Chapter 3.
”What do you mean, ask Anya?” Giles struggled to stay alert to the ongoing conversation, but his mind was reeling. He couldn’t believe he’d made such a foolish mistake. He’d never even questioned what he’d been taught, not once. He was a trained bloody researcher for pity’s sake.
“She’s been both human and demon; shouldn’t she be able to tell you from a first hand point of view if demons feel emotions that same way that humans do?” Penny asked with apparent innocent curiosity.
“Angel already confirmed what the books said; demons can’t feel emotions like humans can, they don’t have souls. Why would we need to ask again?” Buffy declared stubbornly.
“And Tara has said she can see the same depth of emotion in Spike as she sees in you. Is Spike the exception or is Angelus? Surely you can see why Miss Jenkins’s opinion would be invaluable?” Penny countered Buffy’s words, challenging her to face up to a question she would much rather avoid. Challenging her to look for answers to questions she didn’t want to ask. Challenging her to step out of the Nile, regardless of how nice it was there.
“Fine, ask away.” Buffy almost snarled.
Smiling, Penny turned to Anya, “Miss Jenkins…”
“Oh, please, call me Anya,” the ex-demon interrupted, smiling brilliantly at Penny. Her whole body seemed to bounce in anticipation. She was clearly delighted to be asked for not just an opinion, but opinion specifically.
“Anya.” Penny acknowledged before continuing; “Did you feel emotions as a demon?”
“Of course I did. I’m not surprised that they all think that demons don’t feel though, the council went through a major overhaul about five hundred years ago, and things haven’t been the same since.” Anya blandly announced.
“We’ll address the council issues later, Mr. Giles,” Penny stopped the watcher from interrupting and returned to questioning Anya. But failed to stop an incensed, Riley. “This is insane, what does all this matter? They. Are. Killers. They all need to be put down.”
“Agent Finn, you have my promise, that that you have just said will be addressed soon. But, until then, perhaps you would do us all the courtesy of losing the attitude and temper…or leave, we have enough to go through tonight and you are distracting us from our important meeting.” Penny chose to use his earlier words against Spike to her own advantage. However, she refused to show favouritism, so when Spike snickered she dryly informed him that she had no problem sharing the significance of the word effulgent with everyone there.
Turning back to Anya, Penny continued her questioning as if nothing had happened. “Were the range and level of emotions that you felt as a demon the same as what you now feel as a human? Specifically, can demons love regardless of the lack of soul? Does the soul play that large a part in an individual’s ability to love?”
Penny watched as every individual in the room seem to snap to attention. She didn’t think that any of them realised the importance that they had all put on the possession of a soul. It was dangerous territory to venture and she probably wouldn’t have attempted it normally, as she tried to keep theological discussions out of her arguments. However, Whistler had given her more than just the knowledge of pertinent missing character facts; he’d given her history, direction and prophecy. She already knew the answers, but she’d learned a long time ago, that you not only learn the lessons better when you work your own way through them, you understand them better too.
“They are going to get really angry with me and Xander will pout and refuse to give me orgasms, and I need my orgasms. Lots of them.” Anya stated, succinctly.
“Anya, you tell Xander that if he pouts, he’s the one that won’t be getting any orgasms. It’s not your problem if he doesn’t want to listen to the truth and, if his attitude to being told the truth is to get mad, then he doesn’t deserve the joys of being with an honest woman to begin with.” Ignoring Xander’s indignant ‘hey’, Penny continued, “Now why do you think the others will get mad?”
Hesitating slightly, Anya took a deep breath, the idea of telling these people what she really thought, scared her. Her life revolved around them, but always on the outside and she didn’t think they even realised how inept and stupid they made her feel on occasion.
“Riley will yell very loudly, but Riley doesn’t really matter, because he will leave as soon as he realises that Buffy is the Slayer and he is never going to be more important to her than slaying and Tara won’t mind, because she already knows that Spike, at least, can feel emotions. I think Willow will be open to new information, she likes research. Spike will accept the truth, he might grumble and complain, but he’ll still accept it. But Buffy, Giles and Xander are not going to want to hear what I say and because it is against everything that they believe they know, they will argue. They hate demons so much and they believe in their own superiority to such an extent that they will get mad at anyone who shakes up their beliefs. If I tell them what I know, they’ll get mad at me and yell at me and I don’t like that.” Anya didn’t make eye contact with anyone as she spoke, but the constant wringing of her hands was a clear message to every one that her fear was tangible.
Riley gritted his teeth, his face was almost purple in his anger but, with his arms crossed firmly across his chest, he held himself still and said nothing.
“Anya, I, for one, would welcome your knowledge and I offer my profound apologies if I have ever given you the impression that your experience is not desirable and appreciated.” Giles softly coxed the reluctant ex-demon. He’d had no idea that she was so intimidated by the group that she felt she couldn’t speak the truth for fear of retribution.
“Anya, we may not like it, but we do need to know. I promise I won’t yell.” Buffy offered with a gentle smile.
“Ahn, come on...I promise this once I'll stay out of the Nile...maybe even leave Egypt." Xander offered his girl his goofy grin.
“Okay…but if you yell, I’m throwing out your masturbation magazines.” She responded with determination. Turning back to Penny, Anya asked “What was the question again?”
Penny smiled and answered her “Did you feel things differently as a demon? Can demons love without a soul? What differences have you noticed with the soul?”
“Well first, let me get one thing straight; I felt things far more deeply, passionately as a demon, than I do as a human. I personally never fell in love as a demon, but I was certainly capable of it and I know plenty of demons who have actually fallen in love.
I don’t understand the second part of the question though. I’ve never understood why you people persist in saying demons don’t have souls. Of course demons have souls I had a soul as a demon and I have a soul as a human.” Anya looked at the stunned looks around the table. Xander’s fish impression was by far the most amusing.
“But…no…wait…what do you mean demons have souls? But…they’re evil?” Buffy almost whispered; she looked totally shell shocked. She really didn’t look like she’d be able to cope with many more surprises.
“The soul of an individual doesn’t make you good or evil, your inner nature does that. Look, you people aren’t really interested in demons, in general, you’re more interested in vampires and vampires are different from demons. Oh don’t get me wrong, vampires can certainly love. But, it’s different for them because they have two souls and most of the time their souls are warring with each other. In Spike’s case he’s done a remarkable job of balancing his demon and human sides. Most vampires have a great deal of trouble with that and they usually suppress one side.” Anya complimented the normally verbose vampire, who was looking as shell shocked as the Slayer.
“That makes no sense. Angel was cursed with a soul; he lost his soul and turned into a vicious monster. Now, you’re telling me Angelus already had two souls…two wasn’t enough…he needed three? How is that right?” Buffy shook her head in complete confusion.
Penny considered the clearly confused girl for a moment before making her offer “If you really want to know the answer to the question of Angel, Buffy, I can tell you. But, I can guarantee you are not going to like the answers.”