Not 48 hours after she had last stood there with Buffy, Willow was back in front of the ornate front door to her friend's home. She had been late to
the concert the previous night because of an appointment with her advisor, and so had missed Buffy's dramatic exit, but she knew immediately that something was wrong .
No one could ever accuse Blue Flame of being easy listening, but the dissonance that Spike was pushing was much harsher than anything Willow had heard from them before.
Unfortunately for Willow, no one was talking. No one except Anya, who had only seen the blonde rush tearfully away from the stage. Oz, always taciturn anyway, had
nothing to contribute, and even Xander was being unusually silent. And Spike, he refused to even say her name. He had thundered off the stage and stalked straight to a bar. For all she knew, he was still there.
So here she was at Buffy's house, hoping to find out what in god's name had gone on last night, having no idea what state she would find her friend in. Hesitantly, she rang the door bell, surprised when Angel almost immediately threw open the door. He stared at her with dark, bleary eyes, and she wasn't entirely sure he recognized her.
"Oh," she squeaked. "H-hi, Angel. I was hoping to see Buffy."
"She's not here," he said abruptly, moving to slam the door.
"Wait!" Willow couldn't just leave it there. She really needed to make sure Buffy was okay. "Do you know when she'll be back?" she asked timidly. She was just beginning to take in Angel's appearance, and all kinds of warning bells were going off in her head. The normally suave lawyer was more disheveled than she had ever seen him. His clothes were wrinkled, and he was unshaven, dark, prickly stubble decorating his face. Stubble through which, she slowly realized, eyes widening, a track of bright red lines were laid. Lines that looked an awful lot like scratch marks.
"No. She's out..." He hesitated briefly, eyes flickering. "She's shopping. She'll be late. I'll have her call you."
Now Willow didn't stop him from shutting the door on her. She was in over her head here, and beginning to be a little afraid. Taking a few steps back to her car, she quickly brought out her cell phone and dialed Buffy's number. The ringing seemed awfully loud, and the redhead abruptly realized that she was hearing it in stereo. Carefully reapproaching the house and peering in the window, she could clearly see Buffy's cell phone on the kitchen counter, peeking out from inside her purse. Another few steps and around the other side of the house confirmed Willow's growing fear.
Both the family cars were still in the garage.
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"Spike." Willow's voice stuttered through the connection.
Rubbing a weary hand over his head, Spike stared up at the ceiling of the apartment that Xander, Anya and Oz shared. He was flat on his back on the couch, a bottle of whiskey close to hand. This is where he had been for....he didn't know how long. Since the concert ended and the bar closed and Buffy had tried to hand him back his heart, ripped and bloody though it was. Hadn't worked, though, he though blearily. She must still have it 'cause fuck if he could feel it beating in his chest.
"Called the wrong number, Red," he mumbled. "Oz isn't here."
"I called for you," she answered impatiently. "Spike," she hesitated, needing to know but not wanting to cause him any more pain. "Spike, have you seen Buffy?"
"Don't want to hear that name," he growled, fresh pain splitting his chest. Fuck, he had been sure he was numbed. Must need more alcohol.
"Get over it, Spike. This is important. Have you seen her?"
"No, I bloody well have not. I'm not her keeper. Not anymore," he mumbled. "Wanted to be, wanted to keep her..."
"Spike, wake up and pay attention!" Willow nearly shouted. "Do you have any idea where she might be?"
Maybe it was the way Willow's words trembled around the edges, the last consonants jerking into a slight tremor. Maybe it was the way she yelled at him, when Willow never yelled at anyone. Maybe it was even a little bit of Drusilla's sixth sense rubbing off on him, but something in Spike's brain sparked and fizzed into full attention.
"I would assume she's with him." He bit off the word venomously, slurring it slightly, but Willow thought he seemed more aware. Which was good, because she really needed thinking Spike right now, not drunk-off-his-ass-mooning-depressed Spike.
"Do you know...Is there anywhere she would go, if she was-" Willow broke off, not wanting to voice her fears. "If she was in trouble?" she finished, nearly whispering.
His heart jumped a little as he sharply remembered the last two times she had been "in trouble." "Why?" he asked forcibly. "Why are you asking me this?" The first fibers of alarm were beginning to unfurl in his brain, brushing away the alcoholic cloud he had covered himself in.
"Don't panic, not completely, not yet," Willow warned, even though it was obvious to both of them that she herself was already all with the complete panic. "No one's seen her since the concert, since - " she faltered briefly then resumed, the words rapidly flying out now, tripping over each other in her hurry to tell him everything. "Since she left you. I went to her house, to see if she was okay, but Angel wouldn't let me in the door. Said she was out shopping. So I called her cell..." she trailed off, her rapid narrative coming to a stuttering halt as a hint of anguish colored her words. "And I heard it ringing. From inside the house. And Spike, her car was still in the garage."
Spike was already up, long legs tripping over themselves after their period of inactivity. His head was buzzing, and it seemed that maybe she had returned his heart after all, because it was beating hard enough to break out of his chest. The room seemed to be spinning slightly, and he remembered everything, everything in one bright flash. Green eyes sparkling full of laughter, soft lips on his cheek, silky hair tickling his nose, sweet, slight weight in his arms, tears falling gently on his shoulder. What if, what if....And damn it why had he been so hard on her? Cut himself off as her escape route on purpose when he knew, knew this could happen. He was a fucking idiot...Should never have put his hurt feelings before her safety. Should have stood there and took everything she said and still been there for her. If anything had happened to her, he would never forgive himself. He would never get over it, never get over her.
"Where are you?" he asked abruptly.
"Your place," Willow answered quickly.
"And you're sure she's not there?" A flicker of hope lit his eyes.
"I'm sure," she replied softly.
"Stay put," he ground out. "I'll be there as soon as I can." Jamming the off button savagely, he began throwing on clothes. Shirt, shoes, wallet, keys. Before he could throw himself out the door, though, a streak of sanity appeared in his mind. Fuck. He couldn't possibly drive. Had had way too much to drink. Even if he was feeling stark sober. The train would take too long. Could call a cab.
He was never more grateful to see his friends than when they burst through the door moments later, returning from a late breakfast. Throwing his keys to a surprised Xander, he bit out abruptly, "My house, you're driving. Let's go."
In the end they had all gone, piling into Spike's car, tension zooming through the air after he had briefly explained Willow's phone call. In record time and not without breaking several laws, including all the speed limits, they pulled up in front of Spike's house. Willow was pacing anxiously as they all spilled out, and her surprise at seeing Anya, Xander and Oz with Spike barely registered before she was racing toward him, blurting out what she had just realized, what she should have realized all along and couldn't believe she had been so stupid not to have thought of earlier. She and Spike in turn had all assumed Buffy had left, gone somewhere to hide, but what if...
"Spike," she gasped desperately. "I just thought...What if, what if she didn't go anywhere? What if she's still there?"
His eyes hardened and his fists clenched as the implications hit him full force. Still there. Trapped inside the house. Maybe hurt. Oh, god. During the car ride he had plenty of time to consider all the things he fervently wished he had done differently, all the things he could have done to let her still come to him. Of all the moments, the one that stuck in his mind was his last glimpse of her as he left the dressing room. She had stumbled, and he had automatically reached out for her. Catching her had quickly become second nature to him, after all. But this time, he had stopped himself, let her fall for the first time ever in his presence. If he hadn't done that, if he had touched her that one last time, then just maybe she would have come to him for help...But what if Willow was right? What if she wasn't able to go for help? A nightmare of images flashed through his mind, and Spike clicked through them like a rolodex. If she needed help and wasn't able to get it, then there were three main possibilities. She was too injured to move, she was restrained in some way, or....Nonononono. He closed his eyes as an imaginary siren went off in his ears, blocking out what could not be true.
The rest of the group was waiting silently, waiting for him to take the next step. His eyes opened with a snap. Couldn't get lost in what might be. Have to help her first. "Right," he said strongly, decisively. "I'm going to her house."
"Spike," Willow began worriedly. She had known this was where they were headed, but the possibilities still bothered her. "There's no way Angel will let you in."
"Ain't gonna be no 'letting' about it, Red," he said grimly. "You and Anya stay here, just in case she shows up. And Anya, on the chance that she's not still there, use your contacts. Start looking around. Check hospitals, the train station, anywhere else you can think of." He turned to Oz and Xander then, silently sizing up his friends. "You coming with?" he asked nonchalantly, knowing they would.
"Of course," replied Xander quietly.
"All right. Let's go intimidate the hell out of Angel."
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Okay, I know it has once again been a really long time since updates. I moved over the summer and actually lost the power cord to my laptop, which caused a delay, and honestly, I've just had trouble concentrating. Usually I write my chapters in one sitting, but this one has taken three or four. I actually meant to make it longer, but figured I'd better post something before everyone forgot about me. So the next chapter will be 21B and eventually I'll probably merge them. Thanks so much to everyone who is reading!