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Reunions / Part 38

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When Joy, Buffy and Kar-Hool entered the warehouse from the lower level, they stopped and looked around. Buffy could see that tables had been set up and were loaded with food and drinks. Most of the people that had come with Anne were either gathered around the tables making last minute adjustments or were interacting with groups of Spikes children. Some of the people that had come with Buffy were also helping at the tables or interacting with some of the children, but most of them were off to one side talking in small groups. The largest single group consisted of Giles, Willow, Xander, Faith, Robin, Andrew and the three witches from the Coven. Angel, Nina and Connor were on the edge of the group, not really a part of it, but not excluded either.

As they entered further into the room, others noticed their arrival. When Anne and two other of the adults that came with her noticed their arrival they smiled in their direction and Anne gave a wave to Joy. Joy waved back at Anne and the others but didn’t stop, keeping hold of Buffys hand they continued to walk toward Buffys people. When they stopped on the edge of the largest group, Giles, Willow and Xander all stepped toward Buffy and asked how she was doing, was she alright now, was she feeling better? Buffy told them that she was feeling better now and that everything would work out soon.

When Joy gave Buffys hand a squeeze that drew her attention, Buffy looked down at Joy as they talked to each other inside their minds. *Brother needs your forgiveness Mother. He did not mean to hurt you, he was just trying to keep his promise.* Buffy smiled at Joy and then released her hand as she took a couple of steps toward Andrew.

Andrew stood there frozen, not knowing what to say or how to say it. There was a touch of fear in his eyes as he met Buffys eyes, but mostly the look in his eyes was of pain and sorrow. Buffy didn’t wait for him to say anything, instead she stepped up to him and wrapping her arms around him she gave him a hug as she spoke to him quietly. “It’s okay, Andrew, I understand now. It was a promise.”

Tears came to Andrews eyes as he returned Buffys hug. “I… I’m sorry Buffy. I didn’t mean to hurt you, I swear I didn’t. When I saw Spike the first time, he… he made me promise not to tell you he was back. He told me about being a ghost an stuff and that he’d only been solid for a short time and that he needed to sort things out for a time before he contacted you. He … he had this mission, to … to find himself, an… and help the helpless, and he needed to do things, be… before he could tell you he was back. I… I really thought that he was going to do it, you know, like pretty soon, so I promised. When he came to Rome, I … I guess I messed it up then. I told him you were happy and getting on with your life, be… because that was what you were telling all of us back then. When I told him about you dating the Immortal, he… he got all angry and stuff, and I really thought he was going to go out and find you and beat up the Immortal, but he didn’t, he just left. I was really thinking about telling you, but, you know, I’d promised. Then everything blew up back here and you already knew he’d come back, and … and I was afraid to tell you that I’d known about it for months, and I’m really really sorry.”

“It’s okay, Andrew” Buffy said quietly “I know you didn’t mean any harm, you were just doing what Spike asked you to do. I’m sorry you told him about the Immortal too, because I know that hurt him, but that was my fault, not yours. I’m not mad at you Andrew, it’s okay now.”

When Buffy released him Andrew took a half step back and pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and wiped his eyes. Looking at Buffy he said again, “I really am sorry.”

Buffy gave Andrew a little smile, even though there was sadness in her eyes. “I know you are Andrew and it really is okay now. But, if Spike ever asks you to make a promise again and it has anything to do with me, just say no, okay? I don’t want anymore secrets between Spike and me, never again.”

Andrew wiped his eyes again and squaring his shoulders he looked Buffy in the eyes and said “It’s a promise, Buffy.”

Reaching up and touching the side of Andrew face, Buffy gave him another smile and said “Thank you.”

Everyone else had held back waiting for Buffy to have her conversation with Andrew. Once they were certain the conversation was over they moved in around her again. For a few moments Buffy felt closed in and a little overwhelmed, until Joy took her hand. As soon as she joined hands with Joy, Buffy started feeling the love and concern for her from those around her. The feeling of being overwhelmed went away, replaced by feelings of love. Buffy smiled at all of them and told them all that she really was feeling much better now. When Xander asked about Spike, where he was, was he alright, it surprised Buffy. There was nothing in Xanders tone of voice or behavior that reflected any sign of his old dislike for Spike. In fact, because of her contact with Joy, Buffy could feel that Xander was truly concerned. She told them all that she didn’t know where Spike was right now, but Dawn was out looking for him and would bring him back.

Willow was the one that asked the question, “Ah, Buffy, how do you know Dawn can bring him back? I don’t mean that I don’t want him to come back, or anything. But he was pretty upset when he ran away, and he knows that we all know now, about the soul, him not having it anymore.”

Buffy could feel through Joy that there wasn’t any hostility toward Spike in the people around her and that made her feel much calmer. “Spike might not want to talk to me right now” Buffy said with a slight catch in her voice, “but he won’t refuse Dawn when she asks him to come back. I … I don’t think Spike will be to worried, about us knowing he doesn’t have his soul anymore, not really. Not once anyone has had a chance to think about it. Spike doesn’t need a soul to be a good man, all you have to do is look around and you can see it. Besides, Dawn will beat the crap out of anyone that tries to hurt Spike, and seeing how she’s my sister, I’d probably have to help her.” Buffy smiled at everyone around her as if she were joking, but none of them doubted that if anyone gave Spike a hard time about not having a soul they would have to deal with Dawn and Buffy first. Not that anyone was thinking about giving Spike a hard time. Although when Buffy looked over at Giles he did blush slightly.

Everyone had hesitated, not really knowing what to say after Buffys last statement, when a loud noise distracted all of them. Joy sent a warning to Buffy that more guest were arriving. In a voice loud enough for all the slayers to hear, Buffy called out “Everyone, listen up. Some more of Spike’s friends are arriving. Remember, everyone here is invited. We don’t want any trouble so everyone relax and keep it cool. Got it?”

When the three demons stepped out of the shadows into the light, if Buffy hadn’t been holding Joys hand she might have lost it. As soon as she saw them she almost burst out laughing. They were short, even shorter than Buffy, with narrow shoulders and hips. Their legs and arms were very thin, with tiny hands and feet with no noticeable claws or nails. Their skin was a sort of bluish-green in color and looked kind of bumpy all over. But it was their heads that really squicked Buffy out, it looked like they had a really ugly octopus sitting on their shoulders. They had elongated heads without any hair that looked kind of soft and squishy with a dozen long tentacles hanging down their chests. Two large bulging black eyes were set on opposite sides of their heads that seemed to swivel around independent of each other with little pinpoints of yellow in the center. There was a single slit between the eyes that was probably a nose that opened and closed like a flap as they breathed. There was a V shaped mouth, without any lips, that was almost hidden by the tentacles, that looked like it had a thousand tiny teeth. All of this was disturbing enough, but on top of all that they were wearing neon-hot pink mini dresses. Okay, maybe they weren’t dresses, maybe they were formal wear for demons, but they looked like dresses, and who really knew anything about demon fashions anyway. Buffy heard others around her gasp and grinned inwardly that she had been able to control her own reaction.

Joy was the first to react to their presence. She let go of Buffys hand and walked out to meet her guests. She approached them slowly with her opened hands out from her sides, as if to show they were empty of weapons. When she was near, she started making cooing and chirping sounds. The demon that was furthest to the front started chirping and cooing and clicking in response. Joy gave the leader a big smile and moving closer reached out and took both of the demons hands into her own.

As Joy continued to communicate with the demon, Anne had walked up to stand beside Buffy. In a quiet voice she started talking to Buffy and those closest around her. “Their called the Kaquasec and their completely harmless and defenseless. Their really very shy and it took a lot of courage for them to come here today. They owe the lives of their entire clan to Spike, he saved them from extinction a couple of years ago. Their feeding grounds were being taken over by Sharkan demons. Spike acted as their Champion and defended their rights to their feeding grounds. Their very grateful for what he did for them.”

Buffy hadn’t been with the others when Kar-Hool told them about Spike being a Champion, so Anne’s comment surprised her. Speaking quietly Buffy asked “What’s that mean, Spike acted as their Champion, and why did he do it?”

Anne hesitated for a few moments as she thought about what to say and how to say it. “Buffy, Spike ‘is’ a Champion, in all the best ways. He’s Joy’s Champion. He’s the Champion of the Child of Light and he’s the Champion of the Hool, not just the Hool-Mar, but all the Hool. He’s acted as the Champion for more than a dozen other demon clans when they needed him too. Spikes so feared as a Champion that demon wars have been prevented just by him taking sides in a conflict. But why he did it is easy. Spike helps the helpless. If someone needs his help and their not strong enough to defend themselves, then he fights for them, he protects them.”

Buffy was still confused about Spike being a Champion and why he would fight for other demons. “Anne, I still don’t understand. Why would Spike fight for other demons or want to protect them?”

“Buffy, why do you fight, why do all the slayers fight? You fight to protect humans from the vampires and other demons, and to prevent an apocalypse, right? Well Spike is like a slayer for the demons. He protects the peace between the different demon clans so that their conflicts don’t spread out and get the human world involved. You probably didn’t know this, but after Angel started his war with the Senior Partners and killed off all the top demons in the Black Thorn, there was a kind of vacuum in the power structure of the demon world here in Los Angeles for awhile. The Black Thorn was evil and all that, but they still controlled most of the demon clans and prevented them from getting out of control in the human world. When Angel destroyed the Black Thorn there wasn’t any structure left to hold the demon clans back. That’s what Spike has been doing for the past seven years, keeping things from getting out of control.”

“For the first couple of years, while the Senior Partners were trying to rebuild here in L.A., Spike was able to keep things from getting to far out of hand. But once the Senior Partners got reorganized they wanted to take back control of the demons in the city. Spike has been working for the past five years to prevent that from happening. See, the way the Senior Partners usually work is to help instigate a conflict between different demon clans and then pick one side and help them destroy the other. That’s how they bring different clans under their control. What Spike does is to try to work out the problems between the clans before it turns into a war. If he can’t work out the problems peacefully he tries to get the clans to settle their problems the old way, by picking Champions and letting them settle the problem in the demon arena. The Senior Partners don’t like that Spike is interfering with their plans, so they’ve been trying to kill him for the past five years.”

Buffy was having mixed feelings about what Anne had been telling her. On one level she was feeling proud of Spike that he was keeping the peace in the city between humans and demons. On another level she was still confused about what it meant for Spike to be a Champion for other demons. And then there was the fear that gripped her heart when she heard that the Senior Partners were trying to kill him.

With her anxiety coming out in her tone of voice, Buffy said “Anne, I still don’t understand what your saying about Spike being a Champion for other demons or why that would make the Senior Partners want to kill him?”

Giles had been standing behind Buffy since Anne had first started talking to her. Hearing the anxiety in Buffys voice Giles rested one hand on her shoulder and gave it a light squeeze to let her know that he was there for her. What Anne had said only confirmed some of the things that Kar-Hool had told them earlier, but Buffy hadn’t been privy to that conversation. Giles had been introduced to Anne earlier, so he didn’t feel to uncomfortable breaking into their conversation. “I’m sorry to intrude Anne, but Buffy hasn’t been told of Spikes activities as a Champion nor does she know anything about Joy being the Child of Light and what that means. She was with Spike earlier this morning and didn’t hear Kar-Hools brief account. In fact, what you have just told her was in some ways more informative on the whole than what Kar-Hool told us, except that without what Kar-Hool told us, what you have just said is no doubt just confusing her.”

Buffy turned her head to look a Giles and gave him a quizzical look. Turning back to Anne, she said “Yeah, what he said. I don’t know anything about anything that Spikes been doing, except that he’s been fighting vampires and taking care of all these kid. Giles told me earlier that all these kids are orphans and that Spike also protects a lot of homeless people. Other than that I don’t know to much. Last night and this morning have been kind of emotional and I spent a lot of it crying.”

Anne looked at Buffy and there was a sadness in her eyes, but there was a sound of pride in her voice as she started speaking. “Spike really is a Champion, Buffy, and you really need to be told about all the things he’s done. But there isn’t time for that right now. Just believe me when I tell you that Spike is a hero to a lot of people, both human and demon. We all love him, and respect him, more than you might think is possible, but it’s true.”

Buffy listened to Anne, but it was her words “we all love him” that had drawn her attention. Feeling very uncertain about what kind of relationship Anne and Spike might have with each other, her fears seemed to move up into her throat, almost choking off her words. “D… do you … love Spike? Does h… he love …you?”

Anne watched Buffy wrap her arms around herself and seem to almost withdraw inside herself. She could also read the pain and fear inside Buffys eyes. Reaching out she gently clasped one of Buffys arms as she spoke. “I do love him, Buffy, and I know he loves me the same way. But it’s not the kind of love your thinking about. Spike is my friend, were like brother and sister. We help each other, we talk, we share our pain, and sometimes we even share our happiness with each other, like today, for Joy’s birthday. But, we’re not ‘in love’ with each other. Spike told me a long time ago that he loved someone, and that he would ‘love her until the end of the world’. He told me that he stayed out of her life so that she could be ‘happy’, that he’d never brought her anything but ‘pain‘. He never said who it was by name, but I think we both know who it was he was talking about. Spike thinks that his past is unforgivable, that what he did to you is unforgivable. He’s wrapped himself up in the pain of guilt and remorse, and it’s given him the strength to do all the things he’s done. He told me that the woman he loved once told him that ‘she believed in him’, that ‘he could be a good man’, and that he tried every day not to disappoint her.”

The initial pain that came to Buffys heart when Anne said she loved Spike was almost immediately relieved when she said that they were not in love, that they were like a brother and sister. She also felt a small stab of jealousy hearing that they talked with each other and shared both their pain and their happy times with each other. Buffy had missed so much over the years and wished with all her heart that she could have been there to share those times with Spike. She was just starting to breath again when it hit her that Spike had told Anne that he had stayed away from her so that she would be happy and that he thought that he had never brought anything but pain into her life.

Defensive, then guilt laden thoughts filled her mind, *Stupid vampire! How could he think that staying away from you would make you happy? How could he think that he had never brought you anything but pain? Maybe because you never told him anything different, huh, Buffy! But I did, I told him I loved him. Yeah, but he didn’t believe you, did he?*

Tears were already in Buffys eyes, when Anne said that Spike thought his past was unforgivable, the tears broke free and ran down her face. Hearing that his life was filled with pain had her sobbing. When Anne said that everyday Spike tried not to disappoint her because she had once said ‘that she believed in him’ and that she believed that ‘he could be a good man’, she sank down to her knees, feeling to weak to stand.

As Buffy sank down to her knees Anne went down on her knees with her, never releasing her light hold on Buffys arm. Reaching out with her other hand she cupped Buffy under her chin and raised her head so that Buffy was looking at her face as she spoke. “I know that Spike loves you, Buffy. I think that, except for Joy, he probably loves you more than anything else in the world. But Spike has convinced himself that you don’t, that you can’t love him the way he loves you. I think he ‘had’ to convince himself of that or he could have never stayed away from you. If you love him Buffy, if you truly love him, as much as he truly loves you, then your going to have to convince him of that, and it won’t be easy. But if you don’t love him, as much as he loves you, don’t tell him that you do, don’t break his heart again.”

Reaching up to wipe the tears from her eyes, Buffy looked at Anne and could see the sincerity in her eyes and on her face. “I do love him, Anne, with all my heart and soul. But how do I make him believe me, he keeps running away from me?”

Anne gave Buffy a small smile, then told her “Spikes not running away from you Buffy, he’s running away from himself. He’s afraid to let himself believe you, that’s all. But don’t you stop believing in him Buffy, because you were right all along, he is a good man.”

Buffy moved forward and wrapped her arms around Anne, pulling her into a tight hug. “Thank you, Anne. For everything you’ve done for Spike, and for what you just did for me. Thank you.”

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