“Oh…”
Buffy was rendered speechless. He wanted to be with her, like in a real relationship with all the stuff that went with it. Is that what she wanted?
She looked up at him, his gaze intense as he waited for her to respond with more than just one little ‘oh’. This man, who all at once frightened and excited her, was choosing her. She felt like her heart was going to explode.
“Luv, are you going t’ say something or are you just gonna leave me hangin’? I’m dyin’ here,” he told her.
“Okay,” she replied, nodding. “But does that mean we still have to move into a bigger apartment?”
Spike appeared thoughtful. “I don’t think you’re ready t’ have me share the bed with you, pet. So, yes, I think we’ll still need the apartment.”
“Why do you think I’m not ready?”
“Well,” he began, his eyebrows raised. “If I shared a bed with you, I would want more than just sleep. And I don’t want t’ push you into doin’ something you aren’t ready for.”
He was talking about sex. She didn’t know why that suddenly shocked her considering all that had happened, but hearing him talk about it in the context of their relationship…it was a bit much.
It wasn’t that she didn’t want to have sex with him. Ever since the other morning when she had awoken to his touch, it was all she could think about. But he was right, she wasn’t ready.
She hadn’t even had a boyfriend before this unless you counted Tyler Franklin in eighth grade. Spike’s kiss had been her first, his touches her first, and the feelings that he inspired were also uncharted territory as well. Jumping into bed with him when she wasn’t sure that this was even happening probably wouldn’t be the wisest decision.
But that didn’t mean that she didn’t want him to touch her or to kiss her. She hoped that when he spoke of not pushing he wasn’t talking about not being at least a little physical with each other.
Staring up at him, she knew that she had to clear that up before they went any farther with this conversation. She moved up until she was sitting on her knees and then she leaned over to him, her lips mere inches away from his. His warm breath fanned across her face and she could smell the beer and cigarette he’d had earlier.
“What’re you doin’, kitten?” His voice was a husky whisper as his eyes flicked down to stare at her mouth.
“Just making sure that I can do this.” Her lips moved over his slowly, tasting him as her tongue darted out to collect the alcohol that coated his mouth.
Wow, lot of firsts, although secondhand liquor probably didn’t count as true consumption of alcohol.
His large hand rested on her hip and he squeezed roughly as he sucked her tongue into his mouth. She could hear herself whimper as he tilted his head to the side and deepened their kiss. Suddenly, his hand moved from her hip to grab her ass and she squealed loudly, breaking their kiss.
A low chuckle escaped his chest and his arms went around her. In a move that proved just how fast and strong he was, he twisted around and ended up lying flat on his back with her straddling his hips.
“This is exactly why we need separate rooms,” he said with an amused expression on his features.
She could feel something very hard poking her bottom and she wiggled around to try and figure out what it was. At his groan, she froze, realizing at once what exactly it was.
“Is it supposed to be that hard?” She asked more so to herself than to him.
“If it’s workin’ right, it is.”
A warm blush covered her cheeks and she looked away from him. How could she look at him when they were talking about his…his, um…his, you know!?
His fingertips guided her chin back so that she was staring down at him. “Hey, now, none o’ that. Nothin’ t’ be embarrassed about, luv.”
“Easy for you to say! We’re talking about your-” she pointed wildly at where their bodies were joined. “-you know.”
“My cock, you mean?”
She gasped loudly. Did he have to say it like that? Like they were talking about his nose or something. “I-You-Uh-”
“Would it make you feel better if we talked about your-” he made the same gesture to her. “-you know?”
“No! No, I don’t want to talk about that either!” She exclaimed, and then thought for a minute before smirking. “What’s the matter? Don’t you have a word for that too?”
“Oh, no, luv,” he said in a low voice. “I’ve got a lot of words for that. You wanna hear ‘em?”
Yes. “No,” she replied weakly.
His hand came up and his fingers brushed back some of her hair from her face. “There’ll be time for that, but for now, let’s just stick with the basics, yeah?”
“Okay.”
It wasn’t just that she was inexperienced that made Spike want to take it slow. He cared for her and their relationship meant more to him than just a quick shag. If he did things right, there would never be a need to question his motives.
His body was ready to go, but it was by sheer willpower alone that he didn’t just flip her over and show her how he truly felt. The things she made him feel were like nothing he’d ever experienced before. He had been with many women and yet not one of them had ever affected him like Buffy could. All she had to do was smile and he was gone.
“You’re mine, baby. And I take care of what’s mine,” he told her, his thumb brushing against her lower lip.
He supposed that, until just now when they had finally defined what they were to each other, he had always felt like she was out of reach. Technically, they weren’t anything before. Not family, not best friends, and he had no claim to her. Now that he had said it out loud, he could sense the change between them.
They belonged to each other.
“I’m scared,” she whispered.
He didn’t have to ask what she was frightened of because he, too, feared it. The day when her father would reappear and try to take her away from him. But he wasn’t going to let that happen. Not while he still had breath left in his body.
“Don’t be scared, luv. I’m here.” He tried to sound confident, but the way his voice cracked a little made it less convincing.
Her eyes went wide for a second before she leaned down and stretched herself over his body. His arms wrapped around her slender waist, pulling her tight against her chest.
“Don’t let go.”
“Never. Never let go, I promise,” he said with more conviction. “Never.”
Buffy watched with curiosity as Spike shaved the next morning.
He had just gotten out of the shower when she’d knocked on the door and asked if she could hang out while he got ready. A black towel rode low on his lean hips and droplets of moisture dotted his alabaster skin as he stood in front of the mirror.
“How do you do that without cutting yourself? I’m always nicking my legs when I shave,” she said.
A slow grin appeared on his lips. “Oh? Well, I could always do it for you…since I’m so good at it.”
She giggled. “My own personal shave slave. I think I could handle that.”
“Mmm, and I could shave other places as well,” he purred.
“What! I am not letting you shave my head, Spike!” She cried, her hands immediately coming to cover her hair.
He shook his head, laughing, while he set the razor down and walked over to where she was sitting on the edge of the tub. “I wasn’t talkin’ about your head, luv.”
“Then what?”
He raised an eyebrow and glanced down between her legs.
Oh. Ohhhh! He was talking about shaving her…you know. Did guys really like that? She had read in a magazine about women shaving and waxing down there, but she wasn’t quite sure why they felt the need to do that. And what if you missed? Ouch! She couldn’t even shave her legs without cutting herself let alone her…well, you know.
“Wouldn’t it hurt, though?”
“Not if we’re careful. And I’d be very gentle with you, kitten.” His blue eyes were stormy again and letting her gaze slowly drop from his face to his lower body, she realized he was hard again.
“Is…is that something you’d like me to do? I mean, do guys really like it…bare?”
“Well, I do, but some guys prefer it au naturale. It just depends,” he told her. “But since you have problems doin‘ your legs, I think we better leave the job up t’ me, hmm?”
A shiver ran through her at the image of him doing the job and she blushed furiously. The stuff he said…it was so thoroughly naughty, but Buffy couldn’t stop the tinglies that started growing outward from her center and spreading throughout her body.
“O-Okay.”
He smiled and kissed her forehead before going back to his shaving. “What do you feel like havin’ for lunch?”
How could he go from talking about shaving her to food without even giving pause? He was so confident. She could never be like that.
“Sushi.”
His head snapped to the side and he stared at her for a moment. “Sushi? You’ve got t’ be bloody kidding!”
“No, I like sushi.”
“Why on earth would anyone want t’ eat raw fish?”
“It’s not all raw and it’s good for you,” she told him.
He shook his head. “Well, even if I wanted t’ eat raw fish, I wouldn’t have the slightest clue where t’ go.”
“Anya told me of a really good place that she likes.”
“Oh, so I have Anya t’ thank for this, eh?”
“C’mon, Spike. Please.”
With a sigh he said, “And if I needed further proof that I’m truly whipped…fine, we’ll go.”
Spike looked down at his plate in horror.
“I thought you said this stuff wasn’t raw,” he said, turning to Buffy, who was rubbing her chopsticks together.
“It’s not.”
“It looks bloody raw t’ me.” He poked at one of the little pieces with the end of his chopstick.
“Stop that! Quit being such a baby,” she told him.
He pouted. “But what is it? I refuse t’ eat anythin’ I can’t identify.”
Rolling her eyes, she pulled his plate closer to her. “This is ebi, cooked shrimp. That’s unagi, eel with a sweet sauce. And this is a California roll, crab and avocado. It’s all cooked, Spike.”
“And the green stuff?”
“Wasabi.” She took a piece of the wasabi in her chopsticks and dropped it in his bowl of soy sauce. “Here, it’s easier if you eat it this way.” She mixed the wasabi and soy sauce together.
“Can I have a fork?”
The sushi chef, who had been watching them in amusement, handed Spike a fork and nodded his head in encouragement.
Spike stabbed a piece of…what had she called it? It looked like shrimp. He dunked it in the light brown mixture that Buffy had made and stared at it for a moment before popping it in his mouth. It tasted…
“Wow! This is bloody fantastic!” He moved around his plate and tried a different type and had the same reaction.
“See, I told you it was good.” Buffy smiled at him and he could do nothing but return it.
“Where’d you learn t’ eat this stuff ‘cause I know Rupes would never touch it?”
“My stepmother is a huge health food freak. Sushi is probably the only thing she ever made me eat that I liked,” she replied, taking a drink of her tea.
They hadn’t really discussed her father’s new wife. He knew that Buffy didn’t like her, but he didn’t know if she was involved with the abuse Buffy had suffered through. And while he wasn’t down with hitting women, if she had laid a finger on his girl, he would find someone who didn’t give a damn what sex she was.
“Tell me ‘bout her.”
“Not much to tell. She made my life hell.”
“Did she hurt you?”
Buffy looked over at him and Spike knew the answer before she said it. “No. But she didn’t have a problem with my father doing it, so she’s not much better as far as I’m concerned.”
Spike nodded in agreement. How anyone could stand by and allow someone to hurt another when that person didn’t even deserve it, was beyond him. He couldn’t imagine not doing anything to stop it. Just sitting there and watching as a father beat his child. It wasn’t right.
So, Buffy’s stepmother was now on his shit list as well. Right below her bastard father.