A/N: I have changed chapter 9 a little so you might want to read it again. Its not much - just a bit of Spike's dialogue, but I wanted you to know.
Chapter 11
“No!” Buffy said, pulling away from the kiss. “I can’t do this.”
Spike’s eyes were on her and her whole body was burning from the desire in his smoldering blue gaze.
“Pet?”
“Spike, its not that I don’t want you, I do. But, it’s all happening just too fast. Today has been an upheaval of emotions in more ways than one and I just don’t think that giving in to temptation will help either of us.”
“I know it’ll make me feel better,” Spike said, trying for comedy and failing.
“That’s just my point. I’m sure that finding out about Dru and Angel and Darla was upsetting for you and I don’t want to be used as a crutch. I’m not just someone you can fall back on because everything you knew has been turned on its head. I deserve more than that.”
Spike sighed. “You’re right, luv, you do. I understand what you’re saying. It’s just that I want to be with you.”
“Be with me? What does that mean, Spike? Are we talking about just sex? Because I won’t do that anymore.”
“It’s not just about sex. I want more - I want a...relationship.”
The word ‘relationship’ immediately brought Riley to mind. “I’m already in a relationship, remember.”
The mention of Riley made Spike clench his jaw. He hated the fact that Riley still had the upper hand. No matter what he said, he was still Buffy’s boyfriend. “Can you honestly tell me that you want Finn the way you want me?”
That was the question, wasn’t it? Buffy cared for Riley – that she was sure of. He’d been so good to her. Driving her to school every morning, taking her out for her birthday, comforting her when she was upset over her father. And he had never pushed her to take their relationship to the next level. She wondered now why she not yet felt the urge to take that next step. She supposed it was that idealistic part of her that didn’t want to give herself to anyone other than Spike.
“You’re right. The way I feel about Riley and the way I feel about you are completely different. But I care about Riley – he’s been good to me – and I don’t wanna hurt him.”
“But wouldn’t it hurt him more if you strung him along, making him think that what you have is real, when we both know you’d rather be with me?”
“Don’t be so arrogant Spike, it doesn’t suit you.”
Spike couldn’t help but laugh. He supposed he had sounded a little condescending, but it amused him to think that if she was already condemning his actions without being his girlfriend, he could only imagine what she’d be like once he’d convinced her they should be together. She was a little spitfire with a sharp tongue and he had no doubt that she’d keep him on his toes.
“All I meant, luv, was that maybe it would be best to finish things with Riley before he gets in too deep.”
“Hang on, Spike. I don’t even know if I want to be your girlfriend.”
“But you said…”
Buffy sighed. “Spike, I care about you, I do. But there’s so much to work through, before I could even consider anything serious between us. I mean you say you’re sorry for hurting me…”
“Buffy, I am sorry. Please believe me.”
“Spike, I want to believe you, but I’ve been let down so many times in the past – not just by you – and I can’t help but be cautious. You’ve said sorry for hurting me and I do believe that you are sorry, but what’s to stop you doing it again?”
“Buffy…”
“Please, Spike, I need you to understand. You can say you’re sorry and that you care for me and that you won’t hurt me again till you’re blue in the face, but how can I really believe you unless you show me. Prove to me that you’re for real and that I can trust you. Until then, I can’t see anything happening between us.”
“I guess I understand, luv. I do want to be with you and I want to show you that you can trust me."
“I hope you mean that. Now I think it would be best if you went back to the house and rested. I mean, you’ve had a rough day and it’ll do you good to take it easy.”
“Can’t we just hang out here together. I like you looking after me.”
“Spike, you can take care of yourself. Anyway, I don’t think its good for us to spend too much time together right now – a lot’s been said and I think we both need time to think. Plus, Riley’s coming back soon and I don’t want him to see you here.”
Spike bristled at the mention of Riley. “Luv, I wanna be honest with you. I hate seeing you with Finn. Now I know that I have a lot to prove to you, but I've got nothing to aim for if you're still with him.”
“I appreciate that, Spike. I know how it feels to see the person you wanna be with with someone else. How do you think I felt all those times I had to see you with Drusilla? But apart from being my boyfriend, Riley’s my friend and I’m not gonna hurt him anymore than I have to. And I’m certainly not gonna break up with him because you tell me to. I will finish things but I have to be kind.”
“Ok, luv. I guess you should take your time. Just please don’t take too much of it.”
Buffy laughed. “Nice contradiction there, Spike. Now, please go. I wouldn’t want Riley to have to do anymore damage to your pretty face.”
“Like he could,” Spike scoffed, before flashing a cheeky grin. “Would it be too much to ask for a kiss before I go?”
Buffy sighed in exasperation. He didn’t give up.
“Yes, it would,” she said, almost physically forcing him through the door joining the staff annex to the house. “Now go.”
“That was a really good movie, don’t you think?” Riley said to Buffy as they exited the movie theater later that night after going to see ‘The Pursuit of Happyness’.
“Yeah it was good.”
In truth, Buffy hadn’t really paid much attention to the film. She had been too busy thinking about Spike and worrying about the conversation she knew she had to have with Riley. She was not looking forward to breaking up with him, but in a way Spike was right. There was no reason why he should make the effort to treat her better if she wasn’t even available to him should their relationship get serious.
Fifteen minutes later they were pulling up outside the Giles mansion.
“Buffy,” Riley said, turning to look at her. “Is everything ok? I mean you’ve been really quiet tonight and I guess you’re probably still upset over your dad and everything but earlier when I went to kiss you, you turned your head and I don’t understand. Have I done something wrong?”
Buffy could not have felt more guilty than she did at that moment. “Riley, I know it sounds cliché, but its not you. It’s me.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Riley I want you to know that I really care about you. You came into my life at a time when I felt so low and you helped me get back up again. You’ve been an amazing friend.”
“Friend?”
“Riley, I have to be honest with you and with myself. I can only be true to my heart and I’m afraid my heart belongs to someone else.”
“Buffy, what are you saying?”
“I’m sorry, Riley, but I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”
A/N: Bet you all thought they were gonna sleep together didn't you? I did think about it, but I prefer this twist.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks to all my reviewers. I was a little worried about the last chapter because I didn't want to show Buffy as weak, but I'm glad for so many positive and constructive comments.