And thanks for all the great reviews! Although, I should have realized that Sean would have been the star of that last one. I’m guessing from the reviews that you’d like him to become a permanent character…? We’ll see. ; - ) ~Jae
Basking in the afterglow of her orgasm, Buffy lay sprawled across the bed. Her body was still trembling from the amazing sensations Spike had created within her. And she couldn’t feel her toes.
If anyone had told her a week ago that she would be wantonly spread across a man’s bed, she probably would have laughed at them. This kind of behavior wasn’t anything she’d participated in before and for the most part, hadn’t wanted to.
There were girls who went to her school in LA that were known for bed-hopping and the general consensus was that they were sluts and lower members of the high school social heirarchy. Once she had thought the same, but now she wasn’t so sure that she was much different than those girls.
This wasn’t the sort of thing that good girls did. Her mother was probably turning in her grave at her wild behavior. Even while she was ashamed of what she was doing, she couldn’t stop the feelings that urged to do more.
It wasn’t as if she were just jumping into a stranger’s bed. It was Spike. Her boyfriend. And it was okay to have sex with your boyfriend, wasn’t it?
Some of these crazy thoughts were direct results of her self-doubt. She was only sixteen…okay, almost seventeen…but Spike was a full-grown man. Boy, is he. What could she possibly have to offer him that he couldn’t get somewhere else?
It was true, she was jealous. Jealous of all the women that he’d had before her. Jealous of Cordelia, who it seemed held a special place in Spike’s heart. Jealous of any woman who could offer him what she was unable to give.
That is why Buffy suddenly decided that if Spike would have her, she would offer him what he wanted. Sex. The whole thing. She couldn’t lose him and if this was the only way to keep him, she would do it.
The sound of the shower brought her out of her haze. He would be naked in there, all wet and soapy. Of course, she had to imagine a little since her visual knowledge of the male body was lacking, but there was a fuzzy outline along with…hey! His thing is probably not purple. Try again, Summers
Squeezing her eyes shut, she tried to picture him standing underneath the spray of hot water. The water rolling off his skin and pooling at his feet. She knew what his feet looked like, so that was easy enough. And his chest, she knew what that looked like too.
Below the belt…that was another story. She had felt it enough times to get the general shape and size, but really, she had no clue what he looked like there.
Her modesty shelved, she got off the bed, still topless with her jeans undone, and tiptoed down the hall to the bathroom. Putting her ear to the door, she listened for any sounds before turning the doorknob slowly.
The bathroom was already filled with steam, making the air opaque. She froze for a minute. What the hell was she doing?! Was she really seriously thinking about getting into that shower with him?
Yes.
She slid her jeans and panties down her legs and stepped out of them, piling them in the corner. Her feet slapped softly against the tiled floor as she made the short distance to the bathtub. Staring up at the shower curtain, she could see the shadowy outline of his body.
Grabbing the edge of the curtain, she slid it over a little. It was now or never. Once she was in, there would be no turning back. She took a deep breath and stepped into the tub, one foot then the other.
His back was turned to her and it was obvious that he hadn’t heard her. The muscles in his back were working as if he was scrubbing furiously and she stood in wonder for a second before sliding forward and running her hands up his back.
“Bloody fuck!”
He jumped so high, Buffy though he might fall out of the tub. His elbow knocked the shower caddy down, bottles and soap clattering to the bottom of the tub. He had cornered himself against the tile and was holding onto the wall for support.
“Buffy?” His tone suggested more than just surprise. Maybe confusion?
“Uh, hi?” She offered, raising her hand in a little wave.
He seemed to be gaining his senses again and he pushed himself away from the wall. “What’re you doin’ in here?”
It occurred to her that maybe this had been a very bad idea.
“I thought you might want some company?” It was supposed to come out in a sensual rasp, but it sounded more like a timid question than anything else.
He ran a hand through his wet platinum hair. “Geez, luv, warn a bloke next time. You scared the shit out o’ me.”
Suddenly, Buffy felt very naked just standing there and she moved to cover her breasts. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”
He shook his head. “It’s okay. Just startled me, is all.”
She made the enormous mistake of letting her gaze drift away from his face and down the length of his body. Oh my god! He’s huge! Well, she thought he was. She didn’t have much to gage from, just Sean. And she didn’t have a measuring tape with her, but she could guess they were close to the same size.
“See somethin’ you like, pet?”
His voice zapped her back to reality and her eyes shot up to his face. “I-uh-that’s-uh-”
“What are you doin’ in here? The truth now.” His expression had gone from Sexy Smirk Spike to Serious Frown Spike in a matter of milliseconds.
Did he always have to call her out like this? Couldn’t he just let her and it go? A minute later, his expression hadn’t changed and Buffy got her answer.
“I thought you might wan…” Her voice trailed off into a whisper.
He put his fingers behind his ear. “Say it again, luv. Didn’t catch all of that.”
“I thought you might w-want to have s-sex with me.” There she said it. Oh crap! She’d said it.
Spike’s blue eyes widened, her words sinking in too slow to process all at once. He had just gotten to assimilating ‘sex’ when he realized what she had just said.
“Buffy, I…” What the hell did he say to something like that? He was flittering between ‘hell yes’ and ‘hell no’, but neither were the right answer.
This was delicate at best. Her confidence was little to none and he worried that if he turned her down, she would get hurt. That didn’t mean he wanted to throw himself at her either since that would do just as much, if not more, damage.
The water was turning cold and he reached behind him to turn the faucets off. Sticking a hand out of the shower, he grabbed the towels on the rack and brought them in.
He handed one to her and he could see the disappointment on her face. “Luv, we need t’ talk and I’d prefer not t’ do it standin’ in here, freezin’ my bits off. Dry off and get some clothes on.”
His intention hadn’t been to hurt her feelings by his abruptness, but if he had to be in that shower for one more second, looking at her gorgeous naked body, he was going to snap. And that would make what he needed to say to her meaningless.
Picking up his clothes, he stalked off to the bedroom to throw on something a little less Eau De Hennessey. Buffy must have followed him because a minute later, she moved silently across the room to pick up her shirt.
He waited out in the living room for her, sitting on the couch and trying to collect his thoughts. There was so much to say and so much he could bollocks up if he wasn’t careful.
Looking up, he watched as she came over and sat down on the other end of the couch. She was acting like he was angry with her, like she was afraid. And he didn’t like that one bit. He stood up and sat down next to her, grabbing her chin.
“Buffy, why are you afraid of me?” He knew his tone was too strong and that he was probably reinforcing what ever fear she had of him, but dammit, he wasn’t going to hurt her. She needed to get that through her head.
“I’m sorry.”
Shutting his eyes, he took a deep breath, his head tilting backwards. He didn’t know how to handle this. That son of a bitch father of hers had conditioned her to assume all the blame even when there was nothing to blame.
His rage was boiling again. The red film coated his vision and his fists clenched tightly. Cool it, mate. You’re gonna scare the girl off if you don’t get a hold of yourself.
“Don’t be sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong. And I’m not angry, so please, Buffy, don’t cower away from me like that,” he told her, his voice softening.
“Sorry.”
Before he could stop himself, he grabbed her shoulders and pulled her in for a bruising kiss. He could feel all of his emotions draining out of him, pouring into the kiss and making it more intense than he’d ever experienced before.
Pulling back, he struggled to catch his breath. “Buffy, don’t ever think I don’t want you. You don’t know how hard it is for me t’ hold back sometimes.”
Her brow wrinkled. “Then why did you not want to-”
“Because, luv, you’re not ready. We’ve talked about this,” he said, hoping he didn’t sound too stern. He was her boyfriend, not her bloody father. No, never her father.
“But if it’s what you want, then I want to give it to you,” she replied. Her eyes were glassy and he could see her tears floating behind her eyelids.
“Kitten, it should never be about what I want. What do you want? Do you want me t’ take your virginity right now? ‘Cause that’s what would happen. Are you ready for that?”
It didn’t take her long to bit her lip and shake her head in the negative. “No.”
He nodded. “I figured that. Now, you wanna tell me where this came from?”
“It’s stupid.”
“No, it’s not. You trust me, don’t you?” At her nod, he continued. “Then let me in.”
She didn’t look at him when she began to speak. “I can’t give you what you want. Why do you even want to be with me if I can’t give that to you? Maybe there is someone else out there that could make you happy.”
God, is that what she thought?
“Luv, you do make me happy. You don’t need t’ give me sex t’ make me happy. And there is no one out there I’d rather be with than you,” he told her, amazed at the truthfulness of the statement.
“What about Cordelia?”
“What?”
“Cordelia. You talk about her all the time, maybe you’d rather be with her,” she said, her voice gaining strength.
He tried to hold it in, but the laughter just came bursting out on its own. “Cordelia is nothing more than a friend, if you’d even call her that. I don’t have any interest in having a relationship with her. Never have, never will.”
“Then why do you talk about her so much?”
He raised an eyebrow. “I hardly think that my brief statements about the woman are enough to garner the ‘so much’ or ‘all the time’. But even if I did, it would be because I see the woman practically everyday. Bloody thorn in my side, she is.”
“So you have no interest in having sex with her, then?”
Oh, shit. He knew he was going to regret telling her this, but if he wanted any sort of serious relationship with this girl, he would have to ‘fess up. She would find out sooner or later, they always did.
“I don’t now. But I’m not going to lie t’ you, Buffy. We were together at one point.”
He saw a myriad of emotions play on her face and he was beginning to regret his whole truth-is-better theory.
“She was your girlfriend?” Buffy asked worriedly.
“No! Never my girlfriend and we only had sex once,” he reassured her.
“And that makes it okay?”
This was backfiring on him. He felt like he was shooting his own foot now. “No, but she didn’t mean anything t’ me.”
Buffy’s mouth dropped open. “And what about me? Do I mean anything or am I just another one of your floozies?”
Shit! The ship was sinking. Wee-Woo! Wee-Woo! Abandon ship!
“If you were one of my floozies, I would have shagged you by now!”
The slap she delivered to his face played out in slow motion. Bloody hell, that hurt!
Just as he was about to lose it, he looked at her. Her hand was covering her mouth and her green eyes were wide in shock.
“I-I’m so sorry,” she breathed out.
His head shook furiously. “No. It was my fault. I went too far.”
“But I shouldn’t have hit you.”
“Yes, you should have. I needed some sense knocked into me.”
And her slap had done just that. He was getting mad at her because he was a dog, sleeping with anyone who struck his fancy. If the tables had been turned around, he knew he would have been furious to know that she’d been with so many men. He was the asshole, not her.
“Buffy, here it is. A relationship isn’t all about sex and what we have is so much more than just a roll in the hay. I’m willin’ t’ wait for you because I care about you. There is no one and I mean, no one, that I would rather be with than you. Not Cordelia, not some girl at the club, no one. Just you, baby. Only you.”
She was grinning and he wondered suddenly if she had the intention of smacking him again. But instead of smacking him, she shocked the hell out of him and kissed him.
“You really care about me?”
“Of course, I do. You’re my girl.”
“I really l-”
Please don’t say love. Please don’t say love.
“-ike you too.”
Bloody hell, that was a close one.