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Chapter Eight

Buffy awoke to the feeling of complete contentment. She felt cherished and safe. She could feel a muscular arm lying across her body and an equally strong leg in between hers. Spike’s head was pressed to hers and his face was buried in her hair. She closed her eyes and tried to block out memories of the things they’d done during the night, but the pleasant aches in her body, as well as the almost healed cuts on her lips and tongue were impossible to ignore.

(This cannot be happening to me again. Slayer/Vampire. Not so mixey things and yet here we are....all naked and comfy and.....Holy crap. I’m in Spike’s bed. Naked. With his fang marks on my neck. And I never felt better in my life. And, hey, big plus, he’s still here. And probably no more evil than he ever was. At least he doesn’t have any soul to lose. Will Giles and my friends buy that argument? Kinda don’t think so. Major wiggage is going to ensue when we can finally leave here.

Maybe we can just stay here? Order take-out and just stay in bed all the time? Let somebody else save the world. Let those stupid soldiers of Riley’s handle it....oh shit! Riley! How do you tell your demon-hunting boyfriend that you’re dumping him for one of the demons? He’s going to try to kill Spike. No question. Staking Spike will become the mission and forget tame demons and robot/zombie soldiers. Argh!)

Spike woke up gradually as he felt Buffy’s heart rate increasing. He tightened his arm around her very slightly and tensed up, waiting to see what she would do. He had no idea how strong the claim might be, with it being unintentional and her not even knowing it was happening. He almost hoped it had worn off during the night so that he wouldn’t have to explain to her what happened.

When Buffy felt his arm tighten around her, she rolled over slowly and looked up at his worried face.

“Hey,” she said softly.

“Hey to you,” he whispered back at her, dipping his head down cautiously for a quick kiss.

When she responded enthusiastically and put her arms around him, he sighed and relaxed onto his back, pulling her over on to his chest.

“So, Slayer, last night wasn’t just a wet dream, huh?”

“Eeww! And no. Not unless I had the same dream.”

(Got to tell her. It’s only right.)

“When I finish sayin’ what I’ve got to say, you might be wishin’ it was.” He felt her stiffen and tightened his grip slightly so that she wouldn’t pull away from him. “Easy, pet. Wait till I’m done and then you can decide if you want to stake me or not.”

(Please stay here, Buffy. Stay with me, love.)

(Why does he think I’ll want to stake him? What is he going to say? Is he going to leave me too?)

He kissed the top of her head, took a deep breath and without looking at her face, began, “I don’t know if you were listenin’ last night when I told you I wanted you so much that my demon almost claimed you – or if you even know what it means. For a vampire to claim...”

“Not really,” she said, blushing. “I think that’s one of those ‘Slayer’s need to know this’ kinda things that I tuned out when Giles was trying to explain it.”

“I figured,” he said with a small smile. “Uneducated little chit that you are.”

“Hey!” she said indignantly. “1300 SATs here, thank you very much!”

“Didn’t say you were stupid, love. Just don’t know much.” He laughed and grabbed her hand when she tried to smack him. He brought it to his mouth, kissed her fingers and then put it back down on his chest, cradling it in his larger one.

Growing serious again, he continued with his explanation. “When one vampire bites another during love-making and says anything possessive or.....or that would indicate strong feelings, the demon is marking that person as his –or hers, as the case might be. It sets up a connection between the two that can last anywhere from a few weeks to....eternity.”

“A few weeks to eternity? Sounds like a lot of room for error there.”

“Depends a lot on if the claim is renewed regularly and if it’s returned. If it isn’t repeated, and if the other....party....doesn’t reciprocate, it fades after a while. If both... lovers...make and return the claim; and if they stay together long enough to renew it regularly, they can stay connected for as long as they live.”

“Define ‘connected’,” she said quietly, tension just barely noticeable in her voice.

He blew out another unnecessary breath and ran one hand up and down her arm soothingly. When she relaxed against him and almost purred, he sighed and said, “That’s part of it.”

“Like wha- oh!” Buffy’s sudden realization of the soothing effect his touch had on her was enough to send her pulse skyrocketing again. When he nuzzled her neck, thereby calming her down again immediately, she started to relax, then shot up in bed growling, “Stop that!”

“Stop what, love?” he asked innocently as he stroked her hand gently and smiled as she started to curl back into him.

“Stop calming me down!” She moved away from him as far as she could without falling off the bed and stared at him in shock. When she felt her body yearning toward him, even as she glared at his worried face, she began to tremble.

“What have you done to me, Spike?” she whispered. “What have you done?”

Trying not to look as crestfallen as he felt, he tried to explain. “When I bit you the first time, it started a claim. The only thing missing were the words. When we...made love...later...I licked the wounds while I was thinking...I said...”

“You said, ‘I love you,’” she finished for him, not meeting his eyes.

“I did. And to the demon it sounded like I was completing the claim.”

He reached for her chin and turned her to face him. His eyes begged her to believe him, even as his touch made it almost impossible for her not to.

“I never meant to do that, Buffy. I swear to you. It’s why I was so freaked the first time. I knew the demon was trying to mark you as mine. And...” He faltered and let go of her chin. “And I knew you wouldn’t want that. To be mine.” He tried to keep the pain that admission cost him from reaching his voice and eyes, but when Buffy looked away, he knew he hadn’t been successful.

“I never said I didn’t,” she said so softly that he wouldn’t have heard her without his vampiric hearing ability. “I just don’t think you should have done it without explaining it to me first and asking me if I wanted it.”

He gaped at the small blond woman who was pulling on a thread in the bedspread and refusing to look at him. While his unbeating heart threatened to leap out of his chest, he fought to keep his hands from reaching for her and demanding she repeat herself. He knew they needed to get this settled without any chance that the claim was influencing Buffy’s feelings.

He got off the bed and walked to the other side of the room, putting as much distance as he could between them. Buffy was still turned away from him, although she had stopped pulling on the thread and was just sitting quietly with her hands in her lap.

“Don’t play with me, Slayer,” he growled. “I meant what I said. I wasn’t intendin’ to claim you, but I meant what I said about lovin’ you. If you give me some small sign, just a crumb is all I’m askin’, that you might...someday, maybe... I’ll wait forever. But if you don’t… if you can’t...If I’m too far beneath you, tell me now and I’ll leave Sunnydale. It’s not a strong claim. With me not here, it should fade in a couple of days.”

Instead of answering his implied question, Buffy chose to ask another one of her own.

“Is there anything else? Besides the calming down thing?”

“Yeah – there are some other side effects. I’ll be able to feel you, even if you’re not close by. I’ll know if something’s botherin’ you, or hurtin’ you. And, you’ll be able to feel me. You’ll know when I’m close by.”

“I already do that,” she admitted, then put her hands over her mouth in dismay at admitting that to him.

“Yeah, pet. Me too,” he gave her a wry grin. “But now we’ll be able to do it from farther away. It’s not quite like being able to read each other’s minds, but we’ll be able to have an idea what’s going on.”

“Makes it kinda hard to cheat, doesn’t it?” she tried to joke.

“Uh, yeah, pet. Kinda the point, in a way. It’s not likely two peop- vamps with a mutual claim would be lookin’ to hook up with anybody else. Would sorta spoil the whole ‘life-long commitment’ thing”

Buffy studied him carefully. “Vampires make life-long commitments? Demons can love? How is that possible? You – they don’t have souls.”

Spike just stared back at her. She could see a muscle in his jaw clench and unclench and knew he knew she was thinking about Angel. He glared at her just long enough to be sure she knew what he was thinking, then he shrugged and looked away. He did not want to have an argument about his grandsire this morning.

Buffy smothered the little burst of pain she felt at knowing that Angel’s excuse of not being able to love her without his soul was bogus. There was a tiny twinge and then she realized it didn’t really matter that much any more. Somebody else did love her.

“Anything else I should know? Are we going to start to look alike or anything like that? I’m not going to start wanting to drink blood am I?” she whirled to look at him with panic-stricken eyes.

“Relax, Slayer. You’re not gonna do anything. We’ll just stay apart for a while and it’ll fade away. It’s not like you returned it or anything...”

“We have to stay apart?” she asked in a small voice. “Why?”

“I explained that, you stupid chit – if we don’t renew it, it goes away!”

“I don’t want to stay apart,” she stuck her lower lip out in a pout and he groaned to himself. “And don’t call me stupid!”

“Slayer – Buffy – love of my life, if we start shagging again, it’ll never go away. Every time we make love, the claim gets stronger. Why do you think I’m all the way over here on this side of the room?”

“Well, that just...sucks.” She crossed her arms over her chest and continued to pout like a small child.

“So,” he began slowly, “you’re sayin’ if we didn’t have to worry about the claim....you would...I could...we might...”

“Spit it out, Spike! If we could be, we would be. Now. In this bed. More than once. Is that clear enough for you?”

His eyes darkened with desire and she thought she saw gold flecks in them as he turned away and grabbed his pants. He tried to pull them on before she could see the hard-on he got when she said she wanted him again, but he could tell from her giggles that he wasn’t fooling her.

“’S not funny, Slayer,” he growled. “Do you have any idea how hard it is to stay away from you? And, would you please put some soddin’ clothes on?”

Buffy blushed all over as she realized they had been carrying on the entire conversation while she was stark naked. She hastily grabbed her sweatshirt and jeans and pulled them on. Then she looked over at Spike and ordered, “Go put a shirt on.”

He smirked at her and pulled a tee shirt from a drawer to cover his chest. She noticed idly that the tooth marks she’d left on his shoulder and the gouges in his back were almost healed. Soon the only signs of their violent coupling would be the bloody sheets and the memories she couldn’t get out of her head.

“Why didn’t I notice I was naked?” she asked suddenly.

“What?” Spike gawked at her. “Why didn’t you what?”

“Notice that I was naked. We had that whole conversation and we were both naked and it didn’t bother me. I didn’t even notice. Is that because of the claim? Does it make me more comfortable around you?”

“I don’t know, love,” he said slowly. “Being naked has never bothered me –well, not since I was a poncy Victorian poet anyway.” He gave her a shy smile. “But I don’t know why you weren’t bothered. Not that you should be,” he added hastily. “You’re so bloody beautiful, you should go around naked all the time. Around me, anyway.”

Buffy rolled her eyes at him, but inside she was warmed by his praise. Then she looked at him with frightened eyes again.

“I hate this!” she burst out, then froze when she saw the stricken look on his face. Forgetting that she wanted to stay away from him, she flew across the room and threw her arms around his waist.

“Not you, Spike. I don’t hate you. I hate that I can’t tell if the things I’m feeling are real or because you claimed me. I don’t know what to trust.”

She felt him trembling with the effort of keeping his arms from going around her. She rubbed her face on his chest, inhaling his scent, and then forced herself to let go and step back. His body was rigid and his face showed the massive struggle going on inside.

“I...I’m sorry,” she stammered. “I didn’t mean to make it harder. I was just afraid you thought I meant...”

“It’s alright, love,” he said with effort. “You should hate it. It’s ...I’ve taken away your free will in a way. Demons are very possessive. It won’t - I won’t – want to let you fret, won’t let you be in danger, won’t want anyone else to...to touch you, won’t want to be away from you for any length of time, will want to be touching you all the time.... It’s goin’ to be a bit of problem, innit?”

“You think?” She rolled her eyes.

There was silence for a minute as she moved slowly away from the still-immobile vampire. She wanted nothing more than to pull him back down on to the bed and curl up at his side, but she fought the urge and moved back to the other side of the small bedroom.

“Those things – the things you say you feel. Should I be feeling them too?”

“Dunno, pet. There aren’t very many instances of vampires claiming humans – and you’re not even a normal human. You’re the Slayer. Who knows what that throws into the mix. You didn’t claim me back – you didn’t even acknowledge the claim--” Buffy wondered if she was really seeing the flash of pain in his eyes as he said that or if she had just imagined it.

“I want to be close to you,” she said softly. “I...I want to touch you. I want you to hold me, but I’m afraid to. I’m afraid it’s just the claim making me want those things. I don’t know if it’s real. It’s like being under that stupid spell all over again!”

“I don’t know what’s real either, love. I can tell you I’m not feeling anything now that I wasn’t already feeling weeks ago – it’s just harder to hide it is all. But....I can’t say for you—“ He tried to hide the spark of hope he could feel trying to break out of his chest.

“How will we know if – when it’s gone? How will I know what I want? I don’t want to be with you because of some mystical bond. I want it to be because I...I...” Her voice trailed off. There was no way she was going to admit to falling in love with another vampire. At least not until she was sure that she wasn’t being influenced by something outside her control.
Chapter Nine

“It WILL fade, love. I promise. And soon.” He stared at her for minutes just drinking in the sight of her in his bedroom. The uncertainty in her face decided him and he moved across the room to touch her face gently.

“I’m going to leave for a while, Buffy. I won’t go far – and I’ll leave a number to call in case you need to reach me; but I’m going to go far enough away that we shouldn’t be able to feel each other at all and I’m going to stay there until I don’t feel the claim pullin’ on me anymore.

“It’ll give you time to suss out what you want without any outside influence on you. I doubt you’ll even notice anything if I get far enough way. You’ll be all back to normal by tomorrow and you can go on....” He took a deep, ragged breath, “and you can go on with your life.” He turned and began to move away from her.

He reached the dresser and took out a cell phone, laying it on the top within easy reach.

“You’re leaving me.” She said it flatly, with no hint of the ache that was growing in her heart.

“It’s for your own good, love. You need time to—“

“Oh, that always makes it much better. That it’s for my own good. Because my own good couldn’t possible include anything that might actually make me happy, could it?” She spit the words out bitterly and turned her back to him.

“I make you happy?” he asked tremulously. “You want me here?”

She whirled around and snapped at him. “Oh no. I have mind-blowing, all night sex with guys I don’t care about all the time. It’s no problem. Not like I’m not used to it. Have sex with Buffy; leave her immediately. Isn’t that the way everybody does it?”

She tried to keep her face closed to hide her hurt feelings, but Spike could feel her pain through the claim. He crossed the room too quickly to register on human eyes and folded her in his arms.

“I’ll never leave you, Buffy. Never. I’m yours forever. Don’t cry, love. It kills me to feel you unhappy. Especially because of somethin’ I did or said. If you don’t want me to go, I won’t go. I promise, love. Never leave you.”

As soon as she felt his strong, cool arms encircle her body, Buffy relaxed and felt the pain and anxiety begin to ebb. He kept his head pressed to hers and rubbed small soothing circles on her back as he repeated his promise to stay with her forever.

Her arms crept around his waist and she kept her face buried in his chest as she allowed his soothing touch and warm voice to ease her fears. When she no longer felt the need to cling to him, she stepped back slightly and looked up into his worried eyes.

“So, was that the claim talking or just self-absorbed Buffy feeling abused?”

“The claim wouldn’t make you feel like that, love. That was the righteous anger of a beautiful woman who’s never been appreciated by the men in her life. The claim let me feel the hurt underneath the anger and it wouldn’t let me stay away from you. It’s.....it’s why I need to leave....” He tightened his arms as he felt her stiffen against him.

“You’ve got to understand, Buffy. As long as I’m where I can feel you, I won’t be able to stop myself from tryin’ to protect you from whatever’s wrong. Won’t matter if someone’s hurtin’ you physically or emotionally, the demon’s goin’ want to tear him apart. I’m not sure the chip would be able to stop me before I-“

Buffy leaned back and looked up at him. “You said you weren’t feeling anything that wasn’t already there. What did that mean?”

“Meant I already was willin’ to risk brain damage to protect you – jus’ knew I didn’t need to before. I was able to make rational decisions about how much I needed to stay out of the way of the Slayer. Now, I’m not goin’ to have that much control. If something threatens you, the demon will try to protect you. Won’t matter if you can handle it yourself or not.”

“Is that all?” she asked quietly.

“No, that’s not all.” He took a deep breath and said, “Before, seein’ you with your...boyfriend...just made me jealous. Jus’ made me wish I was him. Now? Now, the demon sees you as his property. He touches you and.....”

“Okay, okay, I think I’m getting the picture.” She looked up at him demurely for a second as she added, “It’s kind of...sweet...in a way.” Then the Slayer was glaring back at him as she added, “But I’m not anybody’s property! Yours or Riley’s. And I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”

“I know that, pet,” he smiled at her indignant expression. “Tell you the truth, I don’t think I’d know what to do with a demon-whipped Buffy. Wouldn’t be you now, would it?”

“No,” she sighed, “it wouldn’t be me. And I’d hate it.”

She leaned against him for a minute, enjoying the feeling of being loved and cherished that being close to him gave her. The love was almost palpable and she knew she was going to miss that feeling when it was gone. She basked in it for a few more minutes, allowing Spike to hold her and plant light kisses on her face and murmur in her ear while he inhaled her scent.

Finally, she reluctantly pushed away from him and spoke firmly. “You’re right, Spike. We can’t do this. I can’t be owned by a demon and be the Slayer, no matter how much Buffy might like it sometimes.”

Spike moved back over to the dresser, trying to hide the joy that filled him at the thought that Buffy might have welcomed the claim if she were not the Slayer. He took a piece of paper out and carefully wrote the cell phone number on it in flowing script.

He picked up the phone and put in the pocket of his duster as he shrugged into it. He placed the paper with the phone number on it on the dresser and looked back over to the small blond girl standing on the other side of the room with her arms wrapped tightly around herself.

“Jus’ knowin’ Buffy might have liked it will keep me warm for the next few days,” he said almost shyly as he prepared to leave.

Huge green eyes shiny with tears that threatened to spill any minute looked at him from across the room. He felt his own eyes prickle as the two powerful beings stared at each other for long minutes; their eyes saying everything they were feeling and couldn’t say.

“See you in few days, love,” he said gruffly as he left the room and hastened out the door.

“I’ll be waiting,” Buffy whispered as she heard the outside door pull shut behind him.





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