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Author's Chapter Notes:
I’m really sorry about this change in the story. But I needed it to fit in the timeline. Plus I have no clue what the future will be like. So the last few chapters were set in the year 2002. Is that okay? I hope it is, and I promise that there wont be anymore changes in the story. Thank you.

Lotsalub
MyBlondieBear

((are thoughts)) *are diary words*
Chapter 11:

I’m really sorry about this change in the story. But I needed it to fit in the timeline. Plus I have no clue what the future will be like. So the last few chapters were set in the year 2002. Is that okay? I hope it is, and I promise that there wont be anymore changes in the story. Thank you.

Lotsalub
MyBlondieBear

(Las Angeles, 2006)

“It’s been four years to the day since… we went our own ways.” Buffy whispered to her neighbor, Rupert Giles. He’d been her only friend and trusted confidante for just over a year.

Meanwhile:

“Damn, has it really been four years?” Spike asked himself as he looked at the calendar by his bed. He’d just woken up from a major hangover. Last night he’d gone to a bar and got pissed drunk. He did that every once in a while to forget that sweet, innocent, angelic face.

Meanwhile:

“I miss him. You know how you meet someone and you have this feeling that - oh, what am I saying. He can’t return the feelings. He’s a vampire.” Buffy said, she looked up at Giles and gave him a shy smile. Giles knew about how she was in love with a vampire. He didn’t know that she was a vampire too and he also didn’t know that it was William the Bloody - Spike that was on the receiving end of her feelings. She‘d told him because he had said that he was studying paranormal phenomena such as vampire and demons. “I think I loved him.” She looked up at Giles.

Meanwhile:

“How could you Buffy?” He whispered to a small picture of her head. He’d stolen it the night before he left. Spike brought the picture to his lips and kissed the picture, “You didn’t give me a chance. You wouldn’t forgive me. You wouldn’t put the past behind you and give me a chance to tell you that I…I loved you.” He dropped the picture onto his side table and looked away. His eyes rested on a carving knife that was a trophy from killing his third slayer. That was his excuse to leave his Golden Goddess. Everything had just gotten worse after that day. Angelus went after him thinking that Buffy was with him. Spike had barely gotten away. If Buffy had been with him, no doubt she would have gotten killed.

Meanwhile:

“Did you give him a chance to explain why he thought you didn’t want to see him?” Giles asked. Buffy looked away and pushed away her tears.

“He didn’t give me a chance, ergo I didn’t give him one.”

Meanwhile:

Spike leaned over to the side of his bed and grabbed a bottle of Jack Daniels. He sniffed the alcohol before downing it within seconds. He looked back at the picture. He got off the couch and left the room. He was going to forget again.

Meanwhile:

Buffy grabbed her coat and got off Giles’s couch. She flashed him an apologetic look and then started to talk.

“I’m sorry, Giles. I just barged in here and started telling you about my problems.” She put on her jacket and then started towards his door.

“It’s okay, Buffy, you don’t bother me. I understand. It’s the anniversary, it makes sense that you would be hurt.” He said. He followed Buffy to the door and she stepped out.

“Thanks, Giles.” She smiled.

“Be safe.” Giles said. She nodded and left to her apartment room. When Buffy was out of his sight, Giles shut his door and dialed a number on his phone.

“Yeah, Faith. I saw the teardrop mark. She is unmistakably the Queen Vampire.” Giles said into the phone, “No. I don’t think this is the right time… No, I’m not going soft. She’s going through a rough time right now… Yes. I’m aware that you’re the vampire slayer and I’m just the watcher but, trust me, I’m sure.”

Meanwhile:

Buffy walked through her front door and collapsed on the orange couch. She sat there for over ten minutes contemplating on what to do next. She took a deep breath and then walked over to the closet. Buffy searched all around the closet for what she was looking for. Her small fingers stopped on the black jacket. She pulled it from the hanger and cuddled on the couch with it.

“It doesn’t even smell like him anymore…” She whispered as she shut her eyes and let sweet slumber take over her exhausted body. She awoke a few minutes later when the funky beat of her cell phones ring tone came blaring out of her cell. She clumsily grabbed it out of her pants pocket and brought it to her ears.

“Hello?” She asked. No one spoke for a few seconds so she started to hang up. Then she heard someone start to speak.

“You know what?” He asked in a thick British accent, “You need some help.”

“I need help?! You’re the drunk one.” She said. So far she didn’t recognize the mans voice, though he was clearly drunk.

“Me? Drunk? Maybe… but you? … You.” He finished as if he was done. Buffy opened her mouth to talk, but he continued on, “You know I loved you? You didn’t know it then, hell I didn’t either. But I did. Ever since that night all that time ago you’ve haunted my head. I read the book and fell off my rocker. And, Baby, I fell all the way down. They were sweet truths that I didn’t want to hear. You are effulgent.… That pretty red dress looked so beautiful on you, Luv.”

“Elizabeth…” He whispered breathlessly, sounding more sober than he’d been this whole conversation.

“William?” Buffy asked. She heard the other phone click off and then her phone started to beep. She angrily closed her phone and shoved it back into her pocket. She curled back against the coat and thought about his recent confession.

((You know I loved you?))

And she wished that she would fall asleep, but for hours she just sat on her lumpy couch. She felt just as sleepless as she had been after she had forced him to go.

((I read the book and fell off my rocker. And, Baby, I fell all the way down.))

“Book?” Buffy asked, “What book did he read?” She flipped on the TV and saw that ‘Niagara’ was on. It was her favorite Marilyn Monroe movie of all time. She smiled and cuddled into the leather jacket, completely unaware that before it would get better, it would get worse.

Meanwhile:

Spike slammed the phone down onto the receiver. With the force the phone smashed into pieces. Spike’s hands were drenched in blood. It wasn’t just his. He’d picked a fight with some drunk SOL’s just like him. He strolled out of the pay phone booth and glared at the gawking passerby’s. They hurried on their way and Spike stalked back to his lovely home.

The cemetery was pitch black without the sun and the only lights were from the small homes in Sunnydale. He was walking away from the light towards his crypt. There another bottle of Jack Daniels was waiting for him.

“Gay ole’ Jack. He’s always there for me. I swear that bloke should win an award…” Spike said as he walked through the front door of his humble home, “Mr. Jack and Mrs. Tequila…”

Meanwhile:

Buffy was in the middle of a dream about rotten carrots when she was awoken by the thick smell of smoke. Her first thought was that the building was on fire so she ran to the fire extinguisher. When she turned back to the room she came face to face with a demonic looking girl.

“I am Chrehalix. Patron saint of all vampires scorned…” She said in a deep voice, she stopped speaking when she recognized the vampire, “Elizabeth?”

“Cordelia?” Buffy asked. She put the extinguisher back onto the kitchen table.

“Oh, It’s Chrehalix now. So your a vampire? Is that how you disappeared back then?” Chrehalix said, she motioned her hand behind her when she said ‘back then’. Buffy nodded, unsure if she could trust her. She didn’t trust her when she was human, but what if Cordelia changed in the hundred and fifty something years.

“Yeah. It’s Buffy now.” She said. Chrehalix started to walk around Buffy’s living room and looked at everything in disgust.

“You know, you used to be rich. I’m sure you got money somewhere: use it. This place looks really shabby.”

“Duh it looks shabby, I don’t pay for it.” Buffy said, “Why are you here?”

“Oh, didn’t you hear me earlier? I’m a vengeance demon here to… strengthen your vengeance.” She said, she stressed the word ‘strengthen’.

“Vengeance? I don’t have any vengeance.” Buffy said.

“Yeah, you do. You have it all over you.” Chrehalix said.

“How did you become a vengeance demon?“ Buffy asked Chrehalix, she was changing the subject.

“Well, do you remember Parker Abrams?” Chrehalix asked. Buffy nodded, “I married him and then, during our marriage, he cheated on me with a harlot. Anyanka, this other vengeance demon, came and got me to wish parker’s demise. My god, D’Hoffrin, he turned me into a vengeance demon and that’s what I’ve been since.”

She walked to Buffy and shook away her demonic face. Now Cordelia stared down at Buffy and smiled politely, “Make a wish… It’ll all be better.” Buffy starting to think about it and then decided that she was going to make a wish. She looked back up at Cordelia and smiled.

“I wish that I went with Spike when he left four years ago.” Buffy said. Cordelia’s face changed into Chrehalixs’ and in her demonic voice she said

“Done.”


Los Angeles, 2002


“I need to say something.” Spike said. Buffy looked at him and her eyes widened. She’d done it and it had worked, “I’ve decided to go back to Sunnyhell and kill my third slayer.”

“Okay…” Buffy said. Spike tilted his head to the side, he didn’t think that she would agree with his plan that quickly. He actually thought that she’d force him out while screaming at him.

“Okay… Well I’m going now.” Spike said.

“Well, wait a minute. Let me get my stuff packed back up and we’ll go together.” She said.

“No, I meant that I was going. You are staying here.”

“I’m going with you. But, first, can you tell me why you think that I don’t want you here?” Buffy said.

“I read you diary.” Spike said.

“My diary…” Buffy started to think. She didn’t remember what she wrote in her diary all those years ago. She blushed what she remembered.

*I cant even look at him without remembering what he looked like nude this morning. Oh, I feel vile and immoral thinking those thoughts. That man lives to tease me. But something in me tells me that I might have feelings for him. That is another reason we cant be friends. I don’t trust myself around him. Especially with the dreams that I’ve had at least once a week ever since I became this horrid creature. William is always in the dream. He helps me cope with this disease. He’s always there to make me forget what I am… I think he may have crept his way into my heart... *

“You read it all?” Buffy asked, hoping that Spike hadn’t read about the part where she said she liked him, “Did you read it all?” Spike shook his head ‘no’ and Buffy left for her room. She came back with her diary and opened it to the last entry. She handed it to Spike, “Read it all.”

After a few minutes Spike looked back at Buffy and grinned. Buffy returned the grin, but it was much shier than his. Buffy walked foreword and wrapped her arms around Spike’s shoulders. He returned the hug and Buffy whispered.

“it feel’s like it’s been forever…”





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