Buffy slept for nearly fifteen hours. She was that exhausted, the trauma of recent events taking their toll on her body until it just shut down in protest and refused to move. Spike himself slept for twelve, much longer than he was used to, and then laid next to her in bed for another hour, just watching her chest rise and fall, watching the flutter of her eyelashes that indicated dreaming. Whatever her unconsciousness came up with, her face remained peaceful and he silently swore to himself for the millionth time that she was going to stay that way.
Despite the fact that he could easily watch her for hours, Spike started to feel slightly twitchy, the forced inactivity of the previous day of traveling catching up to him. There were things to take care of, things he could do while she slept so she wouldn't have to worry about them later. Moving as slowly and carefully as he could, he eased out of the bed, rubbing his back absentmindedly. One of the things on that to-do list would involve ordering a new mattress. They had been so tired the night before that it hadn't mattered, but since Buffy-in-his-bed was going to become a regular thing (this he thought to himself almost fiercely, daring fate to prove him wrong), something more comfortable was definitely in order.
Still moving quietly, he slouched bare chested down the stairs, not bothering to change out of the sweats he had modestly slept in. He brewed a pot of coffee and quickly downed a cup, shivering at the jolt of caffeine that fled through his nervous system. Tea was all well and good, but there was nothing like American coffee to get you moving. Sitting at the counter he flipped open his laptop and started searching for a mattress company that would deliver today. Considering the amount of money he was willing to throw at the problem, he found what he was looking for rather quickly and mentally checked that off the list. Next had to be a call to Anya. She would know how to go about getting some discrete security around the house.
She answered briskly, in full business mode. “Spike, what can I do?”
“Good morning to you too, Ahn,” he grinned.
“Have you checked your watch?” she demanded sarcastically. “I've been waiting for you to call for hours.”
“I know.” Trying for a penitent tone, he decided to play on her vanity. “We were so tired, and I knew I could count on you to take care of anything that came up.”
“Well,” she replied, somewhat mollified. “It's actually been pretty quiet. No disasters in the last few hours at least.”
“Thanks for last night,” Spike said with complete sincerity. “No one was here waiting for us, and it doesn't look like anyone's hanging about now, either. We need to see about getting some extra security though, now that they know where to find me.”
“I've already started checking into it,” she assured him. “We should have something in place by the end of the day. Are you sure though,” she hesitated. “Maybe it would be better to just move?”
Spike sighed, absentmindedly tapping his fingers against the countertop. “Logistically, it might be. But Buffy's been through so much upheaval, I don't want to make her move again. She feels safe here,” he admitted. “And I don't want to take that away from her unless I absolutely have to.”
Anya's tone softened. “How is Buffy?”
“She's still asleep – bloody exhausted from everything that's been going on. But I think we're going to be okay. She's going to leave him, Ahn.” He couldn't help the fierce joy that passed through him to be able to say that out loud. He stared out the kitchen window, not seeing what was really there but instead imagining snapshots of a possible future with her in it.
“Thank god,” his manager's voice was heartfelt and emphatic.
With a sudden frown, he realized that it wasn't as easy as just making the decision. “We're going to need some help,” he admitted. “Buffy needs a lawyer – a good one. And we have to do something about getting her stuff as soon as possible. She doesn't really have even any clothes with her.”
A small noise from the hall startled him and he swung around to see Buffy there, still engulfed in his tee shirt, hair messy from sleep, watching him with an inscrutable expression on her face. “Got to go, Anya,” he said, hanging up abruptly.
The house was quiet and peaceful, and each breath seemed very loud in his ears as he looked at her. For a moment, none of the craziness mattered and he was struck by the normalcy of having her wake up in his house. Because it did feel normal, and right and like a bloody miracle at the same time, and if he wasn't careful his song lyrics were going to start sounding more like poetry, because he wanted to write sonnets and odes and epics about the beauty of seeing her wandering down the stairs with sleep mussed hair after spending the night in his bed.
“Hi,” the girl in question offered in a small voice.
“Hi,” he returned, grinning foolishly at her.
“Coffee?” she asked hesitantly.
“Of course, luv.” He beamed at her, nearly stumbling in his happy haze as he hurried to get her a cup.
But as she met his eyes over the rim of the mug, he realized that she wasn't feeling the same loopy joy. Her eyes were uncertain, and while she wasn't frowning, she wasn't smiling back at him either.
“What's wrong?” Spike asked anxiously, heart rate jumping in fear.
“Nothing,” Buffy answered, but the edges of the word trailed off in a way that made it impossible for him to believe her.
Taking her hand, he guided her into the living room and tugged her down on the sofa, his pulse slowing somewhat when she didn't shy from his touch. He knew decisions had been made last night, and he knew she wasn't going to change her mind, but something was obviously going on in her pretty little head.
Buffy took a deep breath, hiding for a moment behind the steam rising from the coffee cup she held in front of her face. It had been disconcerting coming down the stairs to hear him talking to Anya like that, like he was...
“Planning my life?” the corner of her mouth lifted in a slight smile, and the tone was light, but a small smudge of something dark hid behind it. Although she had made the decision, knew her marriage was over, it was somehow harder to think about the logistical side of ending her relationship with Angel than it was to concentrate on the hearts and flowers feelings she had for Spike.
“A little bit,” Spike acknowledged, still smiling at her but taking a bit more serious tone. “There are things that need to be done, decisions to be made.”
“Can't it wait?” she asked petulantly, biting her bottom lip. She pulled her feet up onto the sofa at the same time as she slid down the back, nearly folding in on herself.
Spike rubbed a hand over his face. He should have known she would feel like this. No matter what she had been through with Angel, ending a marriage couldn't be easy and Buffy did like to hide from the not-easy. Willing himself to be patient, he pulled her up and into his arms. “It could,” he answered reasonably. “It could wait for as long as you want.”
“I'm sensing a “but” in there somewhere,” she grumbled, and he chuckled despite his frustration, rubbing his cheek against her hair before shifting her so that he could see her eyes.
“Have you changed your mind?” he asked quietly. “Since last night have you changed your mind about wanting to be with me?”
“Spike, no!” Buffy cried, bringing her hand up to cup his face. “I've made my decision.”
He briefly nuzzled her palm, not really having doubted her to begin with, just wanting to make a point. Whatever had happened between them on the side of the highway last night had cemented things for him. He knew what was over and what was beginning, and was just eager to get to the good stuff. “So we could wait,” he said reasonably. “We could put off all the pesky little details like getting you an actual divorce, but Buffy, I don't want to wait. I don't want to spend one minute more than necessary without having you free and clear. I don't want you connected to him any longer, I want you here with me in every single way.”
His passion was beginning to overcome her timidity. These were hard things he was talking about, lawyers and movers and people she would have to let into her private affairs who might not understand. But Spike was right. It had to be done, so might as well jump in and get it over with. Taking a deep breath, she looked up and nodded at him. “Okay.”
“Okay?” he raised his eyebrows.
“Okay,” she reaffirmed. “I'll get a lawyer, and we'll make all those arrangements.” Her head drifted down to his chest, her agreement seeming to take some of the strength out of her. They just sat for a moment, resting against each other, Spike's fingers gentle in her hair, absentmindedly combing out tangles.
“Spike?” her voice was small.
“Hmmm?” he hummed softly.
“Is it wrong to be scared?”
He hugged her to him fiercely. “No, sweetheart. Nothing you feel is wrong. But what are you afraid of, luv? Angel? I swear, he'll never touch you again, I wouldn't let that happen.” Solemnity and vehemence made a strange mix, but his words held both an oath and a threat.
But Buffy ducked her head. “I'm not afraid of him. Not really. It's more like...” she fluttered her hand briefly, searching for words before returning it to a tight grip on his forearm. “It's just, so much has happened. I just...what if we can't do normal?”
Relaxing, he smiled down at her tenderly. “There is no such thing as normal,” he scoffed. “We'll be us, and it'll be good, Buffy. I promise you, it'll be good. Okay?” he asked a second time.
“Okay.” This time, she smiled in answer. Maybe it would all work out somehow, after all. Spike seemed so sure of it, so maybe she could try to believe it too.
“All right,” he said brightly, swinging his legs off the sofa, a burst of energy coursing through him that had absolutely nothing at all to do with caffeine. “Let's get you a divorce.”
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I'm still here! I have no excuse really. This story has been languishing for far too long, and I've kind of decided it'll be a good start to getting my head on straight again if I can finish what I started. So here it is, although I'm really not sure if it's good anymore. It's hard to pick back up sometimes. But anyway, it's one more chapter done and it's pretty long, so I hope you enjoy!