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Chapter 3.

When Buffy finally woke up, it was late afternoon. It had taken her a long time to get to sleep the night before. She had tossed and turned, Spikes words replaying over and over in her head. His words had haunted her; he had sounded so sad. It was times like this that she doubted her Watcher's teachings and the very foundations of that which she had been taught. Did the chip manufacture feelings, emotions? No, it only rendered him helpless, unable to hurt humans. He'd had to adapt, to learn to cope, and his insistence on supporting her, of loving her was only a charade, an elaborate coping mechanism to give himself purpose. He couldn’t feel, couldn't love... if he did, then Angel should have been able to. Angel agreed with Giles, demons couldn’t love. Spike couldn’t love, and with that thought she’d finally managed to fall asleep.

Looking over at her clothes, she felt a twinge of disgust. Wearing the same clothes for two days was bad enough, but the thought of putting on clothing covered in vampire dust made her quail in revulsion. Looking around the small room, as if an inspiration was there just waiting to make an appearance, Buffy considered her options. When Spike knocked on the door, she was still standing in the middle of the room in her underwear.

“Watcher dropped off some clothes for you to change into, pet. I’ll leave the bag outside your door. He dropped off some lunch, too.”

Spike hadn’t had much of a chance to speak to Giles before the watcher had left for the school, but he knew he needed to. Most of the night had been spent thinking over their situation, trying really hard to figure out the right thing to do. Though he was fine when it came to clear-cut choices between good and bad, the choices that weren’t so unmistakable had given him a great deal of trouble. He knew he could help his Buffy, but what else would it change if he did? Would he lose Dawn, or maybe Tara? He didn’t have enough faith in his own ability to make the right moral choice. He couldn’t do this on his own, but he didn’t want to put anything more on Buffy. He needed Giles and for a second time, he was going to ask for help. He just hoped this time worked out better than the last.

He did have an idea he wanted to run by his Slayer, he just hoped she’d be open to it. He knew he had to set it up carefully, explain the problem before he offered his solution. These days he had to step very carefully where she was concerned, caution had to be his catch phrase. Looking over at his notes on the coffee table, Spike decided to check them again. He had to get this right…for both their sakes.

Spike waited until Buffy had eaten her lunch before broaching the subject on his mind.

“I’ve been thinkin’ about our situation, Slayer, and I think I’ve come up with somethin’ that can fix our immediate problems and also offer us some help in the future.”

“What are you thinking about, Spike?” Buffy asked, intrigued despite herself.

“We have no idea how long we’re gonna be stuck here, right? We can’t live off your watcher, pet. It’s not fair on him. We’re gonna need clothes and food, but we’ve got no money and we can’t get jobs. Hell, we can’t do anything for fear that it'll upset the timeline until we have a better idea of what will happen. We need to talk it over with Rupes. But, there’s a way to get money that’s legal and won’t upset the timeline, I think,” Spike offered, his eagerness to please almost tactile.

“What’s the idea?” Buffy questioned suspiciously. Crossing her arms across her chest, she gave the vampire a hard and distrusting glare.

“Hear me out, Slayer, that’s all I ask,” he implored, desperate to show he didn’t have ulterior motives. With her cautious nod, he continued. “We can dig up the treasure of Amara and get your watcher to check for any magical items other than the ring, but the rest we can take to your mum’s gallery to be auctioned off. She gets the commission and we get the money we need. There’s gonna be a lot, so we can get the watcher to open an account to deposit it in and the funds can be used as a sort of Slayer emergency fund. Now, before you say anything, we get the watcher to look after the ring and that way we have it if we need it; like against Glory.”

“Sounds like a good plan, Spike. Of course I’ll be with you to make sure none of it goes missing,” Buffy stated unemotionally.

“Never doubted it for a minute, Slayer,” Spike replied coldly. Turning away from her abruptly, he left the room and headed for the bathroom. He was happy that she had agreed with his suggestion, but angry and hurt that she trusted him so little. Bloody Slayer was always running hot and cold. He loved her so much and he wanted so badly to help her ease her pain that he’d do anything for her. Anything. Why couldn’t she see that? Why couldn’t she see him? He missed the easier relationship they’d had when she first came back from Heaven. She had trusted him more before they’d kissed and while he wouldn’t go as far as wishing those kisses hadn’t happened, he missed being her friend.

Buffy watched him go. Deep down in the place where she hid her innermost thoughts, the ones she feared showing the world, her friends, and her watcher; she knew he would never betray her. She knew he had probably been up all night thinking of ways to help her. Not them. Her. She knew he would put her first; her needs, her wants, her desires. She knew, but she didn’t want to know. She wasn’t ready to know. Knowing and admitting she knew were two entirely different things and she couldn’t admit she knew. Admitting opened up too many cans of worms, too many other questions. Hard questions. She wasn’t ready for hard questions. Hell, she wasn’t ready for easy questions. So she buried what she knew to be true deep down in the place where she kept her innermost thoughts, and watched him go, never saying a word.





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