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Author's Chapter Notes:
Hi Guys still with me?? Sorry it has taken me so long to update i was shocked to see it has almost been a year. Lots of things have been happening moved house etc.
Hopefully the long wait will be worth it and i promise it wont be another year for the next chapter
Chapter 10

“Lorne, Spike here again I just wanted apologise for the disruption in our meeting today. If you could call me back as soon as you get this message that would be great,”

“Why do you hate me?” Spike asked as he stormed and huffed about packing his briefcase.

Lorne had bid a hasty retreat as he watched the tension crackle between them, but not before passing Buffy his card with a note on the back that said.

When world war lll finishes call me!

Buffy watched Spike storm around the apartment swearing and cursing her very existence. Oh how she loved it when people spoke like she wasn’t in the room.

“Me? Hate you? That’s rich.” Buffy could not believe the nerve of Spike. Where did he get off?

“You must hate me, no other reason why you would go out of your way to ruin my life,”

Crazy town, apparently. From where she stood, he should be thanking her for helping him out.

“How exactly have I ruined it Spike? I saved your butt back there,”

“Unlikely ,” he spat back.

“You had nothing before I showed up.” She put her hands on her hips. There was no way she was going to back down. His eyes were back with anger, she paused for a moment, taking in the intensity of his stare.

“Nothing?! I had it great before you waltzed in here like you owned the place. With your shiny hair and vanilla perfume and that sad puppy look on your face.”

“Spike, what are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about before you came here I had a place to work, warm showers and no peep shows in the kitchen. I had peace and sanity. I had a world in which you didn’t exist.”

“Oh,” the harshness of his words took her by surprise

“I thought I could stand it if I kept out of your way. It wouldn’t be so bad. But you come here for a holiday and forget to mention to anyone your plans to stay permanently?!” She bit her lip as she kept the tears at bay. He was not going to break her.

“I meant for the meeting but I see you had more on your mind,”

“The meeting?” Spike asked pausing to actually listen to what she was saying.

“My idea for Lorne’s money problems. I didn’t realise that my whole existence offended you.”

Buffy had heard enough. She had come too far to put up with this from Spike, of all people.

“I always wondered if you were a selfish, self-centred bastard or if it was just me that brought out the worst in you, but to see it up close and personal like this confirms it.”

“Me? Selfish? I don’t think so,”

“When have you ever put anyone but yourself first, Spike?”

“What about the other night? I set up Angel and Cordy.”

“Don’t act all Mother Teresa about that. You did that so Angel would stop moping around all the time,” Buffy argued. “Name me one time where you have done something for someone else with no self-serving intentions.”

Spike searched his brain. He was a good person, he sat on the boards of several high profile community projects, he helped little old ladies across the street. He was a good person she just seemed to bring out the worst in him.

With a shake of her head, Buffy sighed, “Then you reap what you sow, Spike. Look at you, alone in the world. No friends, no family, it’s pathetic.”

“At least I don’t run halfway across the country when I get my heart broken.”

“At least I lay my heart on the line to get it broken. I don’t run out in the middle of the night.”

That comment threw Spike for a loop and from the look on Buffy’s face it had taken her by surprise as well.

“What do you mean by that Buffy?”

“Don’t play me Spike you know exactly what I mean. That night when we…that you…” The memories flooded back as she struggled to find the right definition. “The night your mom died.”
~
10 years earlier….


“I don’t see why he has to be here,” Buffy grumbled to her mom as she snuck a cookie off the baking sheet.

There was something about Christmas and having the whole family back together that turned her mother into Betty home maker. In the days leading up to the big event it seemed as though the oven was on 24/7. Usually she loved the lead up and the yummy treats that also came her way. But this year something had put a big dent in the mirth. A big, annoying Spike-shaped something.

Angel had rung last week to break the news something about his parents going away for Christmas and not wanting him to stay alone in the dorm. Let him rot in hell for all she cared.

“Now now Buffy you know Christmas is all about showing love to your fellow man,” Spike sing-songed as he took the cookie from her hand.

“Hey that’s mine,” she went to take the cookie back but Spike had held it up over his head. Buffy jumped up and tried to take it from him. With each jump she could see his amusement grow and by the fourth attempt she could feel something else grow as well.

“Ew gross much,” she pushed him away.

“What?” Spike feigned innocence but she knew better. Hand on hips she stared him down. “Ok as much as I can’t stand you I am still a man, there is only so much rubbing I can handle.”

“Again with the gross, See this is why I wish you would leave,” Buffy huffed as she stormed out of the kitchen.

*****

Later that night Buffy came back down into the kitchen to sneak some more food. Sure it being Christmas Eve she only had to wait a few more hours before the feast began but she was hungry.

She opened the fridge grabbed a handful of cookies and looked for the egg nog that her mom had made earlier that day. She moved a few things around but still couldn’t find it.

“Looking for something love?”

She spun around to find Spike holding the pitcher of nog, “Spike! Ugh, you scared me. Why aren’t you bronzing with Angel?”

“Wanted to call ma wish her a merry Christmas and all that rot,” he replied as he took another glass from the cupboard and poured her a glass.

“Trust you to have something that I want. Were you born this much of a pain in the ass?”

“You wish. Hey, cut a bloke some slack, at least I poured you a glass .Come on, love, you know you want to.” He passed the glass to her, their hands touching briefly. Buffy chose to ignore the tingle his touch had caused.

“Thanks.” She took the glass and drank its contents. Or at least tried to. The slow burning of the brandy that Spike had added made the task a little harder.

“You spiked it!” Buffy coughed as she spat the rest out of her mouth.

“Well yeah, what else were you expecting?” Spike took the glass from her hand all smug. One day she was going to wipe that smug right off his face.

“Where did you get the booze? You’re not twenty-one for another year,”

“Oh please, like a little miss prissy like you has never used a fake ID before?”

“Don’t need it unlike someone else in this room. I have other assets that can open doors for me,” To prove her point Buffy stuck out her chest and felt strangely proud of the reaction it caused in Spike.

“You better bloody not be shaking it around town. No seventeen-year old girl should be shaking her bits around in order to get into a club.” She could see his eyes darken in anger. It had to be anger and certainly not any other kind of emotion, that was for sure.

“Eighteen,” she corrected and swore she saw his eyes go darker still.

“What?!”

“I’m eighteen now Spike a senior and everything,”

“Right. I must have lost count of the years,”

“Or just losing your memory in your old age,”

“Very funny love,” He took another swig of the nog “Can I pour you another?”

“Don’t think so. Why did you have to spike it in the first place?”

“Got a name to uphold,” Buffy looked at him questioningly “Spike, as in spike the drink,”

“Oh please I’ve read the back of the bathroom doors, Spike, I know the reason you have that name, It has nothing to do with alcohol unless you have to plie your conquests with it to get them into bed.”

“Hey I’ll have you know that any girl at Sunnydale high would be glad to sleep with me,”

“That’s where you are wrong, I go to Sunnydale and would never sleep with you not in a million years,”

And with that she took her midnight snack and went to bed.

***

It was the sound of breaking glass that woke Buffy. At first she thought she was dreaming but the sobs that followed were real. And they were coming from Spike.
She found him on the kitchen slumped on the floor, telephone in one hand and shattered glass at his feet.

“Spike,” he raised his head knowing someone was calling him but too caught in his own grief to comprehend its origin. Buffy knelt down on the ground in front of him careful of the glass. “Spike what happened? Are you ok?”

He looked up but his eyes were unfocused and looking straight through her. Something had broken him, she could tell the life behind his eyes had left. As much as she couldn’t stand Spike she would never wish this kind of devastation onto him.

“She’s dead,” he murmured “I called to say Merry Christmas but the nurse picked up the phone. I didn’t even know she was sick,” The tears flowed and she reached out and wiped them from his cheek. His hand caught hers. Holding her there, his body and soul aching for some kind of connection to replace the one he had lost.
“I’m alone, she’s gone. I don’t have anyone”

Buffy didn’t need to hear anymore. She took Spike into her arms offering what comfort she could. In all her life, no one had ever clung to her as Spike did that night.

“It’s okay Spike,” he raised his head and looked her straight in the eye finally realising where and who he was with. He laughed a sick and twisted laugh.

“No Buffy it’s not okay. Its not going to be okay,” His stare, hard and cold, sent shivers up her spine “This is about as far away from okay as you can get,”

She always wondered what he had meant by that. Of course on one level she knew he was talking about her mother. But in the moments and hours that followed she always wondered if he was talking about her. The two of them together giving comfort, support and a glimpse that life would move on.

For in that instant everything changed. If Buffy could have seen the clock she could time it to the second. The second that the universe shifted the second that Spike took her in his arms and kissed her.

She knew it wasn’t about her, he didn’t want her. He wanted some respite, a refuge from real life if only for a moment.

The kiss was, well it physically was one of the best she had ever had. His lips were soft against hers but there was an urgency, a sense of need that fuelled it. Emotionally there was something more to it. She knew she could have stopped it any time, that there was no advantage being taken by Spike. No, she wanted this. As his hands made their way into her hair and pulled her further into his embrace, she thought all their nit picking, fighting and snide remarks were just marking time until this moment.

He pulled away stopping to take in the moment, he searched her eyes hell maybe even her heart for an escape, a place away from reality

“Buffy,” her name on his lips asked the question that she knew the answer to. In some place in the recesses of her mind the answer she had always known.

“Can we rest now?”

As they made their way up to her room and made love later that night she gave him a place to rest.





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