You make me feel so guilty. When I look at the red streaks through your hair, that small tattoo which has been injected into the small arm I can only see what being away from the bleached menace has done. I left to take care of Dawn. I didn’t think that I would return to find a different person.
I know it isn’t pleasing for you to hear that I’ve moved on since her death and have even started seeing some one else. If you would answer back I’d probably be able to explain it better, get some support rather than this dead silence. They all accept it perfectly fine, whether that’s because she was ultimately a demon or because the memories are too painful I don’t know. But they do Buff. They forgive me for wanting to be with a woman again.
I can’t help but feel accused when looking at you. The loss of him is still transparent and raw, weeping with need. With Anya I can put it past me, forget the love of money and odd comments on human interaction. Her presence in everyday life only feels like a shadow.
It’s rather abrupt when the weight of her death forces itself upon me. But then it only happens with you.
Did you know that the only time I think about Ahn is when I speak to you Buffy? I stare at your eyes and can’t help thinking that if it wasn’t for Spike you wouldn’t be in this mess. Always were trying to get the evil dead guys to love you back weren’t you? Even when Angel turned all grr and Spike proved that he really was just a soulless demon. It only took one trip to Africa and a soul without the chance of turning into a reenactment of the ‘Romeo Juliet style of death, doom and gore’, to get him straight back into the house; into your heart.
I miss her. I can’t tell anyone but you because you’re the only one who can understand. Or at least I hope you can. Jenny’s passing has long since been dealt with and Willow’s still with that annoying slayer Kennedy.
I can’t wait till they call it quits.
WHY CAN’T YOU WAKE UP?
The chance of recovery is getting less and less Buffy. Will says that unless we find a way to achieve more direct contact than you’ll die.
I just know that if you responded we could save you, get you out and let you kick the Immortal’s undead butt. Giles is starting to search and interrogate his associates so he can find where he hangs out. The watchers all seem to believe that Angel and Spike will know where to find them. They were with evil inc for a long time and have to of had some knowledge of Immy’s whereabouts.
Giles has broken two pairs of glasses already due to cleaning them so much.
I guess that’s what I mainly came to talk to you about Buffy. Spike is coming here to Rome. Both of your undead boyfriends have managed to not turn to dust like we prayed for and just in case you’re ignoring me and trying not to listen I’ll repeat that.
Spike is alive and coming to see you.
Hope that makes you happy Buffster cause the G man certainly isn’t pleased. He would’ve been happy to keep the bleached wonder’s existence a secret for years if not for Will. Shows how much he cares to call Spike when they can’t even talk to each other for more than a minute.
It’d be nice if you were moving when he shows.
The sensation of a light pat on her shoulder awoke Buffy as the voice seemed to lessen. The male baritone was fading, growing lighter until the last five words were a mere whisper.
Talk to you later Buffy.
Her eyes widened for a moment, the dream like quality of Xander’s speech causing her to muddle the words. There had been something important about it, a name or word that would definitely change her opinions.
If only she could recall what it had been…
The sliding of the glass door caused Buffy to look up sharply, her body huddling into the side of the bed. Whatever they wanted couldn’t possibly be worse than a shot. Interrogation had been given up long ago.
The pale white of the orderly’s uniform was thankfully unaccompanied by the dull brown shade that signified a therapist or doctor. A clipboard was clutched in one hand, the fingers a pale white which grasped at the edges.
Something was going to happen.
If possible, Buffy shrank even further into the wall, a lone sheet bunching up at the scrambling movements. There was no way she was going to let them touch her today. Not when she was so close to working out what the voice had said. Xander often did not speak for long periods of time, possibly uncomfortable talking. What had he said? Oh yes:
You make me feel so guilty.
Buffy didn’t know whether to laugh at the notion of hurting an imaginary persona’s emotions or empathise. Anya, if she recalled, correctly had meant far more to her friend than any other woman, excluding her and Will of course. The hair colour was difficult to remember, varying from blond to brunette depending on whim. A love of money was the main memory that registered. That, and a gigantic fear of bunnies.
It was just one sign that she was going mad.
The clipboard being settled on the ground shook her away from her musings, the orderly reaching for her a moment later. The rough grasp of his hands along her bicep caused her to tremble knowing that her daily injection was imminent. It was the one constant in a place that kept her caged for hours on end.
The doctors had always told her that it was in order to calm her senses but Buffy couldn’t help sense an ulterior motive.
Hadn’t she always cooperated without the medicine? Why did she need such large doses?
The sting of the needle biting deep into her arm was all it took for a flood of warmth to enter her body. It had a similar effect to the serum Giles had injected her with during her ‘trial’. Buffy wasn’t sure whether or not to believe the memory, but it did explain the odd surges of energy that would travel up and down her left side. They were obviously afraid of something regarding her.
If only I could figure out what that might be…
The petite woman barely had a chance to protest before the orderly dragged her from the bed and out of the room.
It seemed that it was time to meet the other patients.
Meds by silly_bint
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Author's Chapter Notes:
sorry for the late post. The flu has struck and kept me away from the computer for the last two days. I just want to say thank you to everyone that has reviewed this fic so far. It has been incredible to see the amount of detail and excitement in each review.