Buffy froze. Her body refused to move, speak…well, anything other than stand there like a statue. Spike seemed oblivious to her condition; his focus was locked on her stomach, where he continued to murmur words of affection and apologies.
’He loves me.’ Buffy thought to herself, repeatedly; still in shock. Part of her wondered if Spike truly meant what he had said or if he had meant to say it at all; while the other part of her rejoiced at his exclamation; eager to confess her own feelings. ‘My own feelings? Wow, what do I feel for Spike? Do I love him…I think I do, but then again, I also thought I loved Angel and Riley. What if I don’t even know what true love is?’
An involuntary moan slipped past her lips and caught Buffy by surprise; capturing her attention, pulling her back into reality. That’s when she realized that Spike’s hands were slowly caressing her sides, his thumbs sliding sensuously past the hemline of her tank top; the cool metal from his rings sending shivers down her spine.
Willing her own hands to move, Buffy raised them from her sides and fisted her them in Spike’s hair, pulling him closer. “Spike…I…” Unable to continue, Buffy paused and tried to gather her thoughts. Those three little words were on the tip of her tongue, begging to be let out…be known. She just couldn’t do it, not yet anyway. Buffy sighed and closed her eyes tight, hating herself for being such a coward. “I’m not mad at you.”
Looking down, she found that Spike was staring up at her, his face full of hope and shining with happiness. “I’m not mad, I was just scared. Last night I was shown a side of you that I never knew existed and I was frightened.”
“But…” Spike interjected, trying to explain. With a shake of her head, Buffy stopped him before he got a chance, needing to get everything off her chest. “Spike…last night there was so much rage in your eyes, your beautiful eyes that I wanted to cry. Hell, I did cry…a lot. The only time I had ever seen that amount of hatred was in Riley and I cannot go through anything like that again. I’m not strong enough, Spike. I just can’t be with anyone that scares me that much.” Buffy squeezed her eyes shut, fighting back the tears that were burning behind her eyelids. “But then I spent the night without you.” Her last words barely a whisper and she wondered if Spike had even heard them.
Spike wrapped his arms around her tiny waist, both hands pressed firmly against the heated skin of Buffy’s back. The hem of her shirt had risen so that a small ring of smooth, tan skin peeked out from between the cotton tank and the waist of her low rise jeans. Unable to resist, he peppered feather light kisses along the exposed skin; giddy with excitement over her last statement. She had missed him. “Kitten, I’m so sorry for frightening you and I swear that nothing like that will ever happen again. When I saw that prick with his hands all over you…I snapped. I’m not saying I regret what I did to him; son of a bitch deserved that and a whole lot more, but I hate how it made you feel. I just…bugger it; I cannot stand the thought of spending one more night without you in my arms, Buffy.” Pressing one last kiss on her trembling stomach, Spike stood up and placed one hand on either side of Buffy’s face. “Please tell me that we can work through this, pet.”
The expression in his eyes caused the tears in Buffy’s eyes to relent and spill over her eyelashes onto her cheeks. Without a doubt in her mind, Buffy nodded and accepted the soft kiss as Spike dropped his head to hers. When they finally parted, Buffy whispered, “You have to promise, Spike. No more. Protection…yes, but not what happened last night. Please don’t make me say it again, I cannot be with someone who is capable of that.”
“I promise; never again.” Spike declared as he leaned down for another kiss. While he knew deep down that he should be grateful that they were together, fleeting memories from his past churned in his belly; threatening everything he had worked for. His conscience was screaming at him to tell her his dark past, secrets and lies that he had carefully hidden away for years. Fighting back his urge to confess everything, Spike deepened their kiss, relishing in the feel of her supple body pressed up against his.
Unable to resist Spike, Buffy melted against his body. She ran her hands up his arms and settled them behind his neck, playing with the soft curls that refused to be tamed. When his hands slid down her body and cupped underneath her ass, Buffy willingly allowed herself to be picked up and carried towards the bed; legs tightly wrapped around Spike’s narrow hips. He laid her down gently, molding his body to hers, his hardened denim covered crotch nestled sensuously against her heated center. Desire and need filled Buffy as she slowly rubbed herself against Spike, sending shivers of pleasure coursed through her body. Rising up slightly, Buffy helped him remove the purple jacket that Willow had brought; too caught up in the moment to remember the garish discoloration Riley’s grasp had caused, the wound that Spike had yet to see. The cloud of desire that was permeating her senses lifted when she felt Spike’s weight shift. Opening her eyes, Buffy found him lying to her side, fingering the mark on her arm with a combination of sadness and regret filling his eyes.
“Buffy…” Spike started, his voice cracking with emotion. “I will never be sorry that I hurt him, please don’t ever ask me to be sorry for that. Look what he did to you.” He could feel the tears in his eyes, hear them in his voice and for a minute Spike had to push down the bile that rose in his throat when he remembered what Riley had done to her in the past. “I can’t, pet. He deserved so much more.”
“Shh…it’s over, ok. Just forget about it. It’s just a bruise, I’ll heal.” Reaching out, Buffy gingerly traced her fingers along the sharp edges of Spike’s cheekbones all the way down to the soft curve of his lips. Buffy leaned towards Spike and tentatively kissed him, allowing her tongue to slip along his bottom lip before deepening the kiss. Once more their embrace became more passionate, breathing more heavy and their kisses more heated. Parting for a much needed breath, they took the time to undress one another piece by piece; stealing nips and nibbles when removing each article. Once fully undressed, Spike licked and kissed down her neck, along her collarbone towards her breasts; leaving a heated trail in his wake. Buffy’s mind swam as she writhed impatiently under his touch, her hands trailed over his body, memorizing every sensuous detail. When her moans and pants became audible, filling the bedroom with her desires, Spike grinned mischievously from her chest, one pert nipple tucked between his teeth. Buffy’s eyes rolled back into her head, her hips jutting forward when Spike slipped two fingers inside her molten channel; his thumb pressed against her sensitive clit, shooting delicious tingles through her lower half.
Feeling her walls flutter against his fingers, Spike slowly withdrew them from her pussy and raised them to his mouth, where he slid them into his mouth and licked them clean. Unable to wait any longer, Spike settled himself between Buffy’s quivering thighs, the tip of his engorged shaft pressing readily at her aching core.
With courage she no longer knew she had, Buffy stilled and stared into Spike’s eyes, “Make love to me.”
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks so much for all of the fantastic reviews! I hope this chapter will make up for the angsty-ness in the past. Spuffy loving. As always, please read...enjoy...and review!