Cover Art by NoaluvJames
I can’t run anymore
I fall down before you.
Here I am.
I have nothing left.
Though I’ve tried to forget,
You’re all that I am.
Take me home,
I’m through fighting it.
Broken, Lifeless,
I give up.
You’re my only strength
Without you,
I can’t go on,
Anymore, Ever again
My only hope (All the times I’ve tried)
My only peace (To walk away from you)
My only joy, My only strength,
(I fall into your abounding grace)
My only power, My only life,
(And love is where I am) My only love.
I can’t run anymore.
I give myself to you,
I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
In all my bitterness,
I ignored all that’s real and true.
All I need is you.
When night falls down on me,
I’ll not close my eyes.
I’m too alive,
And you’re too strong.
I can’t lie anymore,
I fall down before you.
I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
My only hope (All the times I’ve tried)
My only peace (To walk away from you)
My only joy, My only strength,
(I fall into your abounding grace)
My only power, My only life,
(And love is where I am) My only love
Constantly ignoring the pain consuming me.
But this time it’s cut too deep. I’ll never stray again.
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“You’re going to get a parking ticket.”
That was the last thought that William had before he slammed his car into park unfastening the seat belt at the same time. He turned off his ignition and barely remembered to grab the keys to his BMW Z4 before he jumped out of the car and ran, leaving his vehicle to fend for itself in the loading zone.
He took the steps to the main entrance of Cedar Sinai hospital two at a time, and made it to the main entrance doors in what he was sure was a record time. As he neared the front reception desk he saw Parker and instantly slowed, realizing he was desperately out of breath.
“Where is she?” William panted when he reached Parker. He had yet to make eye contact with him as he was carefully scanning the lobby.
Parker walked around the front desk, “Come with me,” he said indicating their direction with his head. They walked down a long corridor of offices and supply closets, “She’s been out there all day. I thought she was waiting for a ride or something.”
They reached the end of the hallway and a side exit to the hospital. William looked outside the tall glass door and that’s when he saw her. Buffy was sitting outside on the step to the entrance. She had a small backpack slung on her shoulder and a duffle bag with the Cedar Sinai logo sitting next to her. Her hair was pulled back into a sloppy ponytail and she wore the same clothes she had on the day he met her.
“Did you call her family?”
Parker shook his head. “No man, I asked her if she wanted me to call someone for her and she wouldn’t even acknowledge that I was there. I didn’t know what else to do so I called you. I didn’t mean to bothe”
William shook his head quickly, “I’m glad you called. I’m going to go talk to her and see what I can figure out. I’ll get her a cab or give her a ride somewhere if she needs it.” Parker nodded and started to walk away, stopping when William grabbed his arm,
“Thank you for calling me.”
“No problem man,” with that Parker walked away.
William’s attention was once again turned back to the tiny blonde sitting all alone on a staircase that lead down to the dark streets of Los Angeles.
“Buffy, kitten are you alright?” At the sound of her name she turned to him. Her face was expressionless for a moment. As he came towards her she began to shake her head and turned away, not wanting to face him, not wanting him to know.
William noticed she was trying to pull away from him but he would not be deterred. He was going to help this girl whether she liked it or not.
“Parker called me, said that you’d been sitting out here all day. Are you waiting for your ride?” Her only response was to turn away from him that much more.
“Buffy, look at me. Please pet. Please look at me?”
William could tell that he was starting to break through when she spared him a quick glance over her shoulder. “I want to help you Buffy. If you need help I can give it to you but you have to look at me.”
Taking a seat on the stoop beside her, he put a hand on her shoulder. William knew it was an intrepid move but decided that if he didn’t want to be out here with her all night he needed to start taking larger steps.
Feeling the weight of his hand on her she turned, facing more forward than toward him and let out a breath she’d been holding since he first said her name.
“Buffy, I’m going to ask you a few questions and I want you to answer them for me okay?” She nodded her approval and he continued. “Do you have a ride or someone you can call?” Looking down at her worn tennis shoes, she shook her head sadly.
“What about a place to stay?” Again she shook her head, confirming she did not.
“Do you want to stay here?”
William wasn’t sure what happened but hearing his question set something off in Buffy. He wasn’t sure what it was when she turned to look in his eyes for the first time since he’d walked out the side entrance of the hospital. When she stood and began to gather her bags, getting ready to run, he identified it as fear.
“Whoa, Buffy wait.” He went to reach for her and she quickly pulled away. Her eyes were wild, looking from side to side like a caged animal looking for a means to escape. He held his hands up in a gesture of truce, “I’m not going to make you stay here Buffy. If you don’t want to, you don’t have to.”
William could see her breath coming in pants and was afraid she was going to hyperventilate. She closed her eyes and he could see her visibly trying to calm herself. Eyes still closed she nodded.
“Right then, I’m going to ask you again, and it’s your call. Do you want to stay here?” Vehemently Buffy shook her head, bringing her arms around herself in a comforting hug.
William knew that he needed to get her out of here. Obviously she didn’t have anywhere to go and he couldn’t just drop her off at the nearest shelter. He’d promised to help this girl and was determined to do what he needed to make sure she was taken care of. Making a decision he spoke quickly,
“Do you want to come home with me?
***
Opening the door to his 2-bedroom condominium in downtown Los Angeles, William tried to balance the mixture of bags he carried in his arms. Buffy’s backpack was slung over his shoulder, along with the duffle she’d received from the hospital. He also carried two grocery bags filled with cartons of Chinese take out he’d stopped to pick up on the ride home. He stepped inside the apartment and leaned against the large burgundy door holding it open.
“Come on in kitten”
Timidly Buffy walked into the spacious dwelling taking in her surroundings. The foyer opened up into a larger living room with cathedral ceilings. A hallway opposite to where she was standing, illuminated in the soft yellow glow of a night light housed, she supposed the bathroom and bedroom of the apartment. The rest of the space was dark and still.
“There are two bedrooms. The wash room is just down the hall there,” William motioned with his body as he made his way into the house flipping on lights with his shoulder exposing a large kitchen right off of the living room and a formal dining room directly to her right.
“Just let me put this stuff down and we’ll have something to eat. I’m sure you must be hungry.” William busied himself with placing the take out on the counter of his kitchen along with his keys. “Why don’t you come in and sit down pet. I’m going to run your stuff back to the guest room, and change clothes and then we’ll dish this up.” Walking into his living room he turned on a tableside lamp and then reaching for the remote control to the television.
Buffy was still waiting quietly in the foyer. He walked over to her and took her hand. “It’s okay pet.” Walking her into the living room he sat her down on his plush leather couch. “You sit here and I’ll be back in just a minute.” Handing her the remote control he noticed her flinch away from him and instantly pulled back.
“Just thought that you might like to watch the telly while I change.” He turned the T.V. on and this time set the remote on the coffee table in front of her. “You make yourself comfortable I’ll be right back.”
Watching him walk down the hall Buffy took in her surroundings. The apartment was cozy she decided. He had chosen to decorate in Black and cream as his main colors with accents of red here and there. His furniture was all black leather with cream pillows and red throws and coordinating glass tables to match. Every piece of the décor, right down to the High Definition Plasma television that hung on his wall screamed masculinity.
She stared blankly at the television. The nightly news was on but she wasn’t listening to what they were saying, it didn’t matter. She was tired. She hadn’t slept, even in the hospital. She let the nurses and orderlies fuss over her at bedtime, making sure she got into bed okay. She would even, on occasion, let them tuck her in, but sleep would never take her. She would lie there until morning like she was supposed to, praying to fall asleep and never wake up. She wondered if she’d ever be able to calm her mind enough to be able to sleep again.
She felt comfortable here, more so in fact than she had in a while. She leaned back into the soft cushions and closed her eyes. Assuring herself she would be alert when William returned.
“Did you find something on T.V. pet?” William asked stepping out of his bedroom and padding down the hall in a t-shirt and flannel pajama pants. “Sorry it took me so long I decided on a shower,” He paused when he reentered the living room and saw Buffy curled into a heap on his couch sound asleep.
Her body was turned so that her back was nestled into the corner of the couch, her legs still dangling over the edge and her arms at her side. Her head was slouched so, that William could tell that if he didn’t move her it would be unbearably sore in the morning.
Quietly he walked over to her and bent to take off her shoes. Lifting her legs up onto the couch and gently pulling her so she was lying down in order to relieve the pressure on her neck. Placing a small pillow behind her head he stood up and looked at her for a moment before walking quietly back into the kitchen.
William made quick work of taking the Chinese food cartons out of the grocery bags the restaurant had placed them in and into the refrigerator.
Turning off the harsh kitchen light he made his way back to Buffy’s sleeping form. Reassuring him self that she was still there. He took a deep red throw from the back of his black leather easy chair and draped it over her. Leaning down to place a gentle kiss on her forehead.
“Good night Buffy, sleep well.”
Turning off the table lamp William retreated back to his room, giving into a night of what he was sure would be a restless evening.
Song at the beginning: "October" by Evanescence