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Chapter 15 It all ends here.

“It’s mom sorry I missed your call. You got the job that’s great, You must be so happy. Give me a call and tell me all the details”

It was a bad idea. She knew it from the moment she had stepped into the foyer of Spike’s office. At least the universe had given her an out by having Spike in a meeting. She didn’t leave him a message. She just wanted to leave. It meant that no one had to know about her moment of insanity. She could just hop in the elevator and it would be like it had never-

“Buffy?”

So much for the universe giving her an out. When did elevators take so long?

“I thought it was you,” she turned around not to see Spike but his assistant, or more importantly her brother’s new girlfriend, Cordelia Chase, standing in front of her.

“Hi, Cordelia,” Buffy replied

“Please call me Cordy, everyone does. Are you here to see William?”

“Umm not really?” Buffy sounded lame even to herself. why else would she be here?

“Wow, you’ve been busy,” Cordy exclaimed as she looked at the shopping bags that Buffy was holding. “Somebody had a big pay day.”

“Not so much having a big pay day but spending the money I am about to earn. I got a job today.” The smile crept up on Buffy’s face. It was the first time since the interview she had voiced those words.

“Congratulations! That’s great. We should celebrate,”

“I don’t think so. It’s really no big deal…”

“Cordy, where are those copies I asked for? You’ve been gone…” Spike strode out to the reception area, his dark charcoal suit and deep purple shirt striking a commanding figure. He stopped in his tracks when he saw her.

“Buffy are you ok? What are you doing here? Did something happen with Lorne this morning?” He looked genuinely concerned, though he was probably more concerned that she had pissed off his largest client or something.

“Your job is with Lorne – as in Lorne Henderson Designs? Oh my god that’s huge!” Cordy squealed as she hugged Buffy.

“Yeah, I got the job,” she declared, looking Spike in the eye and instead of seeing the mocking that she was used to she saw something else. If she didn’t know him better she would have sworn it was pride.

“Congrats love, that’s great. My tutelage must have paid off.”

He had given her a compliment – plain and simple – she heard It. It registered in her brain and any normal person would have said ‘thanks’ and moved on, but no, she had this bitch switch inside of her and it seemed as though only Spike knew how to flick it.


“Of course, because I can’t do anything on my own merit,” Buffy snapped back.

“That’s not what I meant. It was a joke, pet. I was just saying…”

“I know what you were saying Spike, poor little Buffy can’t do a thing without Spike’s help. Gee, to think I came here to say thank you,”

“Because I helped you.” Again with the nice and the logic – gee where did he get off?

“Yeah helped me get the interview. Unless you swapped the designs out of my book and put in your own, I’m pretty sure that I got the job on my own”

“Hey, guys, time out. What’s the bad here? Buffy got a job, isn’t that a good thing?” Cordy asked.

“Buffy always has to be right, can never admit she needs anyone or anything. Heaven help her if she needs anyone’s help. No, Buffy has to do it all on her own,” Spike stepped forward, seeming to forget where he was as he argued with Buffy

“Me? That’s rich coming from Mr. There-are-two-ways-of-doing-things-my-way-and-the-wrong-way. And as for asking for help, I seem to recall helping you out once a long time ago and what kind of thanks did I get for that?” Buffy was beyond angry, all she wanted to do was get out of here.

Spike paled at her words. How did they go from friendly banter to all out fighting in less than a minute? Easy, it’s all they ever did.

“Thanks, Spike. Leave it to you to take one of the best days I have had in a long time and reduce it to less than crap. To think I came here to say thank you and to give you this,” She threw the Tiffany box at him before stepping into the elevator that had finally arrived.

“Buffy wait…” was all she heard as the doors closed and tears sprang into her eyes.

The tears had clouded her vision because it was only when he spoke did she realize that he had followed her into the elevator.

“Okay, so this is it, Buffy, I am giving you one last chance to have at me about that night, because frankly, I am over feeling shitty about it. I did the wrong thing, no question. But me beating myself up over it and you bringing it up like some kind of get out of any argument free card, it all ends here,” he had started off calmly but as he spoke all the anger, shame, and resentment came flooding out.

“You don’t get to choose when you stop hurting me, Spike,”

“Yeah, well, I just figured that out. I don’t know what else to do but – what I can do is stop hurting myself over it. I hurt you, Buffy, there is no excuse. But I was hurting, first because of my mom and then you. I couldn’t, I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I knew what I had to do which was leave. Not leave you, leave to see mother, pay respects.” For so many reasons he had kept his emotions from that day and the weeks following it under lock and key but he knew to be released from it he had to let it go first.

“My life changed that day forever things in ways that can never be reversed. I grew up that day. No longer a child, can’t be a child without a parent, can you? In growing up I hurt you and while I never meant to, I did. I am sorry Buffy for everything I did.”

“Spike…”

“Let me finish this, okay? This ends here for me – the guilt, the pain and torment over what I did to you. You can choose to do the same. But it’s exactly your choice – nothing I can say or do can help you anymore,” The lift opened and he stepped out before she could respond.


****

Spike sat at his desk staring at the open box in front of him and sighed.

“I’m an asshole.”

Cufflinks. Two silver, round cufflinks with a red stone in the middle.

He loved them and hated them at the same time and surprised himself that he could do that at the same time. Could you truly love and hate something or someone at the same time?

He loved them, they were beautiful he couldn’t have picked a better pair for himself. It was as though she knew his tastes better than he did. It must have been the designer in her.

He hated them because he had been given them out of contempt and anger. He hated them because he knew he didn’t deserve them.

He never meant to hurt her. He was proud of her, prouder than he had ever been. Not only had she got her dream job but she had stuck it to Riley at the same time. He wanted to tell her that, the words were on the tip of his tongue. Those words never came, as per usual. Instead, it came out as judgment not compliment. But somehow it always came back to the same thing. He had treated her badly once a long time ago and now she never expected anything less than hurt and pain from him. He had to stop the cycle somewhere – cutting it off from the source he had chosen to forgive himself and move on. Would Buffy do the same?

“Well, that was dramatic,” Cordy said, as she walked into his office setting the copies of the brief that was now long forgotten on his desk.

“Thanks ever so,” Spike replied, not looking up from the cufflinks because if he looked away they would disappear.

“They’re beautiful,” Cordy remarked as she looked at the box.

“Yeah she is,” Spike answered, not realizing he wasn’t talking about the present but the person who had given it.





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