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Title: Spiritgasms
Author: Pattyanne
snapkik@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: Not mine
Feedback: Pretty please!
Summary: Spike is gone from this
world, but hasn't passed to the next.
He's given a chance to return, on
account of he acted unselfishly and
helped save the world.



Dedication: To the "Opulent" Cindi, who
suggested the idea and promised me
candy if I wrote it.




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"In the cool of the evening, when every-
thing is getting kind of groovy,
I call you up and ask you if you want
to go and meet and see a movie.
First you say "no", you've got some
plans for the night,
And then you stop...and say "all right"
Love is kinda crazy with a spooky little
girl like you..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


"You've been here long enough, you know. Sooner
or later, you'll have to decide."

Spike stretched out on the warm sand, his body
soaking in all the glorious warmth of the sun that
it had been denied for so many decades.

Sighing deeply, he turned and faced his guide.

"Look, pet...I've told you nine ways from bloody
Sunday...I'm not going back. Why should I? I
like it here just fine."

He gestured with one hand, encompassing all the
beautiful scenery around him; the ocean in front
of him, the forest behind him, and the pristine white
sand underneath him.

"D'ya have any idea how long it's been since
I've sat on a beach during the day? Well, I'll tell
you...never. I've never sat on a beach during the
day. Not once in my entire bloody existence."

Tucking his hands behind his head, he closed
his eyes again. "Now, be a good little spirit helper
and shove off. I'm trying to get a tan."

Melisande stood up and glared at him, hands on her
hips. "And THAT'S another thing...you have GOT to
put some clothes on! There have been complaints."

Spike chuckled. "Liar."

"I BEG your pardon!" The guide drew herself up to
her full height of 4ft 5 in, and looked at him, insulted
to her very core. "I have never told a lie in my life! YOU
on the other hand...."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. You already went over all my
bad habits when I got here. Give it a rest, will ya, luv?"

She was silent for exactly thirty seconds.

"I'm supposed to talk to you about it again."

"ARRGGH !" Spike jumped to his feet and headed
for the water line. "I already told you...I'm NOT going
back! Why can't you lot take go-to-hell for an answer?"

Melisande clapped her hands over her ears. "I
have told you repeatedly...do NOT use the "H" word
around here! It's a very touchy subject!"

Bending over, Spike dug up a handful of sand
and watched the little crabs that lived in it scurry
around in his palm. "Sorry," he muttered.

"What?"

He rolled his eyes and pulled the guide's hands
away from her ears. "I said...sorry."

"Oh...well, good." Only slightly mollified, she
wiped wet sand off her ears. "Now...to get back on
subject. If you remember correctly, I told you when
you first arrived that your case was under review."

"Mm-hmm." He stared out over the calm sea, watch-
ing in delight as a group of dolphins frolicked off
shore. "And?"

"And...I thought you'd be pleased to know that, due
to your acting over and above the call of duty, they
have offered you a 'Get out of limbo free card'. You
can go back and TRY to do things right this time."

Spike shrugged, staring at his feet as he kicked
a seashell out into the water. "Got no reason to go
back."

Melisande grinned, her silver eyes dancing with
glee. "What about her?"

"Her? Her who?" Spike asked, squishing the sand
between his toes.

"You know perfectly well "her who?"...the slayer."

He released a harsh laugh. "Oh, yeah...the slayer. Good
reason to go back, that one is."

"Well, why not?"

Why not? There were a million reasons why not, but
only one that really cut any ice with him.

"She doesn't love me." He shook his head. "I can't
go through it all again, pet."

Melisande sighed along with him. "You don't have to
go back to HER you know. The world's a big place.
Easy to get lost in."

Spike laughed again. "No...I'd never be able to stay
away. Tried it already...couldn't do it. Long as she's
there, I'd go looking for her sooner or later." He knelt
in the wet sand and began to scoop out a hole. "The
slayer...I'm like a fucking homing pigeon where she's
concerned."

The guide plopped down next to him. "Look, William...
Spike...whatever name you're going by these days,
you really didn't give her much of chance at the end
you know. She finally tells you that she loves you,
and you..."

Spike cut her off with a sharp gesture of his hand.

"You don't get it, do you Tinkerbell?"

"Don't call me Tinkerbell. I'm not a..."

"Point is...underneath that slightly frosty and
sometimes downright bitch queen exterior...Buffy
HAS got a heart." He frowned as he kept dig-
ging. "She was just...trying to make me feel better
about what was gonna happen."

"Well?" Melisande spread out her hands. "She
cares."

"I never said she doesn't care," Spike replied, striving
for a little of William's patience. "I know that she cares.
It's not enough."

"I'm not the worldliest spirit guide on the astral plane,
but even I think you're wrong. I've been watching, you
know. For years now." She stood up and brushed
the sand off her skirt. "The girl loves you, you thick-
headed ox...Spike! If you throw that sand at me, I'll see to it
that you spend your next life as a house cat," she
warned him when she saw him making a ball out of
wet sand.

Spike glared at her. "You wouldn't."

"Try me!"

"You couldn't."

"I can and I will!" Melisande smoothed her hair and
turned around. "I'm going back inside now..."

"Good!"

"...but before I do, I have one more thing to ask you."

Spike glanced at her suspiciously. "And that is...."

The petite guide smiled at him. "Are you a gambling
man?"

He hesitated. Where the hell had THAT come from?

"I've been known to place a bet or two," he admitted.
"When the stakes are right. Why?"

Folding her arms across her chest, Melisande's smile
grew wider. "I'll bet you that she really does love you..
just exactly the way you want her to love you. If I'm
right..."

"You're not even in the neighborhood of right."

"IF I'M RIGHT" she repeated more forcefully. "You pack
your bags and get out of my hair for the next fifty or
60 years."

Spike rolled his eyes. "And if you're WRONG, Miss
Cheeky?"

There was a short pause. "I'm not sure yet," she finally
said. "I don't know exactly how much leeway I have
in making these deals. But, it'll be something good...trust
me."

He narrowed his eyes. "Something good, huh?"

"Well, of course, something good," she huffed. "I'm
not in the business of doling out something bad, you
lunkhead!"

She turned and flounced off, with Spike on her heels,
stumbling to get his pants on without falling on his
ass in the soft sand.

"Oi! How's about you knock off the name calling, pixie
brain? That'd be good!"

"Moron!"

"Shrew!"

"Pigheaded clod!"

"Flying monkey!"

She whipped around, her silvery eyes sparking with
anger. "I AM NOT A FLYING MONKEY!" she screeched
at him.

Spike turned on one heel and ran off down the
beach with Melisande in hot pursuit.

"JUST BECAUSE I HAVE WINGS, THAT DOESN'T
MAKE ME A FLYING MONKEY! YOU COME BACK
HERE, YOU COWARD!!"

She chased him down the beach, letting him know
in no uncertain terms what would happen when she
caught up with him.

Spike stayed twenty feet ahead of her, laughing
in the warm afternoon sun.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


TBC





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