‘Dru? You in here, pet?’ Spike opened the door that led into the bedroom. The light was off, but he could see a dark figure, huddling on the bed. ‘There you are, luv. What are you doing?’ He reached for the switch, and turned the light on.
Drusilla was siting on the bed. Her eyes lit up when she saw him. ‘Spike! You’re home.’ She reached out a hand towards him. ‘Come over here.’
He walked over to the bed and sat down. ‘Why are you siting here in the dark?’
Tears started welling up in her eyes, and her bottom lip was suddenly trembling. ‘I’m so sorry, my sweet William. I’ve been very bad.’ He frowned, and reached out his hand towards her face, trying to wipe away her tears, but she wouldn’t let him. Instead she pushed his hand away. ‘Your princess misbehaved today. She needs to be punished.’
‘What are you talking about’ Spike was confused. Everything had been just fine when he’d left, earlier that morning.
‘My Angel was here. Here, in the bed. He showed me the stars. I think I can still see them.’ Drusilla leaned her head back, so she could look up at the ceiling. ‘Such pretty little stars…’
Spike stared at her, not wanting to believe what she’d just told him. ‘Dru, why would you…’ He swallowed. ‘Don’t you love me?’
She smiled, a sad little smile. ‘I do. I love you very much.’
‘Then why?!’ She reached out for him then, but he pulled away from her. ‘Don’t bloody touch me!’
Drusilla moved closer, until she was siting just next to him. She tried to wrap her arms around him and kiss him, but he pushed her away, hard. She laughed, softly. ‘You want to hurt me.’
He took a deep breath, trying to calm down. ‘No, I don’t want to hurt you. I just wanna know…’
She interrupted him. ‘Because that would be okay. You should hurt me. I don’t mind.’ Shaking his head in denial, Spike tried to get up, but Drusilla grabbed his arms to stop him. ‘You have to punish me!’
‘I’m not going to hurt you, Dru! You’re a real sack of hammers if you think I’d do something like that. What the bloody hell’s wrong with you?!’ She was starting to make him nervous, he had never seen this side of her before. Sometimes her behavior could be a wee bit eccentric, sure, but this was more than that.
‘Spike…’ Drusilla made another attempt of getting closer to him, trying to climb up into his lap. ‘Sometimes, pain could be good. Could make you hot.’ She started kissing his neck.
Determined not to give in to her games, Spike grabbed her shoulders, holding her away from him. ‘Stop it, Dru, I’m not in a mood for this. You just told me you’ve been with someone else, in our fucking bed! You really expect me to just forget that and shag you?!’
Letting out a furious cry, Drusilla grabbed his arms again. ‘Punish me! You know you want it! Do it!’ She was almost yelling now, starting to get desperate. When he once again pushed her away, she started pounding on his chest with her fists, whimpering.
That’s when he lost it, and hit her, not very hard, but the blow still caused her to fall back on the bed. In a state of shock, he stared at her as she started laughing. ‘Dru? Oh God, I’m so…’
Spike woke up with a gasp, looking around the room in panic for a moment, before realizing that it had just been another nightmare. He looked at the alarm clock, and sighed when it only showed 3.50. It was still the middle of the night, he’d just been sleeping for a couple of hours. He’d been working the late shift at the pub, and hadn’t gotten home until after midnight. In less than eight hours, he’d be meeting Buffy for lunch, he needed to get more sleep.
Closing his eyes again, Spike tried to force the disturbing images away. He didn’t want to think about Dru, that part of his life was thankfully over. Now, when she was gone, he had a hard time understanding why he hadn’t ended their twisted relationship after that night. But she had been so manipulating, convincing him that there wasn’t anything wrong with what they did.
After that night, he’d realized that Drusilla was seriously into sadomasochism, she got off on getting hurt during sex. He hated hurting her, but at the same time, he couldn’t deny the fact that it turned him on when he saw how much she enjoyed it. He’d lost counting on how many times he’d promised himself that it would never happen again. But she was very persistent when there was something she really wanted.
He’d forgiven her for sleeping with Angel. She’d promised that it wouldn’t happen again, and after what he’d done to her, he’d felt so bad that he’d been willing to do anything she asked. He’d wanted nothing more than to forget the whole thing. But of course, it did happen again. And again. It took a while before he realized that she slept with Angel just to make him angry at her. Because it was only when he got angry, that she could manipulate him into hurting her.
One time, he had confronted her about it, telling her that either she’d stop screwing others, or he’d walk out on her. Drusilla hadn’t taken it well. After hours of hysterical screaming and crying, she’d locked herself into the bathroom and swallowed down half a bottle of sleeping pills. Later, he came to the conclusion that if she’d really wanted to die, she’d taken the whole bottle. But at the time, the guilt he’d been feeling when he’d taken her to the hospital knew no limits. That was the one and only time he’d threatened to leave her.
She’d been so regretful, crying and telling him over and over again how sorry she was, how much she loved him. And he’d forgiven her. He’d never told anyone about what happened, and after a couple of days, their relationship was back to normal. Deep inside he knew that Drusilla really did love him, in her own ways, but still. And a part of him had loved her, as well, even though he wasn’t in love with her. But he’d wanted to be.
Spike wondered if he could ever explain his relationship with Drusilla to Buffy. He wanted to, but he was afraid of how she’d take it. He knew that their relationship hadn’t been healthy, and he was terrified that Buffy wouldn’t understand, hell, he didn’t even understand it, and leave him again. He also knew that if he and Buffy ever would be able to have some kind of relationship, friendly, or romantically, they needed to be honest with each other from now on.
He would have to tell her everything. And then, he could only pray that she wouldn’t be completely horrified and run out of his life again, this time for good.
TBC