Unable to sleep, Buffy tossed and turned fitfully in the guest bedroom at Willow and Tara’s house. As she laid there and forced her eyes to stay shut, Buffy mentally cussed herself for inhaling all of the confectionary delights that Willow had produced over the course of the evening. Eyes now wide open again, Buffy sighed and glanced at the neon light from the clock on the bedside table; groaning as she realized it was now well past one in the morning. Giving up on getting any sleep, she threw back the covers and crawled out of the bed. After quickly making up the bed and grabbing her discarded clothes, she padded lightly into the hallway in the kitty cat pajamas that her best friend had loaned her.
Once in the living room, Buffy grabbed a pen and a pad of paper and began scrawling out a note to explain her absence in the morning. Just as she was signing her name a tap on her shoulder caused Buffy to shriek in surprise. Whirling around, she clutched at her chest with a shocked looked on her face. “Tara! Great googly-moogly you scared me!”
“S.s.sorry,” Tara stuttered, “I didn’t mean to startle you. Can’t sleep?”
“Yeah, I was just writing a note to you guys and going to head back home; figured I could do something useful, like working on some new songs, since my blood is racing from all of the junk we ate tonight.”
Tara eyeballed Buffy before saying, “I’m going to go out on a limb and say that it’s more likely the romance issue that’s got you all wide eyed and not the sugar. Remember, I have bared witness to more than one of yours and Willow’s sugar binges and watched the both of you sleep like the dead afterwards.”
“You could have just let me lie to myself,” Buffy replied with a sour expression, hating that Tara’s assessment was right on the mark as usual. “I just keep playing it over and over in my head until everything just doesn’t make sense anymore.”
“It will eventually; all things happen for a reason. Just because they hurt or don’t make sense doesn’t mean that it won’t get better.” Pausing for a moment, Tara smirked at the eye roll she was presented with from Buffy. “Ok, I get it…Silly Tara with her fates and destinies talk. I know you think it’s hokey, but when you and Spike were together I got the feeling that I was in the presence of something special. Your combined auras were just so pretty and filled with love; all pinks and oranges. Now, it’s a dark blue…almost muddy and that’s not so good; tells me that you fear the future or admitting your feelings. Life will get better when you finally come to terms with what your heart is telling you.”
“Uh…yeah, have I ever mentioned that sometimes you can be a tad bit on the creepy side with your intuition-aura thingy? On the other hand, thank you.” Buffy gave Tara a hug and said, “Tell Wills I’ll call her later, ok?”
Buffy was utterly exhausted from lack of sleep and the ball of stress eating away at her from the inside. So, when she finally made it back home, Buffy shuffled up the stairs to the darkened bedroom; not bothering to turn on any lights or check the phone for messages. Tossing her clothes she had worn to the airport onto the floor, she crawled into the bed and tried to push the lingering scent of Spike away, at least long enough for sleep to take over.
The next morning, the shrill scream from the telephone jerked Buffy from a surprisingly restful sleep. Flinging her arm out, she fumbled around for a minute before finally grabbing the receiver. Bringing it to her ear, she whispered sleepily, “Hello?”
“Buffy? It’s Angel. What in the hell is going on there? I’ve been trying all damn night to get a hold of you or Spike. Is everything ok?”
With a loud groan, Buffy realized that in all of the confusion and her depression over the past couple of days she had totally forgotten to tell Angel. “Good Morning to you to,” Buffy grumbled, “So, you haven’t talked to Spike, either?”
“No, tried calling his cell a couple of times yesterday, but it keeps going straight to voicemail. Then I tried you, and low and behold…same response. I know you guys were too busy with each other to pay attention to the outside world, but at least turn on your phones.”
“Wow. Were to begin? Uh…Spike and I are not so much with the togetherness. In fact, I haven’t seen him since Monday night.”
“What happened? When I left last week you guys seemed fine?”
“A little bitchy gnome decided to fill me in on all of Spike’s deep, dark secrets. You know, like the fact that he and Riley belong to the same after school club.” All the anger and resentment that had been bubbling at the surface decided to spew at that moment and Buffy was unable to contain the aftermath. “I kinda blame you, Angel. I mean, how in the hell would you send some wife-beater into my house and not say a fucking word about his past to me? Much less be all on board for getting involved with Spike after everything I had been through with Riley? What the fuck were you thinking, Angel?” Seething with anger, Buffy pushed herself off the bed and started pacing the length of the bedroom.
“Buffy, I can explain, ok? But…just not over the phone, it needs to be in person.” Angel’s gut tightened with dread. Running his hands through his hair, he sighed before continuing. “I have a meeting later this afternoon, but I can catch a flight after that. We managed to wrap things up earlier than expected, so coming back won’t be a problem.”
“I really don’t care if it’s a problem or not, Angel. You screwed the pooch on this one, buster, and you have a great deal of explaining to do for it. Call me when you land.” Clicking off the phone, Buffy huffed loudly in frustration and hurled the phone across the room; smiling with satisfaction when it cracked apart. Deciding to work off some of her anger, Buffy changed into her workout clothes and headed to the gym.
In an overpriced hotel suite in Chicago, Angel slumped back in his chair and dreaded the flight home. For the past eight years, since breaking up with Buffy, he had purposefully lied and avoided certain conversations in order to weasel his way out of explaining the real reason for leaving his first love. Now, he knew with certainty that spilling his own dirty secrets would be the only way that his two best friends would ever be able to work out their own problematic relationship. Picking the phone back up, he dialed the number to his office and told his secretary to arrange for him to fly back to Los Angeles that night.
After an hour and a half in the gym, Buffy was finally beginning to feel like her normal self; or at least as normal as she usually was. Every part of her body was slick with sweat and she was aching in parts that hadn’t hurt in a long time. Turning on the shower at full force and scalding hot, she let the water cascade over her body and let the intense heat ease her tense muscles. Inadvertently, her mind wandered back to the last time she and Spike had worked out. Tears pricked her eyes as she imagined his hands sliding up and down her body, slowly soaping every inch until she was writhing with desire. Spike had made love to her that day; pressed up against the cool tile, the water spilling over them causing his hot body to be slippery against hers as he thrust in and out of her with an insanely slow pace. As she remembered how he had kissed her passionately, pouring his love for her into the embrace, Buffy was unable to hold back her tears. Depressed once again, Buffy got out of the shower and toweled off before going into the bedroom. Not bothering to get dressed, she closed the curtains and crawled into bed; allowing sleep to take over.
By the time she woke up for the second time that day, Buffy was surprised to find out that it was almost dinner time. Crawling out of bed, she crossed the room and pulled a pair of jogging pants and a T shirt out of the dresser and put them on before heading downstairs for something to eat. She was halfway down the stairs when the telephone started ringing.
“Hello?”
“It’s Angel, I’m back in town. I just wanted to let you know that I am heading over.”
“Good, I’m hungry. Stop and pick up a pizza, ok?” Since Angel knew what toppings she liked, Buffy said goodbye and flopped down on the couch. After flicking through the television channels, she realized nothing was on and ended up settling on watching an infomercial on a kitchen appliance that she knew would never get used in her house.
Buffy had no idea how much time had passed when she heard the doorbell ring. Pushing herself off the couch, Buffy walked to the foyer and let Angel inside; not bothering with the appropriate social greetings before taking the pepperoni scented cardboard box out of his hands and heading towards the kitchen. “First I eat and then we talk.” Silently, Angel shut the door and followed behind her.
In the kitchen, Buffy perched on top of the counter and practically inhaled the greasy, extremely cheesy pizza. Within minutes, she had managed to scarf down half of the pizza and a bottle of water. Closing the box, she placed it inside the refrigerator for later and turned to Angel, motioning for him to follow her into the living room. Plopping back down onto the couch, she said, “Ok…spill.”
“There are plenty of good excuses that I could come up with for not telling you about Spike’s past, but they would all manage to make him look like more of an ass and that would ultimately be the end of you guys. And, yes, I was the one who specifically told him not to tell you about any of it; at least for the time being-“
“Excuse me? You decided?! Who in the hell made you the keeper of me, Angel?” Buffy spat out furiously. It was bad enough know that Spike had kept secrets from her, but knowing one of her supposed best friends was the mastermind behind the whole scheme was worse. “You don’t get to decided what is in my best interest to know or not know! Did it not cross your mind that I would be furious if I found out? Or how I would feel about knowing that while I was campaigning to send Riley to jail for beating up on me that the person I entrusted to keep me safe was just as bad?”
“Yes, it did. But I know the real story behind Spike’s arrest history and you obviously don’t or just choose to ignore it so that you can be angry with him. At the time, I thought it was for the best, Buffy. Spike went along with my suggestion, but he wanted to tell you from day one. Figuring I knew you better, he agreed to hold off for a while. I’m sorry, Buffy. Really, but there are some other things that you need to know before you decide to completely blow off Spike forever.” Angel stopped and waited for a moment so that Buffy could stop her pacing and return to her seat; only continuing when he received a pointed glare from her to begin. “So, here goes nothing. Just remember that all of this happened a long time ago and we, as in you and me, have pushed past that and have hopefully moved on to have a better friendship.
Yes, Spike has been arrested. Many times, actually, as you undoubtedly know already and probably only got pissed about the ones involving Drusilla. I wish like hell that I could just say that he didn’t leave those bruises on her and she was just being a crazy bitch, but I can’t, because he did do it. But, as crazy as this will sound, she wanted it. Dru can’t get off sexually without pain, never has been able to. And, the reason I know this…is because…she and I had a relationship a long time ago. Actually, it’s how she and Spike met.”
“And I need to know this why?” Buffy interrupted sarcastically; deciding that Angel just liked hearing himself talk as the reason behind his rambling.
“Because I know what he went through with her. Of course, Spike chose to deal with her a whole hell of a lot longer than I did. Anyway, the girl is messed up Buffy. Very beautiful, but certifiable; really into real dark sexual fantasies, like whips and chains…in the end I decided she wasn’t my cup of tea. So, when I tried to break it off with her, that’s when Dru became completely unhinged.” Angel paused and squirmed in his seat before continuing, “The next part is what will cause you to really be mad at me and I am sorry, but what she did next will give you more insight to what Spike was dealing with. Drusilla went ballistic, threatened suicide and going to the police to tell them I beat her, just like she did with Spike when she didn’t get her way. Then she found out about you and everything went to shit. She threatened to tell you that she was pregnant with my baby unless I stayed with her. You see, when I was dating Drusilla…I was also dating you, Buffy.”
Buffy did not know whether to scream at Angel or start crying again. Deciding she had enough of both over the past several days, Buffy surprised not only herself, but Angel when she calmly said, “I take it that’s when you left a message on my machine that you were breaking up with me. The message that I didn’t get until the next day, causing me to spend an entire night sitting on my couch totally dressed to go to the Homecoming dance?”
“Um…yeah, looking back the whole thing seemed ridiculous. Hell, I knew she wasn’t pregnant, but I figured just breaking things off with you would be a lot easier on you than her showing up on your front porch claiming to be carrying my child. I know it was stupid and you would have gotten hurt either way, but it made sense at the time. Anyway, I’m not here to make you forgive me, Buffy. This is about you and Spike and the fact that I think you guys are really good together. He loves you and I know you love him, Buffy. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be this upset about everything. Spike would never hurt you, Buffy. I know that for a fact. The real question is do you think you could forgive him for not telling you about his past?”
**A/N** I am not an expert on auras! All information used in this chapter is from http://www.reiki-for-holistic-health.com/auracolormeanings.html and may or may not be right. All depends on if I read the information correctly! Please don’t get mad if I misunderstood the page and got it all wonky in the story. Just go with the flow!**
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Sorry for taking so very long to post this chapter. As most of you know, I can only post from work. Well, the IT department has made it so that certain sites can be accesed since some guy was caught watching porn on youtube. Sucks for me and for all of you guys that want to read my story. Anyway, on the upside this story is almost done. Actually have the next to last chapter in reserve, then need an epi. So hang tight! Thanks for all of the freaking awesome reviews! Oh BTW I did not get a chance to really look over this and it's not beta read so be nice, please.