The first thing Spike realized when he started coming to was that he had a very soft and very pliable body in his arms. The second, that he was incredibly hard, so much so that it was beginning to throb painfully.
He nuzzled into sweet smelling hair and his grip around the woman tightened, his palm finding her ripe breast. Moaning, he couldn’t stop the thrust of his hips against her round buttocks.
It had been so bloody long since he’d had a woman. Months, in fact. His libido was in overdrive and even though he had a nagging voice somewhere in the back of his mind telling him that something wasn’t quite right, he was too far gone to hear it.
His hand left her breast and slid down her shirt towards the treasure below. He moved under the elastic waistband of her shorts and cupped her. God, she was so hot and wet for him that he almost couldn’t wait for her to wake up.
“Mmm, baby, wake up,” he whispered hotly into her ear. He wanted a conscious and fully participating partner so her sleeping through the event just wouldn’t do.
Her body stretched against him and if it was possible, he grew even harder. “Spike,” she moaned, her breath coming out in sighs.
He grinned. Oh, yeah, she wanted it bad. “That’s right. Wake up so I can see you come for me.”
She started squirming against his touch and he pushed the edge of her panties aside, sliding his fingers over her. Parting her silken folds, he ran his index finger from bottom to top, catching the tip on her swollen button of nerves.
A strangled cry escaped her throat. “Spike.”
Catching a little more of her moisture on his fingertip, he began rubbing her in a circular motion, her little noises driving him to the brink of climax and insanity. He would never last long enough if she kept it up.
Suddenly, he felt a small hand on his arm and she said his name again. Oh, she was just begging for it now. Her enthusiasm urging him on, he moved faster and harder, trying to push her over the precipice that would bring her total satisfaction.
“Oh, luv, you’re so close, I can tell. C’mon, come for daddy,” he told her, his teeth coming up to bite her earlobe.
In a final move, he pinched her between thumb and forefinger. Her whole body went ridged and she wailed her completion.
He could smell her sweetness, could feel it on his fingers like warm honey. She was ready enough to take him now and without a moment’s hesitation, he rolled her over.
But instead of a ready and willing woman, a terrified girl stared up at him.
“Buffy?” He choked out.
Her hazel eyes were wide and glistening with unshed tears, a sheen of perspiration covered her golden skin. Her lower lip was trembling and her body was shaking.
The word rape kept flashing behind his eyes.
“Buffy, luv, I-”
Her hands came up to his chest and she gently pushed him away. He watched in silent shock as she sat up, her back to him, then stood up and left the room.
“Fuck! Bloody fuck!” He yelled out, his face buried in his hands. What the hell had he just done?
Closing the door behind her, Buffy went and sat down on the closed lid of the toilet. Her entire body still tingled from the explosion of sensations that had rocked her world only moments before. She knew enough to know what had just happened to her, but it didn’t help her explain the emotion flooding her every molecule.
She blushed. God, what he’d done to her… She remembered waking up slowly to the sound of his voice in her ear then the most delicious tingles traveled through her body. It took her a minute to figure out what was happening, but once she did, she was at a loss. Did she stop him or pretend like she was completely unaware of what he was doing?
For a moment, she did pretend. And then suddenly, the tingles turned into something more potent and heavy. At that point the fear took over and she called out his name to try and stop him. But he didn’t stop, kept just making her body spiral further and further out of control until she was shaking with release.
The look on his face when he’d rolled her over told a thousand stories. It was pretty clear to her that he didn’t realize who he was doing those things to and she didn’t know whether to be relieved or hurt.
Standing up, she moved to look at herself in the mirror. Her face was flushed and her hair was damp, strands of it sticking to her neck. She felt like a stranger in her own body. Gone was the little girl and in her place stood a young woman on the edge of adulthood. What had occurred between her and Spike was only pushing her farther over that ledge.
She turned on the faucet and splashed cool water on her heated skin. How was she going to face him now? Embarrassment and anxiety were making her queasy. She had never been touched like that before and she wasn’t sure how she should be reacting in the aftermath.
It was times like these that she missed her mother to the point of devastation.
But since her mother was gone, she couldn’t receive the advice needed in this case. And that meant she had to figure it out for herself. With the way Spike had reacted to her when he figured out it what was happening, she didn’t think screaming and crying was going to help any. The only solution was to try and be an adult about it.
She wasn’t angry at him, maybe she should be, but she couldn’t muster up any ill will towards him. What he had done felt so good and even though she had been frightened by what she was feeling, she didn’t regret it. She knew that it could never happen again, would never happen again. The memory of it, though, would last a lifetime.
Pulling her hair back and brushing her teeth, she glanced at herself one last time in the mirror. It was as good as it was gonna get without a shower.
When she left the bathroom, she found Spike sitting at the kitchen table with a cigarette between shaky fingers. She sat down across the table from him and waited for him to say something.
When he didn’t, she figured she would have to make the first move. “Spike, are you okay?”
“How can you ask me that?” He asked without looking at her. “Why are you askin’ me that? I should be the one askin’ you if you’re okay.”
“I’m fine,” she said.
His head shot up. “Fine? You’re not fine, Buffy. I can tell.”
Sitting back in the chair, she crossed her arms over her chest. “Well, you must not be able to read me very well ‘cause I am fine.”
“How can you be fine after what happened? After what I did?” He said angrily, and then his voice changed to a whisper. “I raped you, Buffy. That’s not okay.”
“Huh?” What was he talking about? He didn’t rape her. Maybe touched her without her knowledge for a little while, yes, but rape? What was that saying? It’s pretty hard to rape the willing and even though she was kinda wigged, she certainly was willing.
“Buffy, what I did to you was-”
“It wasn’t rape, Spike,” she replied incredulously.
He shook his head. “No, it was. You are young and-”
“I’m young, but I’m not stupid. I know what rape is and I’m telling that wasn’t it.” God, was this guy ever going to get it?
“Look, I know you don’ want t’ admit it, but what I did was wrong. I forced you t’ do those things,” he told her, his blue eyes shining with pain and regret.
“Do what things? Make me feel incredibly good things? I liked it, Spike. I don’t call that being forced,” she replied, a small smile on her lips.
The shock colored his expression and it took him a minute to respond. “Why were you crying then?”
“Well, I was kinda freaked for a minute.” She downcast her eyes so she was staring a speck of ash that had escaped the ashtray instead of his intense gaze. “I mean, I’ve never… That was the first time that happened to me and I had all of these feelings. I just didn‘t know how to handle it.”
Oh.
So that was why she had been upset. Her first time. With him. Oh, this wasn’t making him feel any better about what happened.
After she had left him, he’d had a few minutes alone to process it all and he discovered, much to his dismay, that while he had been halfway between sleep and consciousness there was no doubt in his mind who she was. He knew it had been Buffy lying next to him when he touched her. It was foggy and he really hadn’t been all together upstairs, but behind his closed eyes he was picturing her.
Now she was sitting here telling him that he had been her first…well, he didn’t know what since he thankfully never got around to doing what he really wanted to. And he felt like he took advantage of her. No scratch that. He knew he had taken advantage of her. His coherence at the time be damned, it was still wrong.
“Spike?” Her voice broke through his thoughts.
He glanced up at her. Despite how disgusted with himself he was, he couldn’t help but think how beautiful she looked. “I shouldn’t-”
“I know. And I know it can’t happen again. But you need to know that I’m okay.” she told him.
Why was she so calm? He was supposed to be the adult here and yet she was the one with the composed tones of reason. Somehow their roles had gotten reversed and he was the inexperienced kid while she was the levelheaded adult.
It couldn’t happen again, he knew that as well as she did. Their relationship had to remain very platonic not only because of her age, but because she had bigger problems facing her. The added issue of his lust for her, and possibly her lust for him the way she had made it sound, coupled with her life on the run would make it ten times more difficult to deal with.
“Friends?” She held out her hand to him with an expectant expression on her face.
Friends. He was well aware that they could never be friends not with the sexual tension running like a current between them. But there wasn’t alternative at this point. She couldn’t very well leave any more than he could let her go and they would never be together in a romantic capacity so that only left the uncharted middle ground of friendship.
Grasping her hand and giving it a quick shake, he conceded. “Yeah, friends.”
A/N: So…what do you guys think? I kinda struggled with warning you ahead of time about the content. But in the end, I figured that: 1. It would spoil it and 2. I knew that it wasn’t something that was going to end ugly or violent. I hope you guys are still with me and would love to hear your feedback. ~Jae