Chapter 27
It was a couple of hours before she had the strength to return home. As she walked up the driveway to the Giles mansion, a car pulled up beside her and Spike got out and pulled her into his arms.
“God, Buffy, I was so worried. I’ve been looking for you all over town. Where have you been?”
“Just walking,” she mumbled, unable to look at him.
“Are you ok, luv? What did the doc say?”
“There’s nothing’s wrong with me.” It was the truth, or rather a half-truth.
She let him lead her upstairs to his room, knowing she had to say something soon or she’d go crazy. She needed to know the truth.
“Spike, what happened last night?”
He turned to look at her as he sat on the bed, his brow wrinkled with confusion. “You know what happened. I went to the party, had a few drinks – more than I probably should have – and passed out in one of the spare bedrooms.”
“Did you see Drusilla?”
Spike frowned. “I think she was there with Angel and Darla, but I wouldn’t have spoken to her if I’d seen her.”
Buffy looked up. “I saw her today.”
“What?”
“I took a walk in the park near the doctor’s surgery and I saw her.” She held up the pendant. “She gave me this. She said you left it in her bed.”
“What the hell?” Spike said, his look turned from confusion to incredulity. He knew Drusilla was crazy, but he never imagined she’d stoop this low. Couldn’t she understand that he’d rather drive a railroad spike through his own head than go near her bed again? He started to laugh a little at the sheer insanity of his ex-girlfriend and then stopped, looking at Buffy. “Wait a second – don’t tell me you believe her?”
“I don’t know what to think.”
He shook his head in further disbelief. “God, Buffy, how can you think I would have anything more to do that evil bitch?”
“I don’t know. I just…how else do you explain her having your pendant?”
“I told you, it must’ve fallen off.”
She tossed the bauble to him. “The clasp isn’t broken, Spike. The whole thing is fully intact. There’s no way it could’ve just fallen off last night.”
“Well, I don’t know then.” He didn’t understand what was happening here. It was clear that Drusilla wanted to break them up, that he knew. But what he didn’t get was Buffy’s sudden lack of trust in him. He felt like he was in some alternate reality.
“Don’t you think it’s a little coincidental that you go to a party last night and end up losing a pendant that you never take off, only to have that same pendant find its way into the hands of your ex-girlfriend?”
Buffy’s emotions were running high and feelings she had ignored where coming to the surface, including the part of her that had never really gotten over how Spike had used her and had never really trusted that he’d changed. Add to that an upsurge of hormones she possessed thanks to the baby growing inside her and in the space of a few minutes everything had taken a swift left turn into crazy.
“Buffy, if you’re implying that I slept with Dru with last night then you’re off your bird. Why would I want her when I’ve got you?”
It was a sensible question but all Buffy could think about was how he’d dropped her without a moment’s thought, the second that Drusilla had shown up. He’d wanted her more than he’d ever wanted Buffy and no matter what he said, he’d only gotten together with her after he’d caught Drusilla with Angel and Darla. There’d never been any thought of him dumping his girlfriend for her. Add to that the fact that a month after dropping her he’d wanted to pick up where they’d left off, despite the fact that he was with Drusilla.
But then he’d never been the faithful type. What if he’d suddenly realized that he’d been too hasty in letting Drusilla go and wanted her back, but had decided to keep her – Buffy – around as a fall back in case his precious Dru’s eyes started wandering again?
“I don’t know. I mean, you were hardly the poster boy for fidelity when you were with her.”
Spike moved off the bed to stand beside her. “That was then. I’ve changed.”
“How do I know that?” Buffy said looking him in the eye. “How do I know your story of passing out at the party last night wasn’t just a cover up for what you were really doing. I mean, how am I supposed to know whether or not you’re telling the truth.”
“It’s called trust, Buffy. You should look it up. I mean, I’ve done everything, I’ve bent over backwards to prove to you that I want to be with you and only you, but the moment my stupid bitch of an ex sticks her oar in and starts painting me as a liar and a cheat, you decide to buy into it. She’s a vicious slut – why the hell would you believe her over me?”
Another sensible question that refused to penetrate Buffy’s brain. To her the evidence against Spike seemed extensive and she was unable to consider the situation rationally. She couldn’t control the subconscious fear that Spike would cheat on her and leave her, whether for Drusilla or for someone else, breaking her heart again.
“I don’t know, I…”
“Can you in all honesty after everything that’s happened believe that I would cheat on you with her?”
“I don’t know what to believe…”
“Well then, you don’t know me. Buffy, I would never hurt you like that and I’m not sure I can be with someone that thinks me capable of that.”
Perhaps he was right. If she couldn’t find it in herself to trust him completely without fear of him hurting her, then what kind of a relationship could they have? And what kind of parents would they be? It wasn’t just herself she had to think about now – it was her unborn child as well.
“Well then maybe you shouldn’t be with me.”
“Buffy…”
“I’m sorry, Spike, but I can’t go on like this. I thought I trusted you, I really did, but it’s not enough. A huge part of me wants to believe you’d never cheat on me, especially with Drusilla, but I can’t help being scared that it’s true. And without trust, how can it work out between us?”
“Kitten…”
It was the first time he’d used that pet name since she’d come home and hearing it brought the tears that had filled her eyes running down her cheeks.
“I’m sorry, Spike. It’s over.”
Half an hour later, she found herself on Willow’s doorstep, her eyes red from crying. Upon answering the door, her best friend immediately saw her distress and drew her into a hug and then pulled her upstairs to her bedroom.
“Buffy, what’s wrong?” she asked, when they were alone.
“Spike and I broke up.”
Willow was speechless for a few moments. “What? How?”
“Drusilla told me he’d slept with her again.”
“And you believed her?”
Buffy started crying again. “That’s just it. I didn’t know what to believe. I asked him and of course he denied it, but I couldn’t get it out of my head that he might be lying. I never realized how scared I was of him leaving me again.”
“Buffy, its normal to be a little fearful when you care about someone like you care about Spike.”
“But when that fear makes you distrust somebody over something so huge, it can’t make for a healthy relationship, can it?”
“I guess not.”
“God Wills, everything’s so screwed up.” She sighed. “I went to see Dr Calendar today.”
Willow frowned. “About your upset stomach?”
“Yeah. Turns out I’m pregnant.”
This time, Willow was speechless for far longer.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Thanks for all the reviews. Apologies if the doctor's scene was not very believable - thanks to effection for the offer of help - I may take you up on that if not for this fic then for others I'm planning - here's the next installment which I really hated writing (it made me cry!)