Chapter 3: A Star Burned Out
“Hey Buffy” a cheery secretary voice of Harmony screeched at the entrance of the star with the headache
Buffy let out a loud groan inside her head. With her little hangover, a perky blonde at 8am was the last thing she needed. Buffy’s eyes were covered by her big thick sunglasses, hiding her tired eyes from the world. She gave Harmony a little fake smile and then entered her agent’s office.
Instantly Buffy said when she shut the door behind her, “Lilah you need a new girl out there. Honestly you can do better.” Buffy muttered as she crossed the office and stood before her agent.
Lilah glanced up at what America considered ‘The Sweetheart of Hollywood’ and only saw a grumpy girl. “God what crawled up her ass and died? Paris Hilton?” Lilah laughed and leaned back in her comfy chair, taking in the full appearance of the hung-over TV star.
“And what’s with the sunglasses indoors?” Lilah pointed up at Buffy face.
Buffy lifted her sunglasses and placed them on top of her blonde head. Lilah instantly frowned when she saw her tired eyes.
”Actually you look better with them over your eyes…what happened to you? Go out partying?” Lilah guessed.
”You mean the party for two at my house, me and my bottle of vodka.” Buffy said as she dropped in a chair near Lilah’s desk and held her queasy stomach.
Lilah raised an eyebrow at her comment, “I take it Angel called or something Angel related happened.”
“Left a message on the answering machine a few days ago.” Buffy sighed and rolled her eyes.
”And?”
“And what? He left a message that ignored…like always.” Buffy shrugged, “I’ve had enough of his apologizing over the phone. If I was so important to him he would have returned.”
”It’s not that simple for him.” Lilah tried to reason with her and get Angel’s point across to Buffy. She didn’t want Buffy to completely shut out the tall hair gelled husband just yet; it would affect Buffy’s career and also her own.
“Seems like the complete opposite. He gets to parade around in Greece while I’m left with the reporters analyzing everything I say or do.” Buffy argued and let out a huff, “I need a cigarette.” She muttered.
”You smoke now?” Lilah asked in shock, this wasn’t certainly the Buffy she knew at all.
”No yet…been thinking of doing it. Need something for my nerves don’t I?” Buffy argued.
“And the drinking isn’t enough?” Lilah laughed.
”I don’t drink that much. It’s been a long…few days.” Buffy defended herself, not wanting Lilah to get the wrong impression, letting everyone think she was going off to the deep end.
“And how many long days have you had…this week?” Lilah questioned.
Buffy gave a little glare to Lilah and refused to answer that. ‘It’s none of her business’ she thought to herself.
“I think you need a major vacation dear.” Lilah compromised, “Away from L.A…away from reporters and newspapers…away from the house.”
“I don’t know…I already went to Greece to see Angel…and that blew up in my face major.” Buffy was hesitant, she hated traveling. She considered a vacation a week in bed with a stack of her favorite movies and a bowl of popcorn with the phone off the hook.
“Okay…so without Angel too…so what do you say?” Lilah asked, “It will be good for you…it will cleanse all the negative energy that you have now.”
”What do you suggest? Hawaii?”
”How about New York…nice this time of year… you can see your old pal Willow and—“
”No.” Buffy quickly cut her off before she could utter another word, or more specifically, another name.
”Why not?” Lilah frowned. She thought it would be something that Buffy was dying at a chance to see her old friends and reconnect with her past.
“I hate New York in the winter…too cold. Plus this heat wave in California got me into a bathing suit yesterday.” Buffy lamely said.
”Well put the bathing suit away cause’ I’m buying you a parka.” Lilah leaned forward on her desk, willing to argue Buffy to the ground. She knew Buffy would cave in if she pushed her enough.
“Besides Willow is already here…she came to my house yesterday…so it’s a waste.” Buffy said hoping Lilah would drop the issue of New York. However, Lilah took that bit of info and turned it against her.
”Perfect. Willow can accompany you when she goes back to New York.” Lilah smiled.
”I said no.” Buffy fought.
Lilah blinked and continued to wear her resolved face.
’I’m not going to win this am I?’ Buffy thought to herself.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
After Willow received a knock on the door from her hotel room she was surprised to see the petite blonde on the opposite side with a guilty look.
“Buffy…what are you—“
”I’m sorry.” Buffy whispered honestly.
Willow sighed and stepped aside, letting Buffy come out of the hallway and into the hotel room. Once both the girls were inside behind closed doors Buffy apologized again.
”I’m really really really sorry Willow.” Buffy plead.
”It’s okay…I’m just worried.” Willow crossed her arms across her chest and presented herself in a nervous stance.
“Look…I’ve changed a lot over the past few…well; over the last year and me drinking I know is a problem.”
”Do you? Because if you did you would have sought out help from Angel…me….anyone Buffy.” Willow bit her lip, hoping that Buffy wouldn’t get mad and run out on her.
“Angel and I are…” Buffy thought of the right phrasing and came out with a vague excuse, “…we have our problems…I guess that’s what has made me turn toward the alcohol a little hard lately.”
”You could have called me…told me. I would have liked to know…I want to help.” Willow stepped a little closer to Buffy, feeling as if she needed to hug her friend.
”I know but I thought this was something I could do by myself…work out by myself…I guess I was dead wrong huh?” Buffy let out a weak laugh.
Willow paused in hesitation and then asked, “Are you ready to ask for help now?”
Buffy closed her eyes, not being able to look her friend in the eye at the moment. “Yes…” she whispered and then opened her eyes and said bravely, “I need help.”
*~*~*~*~*~*~
The two friends sat in a small café in Hollywood enjoying a cup of coffee together. Despite Buffy having to wear a baseball cap and her big sunglasses so she wouldn’t get recognized by anyone, the two of them were glad to be out and reconnecting with one another
”Xander moved away from New York just few months ago when he met Anya.” Willow said as she sipped her coffee.
”What’s she like?” Buffy asked.
Willow opened her mouth and wanted to say ‘completely oblivious to everyone when she talks about sex’ but instead settled for, “She’s okay…seems to really like him.”
“That’s good…he deserves someone nice…” Buffy gave a small smile and looked down into her coffee cup.
“We are kind of beating around the bush aren’t we?” Willow asked, causing Buffy to glance up.
”Pretty much…” Buffy nodded, “If you want to know Will don’t hesitate to ask.”
”I just don’t want to pry.”
”Not prying when I asked for help…I guess talking about it with someone is the best thing I could do.” Buffy admitted as she stared off into space.
”Umm…how much is this depression and drinking…and well whatever related to your marriage?” Willow asked, ‘If she says all of it I’m going to hate myself forever for writing Angel into the show’ she thought to herself.
Buffy shrugged, “About half…the other half deals with my own little…thing I’m going through. I guess the pressing hounding me and reporters following me around when I go to the store are starting to get to me….more than usually.”
Willow frowned, she remembered those days when she went to movies or to a restaurant for dinner with Buffy and William and how it was like a secret expedition to get away from flashing cameras every which way.
“Well…” Willow started, “Let’s start with Angel…what’s wrong? I thought you loved him?”
”I do…I think…I-I don’t know anymore.” Buffy mumbled and ran her hand across her face in distress. “Times like these when he’s not around gets me thinking if I made the right choice.”
”Choice?” Willow straightened up in her seat a little. ‘There was a choice?’ She instantly thought there was a choice a long time ago that Buffy made between Spike and Angel and Buffy chose Angel over Spike.
“Yeah…to marry him. You know.” Buffy shrugged.
Willow slouched down hers seat in disappointment when Buffy didn’t even think to mention Spike. ‘Oh that choice?’ she thought to herself and then paused and wondered if Buffy ever still thought about Spike and if she did then why not have gone for him when she had the chance.
“There is also the baby issue.” Buffy brought up new information.
”Baby?” Willow’s thoughts of Spike switched off and suddenly were perked up on the ‘baby issue’.
“Yes…I want one…Angel doesn’t. Or he does and he just isn’t really ready yet.” Buffy quietly said.
Willow frowned and then thought back to the afternoon a few months ago with Spike playing with Oz’s nephews who were about five and eight. She knew that Spike wanted his own family and loved children. ‘God comparing Angel and Spike was like comparing day and night.’ She thought.
”I think we just rushed into getting married too soon.” Buffy admitted with a nod. “And now I have to pay for the consequences.”
”I’m sorry Buffy.” Willow sympathized with her friend.
Buffy looked back into her coffee again, “Not your fault…”
”So what do you think will happen once Angel returns?” Willow threw in the big question that could tell her where Buffy really stood with her husband.
“I’m not sure….I’ll pay you to tell me what to do.” Buffy joked and looked up at the red head with a smile.
The red head smiled. ‘Oh Buffy, I would tell you what to do in a minute….but you aren’t a TV character that I can write about….you’re your own person, who has a mind and heart that lives and breathes on its own…’ Willow considered.
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