointment he felt at her rejection. “It’s okay Buffy, I get it. You’re going to be right busy tomorrow. I’m going to leave my number with Parker though. If you need me you just let him know and he’ll ring me straight away. I don’t live far away so I can be here just as quickly as you need me to.”
Buffy continued to sit silently as he talked to her about his day, about having drinks with Dawn and his other friends every Thursday after work. Tomorrow was Thursday and he would inevitably join them as he always did. Apparently his friend Xander was planning on popping the question to his girlfriend and he wanted to do it during their weekly get together surrounded by their friends. He went on and on telling her everything, and nothing at the same time. His words became like white noise and he knew that she wasn’t really listening to him, he was just a background and that was okay. He wanted to help her, and if helping her meant that he became nothing more than elevator music that was just fine with him. He talked about growing up in England, moving here when he was just a boy with his father. Growing up into a right book worm until he went to college, lost his virginity and, thanks to his then girlfriend, got a complete make over and attitude to boot.
“They called me Spike back then. My girlfriend at the time, Dru was her name, she liked to stir up trouble. She didn’t know when to say no, and certainly didn’t know when to back down so she’d get herself in too deep and I’d have to dig her out. It got bad one night and I threatened this bloke with a railroad spike. I didn’t even know what a rail road spike was, but I thought it sounded cool so I said it, and it stuck. I don’t go by Spike much anymore, only a few people call me that now.”
He rambled on and on and still she sat, unmoved by his stories and unwilling to make eye contact with him.
“Well pet, it’s getting late and I better get home and get some rest, gotta work tomorrow. I’m going to leave my number with Parker like I said I would. If you need anything tomorrow you make sure to give me a call.”
He turned to leave, walking slowly towards the door, waiting for something, any sign from her that she didn’t want him to leave. He stopped before walking out the wood framed exit and turned to look at her, still staring at the window she hadn’t moved. Shaking his head William sighed and closed the door behind him as he left.
“So Billy boy, where have you been the past couple of days?” William’s friend Xander asked handing him one of the beers he’d just retrieved from the bar. “And don’t say that you’ve been working or I’ll sick Dawn on you.”
William took his beer and nodded his thanks. “Taking care of some personal business mate. You know, the kind that’s none of yours.”
“Ouch man!” Xander said as he settled back into the booth across from his friend. “You know the last time you were “taking care of personal business,” it involved that dumb ass waste of space you were dating, what was her name?”
“Eve, and no, it has nothing to do with Eve or anyone like Eve for that matter.”
“So you admit that it has to do with someone. Care to say who?”
“I didn’t admit anything whelp and drop it or you’re going to be wearing this table for the rest of the night. It’s not up for discussion.” William threatened taking a sip of his beer.
Xander held up his hands in defense. “Okay man, this is me, backing off. Where do you think the girls ran off to for so long?” Changing the subject was a good thing.
“They went to ogle obnoxiously at Anya’s ring. Didn’t you know that’s what ladies rooms are for?” At Xander’s confused look he continued, “Oh come on mate, you can’t possibly think that they have to honestly use the bloody bathroom…” his cell phone vibrating in his pocket distracted him, “hold that thought,” he said flipping the phone open.
“Dr. William Giles….Parker. How is…everything? I see. No! No, that won’t be necessary, I’m on my way.”
Snapping his phone shut William stood and grabbed his jacket off of the back of the booth he and Xander occupied.
“Sorry mate, hate to rush off but something’s come up and I have to fly. Can you tell Anya that I’m...”
“That you’re what? And you better not say that you’re leaving.” The tiny blonde said coming up behind him. “This is my engagement celebration on top of our weekly night of drinking fun and you’re not bailing on me.”
“Sorry ducks, I have to, work stuff.” Grabbing her into a tight hug, “I’ll make it up to you I promise.”
“Yeah yeah, it’s not every day that your best friend gets engaged to the most perfect woman in the world but I get it. Saving lives is obviously more important than spending time with your friends. I’ll get over it, eventually.” She sighed pretending to be hurt but not being able to hide the hint of disappointment in her voice.
He looked down at her to see her smirking up at him. “Not nice to tease Ahn. I’ll call you and Xander tomorrow and we’ll figure out a good time for me to take you both to lunch.” With that he kissed her forehead and took off towards the exit.
“What do you suppose that was about?” Xander asked as Anya sat, snuggling up to his side..
Dawn slid into the booth opposite Xander, taking William’s place. “I’m not sure” she said watching as his head disappeared out the door of the pub they frequented every Thursday, “but I’m going to find out.”
**Song at the beginning: "How to Save a Life" by The Fray **