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hey guys and gals! got another chapter....hope this clears things up for ya!
Chapter 17: Making Sense Of It


Buffy sat on her couch, tears streaking her cheeks, Willow sat quietly beside her. Buffy had called her over after she had kicked Spike out, needing someone to talk to.

“I don’t even know what happened, Will’s. I thought everything was good; that we were happy. We were kissing, and then he just collapsed.” Fresh tears welled in Buffy’s eyes as she thought back. “He was in so much pain. I thought he was dying Willow, that’s what it looked like. And then…” she paused. “He stopped. And he was cold and empty, I felt like I didn’t even know him. Then he started saying all that stuff about how he feels nothing for me, and that I was just a toy.” Buffy stood up and paced the floor in front of her friend. “Argh! I don’t get it!” she cried in frustration. “Something’s not right, I don’t know what but for some reason this whole thing isn’t making sense.”

The wheels in Willow’s head were turning. “Well what happened before the kissing? Anything big or important at all happen? Something special maybe?” Willow asked hesitantly.

Buffy stopped pacing and looked at Willow with a shocked face. “Yeah…I told him that I loved him. Where are you going with this Wills?”

“The curse!” she exclaimed happily. “That curse that the witches cast on him. I did a little research, and if Spike achieves one moment of perfect happiness, he’ll lose his soul. Chances are, you telling him you loved him hit the nail on the head.”

Buffy sat back down. “Oh my God. That’s why he told me to stay away from him. Cause he knew.” The slayer frowned. “Wait…if he really lost his soul I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t waste any time in putting another slayer under his belt. He would have killed me…not break up with me!” she concluded. “And even when he was breaking up with me he looked like he was forcing it, like he didn’t want to but-”

“Had to.” Willow finished. “Maybe he was just protecting you from himself. You have to find him, Buffy. Figure out what’s going on…because something isn’t adding up right here.”

Buffy stood up again and grabbed her coat off the hanger. “You’re right. I’m going to go look for him. Do you mind?”

“No not at all.” Willow stood up and walked towards the door. “Just call me afterwards, let me know what happened.” The two friends hugged and parted ways at the bottom of the driveway.

* * * * *

Spike stumbled out of Buffy’s back door, quickly throwing his leather duster over his head and quickly ran for shade, which he found under a large tree. He enjoyed for the briefest moment the fact that he was surrounded by daylight…only to feel a dark shadow near. Was it the clouds that blocked the sun, or something else? Something else. he concluded.

“Poor Spikey. All lost and all alone. But I know what will make it better.” The soft eerily voice purred out stepping out from behind him. “Come back to me Spike. You don’t have that soul to hold you back anymore. Let me show you all the fun we could have.” Dru whispered in his ear.

Spike turned around and glared at her. “How many times do I have to tell you Dru? I. Don’t. Want. You.” He grumbled out with conviction. “My soul may be gone…but that doesn’t change the fact that I hate what you made me become. Now get out of my sight before I stake the hell out of you.” Spike growled less than an inch away from her face.

The female vampire pouted. “Naughty boy. Turning down mummy like that. I’ll make you see.” Those were her last words as she quickly disappeared into the shadowed day.

Spike took one last long look at the house, and noticed Willow walking up the front lawn. He shook his head sadly. “It’s for the best.” He whispered to himself before making his way back to his crypt.

* * * * *

Buffy approached Spike’s crypt slowly, worried that maybe he would attack her. To be honest, Buffy really didn’t know what to expect. So she knocked on the door three times before she could change her mind.

Spike opened the door, with a half empty bottle of Jack Daniels and just a pair of black jeans hanging low on his hips. Shock is the only expression that could be deciphered from the look on his face. “What are you doing here?” he asked in awe, then quickly changed his tone. “I thought I told you to stay away from me?!” he growled.

The Slayer took a deep breath. “Yeah, for some reason everything you said to me earlier didn’t add up.” Buffy walked past him into the room and hopped up onto the sarcophagus.

“Please, make yourself at home.” He grumbled under his breath. “What are you doing here, Buffy?”

Buffy could see a bit of the old Spike in there, but could tell he was keeping him at bay. “I wanted to talk to you. I want you to tell me the truth…was I really just your toy, or are you trying to protect me from something…or someone.” The blonde slayer pushed.

The vampire closed his eyes and turned away, choosing to ignore her question. He took a big slug of his Jack, and slumped into the chair in front of the TV.

Buffy hopped off the sarcophagus, and crouched in front of him. “I know you lost your soul Spike. I know you’re confused and so am I…because for some reason you’re not trying to kill me.” her voice wavered, and Spike tensed his jaw, and looked away from her. “Part of you still has feelings for me, and you don’t know why.” Buffy turned his face towards her, and noticed the pained look on his face along with unshed tears. “Talk to me, Spike. Please…I need to know if you still want me.” Buffy cried quietly.

Spike grabbed her face in both his hands. “I will always want you, luv. No matter what happens.” Spike pulled her up to rest on his lap, and rested his forehead against hers. “It’s just when I came to, I looked at you and all I wanted was to taste your blood, and that scared me…so I pushed you away, hoping that you would just accept it so I wouldn’t be tempted…and I love you so much, I’d rather you not be with me than not be in this world. I’m so sorry, pet. I’m so so sorry.” He sobbed into her chest, and all Buffy could do was cry herself and comfortingly run her fingers through his blonde locks.

“It’s okay, Spike…It’s gonna be okay.” She whispered.


Chapter End Notes:
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