Chapter 21
**
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Previously:
Buffy sat back with a sigh. She silently contemplated the vampire before finally replying to his question, “Okay, this is either gonna make you really happy, or seriously piss you off.”
**
“Well, say something,” Buffy begged the normally verbose vampire. Spike happy she could handle. Spike pissed she could handle. Spike sitting there staring off into space and saying nothing was just plain freaking her out. Freaking and Buffy were so not of the good.
“I don’t know what to say, luv,” he whispered.
Buffy thought she detected both wistfulness and deep sadness in his voice. She was at a complete loss. She totally didn’t get why he would be feeling either emotion.
“Talk to me, Spike. Tell me what you’re thinking. We won’t do anything you don’t want to, but I need to understand what you want. What you need.” She hoped that her words would encourage him to find the ones that he seemed to be having so much trouble finding on his own.
“When I was human I knew what it was like to be loved; to have my opinions respected, my deeds appreciated. It was all from just one person; m’ mum.She made me feel like I could do anything, achieve anything. Life had no boundaries, you know?” Spike asked the question rhetorically, his voice soft as he glanced over at Buffy, trying to gauge her reaction to his revelations. “To everyone else I was a bloody wuss, a joke. I didn’t have any friends.” The wistful tone was back in his voice. He had just wanted to belong, he didn’t think that was too much to ask.
Buffy silently moved their arms so that she was within his embrace in an effort to lend him her strength and support. It was evident that the memories were difficult for him.
Taking a deep breath, Spike continued, “The Bitch hated me; right from the start. The only reason she put up with me is because she wanted someone to keep Dru occupied. I was just a bleedin’ glorified babysitter as far as she was concerned. To Dru, I was just another bloody doll to play with and Angelus…well Angelus alternated between torturin’ me, dominatin’ me, and teachin’ me. I was still the wuss, still the joke, but this time I didn’t even have the saving grace of m’ mum.” The misery in his eyes spoke volumes that his quiet voice didn’t reach.
Turning Buffy in his arms so that he could look at her face, he desperately tried to make her understand how fervently he felt.
“You lot have given me more in the last couple of days than I ever dreamed possible, and while the thought of bein’ a part of your family has me tempted beyond measure, another part of me is screaming for the self respect that I can only get by winning independence first. That part of me wants to live up to the faith m’ mum had in me.”
Lifting her hand to gently caress his cheek, Buffy smiled. “Guess we’ve got a challenge to organize then.”
~*~*~
Buffy and Spike walked back into the Magic Box showroom hand in hand. While almost everyone silently but impatiently waited for whatever decisions the blond pair had come to, Dawn felt the need to verbally prompt them.
“Well?” she asked, bouncing on her toes in anticipation.
Ignoring her sister, Buffy turned instead to Anya. “Can you have cheering sections for independence challenges?”
Anya was quick to offer an uncharacteristic show of concern. “Are you sure, Spike? You know you’ll lose the connection with family if you do this and there will be nothing to replace it. It can be a very painful experience.” It was clear that she had no doubt over his ability to succeed, but Anya knew exactly what the breaking of the familial bond could do to a vampire. Through her long life as a vengeance demon she had seen the results of this type of challenge a few times before and it was never pretty.
“Pain? There’s pain now?” Buffy shot a concerned look at Spike. Her eyes also held a smidgeon of accusation. He hadn’t mentioned anything about that during their little talk.
“Do you mean other than the physical pain of the normal injuries that one would expect from this type of challenge?” the researcher that lived within the watcher felt the need to ask.
“Oh yes,” Anya replied, her indifference firmly back in place. “The grief that the demon feels at the loss of the connection can completely overwhelm the vampire. It’s not unusual for them to take a walk in the sun or starve themselves after the challenge.”
“But those vampires didn’t have what Spike has,” Joyce said firmly. She was not going to give this being anything less than he had given her, starting with her unconditional support. Looking around at the faces of the others, she saw a mixture of expressions. Horror, dismay, and curiosity were all directed at her, urging her to clarify. “Spike has me.”
A chorus of ‘and me’ swiftly followed her declaration. When Spike felt the approval and love that he’d been in search of for more than a century, he suddenly remembered what it felt like to stand in the sun.
~*~*~
“I am humble. I'm the Powers’ chosen champion!” Angel bellowed at the tiny woman in front of him. He was sick to death, well un-death, of being treated like he’d done something wrong.
“Do you think before you speak?” Cordelia asked contemptuously. She was seeing a whole new side of Angel and it was really pissing her off. “Chosen champion? Buffy's the chosen champion, you dumbass. You're just a vampire with a shaky soul and broody disposition. It's not like you asked for the soul or went through anything to get the soul. For god's sake, you ate a frigging gypsy," Cordelia spat out with a vengeance, having decided that she was so not letting Penny have all the fun. She might be repeating Wesley’s earlier words, but seriously, when you were on to a good thing, you stuck to it!
“While I hate to suggest it, perhaps it is time for you to have Lorne read you again, Angel,” Wesley quietly suggested. The steel in his voice seemed to indicate that the word perhaps was only used for the sake of politeness.
“Oh God!” Cordelia suddenly looked a little green. ‘Angel singing. Oh joy! Please let Lorne put a ban on all things Manilow.’
Angel just stared at Wesley, his expression mutinous.
When Wesley’s phone starting chiming out the majestic sounds of ‘God save the Queen’, he moved away from the others before answering it.
“Ah, yes. Wesley. It’s Rupert Giles here. I do apologise but would it be at all possible to have a quick word with Penny?”
“Certainly, Mr Giles,” Wesley answered before handing the phone over to the still fuming psychologist.
“Yes Giles?”
Giles chose his words carefully, as he was unsure how close in proximity Penny was to Angel and vampire hearing being what it was, he didn’t want the elder vampire to be forewarned, but he certainly needed Penny to understand. “That matter you left with me has been decided upon. We will require the presence of the other.”
“No problem,” Penny acknowledged the watcher’s cryptic message. Hanging up, she thanked Wesley as she handed him back his phone. Turning back to the angry vampire, Penny considered him carefully before speaking.
“It’s pretty clear that you have no plans on listening to me, Angel. You barely listen to your friends. Maybe Lorne can get through to you. The problem seems to be that you don’t believe that what I am saying is even in the realm of possibility, so why should you take it seriously? Personally I think that it’s going to be something fairly drastic that grabs your attention; I hope for your sake it’s not too late.”
Wesley got the distinct impression that the conversation was over as far as the Powers’ messenger was concerned and not being one to prolong an awkward moment, he quickly suggested that they return Penny to the Magic Box.
‘Okay, that was easier than I anticipated’, Penny silently mused.
~*~*~
When Cordelia, Penny, Wesley and Angel entered to Magic Box it was to a serious looking group. Angel was happy to note the absence of his errant grandchilde. Extending his senses he wasn’t terribly surprised to find their familial bond blocked. Spike often blocked their connection. ‘Especially when he’s sulking,’ Angel thought dismissively.
Focusing directly on Angel, Buffy indicated that he should precede her into the training room. Angel regally nodded his head in acquiescence. Stepping around her, he made his way into the room.
Angel was irritated to see Spike standing in the centre of the room, facing the back wall. The brunette vampire made careful note that everything had been moved to the outer edges of the training room as he cautiously stepped closer to the blond. Startled when he felt a perimeter spell snap into place, Angel cast accusatory eyes towards those safely on the other side of the magical barrier. He knew what was about to happen, his demon was screaming in fury that his dominance was being tested in public. He turned eyes that flickered between brown and yellow towards the disrespectful little bastard that dared to question his place.
Spike turned, game face in place, and said the words of challenge, “I am William of Aurelius. I claim independence.”
Angel’s demon surged forward as he faced the insolent upstart and he hissed out his response.
“Never.”
~*~*~
Somewhere in South America, a brunette vampire wept.