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Over home fries with onions, scrambled eggs with cheese half melted, two sausage links and two slices of bacon, toast with grape jelly smeared on it, an orange juice and iced coffee, Buffy relayed the story of her life for the past three years.

“All I’ve done is work,” she told Spike, placing the bacon between two slices of toast. “That’s it. That’s been my life. Work and Angel. God, how pathetic does that sound?”

He watched her take a bite of the bacon sandwich and had to grin. He missed the interesting things she did with her food. There was something infinitely adorable about the girl before him that made it difficult for him to stay mad at her for any length of time, and made it difficult for him to deny her anything.

“That couldn’t have been all you did,” Spike drawled.

Munching, Buffy nodded and then swallowed down her mouthful with iced coffee. “It was. I threw myself in my work, and I threw myself into my relationship with that prick. You know how I am. I want something, I like something, I care about something, and I throw myself into it, immerse myself. Well, I did that with my career and I did that with Angel. I wasn’t satisfied being an assistant PR, no, I wanted the whole enchilada, so I dove into making that happen and then what happened? I got promoted, got the guy, and I thought ‘My life has finally begun. I have the freedom to do whatever I want and be happy’ and I got screwed. That’s what happens when you want too much I guess.”

“I don’t think that’s true, Buffy. Your job is still good isn’t it? Can’t let Angel leave a sour taste in your mouth with everything. He’s just a small insignificant speck in the grand scheme of things.”

She wrinkled her nose and reached for the dish that held Spike’s coffee cup. She looked up at him sheepishly, “May I?”

“Sure.” And he watched as she poured maple syrup in the dish, stabbed her eggs with her fork, and then dunked them in the syrup before eating it.

She closed her eyes and hummed, swishing about giddily in the seat. “Yum!”

Spike laughed, “Oh, I have missed you.”

Her eyes popped open and she nodded, swallowing. “I missed you, too. I did. I really, really did. And I know I showed it something awful, right? It was just so easy to get swept up having to be here and there and everywhere. Honestly, there were times I wish I could have been cloned. The thing is, when you make a name for yourself in that town, everyone wants you.”

“And what will happen now that you’re gone and they can’t find you?”

“Right now, I don’t care. I have assistants they can turn to for the time being. I just don’t care.”

“You could change your mind in the morning.”

“I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it in the morning.” She sighed and placed her fork down, leaning in to him. “It’s just…Spike, I’ve spent my whole life trying to be better than I am, striving for more, and feeling like if I had more, I’d be complete. Even before this whole thing with Angel I was beginning to feel like the more I want is actually less.”

“You’ve always been that way, yes. I blame your parents.”

“I blame them and my incessant need to prove that I’m good enough and I’m smart enough and…and…”

“And that gosh darnit, people like you?” Spike supplied, grinning.

Buffy laughed, “Thank you Stuart Smalley. Yes, that’s it exactly. I just always felt inferior.”

“That is partly your parents and partly you. I remember you bringing home report cards with A’s and B’s and your parents asking you why you didn’t get all A’s. Meanwhile, I got a couple C’s and I felt inferior to you.”

She put her hand over her heart in a thoroughly dramatic manner. “You did? I never knew that.”

“How could you? I never told you.”

“Well, trust me; there is nothing to feel inferior about. What kid stresses about bringing home their A and B report card? Most kids stress about bringing home a D, not a B. And look at me, Spike. I’m a mess!”

He had to agree, she kind of was at the moment. At least by her standards and the way he was used to seeing her. Buffy had always been put together neatly, not a hair out of place and currently, she had no makeup on, her hair was in a messy pony tail and she had syrup on her cami. She had always been the sort to show one face to the world – a prim and proper, all business Buffy – and another face to him – unrestrained, wide-eyed, and mischievous. But despite what she showed him, she still managed to keep that first face close by.

“You’ve never looked better,” he told her.

She gave him a look.

“So you’re fraying a bit at the edges. I think it’s a good look on you. You need to be a little messy, Buffy.”

“’Fraying at the edges’. You are so a writer. So, what’s this about being laid off?”

Spike groaned and placed his cup down on the light brown Formica, already there coffee rings marking his spot. This was classic Buffy and Spike of years before. Escaping from the idiots in their lives and heading down to Rich’s, the blue and chrome trailer looking diner that served the best coffee in town and was a best kept secret among the locals. Sure the brown booths were ratting, the stools at the counter squeaked and coffee rings marred every surface, but it spoke of simplicity and home. Just what they both needed at that time. Their reunion wouldn’t be complete without this.

Spike told her about what his editor had told him that day about taking some time off to hopefully get back into the swing of things after a hiatus, and Buffy nodded sympathetically.

“Isn’t it funny how we both got together tonight?” she asked after a minute, offering him a sausage link.

Taking a bite, he nodded. “Serendipitous.”

“Now there’s a word. Do you still hang out with that old punk crowd you ran with? I see the stud you had in your forehead is gone.”

Spike burst out laughing. “My eyebrow, Buffy, not my forehead.”

Buffy laughed and shrugged. “My memory is going with my old age and stress.”

“Stress, I’ll give you, but you’re the same age as me, luv. You’re only twenty-nine.”

“God, I’m twenty-nine and I’m going to be thirty in four months. What the hell have I shown for myself?”

“What are you even talking about? A breakup does not necessitate an entire life upheaval.”

“No, but being dissatisfied with your life does.” She sighed. “I feel like I have so many things I want to do and haven’t done any of them yet.”

“Like what? Name one.”

“Sky diving.”

Spike nearly gasped and sat back in shock. “You’re petrified of heights!”

“All the more reason to do it,” she told him, waving her fork with home fries and eggs on them.

“All right, how about something that entails you having your feet on the ground, eh?”

“I’d like to get drunk. I’m almost thirty years old and I’ve never been drunk.”

“Well, I can help you with that, kitten.”

“And I’d like to have an orgasm before I keel over too.”

Spike’s eyes popped open. “You’ve never had an orgasm?”

Buffy shook her head and sighed. “Nope. Makes you wonder why I did stay with that jerk off huh? I think it’s me. I think I’m incapable. I can get myself off no problem, but someone else touching me and I just can’t quite get there.”

Spike squirmed slightly in his seat. He hadn’t had a frank conversation with Buffy like this in three years and he had to admit, it was kind of turning him on. He would also go so far as to admit it had turned him on in the past too. But that was an entirely different story.

“Well, I don’t know that I can help you with that, but I can definitely tell you that its not you. Whoever you’ve been with should have made sure you got off before they did.”

Buffy shook her head, looking hopeless. “It’s not like some of them hadn’t tried. They did. They get and A for effort. Well, except for Angel. After a while, he just gave up trying.”

“Horse’s ass. If he cared about you, he would have continued trying.”

“Well, as it turns out, he didn’t care at all. Which brings me here. So, do you?”

“Do I what?”

“Still hang out with that old crowd?”

“No, pet, I don’t,” Spike smiled.

“Do you think you could rassle some of them together? I’d like to party the way you did in high school.”

Spike chuckled, “Oh pet. Look, we’ll party, but we don’t need them to do it, yeah?”

Buffy sighed, a triumphant smile on her shiny face. “Yeah.”





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