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Reunions / Part 18

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Bolts of lightening seemed to be tearing through her brain, again and again. Each bolt seemed to be stronger as they continued. The pain became so intense it forced Dawn to open her eyes. With her eyes open she became confused because she didn’t know where she was or what was causing the pain. It slowly came to her that the bolts of lightening tearing through head were accompanied by a ringing sound. She realized there was a phone ringing somewhere but she didn’t know where that somewhere could be.

Someone came into the room with her and she could hear them doing something. She rolled over on her back and saw a man in black trying to open a bag or something. When he finally got it open he reached inside and pulled the ringing phone out of it. The ringing was even louder now and made Dawn wince in pain as she raised her hands to her ears and covered them. When the ringing finally stopped she opened her eyes again. The man in black was still there but he was all blurry and she couldn’t tell who it was. The thought went through her mind that hopefully it was someone who had come to put her out of her misery.

When the man moved toward her on his hands and knees she started blinking her eyes rapidly trying to clear them. When he was right over her she was finally able to see his face, it was Spike. A memory of where she was flashed through her mind all at once as she realized Spike was alive. She lurched up quickly, trying to reach for him before he could get away from her. The pain that lanced through her head knocked her back down and forced her to squeeze her eyes shut.

“Morning Love” Spike said quietly, “are you feeling as bad as you wanted?”

At first she couldn’t make any sense out of what Spike had just said. He seemed to be asking if she was feeling as bad as she wanted to feel. Why would she want to feel like this? No sane person would want to feel this way. When she tried to speak her mouth felt like it had a dirty sock in it.

When she felt something against her lips she opened her eyes again and saw that Spike was holding a bottle of water. She grabbed his hand and swallowed the water quickly causing herself to choke, sending another bolt of pain through her head. Spike had pulled the bottle back from her lips, but when he saw that she wanted more water he let her take another sip.

It came to Dawn why she was feeling this way, she’d been drinking with Spike. After another sip of water her thinking became a little clearer and she remembered that it wasn’t Spike she’d been doing the drinking with, it had been Willow, Faith, and Robin. She then remembered why she had drunk so much, her argument with the others, her anger at them. A groan of anguish escaped from her lips.

“Spike, help me sit up” Dawn croaked out.

“I don’t think you should be trying to do that, Pet” Spike said with concern in his voice. “It’ll just make you feel worse than you already do.”

“Please, Spike” Dawn choked out a little more clearly. “I need to talk to you, please.”

“Love, you don’t have to say anything” Spike said soothingly as he brushed his fingers over her forehead and down her cheek with a light gentle touch. “You just need to get a little more rest so you feel better, that’s all.”

“Please, Spike” Dawn said more clearly, “it’s important, to me.”

Spike moved up next to Dawn on his knees and gently slipping his hand under her shoulders lifted her into a sitting position. Dawn leaned forward as she drew her knees up so she could rest her head against them. It seemed to take hours for the pounding in her head to stop, but she knew it must have only been seconds. Spike was still kneeling next to her and was slowly rubbing her back. She raised her head from her knees slowly and looked over at Spike, she could see his concern for her written on his face.

Dawn felt she had to talk to Spike, she had to explain what happened last night. She knew that with her in the shape she was currently in, trying to talk would be nearly impossible. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a little folded paper packet. She tore the top off the packet and bending her head back a little she poured the contents on her tounge to dissolve and swallowed.

Spike had been watching Dawn closely. He could tell she was in pain and wished there was some way he could make her pain his own. When she tore open the little paper packet and poured the contents on her tounge he assumed it was some kind of head ache powder. There was no way for him to be prepared for what happened next. Once Dawn swallowed the dissolved powder her whole body seemed to go into muscle lock and she started vibrating and shaking where she sat. Her skin got pale and then started turning shades of green. Her eyes rolled back into her head and only the whites could be seen.

Spike grabbed hold of Dawn and tried to control her shaking. When she started turning green he didn’t know what to do, a feeling of helplessness swept through him. When her eyes rolled up into her head he was near to panic out of his concern for her. He held on to Dawn tightly as she continued to shake, his mind screaming for help.

Joy came running through the doorway and rushed to Spike and Dawns side. She immediately placed her hand on Dawns forehead and closed her eyes as she concentrated. After a few moments she drew her hand away and started smiling and then started giggling. Spike was totally perplexed by Joy’s behavior. How could she be laughing when Dawn was having convulsions or maybe even dieing. When Dawn went completely limp in Spikes arms, if he’d had a beating heart it would have stopped.

Spike was still holding on to Dawn tightly, not knowing what to do next, when she started giggling uncontrollably. “What the bloody hell is going on here?” Spike asked Dawn as she opened her eyes.

“It’s a sober-up” Dawn replied, then started giggling again.

With Dawn’s giggling Spike became less concerned that something was wrong with her and started to get upset. “What the bloody hell are you talking about?” Spike asked as he let go of Dawn and backed away from her with a scowl on his face.

Dawn, seeing the scowl, stopped giggling and sat up quickly. “I’m sorry Spike I really really am please don’t be mad at me” Dawn pleaded. “I just needed to sober up really fast so I could talk to you because it’s really important that we talk that’s all I didn’t mean to scare you or anything honest I didn’t I got it from Willow yesterday but I didn’t want to take it because it feels like your being turned inside out and then it makes me all silly and I start giggling and I can’t help myself but I’ll be okay in a few minutes honest I will so please don’t be mad at me Spike please don‘t be mad!”

Dawn was talking so fast that Spike was speechless. It took him a bit just to figure out what she had said. Her intensity about Spike not being angry at her melted away his scowl and robbed him of any anger. “I’m not angry at you Niblet” Spike said quietly as he moved closer to Dawn and reached out to cup one side of her face in his hand. “But you scared the bloody hell out of me. Please don’t do something like that again without a warning.”

Joy had moved up to Dawn and reaching out touched her head and ran her fingers gently down the back of it. She looked up at Spike and made a little coo sound. Dawn could feel inside her head *better now*. Dawn impulsively gathered Joy into her arms and kissed her on the cheek as she hugged her. She focused her thoughts and tried to send *I love you* to Joy. A moment later she could feel inside her head *love you* as Joy hugged her back.

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It took longer than a few minutes for Dawn to be able to talk coherently without babbling. In the mean time Spike explained that the cloth bag at the foot of the bed was for her and that it contained cloths and other items she might need, including the phone that had been ringing earlier. When he handed her the phone she checked to see who had been trying to call her, and to be sure it was still turned off. Dawn had no intention of talking to anyone else until after she talked to Spike. She threw the phone onto the bed and on her hands and knees crawled over to the cloth bag to see what was inside. The first thing she pulled out was a fresh pair of panties.

“God, I need these” Dawn said, still with a little push of speech. “I was certain I was going to have to go commando today, I’d rather go without than wear the same pair another day.”

Dawn immediately started pulling off her boots and before Spike realized what she was going to do next she was stripping off her leather pants. As soon as he did realize he bolted out of the room, taking Joy with him, to give her privacy. It only took Dawn a few minutes to change. When she came out of the room she was wearing a pair of tight black jeans, a black tank-top, black walking shoes and was carrying a small towel and washcloth and a little bag in one hand. She walked hurriedly past Spike and Joy and went through the hidden door at the back of the room to the area where they had working toilets and cold running water for washing up. Dawn truly wished she could take a hot shower, but if cold water was good enough for everyone else, she wasn’t going to complain.

Fifteen minutes later Dawn was back, feeling much refreshed after washing up and brushing her teeth. She took her things back to Spikes room and put them away. She then rejoined Spike and Joy who were sitting with a group of Spikes kids eating a breakfast of oranges and apples. Spike had explained to Dawn the day before that he had a friend who ran a fruit market and supplied the kids with plenty of fresh fruit year round. True it was mostly the bruised stuff and whatever was left over at the end of the day, but still there was usually plenty of it.

She had just sat down and was peeling an orange when three of the older kids came in through the hidden door carrying more food. Two of them were each carrying two, one gallon jugs of milk, and the other was carrying a Styrofoam box. They immediately started pouring cups of milk and dishing out small plates of scrambled eggs that they distributed to the younger children. One of the older girls brought a cup of milk and some of the eggs over to Dawnie. None of the older kids took any of the milk or eggs for themselves, there wasn’t enough for everyone and the little ones came first when it came to food.

Dawn felt guilty as she sat there with a half peeled orange in her hand. She knew that if she were at home or back at the hotel she could have been having any kind of breakfast she wanted. It bothered her that there wasn’t enough food, at least milk and eggs, for everyone. But not one of the older kids made a single complaint. They all seemed perfectly content to have fruit for breakfast.

Spike noticed that Dawn had stopped peeling her orange and was looking glum. He flipped a piece of orange rind at her to get her attention. When she looked up at him, he said “Go ahead and eat, Love. Your not taking anything away from anyone else. We’ve got plenty of fruit to eat.” Dawn still felt guilty, but to assuage her guilt she shared the pieces of orange with Joy. When breakfast was finished a group of the eleven and twelve year olds gathered up the cups and plates to wash them. Two others gathered up the trash and garbage to dispose of it away from where they all lived. Everyone knew you didn’t leave a trail back to where you lived if you wanted to stay safe and alive.

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With breakfast over most of the younger children laid down for a nap. Life underground for these children was a series of naps through the day and the night, especially through the day. The ones who stood guard during the day left the shelter and took their places in hiding, relieving those who had been on guard for the previous four hours. Those that had daytime jobs had left hours earlier. Within a short time almost everyone was either gone or sleeping and the shelter became very quiet with just a few candles burning.

Instead of sitting out in the large room to talk, Spike and Dawn went to his room. Joy was already laying down for her morning nap with the other children where they were all being watched over by one of the older girls. There wasn’t really much space in Spikes room, just enough for the bed he shared with Joy and some duffle bags and boxes of clothing, weapons, and a few personal items. Spike didn’t hesitate to sit down on the bedding so Dawn did the same. Once they were both sitting Dawn pulled her phone out of her pocket and handed it to Spike.

“I didn’t answered the call that came in this morning and I haven’t turn it back on either” Dawn said in a quiet but firm voice. “I don’t intend to do either one until we’ve had a chance to talk.”

“We don’t have to talk about anything, Love” Spike said just as quietly. “You don’t owe me any explanations, you don’t have to tell me any secrets. I heard you arguing with the others last night.”

“Spike, please listen to me for a minute” Dawn asked as she looked into Spikes eyes. “I know I haven’t been acting very grown up the past two days. Mainly I think it’s because seeing you and being with you has had me acting like I was fourteen again. Every feeling I’ve ever had for you has been flooding through me in waves. But believe it or not I really am a grown up now, even if I haven’t been acting like one.” A tear ran down her cheek from her left eye and fell onto her folded hands. “God, this is so much harder than it should be” Dawn said with a catch in her throat.

Spike moved himself back on his bedding and leaned back against his pillow and the wall behind him. “Come here, Pet” Spike said softly as he made a space for her. Dawn moved from where she had been sitting and laying down on the bedding she moved into Spikes arms. She laid her head with the side of her face against his chest, and snuggled up close to him. Spike wrapped one arm around her shoulder to hold her in place and gently ran his fingers through her hair and down the side of her face. He gently wiped away the tear streak on her face. “Love, you don’t have to say anything, I’ve told you that. Or you can say anything you want or need to say. But I don’t want you to tell me things you know you shouldn’t be telling me, cause if you do you’ll regret it later, and that will just be harmful to you. Just remember one thing, on matter what you say or don’t say, I’ll always love you no matter what.”

Dawn started crying quietly and turned her face into his chest. Spike stroked her hair to comfort her and let her cry herself out. As he held her, comforting her, trying to give her his strength, the parallel between his last nights in Sunnydale holding Buffy in this exact same way were paramount in his mind. It was almost like a forewarning of doom. He had held Buffy to give her the strength she needed and afterward he lost her forever. He was holding Dawn to give her the strength she needed to say something to him, and it could mean he was going to lose her forever too.

When Dawn had cried herself out and got herself under control again, she turned her head so that she could look up into Spikes face. “See what I mean” Dawn said in a low raspy voice? She cleared her throat to talk more clearly and speaking a little more firmly said “I can’t seem to get out of this crying, whiny, teenage girl phase I’m stuck in when I try to talk to you. You didn’t like it when I did it back then, you must be hating it now.”

“Believe it or not, Pet, I loved you when you were fourteen and crying and whiny, cause you needed me” Spike whispered just loud enough for Dawn to hear. “I know I didn’t show it to you, being all Big Bad and such, but I did. You needing me was the only thing I had back then. So if you need to cry and whine and be fourteen again, that’s okay, cause I know how to say I love you now.”

Dawn wrapped her arms around Spike and hugged him tightly “Oh God Spike, I love you so much, I can’t even begin to say how much I’ve missed you.”

Spike returned the hug and kissed Dawn on the top of her head as he held her. The parallels were growing stronger. He continued to hold Dawn and let her sort herself out. When she finally calmed down and had herself under control she started talking.

“Believe it or not, I’m a full member of the Watcher and Slayer Council, that’s what we call it now. I’m part of what they call the ‘Inner Circle’, which mainly means I’m in on all the big decisions and I know all the secrets, or most of them anyway. That’s what the argument was about with Willow, Faith and Robin. I wanted to tell you some things and they didn’t want me to do it. It really wasn’t that they didn’t trust you to know the secrets, they just didn’t think that they should be the ones to tell you about them. They wanted to talk to Giles and Buffy first, I didn’t want to wait.” Dawn looked up at Spike again to look into his eyes. “I know you made them leave last night and I was glad you did, then. But I was drunk and upset and feeling hurt. I hope your not going to stay mad at them. I really owe them all an apology for the way I behaved. Because they were right, they didn’t have the right to tell you certain things.”

Dawn started squirming and pulled herself up so that she was still in Spikes arms but was face to face with him now. “But I don’t care about right or wrong anymore Spike. Except for Buffy, I trust you more than anyone else in the world. The Council knows a secret, I want to tell you that secret, but I can’t. But if you ask me to tell you I will. I’ll tell you anything you want to know, if you’ll just ask me.”

Spike looked into Dawns eyes and knew that she was being perfectly honest and truthful. He could ask her anything he wanted to know. About the Council, about Buffy, about anything and she would tell him the truth. But she would have to break her promise to others to do this, she would have to break her word of honor. That seemed like such a strange way for him to think about what Dawn had just offered to do, ‘break her word of honor’.

Before Buffy the idea of honor was meaningless to him. The vampire demon inside his body couldn’t even understand the concept of honor. But Spike understood what honor was now, he’d learned about it the hard way. Honor is what other people give to you when they trust you, and because of this trust you have to behave honorably. You can only lose your honor if you break the trust these people give to you. Spike also realized that if he asked Dawn to break her word of honor she would do it for him, but he would be violating her trust in him if he did.

“Pet, there’s only one question I want to ask you” Spike said seriously. He could see Dawn tightening up, and knew that whatever he asked her she would tell him, no matter if she had to break her word or not. “Just one thing and nothing else. Will you tell me?”

“I’ll tell you Spike. If I know the answer I’ll tell you.” Dawn said as she screwed up her courage.

“Just one thing Love, nothing else, do you understand?” Spike asked.

Dawn nodded her head “Just one thing, I understand.”

“The one thing I want to know is ….. Are you still ticklish?” Spike said with a smirky grin that spread across his face. “The truth now, you promised.”

Dawns mouth dropped open at the question. “Well, ah … ah … yes, sometimes” Dawn stammered out.

Spike didn’t waste another moment. He tightened his grip around Dawns shoulder with one hand and with the other hand started tickling her ribs and belly. Dawn started laughing and giggling and trying to escape from his hold. She tried tickling him back, but he wasn’t the least bit ticklish so it didn’t do any good. She finally squirmed out of his arms but ended up face down on his bed as he continued to tickle her. Spike continued to tickle her for another minute, making her laugh and squirm uncontrollably. When he finally stopped Dawn could hardly get her breath. Spike laid down on the bed next to Dawn and rubbed her back soothingly to help her calm down.

“Love” Spike said as he stared into Dawns eyes, “that’s the ‘only’ question I wanted to ask and I promise to keep the answer a secret. Now maybe it’s time you answered that phone call that came in this morning. Their probably getting a bit worried about you by now.”

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