Thank you so much to NoaluvJames for my beautiful prezzie!!!!
Cover art by NoaluvJames
Wrapped inside a twisted world
I can’t decide what is even real anymore
As though I ever knew
Tangled in these silhouettes
Floating face down in a river of regrets
And thoughts of you
Holy Tears
They Linger on
Holding you
My light
Forever gone
You believed she’d never leave
Rosy cheeked and oh so young
And full of flame
Here in this bed of emptiness
Button by button I come undone
And only twenty-one
Holy Tears
They linger on
Holding you
My life
Forever gone
Gone like the broken words at your feet
You’re gone in the venom lips that kiss me
Sweetly Gone like a frightened bird into the sky
Won’t you take everything I ever had
And leave me to die as I cry
Holy Tears
They linger on
Holding you
My love
Forever Gone.
“Hi Fred, it’s Will. Look, I’ve had a…well…it’s sort of…. a…family emergency, and it doesn’t look like I’m going to be able to make it in today. I’m not on the board for a procedure but I will miss my rounds, so someone will need to cover those for me. I’m going to have my cell phone on me if you need to get in touch. Thanks Fred.”
Hitting the end button on his cell phone William sighed. He didn’t like calling off of work, and he hated lying about his reasons. To be fair, what excuse could he give to his chief of staff? He certainly couldn’t tell her he’d taken in a complete stranger with a quite possibly permanent mental condition. He didn’t understand his connection to Buffy, how could he expect any one else to?
He’d take the day tomorrow and see if he could continue to try to break through to her. Try to find out where her family was and if they would be willing to help her. If not, he didn’t know where that would put them. Buffy was welcome to stay with him for as long as she needed to, but then what?
Just then William heard his Bathroom door open. Buffy stepped out into the hallway dressed in his boxers and t-shirt, towel drying her damp hair. “Feel better pet?” He asked as he walked over to where she was standing now fumbling with the damp towel in her hand. Let’s get you bandaged up and then off to bed. You could use a good night’s sleep yeah?”
With his hand on her shoulder he lead her into the master bedroom, sitting her down on the king size bed occupying the center of the room. Retreating to his bathroom he grabbed a first aid kit, and a clean washcloth and returned to the bedroom to find Buffy sound asleep. She looked like she had fallen straight backward as her legs still dangled over the foot of the bed while her hands rested on her stomach.
Probably better this way William thought to himself as he knelt before her and began dressing the cut on her knee. This is going to sting and I don’t want to freak her out anymore tonight. She had, for the most part stopped bleeding, which was a good sign but William didn’t want to take any chances. He tore open the hydrogen peroxide wipes and gently pressed it onto her knee. When the wet cloth made contact with her cut Buffy’s leg twitched slightly, her skin protesting the sting even in her unconscious state. William made quick work of disinfecting the wound and quickly placing two butterfly bandages at either end of it.
Standing he returned the items to the bathroom and closed the door. Okay Giles you have a couple of options here. You could 1. Go in there, pick her up and put her in the guest bedroom along with her things, wish her a good night’s sleep, come back in here and pray she doesn’t have another episode. 2. You could let her sleep in here since she’s already out, and you could go bunk on the couch. Or, 3 You could suck it up, stop acting and thinking like a bloody schoolboy and let her sleep in the bed with you. So what’s it going to be?
Remembering the state his living room was in, and that he had yet to clean up the broken glass from his lamp he eliminated option 2, which left him with a decision between option 1, carrying her to the place he’d deemed would be “her room” for the time being or option 2. Let her stay in his room, just for one night. This option appealed to him simply because if she were to spook herself again he would be right there to help calm her down in a hurry, if need be. Option 2 it is then.
Walking back over to the bed, William approached Buffy quietly so as to not wake her. He grasped under her arms and gently lifted and pulled until she was lying with her whole body on the bed, her head on one of his pillows. After tucking her in he moved around to the other side and climbed in under the covers. Thankful he had such a large bed so that he could keep his distance. He didn’t want to scare her or make her any more uncomfortable than she already was.
He lay there for a moment just watching her. Buffy looked so peaceful in sleep and for a moment William wished she could stay that way. That she could sleep herself into a world where troubles could not find her and the hard, painful reality of the world melted away. “Yeah, they have a name for sleep like that”, he thought to himself, “they call that death.”
Shaking his head he turned with his back to Buffy. ”And that’s something you definitely don’t want,” was his last thought before he closed his eyes and a restless sleep claimed him once again.
William awoke to the sound of a woman screaming causing him to leave the chair he’d fallen asleep in turned over onto the floor. He was disoriented for a split second before he remembered where he was.
He was at the hospital in a room with Buffy. She and Lilly had fallen asleep together on the bed and he’d taken up the chair. Buffy had requested he be there when she woke up and for some reason he couldn’t tell her no.
Now witnessing what was going on before him, he was glad he stayed. Buffy was hysterical. Apparently while they’d been sleeping her nurse had come into the room to check in on Lilly. Working the child out of Buffy’s embrace woke her and now she was fighting to get her daughter back.
“No! No, I won’t let you take her away. She needs to see me; she needs to know that I was there for her. Please don’t take her from me. GIVE ME MY BABY!” Two orderlies had taken hold of Buffy’s arms and were trying to restrain her from the nurse who was now carrying Lilly towards the door.
“Hey now, none of that is necessary.” William exclaimed leaping into action, pulling one of the orderlies away from Buffy and gathering what he could of her in his arms. The orderly to her right still had a hold of her, until William gave him a look that meant death to anyone who tried to challenge him. Letting her go, he held up his hands in retreat and backed away from the pair.
“Excuse me, Nurse, couldn’t you let the child stay with her mother. You can see that she’s distraught and wants to be by her daughter’s side when…”
“I’m sorry,” the faceless nurse said over her shoulder, “I’m so sorry but it’s too late,” with that she carried Lilly’s tiny body out of the room and away from Buffy forever. What happened next, William was sure will stay with him forever. There was a noise. A horrific screeching sound of pain and ultimate sorrow so loud that it made him clutch Buffy tighter, his gaze dancing around the room trying to find the source of it and wanting to get her as far away as possible. That was when reality came crashing back to him; the noise was coming from Buffy.
He awoke with a start, gasping for air and clutching the sheet to himself. Closing his eyes and taking deep breaths he tried to calm his nerves. It wasn’t an unusual dream, in fact he’d dreamt of Lilly’s death, in some way every night since it happened but it wasn’t something he thought he would ever get used to.
He could feel Buffy stir beside him and quickly looked to see if she was still asleep. During the night they’d moved closer to each other and now she was right next to him, her hand splayed across his stomach. When she would breath her tiny hand would move lightly back and forth across his muscles soothing away his anxiety from the dream and ushering in a whole new world of worry.
William was a doctor and any teenager who’d taken a health class could tell you that it was not an uncommon event for a man to wake up with an erection, or “morning wood” as it was so commonly called. But, this morning that common fact of life was being accentuated by the presence of a gorgeous woman who, incidentally, was sharing his bed, and now had her hand unconsciously massaging his stomach. He was painfully hard and desperately needed some sort of release or there would be hell to pay.
Lifting Buffy’s hand off of his stomach and resting it at her side, he quietly made his way out of bed and into the bathroom. Closing the door quickly he turned on the bathroom sink and lifted the lid to the toilet. Don’t think about Buffy, Don’t think about Buffy, William told himself as he took out his swollen cock and began with long, slow strokes up his shaft, stopping at the head to gather the little bit of pre-cum that had gathered there and using it to smooth his path.
He wasn’t dirty for this, he couldn’t be. It was better he relieve his tension this way than to let it build and eventually take it out on Buffy. Given the right mood he knew he could be a prick. A fact Dawn and Anya had pointed out to him on several occasions. Throw in a little sexual tension and you had all the ingredients for Giant Asshole William.
This was better.
As much as he was trying to stay them off, thoughts of Buffy rushed into his mind and his pace quickened. Standing before him in a different time and place, clad only in the lacy undergarments he’d seen her in last night. Beckoning him to her with the crook of a perfectly manicured fingernail. He imagined what kissing her would feel like and he was so close he could feel his orgasm building inside of him. His hand gripped the wall behind the toilet leaning over a bit as he thrust quickly into his hand. When he finally came, he worshipped her name with a whisper.
Grabbing a couple of tissues and dipping them under the water that was still running from the sink, he cleaned himself off and tucked his now limp member back into his flannel pajama pants. Flushing the toilet and turning off the running water William opened the door and headed back into his bedroom.
Buffy was no longer in bed and for a split second he panicked. Excellent, you couldn’t control yourself anymore than a pubescent sod and now she’s run off or worse hurt herself again, and it’s your fault. Turning towards the dresser he had on the opposite wall he saw her standing in a corner in front of his closet, a small picture frame clutched in her hand. Not expecting to find her there, William jumped and let out a yelp that could only be described as really feminine causing Buffy to look up at him quickly.
“Sorry pet didn’t mean to frighten you. I didn’t expect to see you there, so you startled me a bit. Oh, and please don’t ever tell anyone you ever heard me squeal like a girl, they’d make me turn in my man card and we can’t have…” Pausing he noticed she had turned her attention away from him and was again staring at the frame she held in her hands. “What you got there?”
Buffy placed the frame back on the dresser where she’d found it and turned it so that the front was facing William. His heart sank as he saw what was inside. Shortly after Lilly’s death he’d taken his cell phone in and had the picture Buffy had taken of he and Lilly in the hospital printed and framed. William didn’t know why he’d wanted to keep it, but now he wished he hadn’t.
He could see the unshed tears formed in Buffy’s eyes. She stared at the picture, her lip quivering as she placed her hand over the glass of the frame. William couldn’t move, she was about to break and he couldn’t even find the strength to go to her. She looked up at him and in one second destroyed them both.
Gently caressing the picture she sobbed on a whisper, “Lilly,” her voice breaking on both syllables. In an instant he saw her crumble. The weight of everything she’d been through the past week along with whatever she’d gone through before he met her.
“Oh Buffy,” William sobbed as he rushed to her, gathering her in his arms before they both sank to the floor. “I’m so sorry,” he said as he rocked her back and forth stroking her hair. “I’m so bloody sorry.”
Song at the beginning: “Holy Tears” by Tara Maclean