Hey all sorry about the delay, what with jetting off to London and the damn car etc I didn't get this out as quick as i wanted sorry about that, but it's a longish one again.
Sarah
x
Chapter 6
Well, I may not have a clue what to say to that last little
bombshell, but my anger and my demon certainly do. As always they
replace the hurt with anger. My eyes flash and I feel the change
happen, my face shifting.
"Bitch!" I snarl. "So we're back to that game are we luv. Come to
Spike to get a happy then fuck off into the night?"
"No!" she yells anger flashing in her eyes now, though currently I
don't think she has any right to it. "That's not it at all, don't be
so stupid Spike. Hear me……"
I cut her off with a vicious backhand to her face, sending her
sprawling backwards onto her sore ass. If what she said didn't mean
what it sounded like then we're still playing and I'm going to get
to the bottom of this.
She raises a hand to rub and soothe her scarlet cheek but I stop her
before it gets there.
"Touch it and I'll beat you so hard that even Slayer healing won't
relieve the agony and injuries. If you don't mean to leave now
Buffy, know that we are still `playing' our game."
She glares at me but her hand stays frozen in mid-air. It could go
either way at the moment and were I alive the tension would be
killing me. Her sat on the dirt floor of my cavern bedroom, me still
crouched, like a wild beast ready to pounce, watching her intently.
Her head lowers and she says softly.
"Forgive me Sir."
"Not until you tell me what you meant." I say.
"Not forgive me for what I just said." She says. "Forgive me for
what I'm about to do."
I only have a second to be confused before her Slayer strength and
speed make themselves apparent. I find my lower legs trapped beneath
her knees. I'm pushed back so I'm now sitting on my arse and she has
my hands trapped under hers on the floor by my side. Her head moves
down towards my cock, which I now realise is flaccid. Apparently her
last question took the proverbial wind out of my sails and I'm not
even managing half mast now.
I am astounded when she bends lower, still trapping my legs and
hands. She manoeuvres her mouth to the tip of my dick and slowly
slides it in. A couple of teasing flicks at the head and a long slow
lick from bottom to top are all it takes for me to harden again. The
sight of her sucking my cock is almost as arousing as the actual
action is itself. I groan a little and throw my head back as she
begins to matter-of-factly suck me off. No playing or teasing just
the delicious up and down strokes that have me gritting my teeth as
I long to be able to pound into her mouth.
It seems that she is not the only one subject to the `emotional
rollercoaster' phenomenon. My head is spinning so much at the
current turn of events that in no time at all I'm growling out my
orgasm as I spill in her mouth. My hands strain in her Slayer grasp,
wanting to break free and hold her head in place as I shoot into her
throat. As I come down from my release she looks me square in the
eye.
"I don't want to always take from you Spike. I want to give too."
I'm still a little hazy and don't move fast enough to grab her when
she releases her hold and stands up quickly. However, it is not
necessary because what she does next amazes me. She walks over to
the manacles where they still hang over the pipe. She closes one
around her right wrist and holds her left wrist up next to the other
cuff before fixing me with her intense gaze.
"I realise you'll want to punish me for taking such a liberty.
Please do it. Please don't hold back. You've helped me so much
already, I beg you to finish the job."
I give up trying to follow her around the emotional bends she's
tugging me around and settle for giving her what she asks for. I
stand and quickly cross the room to secure her other wrist in the
manacle. I open my mouth to launch into a speech about how, as much
as I enjoyed her little folly just now, I can't allow my bitch to
take control like that unless I express a distinct wish for it. I
don't even get the chance to speak as she turns moist eyes up to me
and says again.
"Please don't hold back. I need this and the way I treat you makes
me feel worse than all the rest, because it's what I do to make
myself feel better about everything else."
Oh Lord what is she doing to me? I'm scared she's about to cry again
because if she does I won't be able to stop myself from letting her
down and kissing, hugging and soothing her until the pain goes away
whether she likes it or not. I can't do that because the pain won't
really have gone. She seems to have worked out that I've discovered
the key to baring and hopefully mending her soul and I can't take
that away from her. We need to get all the emotions and issues
bubbling under the surface out into the light of day, metaphorically
speaking of course! So here I go, Master Spike MUST make an
unrelenting comeback.
"Right then!" I say moving to tie her feet again as
before. "Congratulations Slayer. You're going to get what you want
as per fucking usual."
I stalk over to the bed where I laid the punishment implements and
pick up the crop, before returning to stand in front of her.
"Spike," she says, her voice soft, eyes full of pleading. "You can
use the whip."
"Insolent little bitch!" I yell. All the while urging myself to keep
it up, keep the hard tone in my voice and it's corresponding look in
my eyes. "I know very well I can use the whip. I can use whatever
the fuck I want on you. Trust me you'll get a strong taste of the
whip if you carry on like this. At this moment in time I OWN you pet
and I won't have you presuming to tell me what to do. Tell me I own
your ass."
"I'm sorry Sir. I wasn't trying to tell you what to do I.....ahhhhh"
I strike her hard with the crop across her breast. A gesture which I
quickly repeat, can't have one unblemished when the other is so
beautifully adorned with my mark of punishment.
"Tell me I own you Slayer."
"You own me Sir. I am yours to command and punish as you wish.
Please forgive me."
Good. Her words and the proper tone in which they are delivered tell
me I have managed to put her firmly back in sub-space. The angry
welts on her chest glare a reproval at me, but this won't work if
there is even a hint of the rebellion that gave her the fortitude to
pin me down while she sucked my dick. And for all I know that the
blow job was to prove me she meant what she said about giving not
always taking, I have to consider it rebellion if this exercise is
going to work out.
"Good slut." I commend her. "We will see about your making amends
for what I'm allowing to pass as a moment of insanity later. Right
now, we have other issues to address, so we will continue in the
vein we had started in."
"Yes Sir." is all she says as she lowers her head and waits for the
punishment to come. Strangely her body seems to relax and I honestly
believe she is relieved that we're back on track now. She actually
seems happier, strange as that is in her current predicament.
"Ok, so upstairs you said that you're a horrible person because you
won't even let yourself think about your feelings for me. We're
going to address that issue. Who was the first man you ever loved?"
I ask her. I see her wince at the question but when I draw back the
crop to strike the front of her thighs for hesitation she babbles
out her answer quickly.
"Angel!"
Swoosh – Whack!
She gasps at the fiery trail left across the front of her leg.
"Wrong answer." I tell her. "I know you're a little jezebel and sex
is all you think about but I don't mean sexual love. Who was the
first man you ever felt any strong emotion for?"
"M-my dad?" she says
"Good girl. We have a right answer." Her body relaxes as much as it
can.
"Next?" I ask her.
"Merrick." She says confidently.
"Who the hell is Merrick?" I ask her dangerously softly. "God how
many men have you been through Slayer?"
"Hey!" she starts to protest but thinks better of it when I raise an
eyebrow and the crop. "Merrick was my first watcher. In LA. He - he
died."
I curse myself for a moment for being so stupid. Of course I knew
who Merrick was, she's mentioned him before in passing. Now there's
a can of worms I don't want to open, if we do she'll be blaming
herself for his death and we're NOT going there again damnit.
"Next." I say quickly, before she has time to start mulling.
"Giles!" she says quickly, evidently catching on to the `all kinds
of love' answers I'm looking for.
"Ok. Next."
"Angel." She winces again as if she expects punishment just for
saying my Sires name. Actually I'd quite like to punish her for
letting that prick near her but even I'm not that unfair.
"Next."
"Riley." A grimace with this one. Now there's one she actually
deserves punishment for.
"Ok. Good girl. Now tell me, what do all of these idiots have in
common?"
"I loved them all?" she says uncertainly.
Swoosh – Whack.
"Think again honey."
"They all left me?"
"Good girl. Now why did they leave?"
"Well you've made me see that it's obviously a pattern. And I'm the
common denominator. I must have driven them away, been too clingy,
too needy…."
Swoosh - WHACK!
Her buttocks catch it hard this time and she gasp loudly, straining
forward in the restraints again as if she's trying to escape the
fire blazing across her behind.
"Whose decision was it for any of them to leave?"
"Theirs." She says sadly, her head hanging.
Swoosh – Whack – back of the knees.
"Louder." I urge her.
"Theirs, it was their decision."
"Why do you think they left?"
"I-I don't know. Giles and Angel said it was for my own good. Riley
said I couldn't love him and I guess Dad, or any of them in fact,
just didn't love me enough."
Damnit this is so not where I meant to take this. Ok think Spike
think. Got to get this turned round to a positive for her. Jesus I
could rip the heads of every one of those wankers right now. Problem
is *I* have no comprehension of how any of them could leave her, my
beautiful, magnificent, powerful, vulnerable Slayer. What the fuck
were they thinking?
"Maybe that's why I don't' believe it when you say it Spike." She
interrupts my frantic brain scramble with her soft choked
voice. "They all said they loved me, but not enough to stick around.
Maybe you can't love me like you say you do because there's
something so unlovable about me that it makes men run."
"Oh pet. No! Don't you ever think that." I move in closer to her and
lift her head with a probably too-firm grip on her chin. "You are
beautiful and special and breathtaking and my love for you consumes
me. There is not an unlovable thing about you. Even at your worst
you shine above everyone else Slayer. You always do the right thing
no matter what it costs you and you routinely deal with crap that
would have others in the looney bin. I can't even begin to go into
all the reasons I love you because there are simply to many of them
to be uttered in one lifetime. It is not your fault that those
idiots left. Giles and, much as I hate to say it, Angel, probably
did think they had your best interests at heart. They were just
stupid and weak luv. As for Riley, you know he couldn't handle the
fact that you didn't need to go running to him wailing whenever you
had problems. And your Dad? Well luv, sorry, I know he's your Dad
and all but the man is just a grade-A shit. None of it is *your
fault."
"I don't know, Spike." She says, tears falling.
I pull myself back just before the urge to soothe overcomes me.
"That's Sir, to you Slayer. I don't want to have to remind you about
that again. It was not your fault! Say it."
She hesitates. I don't think she can get the words out past the lump
in her throat. Nevertheless I'm back in `the zone' here and I have
to do what she needs. I swish the crop across the back of her knees.
"It wasn't my fault." It's said too quietly and with next to no
conviction. I manage to stop the crop just before it hits her back
as she hears the swish and repeats in a panicked but louder
voice. "It isn't my fault!"
"You see Slayer?" I say to her. "Every shit of a man you ever loved
has buggered off into the wild blue yonder. Is it any wonder you're
scared to even entertain the possibility that you have feelings for
me? Obviously any less stubborn person would see that I'm not going
anywhere, but your stubbornness is part of what I love about you
Slayer. I do love you. I'm not going anywhere. The last thing I want
is for you to feel bad about that. I understand your reluctance to
open yourself up to that kind of hurt again, but it won't scare me
off. I've hung around this long without it haven't I?"
I see the faintest hint of a smile on her face with that last
question of mine. However, it disappears quickly when I steer her
towards the next topic.
"Right then, let's talk about this guilt trip you have going over
how you treat me. You have to stop telling yourself you're bad and
taking advantage."
"But, how can I? I'm a bitch to you. You know I am." She looks at my
unimpressed and unconvinced face. "Just cos you seem to enjoy it
doesn't make it right." She says.
It's not until I look closely at her face that I see a cheeky glint
in her eye. Oh, I'm so happy she's feeling improved enough to make
jokes at my expense, but she's not fooling me, and I won't be put
off that easily.
"Hold your tongue!" I bark, fighting hard to repress a grin. "You've
asked for it now girl. I promised you'd feel the whip if you kept up
the insolence and that was the last straw. Besides, we're about to
talk about me and I always was a bit of an egotist. Definitely think
I warrant the implement that will make the biggest impression." I do
grin at her as I finish and I can smell her confusion. I'm
threatening, (no, promising) her a whipping but I'm smiling at her
too. She doesn't know how to take this, which can only work to my
advantage.
"Right, back to correcting this foolish notion that everything in
the world is your fault you silly girl. First question. Did you make
me fall in love with you?"
"No Sir."
"Do either of us have any choice in the fact that I love you?"
"No Sir."
"Do you force me to tell you that I love you?"
"No Sir."
Well, well, it appears the Slayer has a little fear of the whip.
Either that or I'm doing better than I thought. I haven't had to
even raise it for dithering.
"Do you honestly think that if you stopped coming round here for sex
I'd stop loving you? Or even leave you alone?"
She smirks a little. "I *know* you wouldn't." she says. "Haven't
found a way to get….."
"Buffy!" I warn, raising the whip. "You are so going to get a
spanking for that little smirk later. I suggest you do not finish
that sentence unless you really want to feel the sting of this whip."
"I'm sorry." She says, dropping her eyes and her head, but I'm
pleased to see the smile is not entirely gone. I clear my throat,
pulling on my serious face again, though my demon has largely
receded now. It's not really necessary anymore.
"What did I do when you came here all invisible?"
Oh, if I'd thought the smirk just now was cheeky I really have to
think again. Her whole face becomes one big smirk at my question and
I know exactly what she's thinking of.
"Not that, you little harlot." I say sternly.
No matter how much I myself would like to indulge in the memories of
the magnificent sex we had that day, I can't allow her too much free
rein. I have to keep the control here. Using all my experience with
this kind of punishment implement I slash at her back. I use just
the right flick of my wrist so that the whip stings her like hell
but doesn't break the skin or leave too horrific a mark.
Her face falls and I detect a touch of anger, probably because I'm
spoiling her apparent rising spirits but I have to be sure she's
getting the message and will listen to what I have to say. I can
tell when she speaks that the anger is also at the memory I just
brought up.
"You threw me out." She says accusingly. Her mouth unconsciously
forming that adorable pout that makes me want to bite her lower lip
and suck on it all day. "Which by the way I will soooo get my own
back……."
"Remember the game we're playing girl." I say, flicking the end of
the whip twice on her stomach. "I suggest you shut up, I won't be so
lenient if you speak out of turn again."
She closes her mouth, pout still in place damn her, though it is
decidedly less pronounced than before.
"So, I kicked you out because I didn't like the terms of the
arrangement that day. What does that tell you? Do you see that I
have a mind of my own in all of this?"
"Well, yes because you threw me out." She says. "But you are a
man……..sort of. And if I come round just offering it on a plate…"
I don't bother with a warning this time I slash her back three times
in quick succession and harder than I have up to now. Then I sigh
heavily.
"You really need to learn to control that mouth of yours Slayer.
You're suggesting I have no more control than a schoolboy and that
pisses me off. Pissing me off in your current situation is not
something I would recommend. I have a choice here Slayer. You think
that when you come to me I don't know that you're not feeling the
same love as I am? Of course I bloody well know it, but I let it
happen all the same. I'm not an innocent little choirboy that you're
using for your own smutty ends you know. Now don't get me wrong. I'm
not going down the same route as you and blaming myself for the
inadequacies in our relationship or whatever the hell it is. But I
can't let you shoulder the responsibility for something you're
conditioned to see as wrong."
She looks like she is about to interrupt, she has the look on her
face. The one that she once told me she used to refer to as `but
face' on Giles. I steam roller right over whatever she is about to
say.
"Who took who on the balcony?"
The ever-present scent of her arousal thickens considerably at the
memory of the night so recently in the bronze. It reminds me that
I've slightly neglected the sexual side of this since I got her
trussed up again. Can't have that. I am seriously trying to help her
here but I feel honour bound to give her what she needs in all
areas. It can only serve to help the argument I have planned.
"You took me." She states. "But I didn't stop you and I could have."
Lash!
"Were you entirely happy about doing what we did in public, with
your friends downstairs?"
"N-no, but…"
"But nothing." I don't hit her this time, I have her full
attention. "And yet I did it anyway didn't I? You say you were
uncomfortable with it. You say you didn't stop me, like that's your
fault too. Slayer, I've had plenty of practice at being evil. I knew
exactly what I was doing that night." I realise if it were possible
to catch sight of myself in the mirror I'd be looking a little
shamefaced just now. To hide it from her I move round behind her in
imitation of the way we were positioned on the night in question. As
I continue to speak I allow a hand to snake round her front and toy
with her clit.
"I could sense how emotional you were. How out of place you felt. I
played on it. I know which buttons to press and I knew that not only
could I get you to do it, but that I could make you enjoy it. And
much as I hate to admit it, a part of me revelled in the fact that I
was making you find intense pleasure in something that must feel so
wrong to you."
She's moaning softly now, perspiring, but keeping her eyes open as
if we're back on that balcony and I've already given her the order
not to close them.
"I saw and felt a lost little girl that night luv. And I came up
behind you, whispered words I knew would get you hot. Challenged you
to stop me from giving you what I could tell you so desperately
needed. Do you remember what I did next luv?" I whisper the last
right in her ear and her head lolls back. She seems incapable of
answering me. Still toying with her clit I turn the whip around so
that the handle is pointing upwards as I manoeuvre it between her
legs.
"I ignored your uneasiness and shoved my cock into you right there."
I shove the handle of the whip not gently but carefully up inside
her. She gasps loudly and tries to push back against it. I move it
in and out, my hand still playing as I continue to speak.
"Does this feel or sound like the actions of a doormat? Does it
sound like a man who lets himself be completely walked over?"
"No- oh god - no Spike it doesn't. Oh, please. Please!"
"Please what?" I say in annoyingly curious tone as I pull that whip
from her and move back round to stand before her. "Oh I'm sorry
Slayer. Did you want to cum? Good. Then my message should get
through. I know what effect I can have on you. The right ways to
mess with your head until you don't know whether you're coming – ha-
or going. That's not the work of a poor innocent victim luv. We play
games with each other Slayer, that's what we do! And if you insist
on assigning guilt we're both as guilty as each other. Which
personally I think exonerates us both. Oh and by the way I'm not
going to make you cum yet. Now, do you see my meaning Slayer?"
"Yes. Yes I do Sir." She says. "Please don't whip me again, but I
need to bring something else up."
"Well when you ask so nicely how can I refuse your request pet? But
be warned if this is something inconsequential and silly I will tan
your hide good and proper."
"Yes Sir. It's…..well, I mean I understand everything you
just…..erm….demonstrated. But what about later that night? In the
alley beside the police station? That wasn't me using you for sex.
That was me abusing you."
"Abusing me?" I say in disbelief. "Buffy do you remember what I said
to you? I was pushing your buttons again. Trying to find a way
through that damned goodness you're so steeped in. Trying to stop
you from giving yourself up for murder. And what did I do? Brought
up the last thing you wanted to hear right then. I told you I loved
you, like that would make you stay, especially after the way I'd
toyed with you at the bronze. You were in a state luv and I just
managed to get you even more riled up. Then I had another brilliant
plan. When you punched me I thought I could get you to let all the
emotion out, so you'd stop blaming yourself and see sense. I told
you to do it Buffy, remember. `Put it all on me' I said. I received
every blow with the hope that you'd let enough out to see straight.
When it started and I thought for a second that you might be getting
control I told you I loved you and then I said the thing next to
that, that I knew would get to you most. Remember?"
"Yes." She says hanging her head. "You called me `your girl'. Then I
really let you have it."
"Do you honestly think I didn't know what effect that would have on
you pet? And no it's not pleasant to have the knowledge that *that*
is the thing that would do it, but like I say luv, I know what
buttons to push. I asked for it then as surely as I did seconds
before when I told you to put it all on me. I'm not trying to say
what happened was right. You wouldn't be human if you didn't feel
bad about it but you can't carve yourself up over it. It was a
situation that could and should have been handled better by both of
us. But it wasn't and there's nothing we can do about that now. It
sure as hell wasn't solely your fault. Say it."
"It wasn't my fault. It wasn't your fault. It's over."
"Good girl. Louder!"
"It wasn't either of our faults!"
"Good. And just so you know Slayer. I let you beat me. Didn't you
wonder why I didn't raise a hand back to you. Even at the beginning
I was just blocking your punches. If I didn't think I was helping
you you'd have had a hell of a fight on your hands. And also just so
you know, you try that again and I will kick your ass Slayer or not!"
"Oh really? You think so do you?" she says. Her expression is cocky
and she exudes the confidence and downright sex appeal that I love
so much when she's fighting.
According to the game I should punish her for such cheek but despite
all I just said to her there are times she has total power over me.
Even now, bound and open and at my mercy she has the power to make
me forget the game for a second and kiss the hell out of her. And
that's what I do. I grasp her hair firmly and crash my mouth down on
to hers. The kiss is hard and fierce and consuming. I can't even
rightly tell how long it lasts. It feels like forever and it also
feels likes a mere second before I pull back to find her face and
chest flushed, lust burning in her eyes. I'm entranced by her wanton
faced beauty until I'm pulled from gaping at her by the sound of her
rattling the manacles round her wrists. I look up at them and back
at her to see an expectant look now on her face as she looks up at
the manacles herself then back at me.
"Oh no you don't my girl." I say, noting with satisfaction that the
phrase `my girl' although in a slightly different context, does not
have the same effect as it did in the alley. "I have a final speech
to make then I need to check you have understood and truly learned
my lessons today."
TBC.....If you want to hear what Spike has to say.
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