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5 a.m.


It was still dark when Spike woke up with a boyish grin on his face. Even in his half-asleep state, he felt happy.



Spike turned and stared longingly at the main reason for all the warm, fluttery feelings within his chest. Buffy.



He slowly moved so that his head was leveled with hers.



So beautiful, he mused as his fingers started to play with some of the strands of hair that tickled his chest. He wondered fleetingly whether or not he should wake her up and end his torment by confessing his love for her. He wanted to. So much that he could practically feel his heart do a little dance each time that he would try to play out the scene inside his head.



How he would love to take her to the party on Saturday instead of Dru! But then part of his brain would show him flashes of the cozy intimate scene that he walked in on the day before. Remembering that scene would instantly sour his good mood. Something that would instantly instill more doubts in his mind, leading him to speculate if what happened between them was still part of Buffy’s plan to win Angel back.


************************

Buffy was dreaming. Her subconscious took her back to the scene with Angel the day before. Only this time, the ending was quite different.


“Spike…Please don’t leave…” She’d called after Spike from her doorway.


“Buffy forgive me…I want us to be together again.” Angel told her.


“Angel, I can’t be with you anymore.”


“Damn it, Buffy, please tell me why you’re pushing me away? You can’t. We were meant to be together, baby.” Angel asked her bitterly.


“Because I don’t love you… I never did. I love …Spike.”

**************************


Spike cocked an eyebrow. Isn’t that neat? It seemed that at some point after he had started caressing the smoothness of her face, Buffy began talking in her sleep. Spike knew better than to eavesdrop on her subconscious chatter. But when he caught the faint sound of his name from her lips, he found himself even more intrigued and decided to move his ear closer to her lips.


“Spike…please…”

His eyes widened. She was dreaming about me?


“Angel….(unrecognizable murmur) be with you…(murmur) love you…”

************



When Joyce arrived four hours later, her face was immediately filled with worry. It was pretty unusual to see her daughter hanging out by the kitchen on a beautiful sunny Saturday. It didn’t take her long to realize that something was wrong.




“Buffy, how’s everything in school honey?”




“School’s okay,” she answered in a lifeless manner. She toyed with the pancakes on her plate and then looked up to her mom. “Did my teacher call you about the gum that got stuck in my book report coz’ I already told her that-”




“No, your teacher didn’t call.”




“Oh.” Buffy replied foolishly. “In that case, just pretend you didn’t hear about the stupid gum incident then.”



“Is this about the call from your Dad two days ago? He cancelled on your date to the ice show today, the one that you’ve been planning to go to for months so it’s quite understandable for you to feel bad about it.” Joyce told her. “I could call him if you want and may be persuade him to-”





“That’s really not necessary, mom. For the last two years, Dad has been calling the last minute, coming up with all sorts of lame excuses. I sort of already got used to it really. I’m over the whole Buffy gets one to spend one happy birthday moment with her dad thing.”



“If it’s not your dad, then what else is bothering you, sweetie?”




Buffy looked down on her plate. She wasn't quite sure if she was ready to confide anything to her mom yet.




Joyce sat on the stool beside her. “Is it Angel? Is he giving you a hard time in school?”




“Oh mom,” Buffy sighed. “Is it always this complicated?”




“Is what complicated?”




“Men.” Buffy said weakly, resting her head on her mom’s shoulder.




“Ah. Men.” Joyce chuckled. “An age old question.”




“It’s probably because I’m too young right? That’s why I’m having a hard time figuring them out?”




“Buffy sweetie I’m at the brink of my pre-menopausal phase and I haven’t still figured them out.”




“Angel came by yesterday.”





“Oh.” Joyce face suddenly became alarmed. “So how did it go? I assume he did lots and lots of groveling.”




Buffy looked up to her mom quizzically. “How did you know he was asking me to take him back?”




“Honey he had to be dumb not to realize he committed a big mistake by letting you go. So are you two back together now?




“See that’s the thing. Days ago I would’ve taken him back in a heartbeat but now…”





“Things are more complicated?”




“U-huh.”





“Is it because of Spike?”





Joyce stifled a grin when she felt Buffy’s body stiffen.





Buffy sat upright and looked at her mom guiltily. “How-?”




Joyce gave her an assuring smile. “I’m your mom. Hence, it’s my job to know about these things. Especially when it involves my daughter.”





“You’re not upset?”





“William is a wonderful person sweetie. In and out. I always know that you’ll be safe and cared for whenever he’s around. To tell you honestly, I’m not surprised that you’ve developed deeper feelings towards him.”




“Well I am. It came out as shock to me when I realized. I knew I always cared about him as friend but…”




Joyce looked at her sternly. “Buffy, who do you usually turn to whenever you have problems?”





“You…” Buffy said quickly then became hesitant as she added. “…And Spike. But that’s only natural since we’re best of friends.”





“Don’t they usually start out that way?”





“Not all.”




“I know but,” Joyce gave her a teasing grin. “I wish you could see yourself in the mirror every time Spike shows up. It's almost funny how you seem to be unaware of it yourself, how you unconsciously look for him whenever he’s not around.”





“Hold on. You said…every time. You knew about it for a long time and you haven’t said a word?”





“I thought it would be better if my own daughter would figure it out for herself. I never wanted to sound like I was trying to match the two of you up.” She smiled apologetically.




“Well I wish you would’ve told me so that I could have prevented myself from falling…” she looked down, suddenly feeling embarrassed that she almost blurted out the L word. It would’ve sounded really weird since she never used Spike and the word "love" in the same sentence before.




Joyce lifted up her chin. “Oh honey, why in the world would you do something like that?”




“Mom, you know how he is with girls. I’m kind of confused that you don’t think Spike’s bad news for your daughter.”




“Well don’t you think it’s quite possible that the reason why he’s been that way was because he thought he couldn't have the girl he wanted?”




“When you say -the girl he couldn’t have, you’re not by any chance talking about me, right?” Buffy laughed this time. “ Coz that’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard… you know, in a not so funny way.”




“I don’t think it’s funny at all. I’m serious. Have you seen the way he looks at you?”




“No, how DOES he look at me?” she asked hesitantly.




“Like the way you would look at him only ten times more since William tends to wear his heart on his sleeve.”




Buffy shook her head. Mom probably has it wrong. If Spike cared about her at all, he wouldn’t have left her bedside that morning without saying goodbye…without even greeting her on her birthday. “But don’t you think it would’ve made more sense if he just told me…if he really was…which I know he isn’t.“




“Well, you see that’s the thing. Men are complicated.” Joyce quipped.




Buffy gave her mom a warm hug. She’d been tempted to argue that she knew Spike well enough to know that he would never fall for somebody like her. They were totally different people when it came to commitment and their notions of what true love was. While Buffy believed in true love so much that she was willing to fight for it, Spike chose to play around with it and never took any of his relationships seriously. Well, except for Cecily, whom she suspected he was still holding a torch for after all these years. Oh how she wished she could meet her one of these days so she could whack her in the head for totally ruining Spike’s perception of women.




As far as Buffy was concerned, ending their silly arrangement would do both of them a favor. That way, they could go on with their lives without destroying what’s left of their friendship. They needed to go back to where things were…before everything went kabloeey. Last night should never have happened. Even if was the most amazing thing she’d ever felt in her life. It was a moment of weakness on her part that enabled her to see Spike for who he really was when it came to his lovers. If this was the treatment she would get for almost giving in totally to the temptation, she couldn’t imagine how horrible the outcome would be once they actually did the real thing.



“Things will be okay, sweetie.” Joyce kissed the top of her head. “You’ll see. The day isn’t quite over yet. It’s your birthday and who knows what’s in store for you at the end of the day. Could even turn out to be your best day ever.”




Buffy doubted it. “Mom, you’ve been watching too many Spongebob episodes.”



Joyce smiled and tightened her hold on her. She normally wouldn't consider calling Hank, but Joyce had made up her mind to do so. His daughter needed him now more than ever before.


**********

An hour later (totally Spike’s POV)



Coming out of the house in his jeans and blue shirt, Spike began dialing Xander’s
numbers.



“I’m on my way there, whelp…no of course not. I’m not gonna bail out on you….I’ve been waiting to play pool all day.” And drink lots and lots beer so he could try to forget… “I’ll be there in 15 minutes.” He hung up.



He should never have gone to her house in the first place. How could I have been so daft! Buffy never loved him and she probably never will. And what was eating him up was the fact that he couldn’t bring himself to hate her for it since she’d been totally honest with him right from the very start. He should have known better than to assume that he could use sex to make her fall in love with him. Last night was the biggest mistake he’d ever made in his entire life. It was one of those things that if he could do over again, he would…do over and over again! Damn! Who was he kidding? Last night had been the most wonderful thing he’d ever experienced in his life! If given the chance, he would probably do the same thing and perhaps even more. Bloody hell, I need to get my feet moving before I go out of my soddin’ mind.



Spike willed himself to look straight ahead as he passed by the Summers' house. Even if he caught a familiar figure sitting by the porch out of the corner of his eye, he was not gonna stop and look. No siree. Not going to.



Oh Bugger! His feet stopped walking. His jaw clenched and unclenched as he felt himself being drawn to the girl who was sitting on the porch steps. Like a moth to a flame, he started to stride hesitantly towards her. She had her head in her hands and didn’t see him approach.



“Buffy?”


Buffy looked up with a tear stained face. “Spike…”



“What’s wrong, pet?” He tilted his head as his face filled with great concern.



“I don’t wanna talk about it.” She said avoiding his gaze.




Spike sat beside her, his jaw clenching with so much anger. He was so ready to seek out Angel and beat the crap out of him if he found out that the poofter was the one who made her cry. “Is there something I can do?”




Buffy sighed. “It’s…It’s my dad.”




“You told me he couldn’t make it today. I’m assuming he didn’t change his mind judging from the tears. Unless they’re happy tears.”




“No. He didn’t change his mind. I overheard mom talking to my dad on the phone and I learned that the reason why he couldn’t make it this time was because he’s taking his new wife, Amy, to see a doctor.” She looked at him with sad eyes. “She’s pregnant, Spike. No wonder he didn’t want to have anything to do with me. He’s starting a new family with her!”




It was something so natural. For him to move closer and for Buffy to place her head on his shoulder. He didn’t even notice that he had been running his hands on her back to comfort her until he heard Buffy’s deep sigh. Bloody hell! I’m doing it again! He was about to tell her that he had to leave to meet Xander, who was probably already wondering what’s been keeping him. However, he surprised himself by saying, “You know, there’s a town fair I’ve been wanting to go to for days now and I believe today’s gonna be the last day, so there’s going to be lots of fireworks and stuff.”



Buffy looked up at him, a look of bewilderment crossing her face.



Feeling suddenly vulnerable under her scrutinizing gaze, Spike suddenly stood up and fidgeted. “Buffy…would you like to go to the fair with me?”




The shocked look that she gave him had nearly caused him to retract his offer to her almost instantly. Almost.



“Spike…”



“Pet, I know that going with me to the fair is a poor substitute for spending time with your dad but…”



Buffy started to shake her head. “I don’t think…”




“I think that’s a good idea, Spike,” came Joyce’s voice from behind.




“Mom?” Buffy turned to see her mom standing behind her with a wide grin on her face.




“You've been wanting to go to the town fair this year and you keep putting if off. Now is the perfect time to go check out all the new attractions and rides they have this year.”




“I don’t know.” Buffy looked down on her feet.



“It’s all right Miss Summers. The town fair is so lame anyway, nothing special about it. I don’t know what I was thinking...” Spike muttered regretfully as he turned to leave.




“Spike, wait!”




Spike halted his steps and turned to her sharply, impatience evident in his tone. “Yeah.”




“I changed my mind. I’ll go with you.”



TBC



A/N: So sorry for the delayed update. Got the flu last week. It was terrible. So difficult to get sick when you have a 15-month old baby to take care of as well.


Anyway, thanks for all the reviews on my last chap. Since I got sick, I never really got time to check on the feedbacks and when I did, my gosh my heart was practically swelling from all the good words I’ve been receiving on this story. Thank you sooo much.


Also, let me know how did with the latest chap. Your feedbacks are deeply appreciated. Thanks to my beta, Natalie for once again working with me on this story.





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