He changed his mind the moment he drove through the Welcome to Sunnydale sign.
Instead, he went directly to her house, pulling the DeSoto haphazardly up to the curb before hopping out and running to the tree beneath her window. A light was on in her bedroom, and if he closed his eyes and listened carefully, he would swear he could hear the pounding of her heart and the rhythm of her breathing.
“BUFFY!”
Her heart sped up, but she didn’t move. It didn’t matter; he knew she’d heard him.
“BUFFY!” She still said nothing, and he sighed, the sound of it as weary as he was. “Slayer!”
Silence was still his only response, but Spike refused to give up. Even if the spell was off, he knew the past few days had meant something to her, the same as they had to him. She couldn’t just turn her back on all of that.
“Come on, Slayer, just talk to me, you bloody stubborn bint!” Spike frowned when she still didn’t make a move. Usually insulting Buffy was the quickest way to get a rise out of her.
He came closer, until he was standing directly below her window. “Buffy! Talk to me, baby, come on! I need you, pet!”
And fuck, did he ever… Without her, every bit of him ached, cried out for her and her alone. Even losing Drusilla had been nothing like this.
But then again, loving Drusilla was nothing like being loved by Buffy.
“BUFFY!”
“Would you shut up out there?!” a neighbor yelled out of his own window, making Spike’s temper flare.
“You shut up!” Spike screamed back, whirling towards the interloper. “I’m tryin’ for an audience with my lady.” He turned again, back towards Buffy. “Slayer! Just poke your bloody little head out and talk to me!”
Finally, the window flew open, and Buffy’s gorgeous face was looking down at him, like his very own Juliet. “Get out of here, Spike,” she called down. She was glaring, but there were tearstains on her cheeks, and Spike knew they had to count for something. She was hurting, which he hated, but if she cared enough about him to hurt…
He wanted to kiss those tears away.
“No. Let me up. I need you!” He smirked and gave her a leer. “Need to touch you. Need to feel you.”
Buffy felt her heart tighten in her chest. Of course that’s why Spike was here. He was beneath her window calling for her – drunk, from the looks of it – because he wanted to get laid. “Go away. You need to just go away.”
“Come on, kitten. You know you want me, too.”
She did. More than anything in the world, she did. Even as her brain told her it was a bad idea, her body tingled and her thighs clenched on their own accord. But she had to be strong. It was the only way to protect her heart from becoming irrevocably broken. “No, Spike. That isn’t happening. Ever, ever again. I’m not that girl anymore. I never really was that girl.”
His head tilted to the side, as if to study her. “You look like her.”
“I’m not.”
“Yeah, you are. You’re still my girl, Buffy. There’s no reason to deny that when we both know the truth.” He paused for a moment, and then he was leering again, his tongue curling up against his teeth. “Just open the door, pet, and I’ll make things good again. I’ll make you scream.”
He wasn’t making any move to leave – quite the opposite really – and Buffy felt her control slipping. She needed him gone, needed to make him see this wouldn’t work now or ever. Her heart cried out as she opened her mouth, but she spoke anyway, doing what needed to be done.
“No, I’m not still your girl. I never was your girl. And I don’t want you touching me. I don’t want you touching me ever, ever again. Just thinking about it makes me sick, and I can’t stand the thought of anything we did. I’m me again, and you…” She swallowed, steeled herself. “You’re beneath me.”
Buffy knew she’d hit more of a nerve than she’d even expected when his eyes grew hard and his nostrils flared. But at least she’d accomplished what she’d set out to do. It was better if things ended now.
“Fine, you bloody little bitch,” Spike snarled through a tight jaw. “No wonder Angelus left town to get away from your cold self.” He turned, his coat swirling behind him as he got back into his car and sped off.
Buffy had just enough strength to close her bedroom window before she crumpled, her sobs starting anew. The pain that had been in his eyes the moment before the light there had shut off… She’d hurt him.
She’d hurt someone she loved. Deeply.
“It’s for the best, Buffy,” she reminded herself in a whisper, wanting to make those words feel true. Spike would move on soon enough. He’d remember that she was the Slayer and that despite the time they’d spent together when she’d been someone else, he hated her.
Soon, Spike would hate her…
The full weight of that crashed over her, and Buffy lost it completely. She was bordering on hysterical now, and she didn’t know how she could do this.
This had to end eventually, didn’t it? If she could get over Angel…
The thought died in her mind as she curled up on her floor, trembling. This wasn’t like Angel. Losing Angel had been difficult, but it hadn’t been like this. It hadn’t felt like losing a part of herself.
Angel had never looked at her like she was everything. Angel had never made her feel as if she was the only thing that truly mattered to him. Angel had never made her feel as if he’d sacrifice everything he had – everything he was – just for her.
Because he wouldn’t have. He’d made that abundantly clear.
But somehow, she knew Spike would. Without a soul, Spike would give her everything, where with a soul, Angel had ultimately been willing to give her nothing.
She had been able to accept Angel’s leaving because Angel didn’t wholly love her. She’d loved him, but she’d known, in her heart, she wasn’t really losing anything. She was letting go of something she’d never actually had.
Losing Spike meant losing real love.
With that realization, everything shattered.
Spike had already been drunk when he’d gotten back to his crypt, and now, he was drunker. He hated that bloody bitch. Where did she get off, toying with him like that? He was beneath her? Yeah, sure he was. When she was bucking on top of him, screaming his name. Then he was “beneath her” all right.
He sneered. He’d been good enough for her when she’d had an itch to scratch.
“Fucking bint!” Spike screamed, throwing a mostly-empty bottle of whiskey at the wall. “Why did you do this to me?”
“Because she never loved you, you monster.”
Spike turned, a sharp bark of laughter sounding from him as he saw Angel and Riley standing in the doorway of his crypt. Seemed like a perfect ending to a sodding perfect night… “Well, if it isn’t the protectors of the slayer’s precious virtue. Come to stake me for daring to sully it? Though from you two, that’s pretty damn ironic.”
“We’re here to tell you to get out of town, Spike,” Angel replied coldly, his arms crossed in front of him.
Spike whistled. “Oh, will you look at this. And here I thought Los Angeles was your town to throw people out of. Does your jurisdiction extend down here, too, sheriff? Did you get a shiny badge?”
“Cut the crap, Spike. Buffy doesn’t need you around. Just get out now while you still can,” Angel snapped.
“Or we will make you get out,” Riley added.
Spike laughed. “Oh will you? Come on, soldier boy, the way I feel right now, pain means nothing. I bet I could snap your neck before the chip knocks me down.” He grinned cruelly. “Wanna test it out?”
Riley stiffened. “I’d like to see you try, you worthless piece of demon shit.”
Spike’s brow grew rough, his fangs descended. “Bring it on, boy.”
The fact that things were about to get ugly abundantly clear, Angel jumped between them quickly. “Both of you, knock it off. Spike, if you care about Buffy at all, you’ll get out of here. She doesn’t need you around.”
Spike turned towards his grandsire, yellow eyes shifting back to blue. “I’m not you, Angelus. I’m not going to run because of some misguided attempt at protecting the girl. I don’t leave the people I love.” He paused, shook his head. “She’ll come back to me anyway. She loves me. She’s just confused now because of the spell, but what we had was real. I saw it every time she looked at me. She loves me.”
Angel laughed. “Please, Spike. What, does she love you like Drusilla did? Love you so much she’ll hop in the bed with the first man who gives her a wink? Face it, Spike – no one’s ever going to love you.”
With a roar, the demon was back. “Shut your gob! Buffy loves me. I felt it every time she touched me, every time she kissed me.” He sneered, looked one man in the eye, then the other. “Every time I slid my cock inside her delicious pussy and fucked her until she couldn’t take anymore.”
Riley roared and lunged for Spike, knocking the vampire to the ground before kicking him in the side. “Shut up! She…she was under a spell. She didn’t have any control. You took advantage. Buffy would never…not when she was herself.”
Spike laughed hard, even as he flinched from Riley’s kick. “Oh come on. Why don’t you ask Captain Forehead over there what Buffy likes to do with vampires. She did more than bang the soul right out of you, didn’t she Angelus? Why don’t you tell the boy how much she likes a vampire’s touch?”
“Spike…” Angel said, his tone warning.
Riley stood over Spike, glaring as he breathed hard with the exertion of holding himself back. “You don’t know her. You don’t know a thing about her.”
Spike pulled himself up, the look on his face making it clear he wasn’t at all intimidated by the fact he was the shortest man in the room. “I know her better than you ever will. I know slayers. I know what they need, what they crave. I can give that to her in ways you could never dream of.”
“All you can give a slayer is death,” Riley countered.
“Yeah, a little one,” Spike replied with a smirk.
Riley moved to attack again, and this time, Angel jumped in the middle. “We need to go, Finn. He’s not going to listen to reason.”
“No, I’m not going to listen to a couple of bloody wankers. Reason left the building long before you two stopped by.”
“I’ll be back to talk to you again, Spike,” Angel warned. “You’re getting out of Sunnydale before you do any more damage to Buffy.”
“Whatever. Piss off the both of you. I’ve got more drinking to do.”
Riley glared, but he let Angel lead him out of the crypt. He walked towards his own car, parting ways from the vampire.
As soon as Angel was gone, however, Riley backtracked. He pulled a stake from his waistband and headed back towards the crypt.
Buffy would never have to know he’d done this. Spike would be gone, and she would forget him. It wasn’t even really love. She was just confused, because of the spell. He was looking out for her, taking care of her.
Riley kicked the door to the crypt back open. This was going to be easy. It wouldn’t even be able to fight back.
“Spike!” Riley bellowed.
Spike looked up and met Riley’s gaze. “You’re not here to talk this time, are you soldier boy?”
Riley’s hand gripped the stake tighter. “No, I’m not.”
“Then come on, boy. There’s nothing this chip in my head or you can do to hurt me any more than I already am.”
“We’ll see about that.”
Spike snarled, his fangs descending.
Stake raised, Riley charged.
*hides behind laptop* I promise I didn’t forget this isn’t an angsty fic!
Please review.